Jokes

[Dizzy]

Here is where you can tell your Funny jokes!

 

[knives]

Here is where you can tell your Funny jokes!

ok! "a book written by 'willie catchit' (groan)


a horse walks into the bar and the barman says "why the long face?"

i know i killed it but........ oh well


________________________________

https://dendesdbzrpg.topcities.com

 

[Geometric-sama]

I have no funny jokes. My jokes are somewhat... mathematical. Here's one I read recently:

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

 

[Timbjerr]

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

does it mean I'm a big fat nerd if I actually get that?

most of the jokes I know are too...sexual in nature to share here...sorry ^^

 

[Geometric-sama]

Well, I don't think I'm a big fat nerd, and I understand it. So no, you're not a big fat nerd.

 

[Greed]

A cab driver stops to pick up someone, it's halloween night. The customer is a nun and the cab driver can't stop staring at her.

"Why are you staring?" asks the nun.

"Well, I think it'll offend you.." said the cabby.

"Nothing can offend me." said the nun

"Well, okay, I always wondered what it would be like to kiss a nun" said the cab driver.

"Well, you can kiss me. But you gotta comply to these rules. First, you must be single, second, you must be catholic." said the nun

"I'm single and catholic!" said the cabby

"Good, we may proceed" said the nun

They kissed, and then the cabby started crying.

"What's the matter, child?" said the nun

"Oh, nun! I have sinned! I lied, I'm married and I'm Jewish!"

"Aww, that's okay. I sinned too." said the nun while patting the cabby

The nun continued, "My name's Kevin and I'm on my way to a halloween party" the nun finished.

 

[Phantom Angel]

NTF the one who have IQ less than 20.
TEO:Hey! how old are you?
NTF:I am male.
TEO:...are you mail or femail?
NTF:1+1=2
TEO:OMG...do you want to get kick by Kamen Raider V3?
NTF:Eh...what was it again???
TEO:...
NTF:Where is an Airport?
TEO:*dies*

 

[Greed]

Well, I got another joke *umm not to offend anyone, but what's the deal? These jokes are lame..*

THESE ARE JOKE QUESTIONS, THEY ARE NOT MEANT FOR YOU TO ANSWER THEM, JUST TO MAKE YOU THINK

If Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, then why does one walk on four legs and the other doesn't?

If people point to their watches as to ask what time it is, then why don't men point to their crotches as to ask where is the bathroom?

If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?

That's it for now.. >.<;;

If these are offensive, please let me know..

~CaRtOON

 

[Kayleigh]

This was a forward I got. ^_^

These useful quotes are from actual federal employee performance evaluations.

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this employee to breed.

3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't-be.

4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

8. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

9. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

10. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

11. Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

12. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

13. He does not have ulcers, but he is a carrier.

14. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

15. He has been working with glue too much.

16. He would argue with a signpost.

17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

19. If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is the other one.

20. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

21. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

22. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train is not coming.

24. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

25. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.

26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change.

27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

28. One neuron short of a synapse.

29. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

30. Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

31. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead

 

[latios tamer]

heres one

Q. what has 2 gray legs and 2 brown legs

A. an eliphent with dieriah

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

 

[latios tamer]

i dnt get it at all pleaze explain it

 

[RoxasOld]

Ok. I got one. It's offensive because it's about the jackson thats literaly white :laugh: .thats not the joke. anyways, if u guess right, then u have common sense :laugh: .here's the joke:

What does M. Jackson and a garbage bag have in common?
They're both made of plastic and come in black and white! :laugh:

 

[latios tamer]

now that one's funny, lol

heres one


Kids on Marriage:

Q. How do you decide whom to marry?

A.You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

Q. How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

A. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8

Q. What do you think your mom and dad have in common?

A. Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8

Q. What do most people do on a date?

A. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8

Q. When is it okay to kiss someone?

A. When they're rich. - Pam, age 7

Q. Is it better to be single or married?

A. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9

Q. How would the world be different if people didn't get married?

A. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8

Q. How would you make a marriage work?

A. Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.- ricky, age 10

 

[Roaring Moon]

now that one's funny, lol

heres one


Kids on Marriage:

Q. How do you decide whom to marry?

A.You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

Q. How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

A. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8

Q. What do you think your mom and dad have in common?

A. Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8

Q. What do most people do on a date?

A. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8

Q. When is it okay to kiss someone?

A. When they're rich. - Pam, age 7

Q. Is it better to be single or married?

A. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9

Q. How would the world be different if people didn't get married?

A. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8

Q. How would you make a marriage work?

A. Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.- ricky, age 10

Is that from "Kids Say the Darndest Things"?

Here's Mine:

Kim, Wade, and Ron are on a cruise. Kim falls overboard.

Wade: Ron! Grab a Lifesaver!
Ron: Peppermint or Spearmint?
Kim: :gurgle:

 

[The Vince Knight]

Hahahahahahaha!
Here is one...

Three kids are on a boat.No one, Stupid and nothing. no one fell overboard.
Nothing: Stupid call the poilce!
Stupid: ok
Stupid calls the poilce and saids:
Stupid: Hello i'm stupid I called for nothing Noone fell overboard!

 

[usami]

Heres are some jokes i found.
Top Ten Things To Say About a Christmas Gift You Don't Like...
10. Hey! Now there's a gift!
9. Well, well, well...
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
4. I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
1. I really don't deserve this.

The next 2 are a little ofensive they are about Micheal Jackson so if you dont want to look and are a fan of micheal jackson please ignore these.

Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
A. One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag.

 

[RoxasOld]

thats funny, but the last question is almost the same thing as the one i put.....

 

[Wings]

ok here goes!!




there is a man on the road,his wife calls and says"honey be cafeful there is a car that's going the wrong way" and then she hangs up.He thinks to himself.....

it's not only one it's thousands!!





get it?he's the one going the wrong way!!:P :D

 

[Timbjerr]

LMAO...

I got one.

A man walks into a bar and says, "ow!"

 

[latios tamer]

i've heard that one befor and at first i knever liked it but hey its pretty good