Is this idea too contrived?

[Delusions of Originality]

I've been itching to write a trainer fic for quite some time now. I wouldn't call myself an experienced fic writer by any stretch of the imagination (that would require actually writing something more than once every two+ years, lol), and I haven't been doing as much fic-reading lately as I should, but I do know that people are sick and tired of generic badge slogs pulled straight from the games or animé. I like to think that the various OT-fic ideas I've had bouncing around my head are a refreshing break from the norm, but I guess I won't know for sure until I run them by people who actually read/write more fic than I do!

There's one idea in particular that I've been working on recently; I really like it, but I'm wondering whether it's worth sinking any more time into in its current state because I have a nagging feeling that the premise is horribly contrived. I don't want to say too much because I'd sort of like to keep some things a surprise if I ever actually grow enough of a spine/attention span to write it, let alone post it anywhere, so this might be a little vague; if you need more clarification, though, I can probably just get over it and go into more detail. Anything to make this story presentable. ;-;

Here's the gist of it. The "trainer" in question is actually a legendary pokémon. Said legendary makes a few other legendaries unhappy, so they decide to punish it by turning it into a human and leaving it to stew with the other silly humans for a while. (That is slightly more logical than it sounds given the nature of the unhappy-making, but again, trying to maintain some semblance of spoilerlessness so I won't say more.)

The legendary would ordinarily be content to just crawl off someplace and hide until its banishment is lifted, not being terribly social or friendly, but another legendary with a grudge against the first one thinks it would be a lot more entertaining to antagonize it and be generally annoying. The main-character-legendary, fed up with the constant attacks/annoyances from the antagonist and other nasty wild critters, decides to get itself a single pokémon for self-defense--kicking bidoof out of one's way is generally frowned upon, after all, and would result in more run-ins with the police, etc. than the MC would prefer. (Also, "kick things out of the way" will not work very well in the event that it should be accosted by an onix, and without its original legendary form for a proper battle, well. Squish.)

This is where it starts to get a little messy, IMO. The antagonist legendary sees that the MC-legendary now has a pokémon of its own, and it finds this hilarious. It tells the MC that it was originally just going to keep attacking it for the lulz, but now that it's seen the pokémon it has a better idea: have the MC-legendary try the Pokémon League on for size. Get all eight badges and the antagonist will stop the attacks (mostly) and will even see if it can pull some strings with the legendaries who imposed the banishment, maybe try and reduce the sentence a little.

MC-legendary does not trust antagonist-legendary to hold up its end of the bargain, and anyway it finds the idea of being some stupid pansy human pokémon trainer insufferably demeaning. Antagonist-legendary says "well, it's either that or we can go back to me beating you up every other day, and since you aren't a pokémon anymore there's nothing you can do to stop me; besides, if you have a *snicker* strong team of *snicker* champion pokémon then you might almost maybe be able to use them to keep me away". Getting beat up every other day does not sound appealing, MC-legendary honestly has nothing better to do and there's the tiny, if foolhardy, hope that antagonist-legendary will make good on its word and try to reason with the others, so MC-legendary reluctantly agrees. Badges, character development and general silliness ensue, et cetera, et cetera.

There's a lot more to the plot than that, but that's the bit I'm anticipating people having the most trouble swallowing.

The story isn't supposed to take itself too seriously, mind--I wouldn't go so far as to call it comedic or parodical, but it's definitely light-hearted. The legendaries are all a little petty and a bit more "human" (think Greek gods as opposed to, say, the Judeo-Christian God) than I think you usually see in legendary fics, so I don't think most of what I've got is too far-fetched given all that. But the impetus for the MC-legendary becoming a trainer still seems like it's too much, like it's too "convenient", and... ugh. Maybe it's not as weak an excuse a plot as it sounds in my head right now, but somehow I doubt that.

So, is that premise too contrived to be enjoyable or not, and if it is, do you lovely people have any suggestions for patching it up? Thanks in advance.

 

[Dagzar]

I don't think your plot is contrived at all. If it would help, maybe you could establish that legendaries find training really amusing (in a "look at those idiots running around" sort of way) so it would be easier to believe that it's the first demeaning thing that the antagonist legendary thinks of. Anyways, it sounds like a really neat idea, so I say keep working on it.

 

[Delusions of Originality]

Ah, it's heartening to hear that from someone with a talent for original original trainer fics. Good to know.

It isn't so much that the legendaries find training itself demeaning; actually, I imagine that they're all pretty indifferent to it as long as they're left alone. This particular legendary is just so stubborn and asocial that it detests the idea of needing to rely on anyone else, human, legendary or normal pokémon--especially when that "relying on someone else" comes down to cowering behind a kricketot when another kricketot jumps out from behind a bush and says "rawr". Or makes a xylophone noise, as it were. Antagonist-legendary knows this all too well and, in its quest to be the Ultimate Jerk, wants to capitalize on that and make MC-legendary as uncomfortable as possible. Regardless, I do need to take steps to make sure that that comes across in the legendary's character early on, so I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

 

[Kipher]

Ok I see this premisises going 2 ways, but first critique


Well to be honest, if you turn lets say...................................................... Lugia, into a person, and you really want to go in depth. The MC would have an affinity to the water or sky beyond any humans belief thus having the up-coming pure human in a few awkwerd situation which you'll have to work your way through, along with that, you will have to bring around the fact that you'll have to have the MC do awkwerd, non human things or respond to diffrent things in a way. I find this myself somewhat difficult:

ex.

Gazing out upon the shimmer and endlessness of the waves thrashing and crashing upon the sand and rocks below him, *MC name* had to just harkan back to the days in which he was in control of all of this. All of this beauty and normallity under his control, which he took for nothing. Never realising what effect it had to the lower man. Almost a calming, smooth effect it had on him, something that never had touched him before. " *MC name*! *MC name* Hey! *MC name*." The turned Lugia's peace of mind was disrupted, he looked around to see a welcolme sight: * another MC name * "My gosh *MC name*, you falling in love with the sea? You've been gazing out there for the last hour or so!"


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I mean it took me several minutes to think of that situation you could find in this story. Just 1 situation that makes sense, You can't just turn a Legendary into a man and have he blend into normallity.




How will he blend into us?

 

[Delusions of Originality]

I fully intend to keep the legendary from "blending in" for as long as possible, don't worry; heck, given its personality, it would barely fit in with most of society even if it were naturally human. That advice, while useful, doesn't really address the problem I'm having right now, though. Do you think that the part I mentioned specifically is too difficult to believe?

 

[Kipher]

It's not to hard to belive, hear this subject all the time in the writers block I have.