Long Distance Relationships

[Poki]

Would you guys ever consider being in a relationship with someone outside of your country, even if you only met online and never once in the flesh?

Or would you prefer to be in a relationship with someone in the same country?

You can also share your stories here.

 

[Oryx]

I did once, but I wouldn't do it anymore. There are some things you can only figure out in real life, and I did online relationships before actually having a serious relationship in real life so I didn't realize that. Once I had an online boyfriend, we met in person for a weekend, and it was the MOST AWKWARD THING EVER. We didn't click, we felt uncomfortable around each other, and he was super into sexy things when I wasn't at all.

I think it's different if you meet them very soon so you know if you have chemistry and are willing to make it work, and it's definitely different if you knew each other irl and then had to go long-distance for whatever reason.

 

[starseed galaxy auticorn]

Not really. The time zones would be so hard for me. I'm already in a relationship with someone who lives in the same state as me. I love him more than anything. <3 He makes me so happy, and I wouldn't trade him for anything! I don't mind the distance between us. It helps us connect to each other on a more emotional standpoint then in real life.

Thing is though, I have autism. I get extremely nervous and uncomfortable with real life relationships with others. So, I benefit more from meeting someone online and hopefully in the future will be ready to meet them.

 

[Cherrim]

I'm in a long distance relationship now with someone I met online. She lives in England and I live in Canada so it's a pretty big distance. Online and offline are two very different things so I was really nervous about meeting her in August, since I hear so many horror stories of people who get along really well online and then just don't click IRL but we didn't have that problem. We got along really well and it was a lot of fun. I was super shy for the first while (and very jetlagged for the first few days...) and I had to divvy up my time sightseeing with my family and spending time with her when she wasn't tagging along with us, but overall we clicked really well and I found myself just wishing we had more time together.

But the distance sucks.

The time zone difference is hard enough, but after actually meeting up, it really sucks knowing that if I want to go back or if she wants to come visit me, it's like $1k just for airfare. Add in a few extra days on any trip for overcoming jetlag and it's a huge time investment too. I can't just head out there for a weekend or vice versa or anything, visiting is a big deal. I'm totally game for it but I do often find myself fantasizing over living on the same continent, at least. Even if airfare within Canada is almost just as expensive, at least the time difference wouldn't be as much of a problem, sigh.

I've never been in a relationship before this one so I don't have a lot to compare it against. So I can't say how it really compares to a non-long distance relationship. I do know I'm very happy in it, though. I wish we could live closer but until that's possible, I'm content the way things are.

 

[Bellsprout]

I did once with someone outside of my country and once again with someone who lived in my country but far away. ummm first time around when I look back was just a giant mess. I had a lot of confidence issues because I had only just lost weight and I was really convinced no one would ever like me and I felt like this was like a miracle that someone did. This also made me very needy lol. And the whole thing was my first everything and yeah I do not recommend something long distance being your first relationship. Idk I wish it all never happened, but at the time I truly wanted a relationship, I really romanticized the whole "having a relationship" thing in my head which I think is partly why I wanted it to work so badly. But as much as I cringe when I look back thinking about it, it really did pave the way to me becoming a much stronger and outspoken person for myself and in some ways I'm glad I experienced it as a first relationship because it really improved my future love relationships and what I am willing to tolerate when it comes to people romantically in my life.

My second ldr was really great. He was deeply loving and passionate. We ended up meeting up multiple times. Whenever I look back I just think about how passionate it all was. Like just looking into each other's eyes in pure silence kind of passionate... idk it gives me chills. I felt so comfortable physically and emotionally, it is very bizarre for me to explain. I ended up ending it though because of the distance mostly, I just couldn't handle it anymore and my life was changing in weird ways, and I also knew there were things within me I had to work on and I couldn't be with someone to do that. I felt truly bad because he never did anything wrong, but I just knew what was most important for me then.

So my perspective is like anything else, it can suck or be amazing. Even though I got to see what the amazing side was like I really never want to date long distance again. I use tinder now and I have it set to 30 miles max and just when people start talking to me who are 20 plus miles away I feel like it's too far. I guess mainly because I really don't feel like going out of my way to drive to anyone, but at the same time I'm not that interested in love atm so maybe that's why I'm not willing to go too far out of my way. Though I miss it sometimes of course. but uhh let me add I know tinder is not a good way to find love, it's more entertainment than anything, but I've met two people off it so far/in the process of meeting more.

 

[Nick]

Why would anyone prefer to be in a relationship with someone thousands of miles away?

