Alexander Nicholi
what do you know about computing?
- 5,500
- Posts
- 14
- Years
- Age 26
- Research Triangle / Jakarta
- Seen Feb 14, 2024
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Things on PC for me have been staying low for me despite my efforts to brighten them up, and at this point I'm not even sure if I want what I thought I want out of this place anymore. It's literally all I have for a social life entirely so it's near-impossible to give it up, which is just unhealthy for me with how people are on here.
I really want to be accepted and included in things, and be part of the group. For the longest time I have conveyed that wrong as a lust for prestige and status which have put people off from me, and even though that's shriveled up it's like I haven't changed even though I know I have. I'm looking at PC and seeing the same old same old that I saw years ago and I'm like god don't you guys wanna do something new?
Some people on here have the confidence I don't have to say exactly what I'm thinking with how things are on here. It's not like PC is some awful place to be, but it's really far from being the great and wonderful community most everyone acts like it is. It has a few major flaws and it seems to be in denial about those flaws, to personify it. I see things wrong with PC in its social dynamic and I feel that those who are part of it have so little to lose when it comes to defending the way of things with the community, and that makes me feel alienated from things. I care about PC, and I'd love to see it become better. Even in a constructive manner, being denounced for criticism of the status quo by friends who are close to this place just makes my mind go pffffff. What?
Overall I don't even understand myself as to why I want to be here and be part of things with the reception I get. Neutral reception frankly feels just as bad as negative reception at this point, really.
My mind tells me it's just because I have nowhere else to go. I'd love to come and play with all of the folks on PC if they weren't so isolative and insulated about their sandbox of things.
I really want to be accepted and included in things, and be part of the group. For the longest time I have conveyed that wrong as a lust for prestige and status which have put people off from me, and even though that's shriveled up it's like I haven't changed even though I know I have. I'm looking at PC and seeing the same old same old that I saw years ago and I'm like god don't you guys wanna do something new?
Some people on here have the confidence I don't have to say exactly what I'm thinking with how things are on here. It's not like PC is some awful place to be, but it's really far from being the great and wonderful community most everyone acts like it is. It has a few major flaws and it seems to be in denial about those flaws, to personify it. I see things wrong with PC in its social dynamic and I feel that those who are part of it have so little to lose when it comes to defending the way of things with the community, and that makes me feel alienated from things. I care about PC, and I'd love to see it become better. Even in a constructive manner, being denounced for criticism of the status quo by friends who are close to this place just makes my mind go pffffff. What?
Overall I don't even understand myself as to why I want to be here and be part of things with the reception I get. Neutral reception frankly feels just as bad as negative reception at this point, really.
My mind tells me it's just because I have nowhere else to go. I'd love to come and play with all of the folks on PC if they weren't so isolative and insulated about their sandbox of things.