Lucario and Tyson

[Mako64]

Lucario and Tyson

Chapter 1


One beautiful day, Lucario stood upon a high mountain, gazing across the land of Orre. On the ground below were Heracross and Pinsir playfully wrestling. Other Pokemon were mating, searching for berries, or just relaxing. The Pokemon in the water were swimming around, waiting for whatever would fall into the water that was edible. Lucario smiled to itself and took in a mouthful of fresh air. Everything was so peaceful.

However, this peace would not last long.

Ho-oh sped through the air, full aware that time was not on its side. One day ago, the legendary bird of the Rainbow was visited by a weakened Azumarill who brought a message from its friend Lugia. The Azmarill said that Lugia and the three birds, Zapdos, Articuno, and Moltres, were attacked by the three Regirock, Registeel, and Regice. Being caught off guard, Lugia and the birds were easily defeated. Lugia barely escaped, but the birds were captured. Lugia helplessly watched as the birds were dragged away. The sea guardian noticed something strange about the Regis. The Braille on their heads was no longer a plain color. The color was a swirling purple. Before losing itself in wonder, Lugia weakly flew away. It found an Azmarill and sent it to deliver the message.

"I must hurry". Ho-oh said to itself. "Lugia could be dead right now".

~~

"Tyson! You're going to miss the bus!"

Lisa Kaman shouted to her son. One second later, Tyson Kaman was down the stairs kissing his mom goodbye, grabbing his backpack, and dashing out the door. The 12-year old did not want to be late today. It was the last day of school before summer vacation. His principal, Mr. Blake, still gave out after school detention for being late even on the last day. And the last thing Tyson wanted to do was to waste the rest of his half-time school day writing sentences on the chalkboard. "It's bad enough that we get lots homework." Tyson mumbled as he climbed on the bus.

Tyson sat down next to his best friend, Jake Morison. "I can't believe that this day has finally come!" Tyson exclaimed. "Yeah, you've got that right, now we have time for what we've been saving up for!' Jake said. "Yep, we can become Pokemon trainers!" Tyson said.


Many things had changed since the events of Pokemon Colosseum and Pokemon XD The population of Pokemon increased significantly. There were so many Pokemon that there was no more need for Shadow Pokemon.

Little did Tyson know, this journey would not be an ordinary Pokemon trainer journey. Soon something would change his life forever, and the fate of the world would be in his hands!


To Be Continued…

 

[Shadow Piloswine]

A battle between 8 Legendary pokemon?This sounds great. can't wait to read more

 

[Adventure-Chan]

Okay, I am not the best, nor have I finished my fics but, here goes. The chapter was a bit short, try to lengthen it. Usually 3-4 pages in Micrsoft Word, but about 1-2 pages is plenty for a beginner. Now to other matters (I'm not the best, I will leave the rest to the experts):

Lucario and Tyson

Chapter 1


One beautiful day, Lucario stood upon a high mountain, gazing across the land of Orre. There were Starly, Spearow, and Noctowl soaring in the air. Below on the ground were Herracross and Pinsr playfully wrestling. Other Pokemon were mating, searching for berries, or just relaxing. The Pokemon in the water were swimming around, waiting for whatever would fall into the water that was edible. Lucario smiled to itself and took in a mouthful of fresh air. Everything was so peaceful.

I found too much stuff happening in one scene try to take time describing what is exactly going on, it helps the reader understand better. Heck, I am not the best advice giver, nor the best grammar/error eye spotter, but I don't think I spotted any grammar mistakes, I'll leave it to this fourms top grammar expert. Good so far, just keep the 'few' advice I gave you in mind. =)

 

[Astinus]

Poke_Master, I would like to think that I am the expert you mentioned! xD

Let's start off with your title. It doesn't give off an air of mystery, because between it and the two characters introduced in the first chapter, I can deduce that they are connected somehow. But it works for your story.

Like Poke_Master said, your opening scene packed in too much description. Just try out saying that wild Pokemon were going about their business without a care in the world. You can keep the specifics of the bird Pokemon flying. (Nothing says danger in the wild distance like a flock of birds taking flight. :p)

You spelled a few Pokemon names wrong. When writing fanfiction, make sure that you spell canon names right. So, it should be "Heracross", "Azurill/Azumarill", and "Pinsir". If you're confused about how a Pokemon's name is spelled, there are many Pokedexes on the Internet you can use.