Almost all of us know what its like to have friends in far away places. It's a great thing, but its also a really lonely thing when you think about it. We're in separate corners of the world, likely sitting in a dark corner, talking to one another. Not face to face, enjoying each other's presence. We're appreciative of each other's company, whatever we can give so far away, but we all long to see them just like we see others in our every day life.

It's even more difficult to deal with when you find love online, and the dynamics of a relationship can change dramatically offline, or realizations of the other person come to light.

I've only ever romantically loved one person in my life, and it was someone on the internet. When we finally got the chance to meet, we hit it off just fine. Too fine, really. We clicked too much. I knew we would, and that was a problem for her. We were too similar, and she wasn't comfortable with that because of the long history of her parents being similar, and having a lot of trouble in their relationship.

 

[El Héroe Oscuro]

I've only ever romantically loved one person in my life, and it was someone on the internet. When we finally got the chance to meet, we hit it off just fine. Too fine, really. We clicked too much. I knew we would, and that was a problem for her. We were too similar, and she wasn't comfortable with that because of the long history of her parents being similar, and having a lot of trouble in their relationship.

That's a shame. Usually when things happen like that, it's a good thing. Best of luck with that, mate.

 

[Meganium]

My previous two relationships were both long distant. Now, that does sound pretty insane, but honestly I never really clicked with anyone who I dated irl. I'm not a social kind of person, even though people that know me think I'm wrong.

For the first one, we met in high school and started off as friends at first. Before I moved away, he confessed his feelings to me and he was in love with me. We even talked about if this relationship was going to work out. It did, for a year and nine months. I visited him every few weeks or so. Distance wasn't muuuch of a problem, he lived three hours away from where I moved to, but I couldn't drive yet, which was a bigger obstacle. We broke up because trust issues ensued between us.

For the 2nd one, it only lasted four months. It was with someone from PC, and he lived a few states away. I was sad this one had to end so soon because I felt we really had it, considering he's my best friend. But the reason was very understandable: we're just too damn busy. We could reconcile, but I'm not up for another heartbreak, especially from someone whom I haven't even met yet.

Reminiscing the only two relationships I'm in, I don't think I'm up for another LDR. I think I'll go for someone that lives in NorCal, and that's it. Nothing beyond that. I got my eye on someone right now, and he lives a town away from me, so that's good, right? xD LDRs are just time consuming and they will drain all of your emotions. I just need to find my luck to find the right person that isn't distant!~

 

[Magic Christmas Lights]

I did once, but I wouldn't do it anymore. There are some things you can only figure out in real life, and I did online relationships before actually having a serious relationship in real life so I didn't realize that. Once I had an online boyfriend, we met in person for a weekend, and it was the MOST AWKWARD THING EVER. We didn't click, we felt uncomfortable around each other, and he was super into sexy things when I wasn't at all.

I've done four online relationships, and two of the four were this exactly. The one that wasn't, the guy turned out to be gay and cheated on me with a dude. The other one that wasn't was just a really weird and ill-advised relationship, though not because it was online. Sooo. I'm not a fan. There's so much that goes into attraction and compatibility, stuff like body language, appearance (webcamming is not an accurate picture), etc. Stuff that seems petty but actually matters a lot. I will say that my two serious not online relationships were the best, just from the simple fact that I actually knew the person in person. It made the relationship a lot better.

Online dating, like on OKCupid where everyone is close to you and you meet up quickly is cool (albeit sometimes that's cripplingly awkward), though.

 

[Sheep]

I've been through two long distance relationships. My ex was in Alberta, Canada and I was in New York City so that was quite a ways away but nothing that bothered me too much. Apparently he couldn't handle it though because he broke up with me when I told him my parents didn't feel safe sending 17 year old me over there for Christmas. :P

My current boyfriend is just a few hours away from me by plane so it's no big deal. We're both in the US, Texas and NYC to be specific. I've already visited a few times and am planning to get him over here permanently whenever I feel a little more financially stable. If I wasn't in a relationship I'd probably try long distance again as the people I meet online I tend to like so much more than those I run into in real life. It's always hard to form a bond irl. Maybe I'm just socially awkward.

 

[maccrash]

I'm not opposed to the idea. I really just yolo as far as relationships go and if I find a girl that I like anywhere, I'll pursue her.

 

[Alfieri]

I don't like the idea of leaving everything behind for 1 person, or making my partner leave her life behind to live with me. Plus I really prefer to have the girl in-person so it'll be easier to look for someone within the 5 boroughs of NYC.

 

[WestCoastShiny]

While I've never been in a long distance relationship before, I already know it's not for me. There's just so many factors that come into play when you're in a long distance relationship. The biggest one would have to be trust, and I can't trust people unless I 100% know they're trustworthy. The second thing is, it costs a lot of money to travel and well, that's a big hole in your pocket. The way I see it is, it's pretty much you're throwing money away to see someone, and 9 times out of 10 break up with them.

