Is Love a Choice?

[Kanzler]

I also find that saying love is a choice offensive because that logic justifies conversion therapy, which has been proven not to work.

Just because it can justify something you don't like doesn't mean that you should find it offensive. It's an idea that's valid to a certain extent, and it can be used for good or evil.

 

[King Elizabello]

Well i will say that it feels weird when you are young and don't have much experience because loving someone/fall in love with somebody nowadays is different like it used to be. Loving becomes a choice because you are not forced to love someone meaning that noone has the right to tell you to go love a girl,boy that they choose but instead you choose her/him. Although some people when they start loving for more important not for fun for instance if they want to move on to the next stage (family e.t.c) then the love cannot still stay as a choice because you already made a decision to have that particular person as a love partner but really is a strange thing. On the other hand, you are not forced to be engaged/married with someone and stay like in love forever but engaging/marriage is better for 2 reasons. First, is that particular person needs to think twice when you become engaged (harder nowadays) but when you have a swear which is more important as a promise then it's something that you should keep (there are always exceptions to this rule ofc). Secondly, you have a different variety of opinions that you can share since you can learn more about that person and live with that person for your rest of your life except if something ''unexpected'' approaches. To sum up, love it's a choice but be careful because like they say the decisions have always consequences good or bad depends what decisions you made there is time to recover but sometimes not much.

 

[for him.]

Just because it can justify something you don't like doesn't mean that you should find it offensive. It's an idea that's valid to a certain extent, and it can be used for good or evil.

Except I don't see how conversion therapy is good, ever. How is homosexuality wrong? Why should that be changed? I personally don't think conversion therapy is okay. It forces people to believe that there is something wrong with loving and being attracted to people of the same gender identity and that doing so is unnatural, a sin, condemns them to hell, and attempts to demonstrate how "damaging" homosexuality is. I don't see how making people believe that they are monsters is ever a good thing?

And I find it offensive because I am gay and the notion of me choosing to be gay is ridiculous.

 

[cookie-san]

ehem! cookie here!
IS LOVE A CHOICE?!
yes and no...
heres the thing about love
mentioned before in previous comments love is a psychological and biochemical activity
that happens in ur brain, by altering the 5 senses you have in you
by first looking at their appearance second how it feel when u touch ur "partner"
3rd there voices as males go for higher toned voice and females go for lower
4th would be the smell of ur partner especially hormones emitting scents like estrogen or testosterone and lastly TASTE u know kiss.. -//- heh
psychologically its a bond of trust and 5 pleasure of 5 senses combined yay!!
from this point love isnt a choice but ur brain searching for a breeding partner lol
but heres tthe thing u can ignore that signal and rlly the signal stops after a period of time and u move on so the answer no in scientific terms while yes in realism term
GO SCIENCE! :D

 

[Margot]

I think that having an attraction/feelings for someone isn't a choice. There are a few guys I wouldn't have cried over had it been one.

Love though, is a lot deeper than that. I always hesitate to say that I was "in love" with someone when the feelings weren't mutual.

 

[The Evil Mewtwo]

Yes it's a choice because you can choose on truelove and there many ugly people around the world. Also age gap love could be a bit bad. It's depends on your sexual orientation.

 

[gimmepie]

Yes it's a choice because you can choose on truelove and there many ugly people around the world. Also age gap love could be a bit bad. It's depends on your sexual orientation.

I don't understand your reasoning. Assuming there's such a thing as your "one true love" are you choosing how you feel about them? You can choose whether or not you want to have a relationship with them sure, but you can't choose your emotional response to a person.

Age gap love can have problems sometimes sure, but again I don't see how it's a choice who you fall for... and how does sexual orientation factor into how much of a choice it is?

 

[Dusty]

I think that a difference has to be drawn between infatuation and actual love.

Infatuation is more of a biological thing I think. Something within your mind when you see another person thinks, "Yeah, I'd do that." Its something that you don't really have a choice over, like who your crush was in 4th grade, or how that girl (or guy) a couple tables over at the cafe looks hot and you just want to go meet them. Often you don't really know them, whether you've only talked to them, or if you know them as an acquaintance but don't really know them on a personal level. At that point, "love" as we like to call it is based purely off of physical things; a nice body, attractive voice, not brain dead, etc.

Actual love, on the other hand, I believe that we do chose because love is deeper than just physical attributes, but more a connection on non-physical things. We tend to have deeper relationships with people who we share similar interests and beliefs with the other person. Its not as much about age, appearance, etc, and more about who you choose to spend your time with and who you are socially compatible with.

TLDR version, falling for someone is infatuation: not a choice.
Being in love with someone is deeper than just an appearance but all elements of a person, which takes a lifetime to learn with another person.

 

[Pebbles]

i know the whole falling in love thing is based on pheromones
but aside from that

loving someone or something is of course a choice if you ask me

when you start to love someone as a friend , you get really close with them
but then suddenly they might do something terrible to you or anybody else
you got the choice to not love them anymore because of it
or still continue to love them despite how horrible they have been and forgive them

i mean , forgive and forget, that is a choice as well, is it not​

 

[moon]

i know the whole falling in love thing is based on pheromones​

How about people who claim to fall in love online? Surely that can't be pheromones c:

 

[txteclipse]

How about people who claim to fall in love online? Surely that can't be pheromones c:

Going off of this, I met my wife right here on PC. I had strong feelings for her before I even knew what she looked like, because we talked a lot about everything and became really close. So no, it's not "just pheromones," or even somebody's appearance. Physical qualities can attract you to someone and supplement the relationship, but they're not the relationship.

Love is not easily definable, but a large part of it is definitely choice. I make choices all the time that can positively or negatively affect my relationship with my wife. Do I grouch at her when I'm tired after work or do I fight through it and be nice to her? Do I go out of my way to do things for her and let her know I'm thinking about her and care about her? Do I remain faithful to her?

Love isn't just this state of being you're suddenly in with someone. It takes work and, yes, choice.

 

[Pebbles]

How about people who claim to fall in love online? Surely that can't be pheromones c:

that is true indeed
when i posted that i was just talking about the general stuff what all people claim to be is the cause of falling in love, my biology teacher has been talking about it for months so thats all that is in my head now BUT
you quoting me and saying that is funny because .... i fell in love with my current boyfriend online! (used to be long distance relationship)

i met him on a forum
so yes, it is not just the whole biology thing, for me it always was the connection and his personality
oh and his cute face of course haha

but anyhow, falling in love online too is a choice i think so :)
especially a bit more easy to tell yourself NO! to it if you didnt want a long distance relationship etc​

 

[JamesGoblin]

Passion and blind love are certainly not choices, and if we assume that there is other kind of love besides the blind one (say, Tom Waits would disagree) - that one can be cultivated and kept over decades...in my humble opinion.