Your dialog needs some clearing up. I've written a good-ish guide about grammar that's linked in my signature. Check that out to learn more about correct grammar for dialog.

But there were other mistakes I spotted that could have been fixed with some good ol' proof-reading.

"Tyson!" "You're going to miss the bus!"

Those bold quotation marks aren't needed.

It was the last day of School before summer vacation.

Doesn't need to be capitalized.

"It's bad enough that we get lodes homework."

"loads of"

Since the shipments of Pokemon to Orre caused large multiplication of the population. The age limit of handling Pokemon was raised from 10 to 12. Sense now there are more Pokemon in Orre, There can be more trainers to handle them.

In order: the first two sentences should be combined; "since"; and "there" shouldn't be capitalized.

-

Summary: Try to make the next chapter a little bit longer. Even just spacing out your paragraphs correctly with dialog will help with that. More description could help as well. Just take a stop by the Writing Guide and the PFF Rules.

That's it for now. Just keep writing and practicing!

 

[Adventure-Chan]

Poke_Master, I would like to think that I am the expert you mentioned! xD

Yes, you were the one I was mentioning. XD
Just follow the advice Hanako gave you, remember, everyone makes mistakes once in a while, especially beginners. Just take a look at my first fic O_o. ;)

 

[Googlebug]

I like the actual plot. Its interesting and I like the start its all a happy feeling which then turns into some darkness. The Plot is pretty good. The things wrong have all been mentioned above but I just noticed one thing and not to be nitpicking either but I've noticed one sentence didnt make sense.

One day ago, the legendary bird of the Rainbow had received was visited by a weakened Azmarill

Im sure your quite capable of fixing things like this, that was the only time I found anything like that but keep in mind your fic should make sense at all times so remember to prevent this happening in later stages by checking over. Listening to everyones advice should help you grow. Not too shabby. XD- Googlebug.

 

[Mako64]

Hiya! It's me, I'm afriad to say this but, this chapter doesn't have any action in it. SORRY!!! But in chapter 3 there's gonna be much more, even a fight! I'm still working on it.

Enjoy Ch.2!


Lucario and Tyson

Chapter 2

"This is taking too long!" Ho-oh exclaimed as she was heading towards Lugia's position.

"I wish that I could fly faste-"

At that moment, Ho-oh sensed another presence near Lugia.

"This, this power, could it be..?"

"Mew!?" Lugia cried as the pink creature floated down to it.

"Yes, I have returned." Mew said.

It has been 7 years sense Mew went off to find Mewtwo and purify its soul. It was thought that Mew had no chance in calming the powerful creature. For Mew was out-matched in raw power.

"We all thought that you died fighting Mewtwo." Lugia said.

"I was wounded and weakened after the battle." Mew said in its soft voice.
"I went into exile on Starlight Island. There I nursed my wounds and lived there, waiting for the best time to return."

"So if you immediately came back," Lugia started, "Then there would immediately be more trouble after your return spread out."

"Yes, but I am afraid that there is a new threat to our world."

Mew placed its small hands on Lugia's silver and blue body. It concentrated it's energy for a moment, then with a slight push it used Recover on Lugia.

"Aah…" Lugia sighed as it picked itself up after feeling great relief. "Thank you Mew."

Mew nodded as something flew into sight.

"Luiga!" Ho-oh landed next to Lugia. "Mew! You have returned!"

"Yes, but this is no time to rejoice, I'm afraid that there is evil afoot."

Mew turned to Lugia.

"That reminds me, where is Articuno and the others?" It asked.

~~

Tyson yawned as his science teacher, Mr. Forman, was handing out the class' summer science booklet. All day, Tyson would take off his sideways red and blue baseball cap and stroke through his spiky, brown hair and look out the window. It seemed to him that school had gone on forever. As he gazed without any thought in mind, something suddenly zoomed past the window; it had gone so fast, Tyson was unable to make out what that was.

