Life of a Trainer

[Pok?mon Master Denny]

Okay, you guys are probably thinking, "Oh, it's a stupid trainer fic that has no meaning. Talk to Breezy. She reviews my story on the Serebii.Net Forums, and this fanfic over there is a FIVE-STAR STORY! Dragonfree reviewed it, as well.

This story is very well written in both cases, yet Dragonfree was a little more in depth, and I can't remember anything! So, this story is about a kid named Trevor...who...well, I'm not telling you a thing! Read for yourself and find out!

Please, since it is common courtesy, please read it and review it! I get nearly 2000 views and yet only 103 posts, and most of them are my own! So, please, as in "ghetto" terms: "Don't be Hating, Go be Rating!"

~ PMD

I now bid you the Prologue of a new story here on Pok?Community. Life of a Trainer begins now...

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Prologue
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There sat a man, very old aged, around his mid fifties to sixties in his dark blue velvet chair. His light gray hair matched the exact color of his bookmark's text, which stated: Samuel: Pok?mon Researcher, beside it, a picture of a Charmander smiling right at the old man. Wearing his dark crimson-red robe, he arose to a yawn, his blue-and-white striped pajama pants shown after his standing. He slipped his feet into what looked like a Snorlax's mouth slipper.

He trudged over to a table and grabbed a pipe and a dusty old book from the bookcase. The room was quite huge, mind you. It had golden statues of rare Pok?mon and some golden Rhydon statues. Books upon books upon books were inside, containing information that all professors in the country rely on. His captured Pidgey from Johto was chirping sweetly, "Dwoo dwoo! Dwoo dwoo!"

He trudged back slowly into his chair and sat down. That man, was Professor Samuel Oak, famous Pok?mon researcher in all of Kanto. He was holding that dusty book and blew all of the dust particles off the cover and book jacket. He turned his head left and looked puzzled. To him, it looked like if he was being watched.

"Oh, hello there! I haven't seen you there! Well, let me introduce myself. My name is Professor Samuel Oak. I am a Pok?mon researcher for the region of Kanto. You caught me at the best time. I was about to read one of many stories of trainers that I made-up, but personalities are exactly similar to those you know and have seen probably. This story is called, 'Life of a Trainer. This is actually Volume One of the entire series, which is a pretty lengthy collection. Well, let us turn to page one, and start reading...," he said, while turning the thick, leather-covered cover of the first volume.

This series of volumes are dedicated to my best friend ever,
Delia Ketchum...​

Professor Oak wept a tear from his eye as he read the dedication. He then turned the page to see a sketch that he drew when he was a boy who time-traveled to the future to meet Ash Ketchum, one of his top trainers. It was a marvelous sketch of Pikachu and Celebi laying their backs on one another.

This series of volumes are also dedicated to her son, and great friend of my grandson, Ash Ketchum.​

He grinned at that picture, and soon, he turned the page, and there in neat handwriting, it read: Life of a Trainer. Before he could even start reading, Tracey, after sweeping the floors, walked over to Samuel Oak and asked while pointing at the leather-covered book, "Say, Professor, what is that book you're holding?"

Samuel Oak smiled and responded, "Well, Tracey, it's a book I've worked on while I was meeting trainers. You see, I made-up my own Pok?mon trainers, but used the traits and personalities of trainers that exist. So, using that information, I made a pretty darn good story here, Tracey. It's separated into volumes, each one based on different regions, including those never heard of or seen before."

Tracey's eyes widened in awe and amazement. "Wow, Professor, that is so interesting! May I listen to it?" he suggested.

"Sure. I've always wanted an audience around now and then. Sit down beside me and I'll start," Samuel replied.

"Okay, but first, I'm going to grab a mocha latt? at the Caf? La Pall?. Do you want anything, Professor?" Tracey asked, putting on his blue jacket.

"Yes, some macadamia nut cookies and a decaf coffee if it isn't too much trouble, Tracey," Samuel replied.

"Okay," Tracey chuckled. "I'll be back in a flash!" he said. Slam! The door closed, shaking a few books in the bookshelves. Professor Oak waited, skimming through his book. A few chuckles were all it took before Tracey returned with Ash Ketchum, Gary Oak, Samuel Oak's grandson, Misty, Brock, and Ash's mom, Delia. All were excited about what Tracey had told them about placing trainers' personalities into books and novels.

"Ah, what a surprise. The gang's all here!" shouted Professor Oak. He closed his book and placed it on the table nearby. He walked over to Tracey, and Tracey handed him a brown paper bag with a Caf? la Pall? logo on it. A small picture of Professor Oak's lab and the Pall? Caf? insignia were stamped on the bag. He took out two macadamia nut cookies, which were just the right amount of cookies, and grabbed the coffee cup. It was hot, so Professor Oak kept tossing it to each hand all the way up and right to the table saying, "Ooh, ah, hot, hot, ooh, ah!" repeatedly. Everyone laughed a lot. He looked so humorous in the way he was moving his body.

