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Life With Team Magma

Arcanine Fan 101

Lonesome Girl.
    • 1,758
    Posts
    19
    Years
    I was on top of the volcano about to slip when somone grabbed me it was maxie he asked me if i wanted to expand the land i said yes .So i joind team magma.1 year later. im in lavaridge town at the base with my new friend Neo my names Malen im about 12.maxie told me to go out and cath my own pokemon when i was out doing that i spotted a boy with 5 pokeballs i followed him like was tought to do and steal them when no bodies looking when i thought he wasnt looking he actually was i maaged to steal 4 of them.i ran into an ally and called for help i got just what i needed Neo.that bos mame i learned was Josh so next time i see him im supposed to steal the others he has.im in mauvill city with Neo right now because im sill trying to catch my own pokemon.i just spotted a numel to steal but i didnt because people where him.so i went to Mt.Ember i battled a torkoal and caught it.2 months later im finally going on a misson to Mt.Flamethower to infiltrate team aqua.so i headed out to do my mission.my torkoal is pretty strong now that put a ruby and sapphire plus an emerald around its neck.i better be going to get Neo because where going together along with Leo Neos brother he has a sister named may to.I have a sister named Malon who works for team aqua.
    the end of The Life.

    tell me what you think of chapter one
    next chapte is called The Clash Of TheTitans
    reveiw:me and my sister battle a Mt.Flamethower.
     

    Lily

    ◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.
    • 3,329
    Posts
    19
    Years
    ...

    You forget: Who do you think is reading this? The readers, right? They expect good fanfics, the reason why they try helping you by telling you advice. If you turn their satisfaction down, who do you think will regret it more: you or the readers?

    By saying you 'don't feel like it,' you don't feel like improving. You don't feel like letting readers know you care.

    What if I said I dont' feel like reading anymore? >_> Kinda like that~
     

    Arcanine Fan 101

    Lonesome Girl.
    • 1,758
    Posts
    19
    Years
    heres chapter 2 hope you like it
    ---------------------------------
    clash of the titans
    i was on my way to Mt.Flamethower when i noticed team aqua and my no good dirty roten sister who dispised the faimly who all worked for team magma till they were killed.flashback:i was about 4 or 5 when it happend Malon was about 9 or 10 she joined team aqua that day and they were on a mission to destory tem magma and take over when the got the saphire orb but my other brothers and sisters where killed i knew i must revenge there deaths.end flashback.


    i was finally at Mt.Flamethower i was in charge of the mission and my sister was in charge of team aquas i had to et the second metorite so team magma could wake up groudon where ever it is.Now im battleing team aqua grunts just to get to my sister team grass mereged together with us to beat team aqua and dark so im at my sister malon finally so im about to seee whos stonger.malon lost her memories when she was in the sea drowing till archie grabbed her so she has no idea imher sister she just thinks im the enemy. on the way up i caught a numel and a torchic and a flareon they each have a ruby saphire and emerald around there necks.



    im supposed to be the stongest on the moutain.im getting ready to battle malon.shes going to be storng and tough to beat.here goes the battle betwen the titans.she sent out lapras i sent out torkoal she almoswt beat torkoal but we used heat wave and won.she sent out golbat i let neo have this he was trying to make her remeber that i was her sister.while he was doing that leo was battleing her golbat,used air cutter hitting leos cheo which is a arcinine but arinine was tough she used flamethower beating golbat.i took over the rest of the battle she sent out a sharpedo i sent out charizard i caught a few days before the trip.chrizard used siesomic toss leaving one or two points left with sharpedo,it used crunch and left 30 points for my charizrd so i used a wing beat attack knocking sharpedo out. went and took the meteorite and i left.



    ---------------------------------
    the end of chapter 2
    chapter 3 the mystery
    review: we team magma try to figure out where to put the meteorites.
    ope you liked this chapter
     

    Lily

    ◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.
    • 3,329
    Posts
    19
    Years
    CLICKIE

    Please consider reading that. =/ I think you have a good plot and all...but the grammatical errors/formatting is just too big.

    Really, I want you to improve. x.o
     

    elemental

    Sister
    • 32
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Age 33
    • N/A
    • Seen May 19, 2005
    ba my brain hurts plz use spell check and if u cant get ms word get open offace plz!
     

    Abskull

    Link's Huggle Thing!^.^
    • 697
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Not a Good Excuse

    pkmaster said:
    well you see i just cant seem to spell every word i know im only ten you know
    Click to expand...

    I just turned 11; I'm still in 5th grade. You should be learning capitalazation, grammar, spelling, and putting in paragraphs. Even if your in 4th grade. Trust me, Lily Pichu is giving you good advice. Just look, I bet you could find some kind of word processer (SP?)
    Believe me, I still can't spell certain words. I mean I don't expect you to write colledge level stories. It's just that you need some correction. Once you correct your mistakes you'll be great! ^^
     

    Shuko

    Atena, WIN!
    • 594
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Haruka_Fan1013 said:
    Hey... Nice story! But after reading the FIRST LINE, I realized something.

    Click here to see what I mean (this link is not offsite)
    https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=36316

    *pokes PKmaster*

    Explain yourself.
    Click to expand...

    Holy Guacamole! She totally stole your idea! Pkmaster, will you ever learn? Lying for attention will only make you enemies! Why don'cha try to come up with your own ideas and lay off Haruka_Fan1013's! :( Man, you'd think all that mess in the SHC woulda taught you how much it bothers people to be lied to. :(
     
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