"Whoa…" Tyson said to himself.

That was the first thing in school he found interesting.

"What was that thing?" He asked himself.


To Be Continued…

 

[Adventure-Chan]

That was to short, try to extend it.

 

[Mako64]

Sorry about the lack of Proofreading I've been a little busy with other things. But I am serious about bringing you great Fan fic stories. Every day I Will have a new chapter for you all! However, if you come here and see no new chapter, you may have come to early come back later and I may have posted a new chapter! Oh yeah, Thank you all for your support!

Mako64

 

[Scytheteen]

Sorry about the lack of Proofreading I've been a little busy with other things. But I am serious about bringing you great Fan fic stories. Every day I Will have a new chapter for you all! However, if you come here and see no new chapter, you may have come to early come back later and I may have posted a new chapter! Oh yeah, Thank you all for your support!

Mako64

having a new chapter everyday is not the best idea. give a little time between chapters (at least 2 days). it gives new readers more time to read. nobody wants to be overloaded with chapters

 

[Careful With That Axe Pichu!]

The plot is rather boring and silly, sorry. Also, you didn't lengthen the chapter.

Ho-oh exclaimed as she was heading towards Lugia's position.

She? I thought legendary Pokémon have no gender? >>

It has been 7 years sense Mew went off to find Mew-two and purify his soul.

Should be "since". Also, watch the verb tense, it's not right. Oh, and shouldn't it be "Mewtwo"?

"We all thought that you died claming Mew-two."

Same about Mewtwo's name. Also, that should be "claiming", and I really don't know what you mean with that.

Mew said in her soft voice.

Again, a gender?

Okay, so your story is very short, has a weak plot, & many spelling mistakes. The only bright side is your good diction and descriptions, even if they're brief now. Get a beta reader. Take your time! Visit the guides Hanako gave you. She wrote a handy grammar guide, it should be useful.

 

[Mako64]

Hi, I'm back. I'm sure that the story's lack of action has made it boring. Well, I decided to put something interesting in this chapter.

Enjoy!!!!

Lucario and Tyson

Chapter 3

The strange thing that Tyson saw zoomed through the air. It was rather large and purple. It was the powerful Pokemon known as Mewtwo. It felt a disturbance in the tide. It was flying to the source, a strange, large, dark fog of darkness that was looming above the ocean that separated the land of Orre and the Orange Islands region.

As Mewtwo closed in on the fog, it said, "I am heading in the right direction; the power I feel is getting stronger."

It zoomed into the fog. Suddenly it stopped in surprise. Inside the darkened fog was a large black palace. Before Mewtwo could do anything else, a strange dark voice greeted it.

"Hello Mewtwo, I am very pleased that you decided to come here."

"What!? Who's there?" Mewtwo shouted.

"Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!!!" The voice laughed.

Mewtwo just about had enough of this.

"Who are you, show yourself!" It demanded.

Suddenly, a strike of lightning struck the palace. Dark figure instantly appeared four feet away from Mewtwo.

"I am the Dark emperor, bow before me Mewtwo!" He commanded.
\
Mewtwo turned its head, spat downward, and looked at the Dark emperor.

"Ha! I'll never bow before a fool like you!" It sneered.

The Dark emperor smiled to himself.

"If you do not bow to me, prepare yourself for a world of pain!"

Mewtwo charged at the Dark emperor.

"Die!" It shouted.

Mewtwo came at the emperor with a Mega punch. As the attack closed in, it was stopped by a dark energy shield.

"What!?" Mewtwo said when it couldn't break through the shield.

It withdrew it attack and came back at the dark emperor with an Iron tail. This time, the emperor held up his arm and blocked the attack. Then he grabbed Mewtwo's tail and threw it back with a large amount of force. Mewtwo quickly regained its balance and shot a full-power Psybeam at the emperor. Instead of blocking, the dark emperor just let the beam hit him. Mewtwo panted for breath.

"G-Got him…" It said.

"That should be enough for a warm up."

Mewtwo swirled its head. It was the dark emperor. The Psybeam had no effect on him. He had teleported behind Mewtwo.

"You've shown me your powers, let me show you mine!" He said.