"Okay, are we all ready for our exciting adventures?" Professor Oak asked.

"YEAH!" shouted everyone as they sat down with a clenched fist thrown in midair.

"Oh boy, I hope there's a personality like mine in there!" Ash said excitedly.

"Yeah, stubborn. That's one," Misty said cruelly. She gave Ash a smug look. Togepi chirped, "Toge-toge-prri!" happily. Pikachu was playing with it, as it sat atop Ash's Pok?mon League cap.

Professor Oak turned to the first chapter of the first volume of the story "Life of a Trainer", and began reading, while everyone else waited patiently for the introduction.

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Author's Notes
===========
Well, what did you think of this? Bad, good, terrible? Well, I accept all reviews! Since I went all the way to Chapter Nine, I will post Chapter One up in a few days, because I want to get some new readers.

Take care guys,
PMD

 

[Obsidian Blade]

The whole first paragraph seems extremely jerky.

There sat a man, very old aged, around his mid fifties to sixties in his dark blue velvet chair.

The way you phrased that sentence was rather rambling, almost as though you were trying to take up space. It would have read much better if you'd written something more along the lines of "In a dark blue velvet chair sat an old man." Then you could have transferred the "mid fifties to sixties" part to the beginning of the next sentence (Somewhere between his mid-fifties and early sixties, he had light grey hair that matched the... etc. etc.), although I don't like the next sentence much either.

which stated: Samuel: Pok?mon Researcher, beside it, a picture of a Charmander smiling right at the old man.

It's that bit that I don't like, because I can't tell whether the picture of the Charmander is on the book next to the text or in its own picture frame nearby. The use of commas ("...Researcher, beside it, a picture...") is very messy in this sentence as you'd probably do better to either split them into two or simply rephrase it all. Right now it's clumsy and runs on too long.

shown after his standing.

Why not just "showing after he stood" or something of the like? It reads as though you're trying to write with a voice that isn't yours and that makes it hard to concentrate on what's actually going on.

He slipped his feet into what looked like a Snorlax's mouth slipper.

I would suppose that a slipper looks like a slipper. I can tell what you're really trying to say - that the slipper looks like a Snorlax's mouth - but the way you've written it makes it sound like what he put his foot in only looks like a slipper. Rephrasing that would be nice, yet again.

But enough attacking of individual sentences, if I go on at this rate I'll end up with a massive and extremely boring review for you. I don't need to go into that sort of focus on the rest of it either, because it was only that paragraph that really bugged me. The one that follows it, describing the room, is much better... although I still stick true to the fact that a room is either huge or it isn't. It's not "quite" huge, because that would make it big. If you follow. O.o;

Apart from the issue of "quite big", your description is fine. It's not anything fancy, but it puts the picture in a reader's eye. You did seem to assume that everyone knew what Tracey, Ash, Misty and co. looked like, but I see that it would have slowed the story to a stand still if you'd tried to describe that many people at once. Instead you could have done with including little details, such as "Misty said cruelly, shooting Ash a smug look as she brushed a lock of wild orange hair from her eyes". It's always best not to assume that people know already, otherwise you tend to skip out the detail that would make your fic even better.

Moving on...

"Oh, hello there! I haven't seen you there! Well, let me introduce myself. My name is Professor Samuel Oak. I am a Pok?mon researcher for the region of Kanto. You caught me at the best time. I was about to read one of many stories of trainers that I made-up, but personalities are exactly similar to those you know and have seen probably. This story is called, 'Life of a Trainer. This is actually Volume One of the entire series, which is a pretty lengthy collection. Well, let us turn to page one, and start reading...," he said, while turning the thick, leather-covered cover of the first volume.

Holy shoes! Who's he talking to? Ghosts?! Or is it Tracey? I'm supposing it's not the latter because he wouldn't introduce himself to someone he already knew, and not ghosts because... well... ghosts... I'm also hoping it's not the reader, because that just shatters any mood you might have gathered so far. There are other ways of conveying the information you had him say here, so that's not an excuse for having him randomly speak to the audience. That's something they do in children's shows...

When Oak was talking to Tracey he seemed to address him by name far too often: study real people's speech and you'll find that, once the initial "hello" has been said, they don't tend to call each other by name except in exasperation. The exchange between the two did get the story going and was otherwise fine, but watch the name calling!

