Jokes

[Omega-Brendan]

Another Offending Michael Jackson joke... dun read it if ur a fan of his...

Characters- Jack( a kid) Dad ( a dad)

Since I'm lazy, I'll type this joke as script.

Jack- Dad, is god a boy or a girl?
Dad- he's both
Jack- Is god black or white?
Dad- He's both
Jack- Does god like children?
Dad- yes
Jack- Is god Michael Jackson?

This contains swearing. it contains 3 swear words, the major one that begins with an f, one that begins with an s, and one that is a rude word. I will just use the first 2letters of each swear word to abbreviate it.

Once there was this man with a horrible accent in his english so one day...

He went to a restaurant and found out there was no fork.

" I wanna fu!" he said to the waiter.

"I'm sorry sir, but everyone wants to fu" the waiter said.

So the man just ate dinner without his fork.

He went to his hotel and went to his room, only to find no sheets on his bed. He went to the reception and said.

"I want sh on my bed!" he complained.

"I'm sorry sir, but we have to sh in our hotel."

The man went back and packed his stuff ready to go home.

"I'm leaving! Pi on to you!"

"What? pi onto ME!?" the receptionist said.

Another one... Has the word that is another word for Gender...
I will refer this word to Gender...

Once there was a dog called gender. Gender's owner was a girl called Mary and Mary had a boyfriend called Tom.

Mary- May I book rooms?

Reception- Yes, how many people are there?

Mary- 2 adults and one dog.

Reception- What's the dog called?

Mary- Gender

Rcptin- How long have you had Gender?

Mary- I had Gender when I was 9

Reception- So how many rooms would you like?

Mary- One for me and my boyfriend, and one for Gender...

:p

 

[Greed]

XD!! The "gender" one I read in FunnyJunk!!! That is such a frigging funny joke!!! xD

This is Suicide card. If you think suicide is not a laughing thing, don't look at this joke @@;

 

[The Overlord]

Funny joke CaRtOOn i have a joke but i dont think its really a joke

Your teeth are so yellow i cant believe its not butter

 

[Kairyu]

Here's a funny list I think you'll all enjoy. I think many of us would qualify as a internet junkie.

You Know You An Internet Junkie When...​

*Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch and sweat. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. ...And you succeed.
*You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
*You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
*You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
*All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3. And even your night dreams are in HTML.
*You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
*You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't
have a clue when it happened.
*You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
*You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
*Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
*Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC channel.
*You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
*You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
*You laugh at people with 9600 baud modems.
*You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
*You tell the cab driver you live at https://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
*You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
*You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
*Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
*You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
*Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
*You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
*The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
*You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
*You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
*You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
*You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
*You start using smileys in your snail mail.
*As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

 

[Greed]

Here's the footage of tiger attacking Roy ^____^ I just found this so darn funny

 

[The Vince Knight]

I got this joke from a cousin...
It got some rude stuff...
Father: Son? Can you get me a bun,a bucket and a ****en spanel?
Boy: Yes.
At the bakery
Boy: Can I have a bum?
Baker: A bum? Oh you mean a bun.
Boy: Yes....
At the tool shop
Boy: Can I get a ****it?
Shopkeeper: A ****it? Oh you mean a bucket.
Boy: Yes...
At the pet store
Boy: Can I have a **** and spank it?
Petkeeper: **** and spank it? Oh you mean a ****en spanel...
Boy: Yes...
He finds a Old person
Boy: Can you hold my Bum and my ****it while I get my **** and spank it?

 

[Omega-Brendan]

Ok... I couldn't read that joke because it had to much censors! ****(I bet that was censored too) censors.
~
There was a couple, the boy was called Jon and the girl was called Sally. One day, Jon's friend came in and Sally greeted him. They chatted for a while and Jon's friend said "Oh Sally, you are so pretty, mind if I see one of your breasts? I'll pay you $100." and Sally decided this was worth it and showed her one of her breasts. They talked a bit more and the man said. "Oh Sally, your breast I saw was so pretty, can I see the other one? I'll pay you extra $100!" Sally agreed and showed him both of them."Well, I have to go now." said the man. Then, Jon came back. "Your friend came." Sally said. "Well, did he give back the $200 he owes me?" Jon asked.

 

[Poke'gangster]

:-D dude that is so funny Omega-Brendan!!!!!

I got one:
I will refer this word as w**d

Dear Santa,

I do not want any presents for Christmas I
just want joy and peace in the world.

Love,
Amanda

Dear Amanda,
Your parnts must have been smoking w**d when they had you

sincerely,
Santa

XD

 

[Wing Zero]

1) so theres this blond lady (its just a joke so bear with me please...) whos sick of being made fun of cuz shes blond. so one day she dies her hair brown and trades in her sports car for an average car. okay, so the following day she decides to drive through the valley. on her trip she sees a sheaperd and his sheep. deciding she wants to go home with a little something she asks the sheapard: "hey sheapard, if i can guess how many sheep you have in your flock can i have a sheep?" the sheapard, after considering what his chances are of losing, agrees. after thinking, the woman replys: "you have 67 sheep in your flock" awestruck the sheapard says: " thats correct..go head and take a sheep" so the blond bends down and picks up a little fluffy one. as shes leaving the sheapard asks: "hey, i ahve a deal for you. if i can guess your true hair color can i have my dog back?"

2) how are micheal jackson and mcdonalds dimilar?
A: 40 year old meat sanwitched between 12 yea old buns.

3)there are three women runing away from prison. they are being chased by cops.
the first woman, a brow hair, inorder to escape, eclaims: " hurricane!"
so the cops duck for cover...and she runs away
the second woman, a burnet, exclaims " tidal wave!" and the cops duck for cover and she runs away.
the third woman, a blond, suddenly getting the trend turns around and exclaims " FIRE!" so the cops soot her

4) santa clause, a smart blond, and a dumb blond jump off a mountain which is the first to land?
A: a dumb blond, cuz a smart one and santa clause dont exist.

5)how are micheal jackson and an X-box similar?
A: they both are made of plastic and turn on to little boys...

i hope none finds the blond ones offensive, i dont mean those jokes, i just said them for jokes. no, i dont beleive blonds are dumb so dont get mad...