The emperor pointed at Mewtwo.

"Dark shot!" He shouted.

A large amount of dark energy blasted into Mewtwo. The attack sent it flying backwards. Mewtwo snapped forward to stop itself. It looked forward, the emperor was gone.

"Dark bullets!"

Mewtwo put up both arms to block. Several small beams blasted into it. Mewtwo's guard could not protect it. It tried to endure the pain, but fell. Before falling through the fog, the dark emperor used telekinesis to hold it.

"I may have use for you." The emperor said to Mewtwo's unconscious body.

~~

The final bell rang. School was over. Kids burst out of the school doors, yelling and cheering. Tyson leaped down the stairs, shouting, "SCHOOOL'S OUT!"

The kids raced in the buses, chattering. When the bus came to Tyson's house, he ran down the stairs of the bus got out his keys, ran to his room, and opened his dresser.

"I've been saving you for a while!" He said.

It was a trainer's uniform: a blue; red-striped vest, black pants, a one strap red backpack, and silver strap-on shoes.

"Not bad, not bad at all." Tyson said as he looked at himself in a mirror.

Tyson took a bus to Professor Mondo's lab. Mondo was the Pokemon authority in Orre. He was authorized to give Pokemon licenses and starter Pokemon those old enough. Tyson was very excited as he walked into the lab.

"I'm looking for professor Mondo, can you tell me where he is?"

Tyson asked a man with glasses and a white coat. Obviously he was one of Mondo's aides.

"He's in the room to the right." The man said.

"Thanks." Tyson said as he walked to the door to the right.

"Hello, I'm here for a Pokemon." Tyson called as he opened the door.

The professor turned around. He had red eyes and blonde short hair. He wore a big white and black lab coat.

"Well, most of the Pokemon were taken today." The professor said. "But we still have a few of them left."

He took out three Pokeballs and released a Pichu, Bulbasaur, and Cyndaquil. Tyson thought hard as he looked at the Pokemon.

"I'll take… this one!" Tyson said as he pointed to his chosen Pokemon.

The little Pokemon cheered as Tyson scooped it up. He held it in his arms as Mondo took out five empty Pokeballs and a Pokedex for him.

"What's this?" Tyson asked when he picked up the Pokedex.

"That's a Pokedex." The Professor explained. "It has data on every single Pokemon discovered."

"How does it work?" Tyson asked.

"You just point it at a Pokemon and turn it on like this!"

The Pokedex flipped open and revealed data on Bulbasaur.

"Wow, technology in incredible!" Tyson exclaimed.

That night, when Lisa came home from work Tyson showed showed her his new Pokemon.

"Aren't you the cutest thing?" She cooed to the Pokemon.

~~

Meanwhile, Mew, Lugia, and Ho-oh were flying towards the dark fog after feeling the battle of the dark emperor and Mewtwo.

"Hurry, the sooner we get there the better." Mew said.

Lucario also felt the battle. It was riding a Staraptor to the fog. "This peace is in great danger." It said to itself. Wind flew against its face as the fog came into view.




To Be Continued…

 

[Crimson Arcanine]

It really needs work...Its not too easy to follow the story, most of the chapters are too short and some parts seem to be out of place. It also seems like its been rushed along as well.

Just my opinion.

 

[Adventure-Chan]

Did you read the advice you were given? Try and lengthen the chapters.

 

[Scytheteen]

i don't even think you decided to read any of the adivce any of us have given you (especially pichus). *sighs* i give up

 

[Mako64]

I am so sorry about the problems. I promise to get to them right now. However, this will take some time. I will have this story in great shape when I'm done. Thank you all for your support.

 

[Mako64]

As you can see, I have edited what I could in the chapters above. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to satisfy you all. I'll try to make the chapters better.

 

[Scytheteen]

whatever, and instead of double posting, edit your posts

 

[Crimson Arcanine]

Mako64,is this your first time actually writing up a story then posting on the net? Just curious.

Your edit was a little better, but still needs work. Again, only my opinion.

 

[Mako64]

Lucario and Tyson

Chapter 4

Lucario was getting closer to the dark fog. It could see it almost clearly. The Staraptor it rode began to shake with fear.