Finally, why does Oak suddenly shout when everyone arrives? An exclamation would have been alright, but "shouted in excitement" would have helped out what you did write. I'm also wondering where that clenched fist came from (the one that they threw in the air), because it obviously would have had to have been a severed fist if that many people were going to throw it.

Okay, why am I not even trying to be my normal tactful self on this fine (cloudy, raining) morning? Well, it's because I despise arrogance. You've gotten good reviews elsewhere, fine. That means squat here, unless it's your original reviewers who are back again. Next time, let people make their own judgement, rather than trying to sway us all with the "look! Important people think this so you should too!" approach. If your story is worth reading, after all, you won't be needing that sort of comment, now would you?

That said, your prologue did show promise, as error-riddled as it was. I was at first afraid that you were going to mess it all up by including Ash, Misty and the other anime characters, but I felt better when I realised that they were just going to be spectators. The idea of blending all the trainers Oak had seen together is definitely an interesting one, so I suppose your prologue has done its job - now I want to read. Watch the boasting though, it makes people like me biased... and not in the direction you want.

Edit: lol, I think this review is longer than the prologue itself. XD Sorry for any spelling mistakes, is what I editted to say, because my spellchecker has decided it doesn't want to work. Figures...

 

[Frostweaver]

The whole first paragraph seems extremely jerky.

The way you phrased that sentence was rather rambling, almost as though you were trying to take up space. It would have read much better if you'd written something more along the lines of "In a dark blue velvet chair sat an old man." Then you could have transferred the "mid fifties to sixties" part to the beginning of the next sentence (Somewhere between his mid-fifties and early sixties, he had light grey hair that matched the... etc. etc.), although I don't like the next sentence much either.

(some important things)

Watch the boasting though, it makes people like me biased... and not in the direction you want.

lol... I didn't even bother picking out sentence by sentence. However, the first sentence I'll disagree with you on this one Obsidian Blade...

When I read it, I noticed the strange structure too. However, the way I interpret it is that the sentence proposes an oxymoron. When we're first introduced to the idea of an old aged man, we really expect someone who's really old, like 70 and above? But then in return we get someone in the range of 50 to 60? Some people in this age aren't even allowed to retire yet! So what does this propose to Frosty's screwed up mind?

Author is saying this:

"Hey look! This sentence... it's screwed up. The age, is screwed up. The age about the man, is screwed up. That means: this man, is a bit messed."

So then, that sentence tells us that the man is someone who's older than his age, probably because of some rather unfortunate incidents that's worth frowning about for him...

Though with the other quotes, I have to agree with you that how their structure is awkward... and doesn't seem to be done on purpose too. =/

*caused Frosty to go skim through this prologue again and found even more mistakes... goes to change the review mark*

 

[Obsidian Blade]

lol... I didn't even bother picking out sentence by sentence. However, the first sentence I'll disagree with you on this one Obsidian Blade...

When I read it, I noticed the strange structure too. However, the way I interpret it is that the sentence proposes an oxymoron. When we're first introduced to the idea of an old aged man, we really expect someone who's really old, like 70 and above? But then in return we get someone in the range of 50 to 60? Some people in this age aren't even allowed to retire yet! So what does this propose to Frosty's screwed up mind?

Author is saying this:

"Hey look! This sentence... it's screwed up. The age, is screwed up. The age about the man, is screwed up. That means: this man, is a bit messed."

So then, that sentence tells us that the man is someone who's older than his age, probably because of some rather unfortunate incidents that's worth frowning about for him...

Though with the other quotes, I have to agree with you that how their structure is awkward... and doesn't seem to be done on purpose too. =/

*caused Frosty to go skim through this prologue again and found even more mistakes... goes to change the review mark*

That's a good point - to be honest, when I was reading it through for the second time to pick out the parts I wanted to criticise my mind had been so numbed by the structural errors that it hadn't even occurred to me that some of it might be on purpose. <<;

I understand what you mean, although I'm sceptical as to whether it was written with those thoughts in mind.

 

[Pok?mon Master Denny]

Okay, so is this good or bad? XD I hardly understand a word you said. Obsidian Blade, you are just the same on SPPf - Confusing. = / So, uh, can someone simplify for me basically?

Chapter One will be up shortly.

~ PMD

 

[Obsidian Blade]

Confusing? Really?

*looks back at all the reviews she gave on SPPf*

O.o; I wish somebody had told me sooner.

I think... I need more material before I can make a final decision. Like I said (if I wasn't too confusing then), the first paragraph was very... odd. But I like the idea of Oak compiling a book on a trainer made up of traits of all the others he'd seen. I really need to read some more chapters first, so right now I'm sitting on the fence, as my history teacher would say.

...

