Long Distance Relationships: 0 chance of success or more?

[Paskalso]

Alright everyone, here's a topic, are long distance relationships worth going for or not? Please give a reason for your opinion and give and example if at all possible.
My view is that it is possible, but I'm only saying that because I'm currently in a long distance relationship where I moved states 7 months into my relationship with my gf and now we've almost gone a year and half like this (by the way she lives in Alaska and I live in Oklahoma)

 

[twocows]

I don't see any reason why it shouldn't be. It might be harder to maintain one, but that's about it.

 

[Honest]

They definitely have a chance of success, why shouldn't they? Yes, the distance bit is a huge hurdle, but it's not something impossible to overcome. It's just that some people aren't capable of jumping that hurdle while others are. Two people who can jump the hurdle despite the energy it takes and be just fine with that can have a successful relationship no problem.

 

[Cerberus87]

Today there's something called the internet, so you can keep in touch despite being far away from each other.

 

[Mr.Eeveelutions]

I would agree that a long distance relationship should be successful but when I have tried it never works out... I don't know whether it is just me being bad at long distance relationships or its just a pain in general ;P

 

[Oryx]

You need to be a certain type of person to be able to weather long distance in a relationship long enough to make it until you can see each other again. You have to be patient and either both have your own life or both have nothing to do (it's a mess when one person wants to talk 8 hours a day and the other has a full-time job), you have to have activities that you can do online together, you have to be comfortable enough with text chatting that it doesn't become a problem, you have to have a huge amount of trust, and these are all off the top of my head. Of course, missing one of these doesn't guarantee that the relationship will fall apart, but it puts it under strain. If the relationship itself isn't really strong, these strains will cause cracks and possibly break the two up.

My own relationship goes temporarily long-distance on school break when we both go home. It often gets rocky because of the text chat part since it's hard to determine tone on the internet and thus fights spark faster, but it's never more than a few months so it doesn't become a big issue. It's interesting though - we're great together, love each other a lot, have long term plans to stay together, but would probably break up if we had to go long distance for a year straight because long distance is just an entirely different ballgame.

Edit: Also I define "long distance relationships" as those where you have met and then have to go long distance for whatever reason. This is completely different than a person you meet on the internet and have never met in person, and a good chunk of this doesn't apply to those relationships because they have a completely different dynamic.

 

[New Eden]

I've currently been in a long distance relationship for six months. We've never seriously fought or anything, and we both genuinely care for one-another, so I could say that it's been going very well.

The whole long distance thing doesn't work out for everyone though, and I get that. In my case the two of us would absolutely kill to be together in person (even if only for a moment), but we've both got too much on our plates to be able to do that, so it's not a colossal deal. Since we can't be together physically, we tend to get in a Skype call together for an average of 6-8 hours or so a week. IMO, it takes a particular kind of patience to be able to endure a lack of physical communication, and as noted above, it helps if the both of you either have a busy life, or nothing to do/nowhere to be. Also I feel like it involves much more reliance on emotional attraction as well as devotion, since trying to have the physical aspect try to play a bigger role can make the entire thing fall apart (this is how one relationship I've been in that was also long distance fell apart.)

They can be successful in the end. I've even heard from people that they got married after things began as an LDR.

 

[Honest]

Today there's something called the internet, so you can keep in touch despite being far away from each other.

Eh, some can argue that the internet makes a bigger disconnect socially.

 

[Raine]

Today there's something called the internet, so you can keep in touch despite being far away from each other.

The internet will only do much in terms of bridging the individuals into a relationship. It won't necessarily replace or be anything similar to the physical aspect of a relationship and I don't necessarily mean that sexually. There are small behaviours such as the way people eat, walk, present themselves that you're unable to determine just by video chatting them.

Like Oryx mentioned, it takes a certain kind of person to be able to handle the pressures of dealing with the loss of physical contact or having that face-to-face interaction. It would take a lot of dedication and commitment to the relationship for it to work.

 

[Cerberus87]

The internet will only do much in terms of bridging the individuals into a relationship. It won't necessarily replace or be anything similar to the physical aspect of a relationship and I don't necessarily mean that sexually. There are small behaviours such as the way people eat, walk, present themselves that you're unable to determine just by video chatting them.

Like Oryx mentioned, it takes a certain kind of person to be able to handle the pressures of dealing with the loss of physical contact or having that face-to-face interaction. It would take a lot of dedication and commitment to the relationship for it to work.

I agree but what I mean is that for the internet to work the gap won't be temporary... Of course, if the people never see each other again, it's pointless to stay in the relationship. But even in the past, couples exchanged letters to stay in touch with each other. The internet makes it much easier.

You can't say for sure if the people will stay committed to each other because there are a lot of variables, but the internet and video chatting does help relationships to stay relevant.

 

[obZen]

Today there's something called the internet, so you can keep in touch despite being far away from each other.

Electronic communication does not, in any way, substitute for face-to-face communication, nor does it substitute for intimacy.

Long-distance will only work, imo, if there is some way that the couple can get together once in a while. We're social creatures, and we need to see other party lest we go insane

I've seen long-distance work, but it's bound to fail if it "thrives" electronically. Personally, I'm horrific at texting people
I honestly have no idea how people have long conversations through text
I flourish in person, though

I had a couple of friends who "met" girls online, but they did eventually meet them in person and eventually dated. I do not believe that online relationships work. However, my friends that had online relationships did complete things by meeting their future girlfriends. One of these friends actually went from an online fling to a strong, healthy, long-term relationship (NY / FL). He and his girlfriend are proof that L-D can work. They've flown out to see each other, and get along well. The internet helps them keep in touch, but it isn't a substitute, sadly.