Now if it was in the same state, I'd probably be a bit more lenient, but it depends on how far they are. Like, if I can drive there and make it back home quickly, then I'm most likely gonna be fine with that, except gas is something I probably would despise. And also I prefer to actually see the person I'm dating everyday just because I feel like I can have an easier time trusting them.

 

[£]

I would prefer a close distance relationship by a country mile. I would have to have met the person and have spent a lot of time with them as well. I mean, communication at distance is nice if you're apart for a bit, but I wouldn't want to get myself in a situation where I'm longing for someone at a distance. It's just looking for trouble! (trouble as in I'd probably be quite depressed.)

my only relationship was UP TO 200 miles at times; due to her university choice. this was fine, because I wasn't in full time employment. Now that I am, even that isn't workable.

 

[ShinyUmbreon189]

Long distance relationships don't work, and probably never will. Hell, I've tried dating one of my ex girlfriends that lives in Missouri (I dated her when I lived there), I was forced to move to Illinois and even then it didn't work out. I had to break up with her because she couldn't visit and I couldn't visit since it was 6 hours away. I can't even imagine how someone could make a relationship out of country work if I couldn't even make a relationship 6 hours away work lol. I'm not the type of person to try a relationship if I met them online and they live in another country, I prefer face to face.

 

[Dreg]

I would definitely consider a long distance relationship, but mainly someone from another country. I have never been in a relationship before; hard to believe, I know. Something just doesn't "click" if I go for someone in the same country.

 

[Dustmop]

I tried doing the whole LDR thing a couple times when I was younger. As someone else mentioned how it eases some of the burdens of autism to keep their distance, I always thought it'd be the same for me with my PTSD. To just keep a 'safer distance' until I was more comfortable. Problem was - the distance never made the hearts grow fonder. :P

'First boyfriend' had always been on the opposite end of the state from me; visits were frequent enough, and we clicked and all, but it just never really worked. We were stupid enough to keep trying.. on and off for years, actually. But we both wanted too many different things - and most of those things were influences from where we grew up. Like, he wasn't willing to leave the big city and I wasn't willing to leave Farmville™.
The other had moved a few hours away for school after we had been dating for several months. He came out to visit during school breaks, but it was never enough for either of us. Only seemed to make it harder.
Neither of those lasted terribly long... Well, overall they didn't; once distance came into play, they were both on and off, unstable as ****. And neither one of them was ever worth the effort, honestly.

Currently, though, Boyfriend lives right down the road. A whole 10 minutes away, and he usually just stays here, anyway. The last 8 months have gone by so fast <3 -- but I remember when 3 solid months LDR was, like, a freakin' achievement. It was so slow and agonizing.. and hard. Have I mentioned that it's hard?

It's just so hard to trust someone, to believe them, when you can't look them in the eyes. It's so hard to want to date someone when there's never any kind of intimacy at all. You can't even hold each other's hands. I don't want that. D:
I can see how that would work out better for some people - as I said, I thought I would also be in that group to some extent - but I just don't like not being physically close. I want to be able to cuddle up with them and unwind at the end of the day, watch really terrible movies together, and go out and do things together (on the days that I can manage, haha), and all that cheesy crap about sharing and spending your lives together.

 

[Margot]

I think long distance relationships can work and I've seen some really successful ones, you just have to know what you're getting into and what you want out of a relationship. I didn't know what I wanted when I was younger, I just cared about the person, that was all that mattered. However, it's a lot more complex than just your feelings and now that I've been in a serious relationship for a few years, I don't think I could do a long distance relationship if it wasn't going to end up with us together somewhere.

I may be moving to a new city before my boyfriend graduates college in May. In that case, we'll be long distance, but at least I know he'll be heading my way once he gets that diploma :)

 

[Alex]

To me, long distance relationships sound like more trouble than they're worth. In the past I have considered them several times, and it was often more about the person in question than the relationship itself. I created long distance "relationships" with these people without putting the tag on it. Often cases, slapping a tag on it would only make it worse.

At this point, though, I know for sure a long distance relationship is the last thing I want. I commend anyone who goes through the trouble, because I'm sure it's not easy.

 

[VeranithasVI]

I had one long distance relationship about four years ago. It was with a girl I previously sort of knew when I lived in England; we started talking again on Skype, ended up getting real intimate (well about as non sexually intimate one can get over the internet) and we dated for a few months. Time difference and our obvious differences broke us apart, but we were only young anyway.

Nowadays I'd never gamble an online relationship, or a long distance one, unless it was within the country. There's just too much hassle involved.