On a note of random off-topicness, I like the Gary quote in your sig. XD

 

[Dragonfree]

This story is very well written in both cases, yet Dragonfree was a little more in depth, and I can't remember anything!

To refresh your memory:

I have to admit, I don't especially fancy your style. The description is rather plain and uninteresting, although not too bad, and I find it horribly distracting when people place exclamation marks anywhere outside direct speech or first person, especially when they are, such as here, in sentences that should not be emphasized. Why place an exclamation mark after stating that Kenneth now has five tail feathers instead of three? Sounds like a very unimportant sentence to me that doesn't really deserve to be exclaimed. There were more of these, but I don't remember them all.

So far, I haven't seen too much characterization, but you can't really expect that much in two chapters. Still, I'd like to see more feelings in there in general. Well, I like feelings, but others might not...

I'm also admittedly not fond of the idea of making everybody have personalities from the anim? characters (unless I'm misunderstanding something). I've just never liked their personalities much and they're kinda exaggerated (you aren't putting a Brock-copy in there, are you?).

Also, at this point the plot doesn't seem too interesting at all. The Latios thingy mainly reminds me of **-oh in the episode, but I don't know what you're going to do with that exactly at the moment, so forgive me if I'm getting an absolutely wrong impression.

It's not bad, though, and while I did say I'm not too fond of your style, it's very well readable and can in no way be called bad, even if it's not too interesting. Depending on how the plot progresses, it may or may not deserve the four stars, I don't know. But I do know from my own experience that very little can be told in two chapters and a prologue.

 

[Pok?mon Master Denny]

See, see? Short, sweet, and to the point. Obsidian Blade's is this and that! Well, there's only one problem! I CAN'T GO TO SEREBII! What's going on!?

I wanna see if I got any more reviews and stuff, and to see my PMs, yet no dice! Sorry for going off-topic, but this is insane! Before anyone asks, I did the following:

1) Shut Down computer, then logged on after thirty minutes. No good.
2) Got URLs for Serebii. Broken links.
3) Tried clicking Fan-Art and Fan-Fiction on Serebii.net. Uh-uh.
4) Restarted Computer
5) Use Search Engine

So, what's going on here!?

MEGA EDIT: I was banned! Noooooo! Dragonfree, why didn't you tell me!?

 

[T.J.]

Hi twinnie! I would have reviewed sooner but I had to get off the computer (headache) so, here's my review:

I like the beggining idea! But the plot is yet to show. I like how this is not a REAL story, but a written story (espescailly by Professor Oak)! Can't wait till Chapter One! By the way, what fon is that? Looks cool!

 

[Pok?mon Master Denny]

Trebuchet MS is the font, TJ. Umm, yeah. So, thanks for the review!

 

[T.J.]

Sooooooooo.....When's the next chappie?

 

[Dragonfree]

MEGA EDIT: I was banned! Noooooo! Dragonfree, why didn't you tell me!?

Because I was always under the impression that being banned would give you a "Sorry, you have been banned from this forum" rather than preventing you from viewing the forums at all.

And no, it was not me who banned you. Therefore, I didn't know you were banned. If I had suspected it, I could have looked it up in the mod forum, but I had no idea, so I didn't.

 

[Pok?mon Master Denny]

Daa! Oh man, well, Dragonfree, again, sorry for being off-topic, but, can you please {Note: Please!}, if you want {Note: if you want} find out information in the mods' forums, puh-weze? : Insert Puppy-eye face here : ^_^;

 

[T.J.]

So, when's the next chap? Just in case you missed that question. If you need it from Serebii, I'll PM it to you. See ya twin!

Edit: Nvm. I can't get to your chaps! They said it over ALL your posts!

 

[Pok?mon Master Denny]

No, TJ, I didn't miss that post. The next chapter will be up soon, so don't fret! I still have some other stuff to tend to...

 

[Living_Dream]

PMD! You're not banned anymore! Your chapters have appeared!

 

[Pok?mon Master Denny]

I'm outta here! BYE EVERYONE!

 

[Kylie-chan]

OK, then, be like that. I'm not reviewing a story like this if you're gonna be like that.

If you're leaving, mayhaps this should be locked...

 

[Trainer_Trevor]

Good story like it I didn't notice anything wrong because I reveiwed it on Serebii but you took the name I usually use for my characters!

 

[Kylie-chan]

lol Trainer Trevor forgot you hang around PC too... it's Sceptile's awful GMod, remember?

Well, dude, Trebuchet MS looks cool, but it hurts my eyes. *squints* I would have reviewed it but:

1. I wrote this long and picky review - whoops, hit the back button by accident, review wiped. -_-
2. I could hardly read the font.
3. If you're leaving, what's the point?