 

[Juno]

Oh, it's possible. I don't even remember how many years my cousin has been dating his current girlfriend - they met in high school and went to different universities, he was in Ontario and she was in Edinburgh, and it was tricky to even Skype and talk to each other online, because of the time zone difference. He's a few years older than her, so after he graduated and started working, he would take time off to visit her, or they would go travelling together during breaks and stuff.

She finally graduated a year or two ago, and now they live in Singapore together. I know he was very committed to their relationship (I don't know her very well and have only seen her a handful of times so I can't say the same for her - on my end it looked like my cousin was more committed) and they managed to made it work.

It's harder, of course, and personally, I doubt I could do it, but yes, it's definitely possible.

 

[Cerberus87]

Electronic communication does not, in any way, substitute for face-to-face communication, nor does it substitute for intimacy.

Long-distance will only work, imo, if there is some way that the couple can get together once in a while. We're social creatures, and we need to see other party lest we go insane

I've seen long-distance work, but it's bound to fail if it "thrives" electronically. Personally, I'm horrific at texting people
I honestly have no idea how people have long conversations through text
I flourish in person, though

I had a couple of friends who "met" girls online, but they did eventually meet them in person and eventually dated. I do not believe that online relationships work. However, my friends that had online relationships did complete things by meeting their future girlfriends. One of these friends actually went from an online fling to a strong, healthy, long-term relationship (NY / FL). He and his girlfriend are proof that L-D can work. They've flown out to see each other, and get along well. The internet helps them keep in touch, but it isn't a substitute, sadly.

You don't understand... I was speaking from the POV of a couple who were already together and one of them had to move far away for a while, therefore there was already a relationship in flesh and after being separated the people could still keep in touch through the internet, maybe the person who stayed home could move together with the person who traveled, lots of things can happen but the internet definitely makes it easier for people to keep a relationship after one has to move temporarily for whatever reason.

Online relationships aren't the subject of this thread, in fact there's another one about it and you can post your opinion there if you want.

 

[Kung Fu Ferret]

My sister had a long distance relationship with someone in Maryland and visited him from time to time, but in the end, their relationship didn't work out... TWICE!

 

[uoneko]

since i'm asexual, long distance relationships aren't really a problem. i don't really feel like i'm missing out on anything other than going on dates in person. it's really an opinion though.

 

[Bellsprout]

Yeah its def possible, but you have to be a certain type of person and I think pc is full of that type. So if you're reading this it will probably work for you cheers.

lol in all seriousness though I think it's really hard. Also I would not recommend your first relationship being an online one. Generally in your first relationship you're going to be a needy whiny little ♥♥♥♥♥ who cares too much. While not fun irl or online, online makes it that much more stressful. Also for the love of god be able to text each other. Unless you enjoy being glued to your computer 24/7 do not enter an online relationship without the ability to be away from each other and still be in contact. Or another option just both be able to talk for a little amount of time each day or so without freaking out in between. If either of you can't handle that then let that be a wake up call that you're not meant to be in an online relationship.

I've been in two online relationships and my personal opinion is that they are not worth it. It's too much time, effort, and money for little gain. Tbh whenever I look back I just get sad at how much money I spent traveling/spending together that I could still have today.

But honestly only you know yourself. If you're truly in love and everything is great between you and your online lover then great. I really do hope it works out for you in the long run!

 

[Oryx]

You don't understand... I was speaking from the POV of a couple who were already together and one of them had to move far away for a while, therefore there was already a relationship in flesh and after being separated the people could still keep in touch through the internet, maybe the person who stayed home could move together with the person who traveled, lots of things can happen but the internet definitely makes it easier for people to keep a relationship after one has to move temporarily for whatever reason.

Online relationships aren't the subject of this thread, in fact there's another one about it and you can post your opinion there if you want.

Part of the discussion is what constitutes a "long distance relationship", honestly. It's not logical to claim this doesn't have anything to do with online-only relationships because the OP never said that. The literal definition of long-distance allows for online-only relationships, because...they are still long-distance.

Part of the thread is "are online relationships and long-distance relationships the same thing? Can they be grouped together?" Obviously a lot of people think so.

 

[BeachBoy]

Honestly, before I ever tried it, I was a complete critic. Never thought it could work out, despite all the optimism.

Then I moved to Italy. And there was someone I left behind the in States that I couldn't forget. Weeks later, we got back together. That was nine months ago, and between my four months in Milan and her following five months in Spain, we're better than ever.

You just never know until you go through, is how I would react today. It definitely puts you on a level of trust and faith you can't generate when they're around, and you can see them constantly and know they're okay. We had ups and downs, but we made seeing each other a priority. Skyped nearly every day, and I jumped the Atlantic to visit her in Spain. Many, many people had their doubts for us, but hey, some things do last.

 

[Sopheria]

Personally, I've tried it before, and I've come to the conclusion that they're just not for me. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with them, I'm just not cut out for them. Mainly because I'm terrible at expressing my (romantic) feelings verbally, which is pretty much your only way of expressing your feelings in a long distance relationship.

I think it just all comes down to what's important to you in a relationship. There's certain aspects of a relationship that you're missing out on in an LDR. For me those missing things are essential for a relationship to work, but with other people, those thing don't really matter much.

 

[Bidoof FTW]

At my age I don't think I'd be able to make it work since it would be very difficult to be able to see the other person irl. Which i think is a very important part of the long distance relationship, as is the point of the name. It isn't called an online relationship it is long distance, meaning you there is a large gap between where you live but you still see each other irl on occasion. I've seen it work often, my mother actually remarried after being in a long distance relationship for a year or so. They're still together after 3-4 years :D

TL;DR it can work as long as the couple sees each other irl on occasion.