Lucario noticed this and said, "You do not have to stay the whole way. You just need to drop me off here.

The large bird agreed. They were only a few yards away from the fog. They zoomed right into it. Lucario was shocked to see a palace floating among the fog. It jumped off the bird and watched it fly away. Then it slowly walked in. Every thing was black. Lucario found it difficult to see in the palace.

It walked around the palace for a while before it heard a strange voice.

"I can't imagine a Pokemon like you would be so foolish to come here."

"What?! Who's there?" Lucario shouted into the darkness.

"I am the dark emperor." The voice answered. "But that doesn't really matter now. You are going to die now."

Light suddenly shone into the room. Strange shadow creatures slid up from the floor. Lucario stepped back in surprise. The creatures started to surround it. "Destroy it!" The emperor commanded the shadows. The creatures started to slash at Lucario. It stepped back from the blows. Lucario closed its eyes and took a deep breath. Then it fought back.

Lucario raised its hands and concentrated a sphere of its energy.

"Aura sphere!" It said.

It shot it at the first creature that came at it. The creature exploded when the sphere made contact with it. Lucario leaped into the air. Its hands started to glow.

"Force Palm!" It said as it landed.

It struck a creature with its glowing hands. The force sent it flying and in landed a on another creature. They both exploded. Lucario fought the creatures with Aura sphere and Force Palm. Then the creatures combined together to form a larger monster. Lucario dodged and blocked most of the attacks, but got tired and was sent flying by a claw swipe. It wiped the blood from its mouth and stood up. The creature charged at it again. However, Lucario had one more trick up its sleeve.

"Metronome…" Lucario said.

Suddenly Lucario shot out a Water pulse at the creature. It blasted the creature to smithereens. Just as Lucario could rest, Lightning exploded in front of it, sending it flying backwards. It flew out of the palace. It fell thorough the fog and down towards the ocean.

~~

Tyson was on his way to be a Pokemon trainer. He had just caught a new Pokemon on the trail. Now he had to catch a boat to the Sinnoh region; where he could start his quest as a Pokemon trainer. When he reached the port, the ship had started to set sail.

"Wait!" Tyson shouted.

Unfortunately the people on the boat could not hear him. Tyson took a deep breath and took a flying leap. He landed with a thud on the wooden board floor.

"Whew…" Tyson sighed as flashed his ticket to a sailor. A tall man in a black suit came to Tyson.

"This way young man." He said in a fancy way.

The man showed Tyson his room and gave him the keys to it. Tyson walked into his room, dropped his backpack, and laid down to take a nap.

~~

"Wake up, Wake up." Mew said.

Lucario slowly sat up. It did a double take when it saw Mew.

"Mew? Is that you?" It asked. "Yes Lucario." Mew answered.

"You shouldn't have gone there." Lucario turned his head. "Lugia, Ho-oh?"

Lucario leaped to its feet. "What are you all doing here?" It asked.

"Don't think that only you had sensed trouble among the land." Ho-oh said.

Lucario turned its head to the fog. The legendary Pokemon explained that they saw Lucario falling through the fog and Lugia caught it before it landed in the water.

"Mew, you stay with lucario, Ho-oh and I will head for the fog." Lugia said.

Before Lucario could protest, Lugia and Ho-oh flew off; leaving a small trail of dust. Mew had a far away look on its face.

"What's wrong?" Lucario asked.

"They can't defeat the evil that is among the fog." Mew answered. "Only the chosen one can."

"The Chosen one?" Lucario asked.


~~

Tyson was awakened by a loud thump. He threw on clothes and ran to the deck. The ship was in the middle of a storm Tyson looked up he saw a large gathering of clouds, no, they were not clouds; it was fog, black fog.

"How can there be a storm and no clouds?" He said to himself.

"Hey kid, get back to your room! It's dangerous out here!" A sailor shouted to Tyson. Tyson hurried down the steps to his room.

Tyson watched the storm through the porthole in his room. Wondering how this is possible.

~~

Lucario and Mew had waited for Ho-oh and Lugia's return for two hours. They had not returned.

"They will not come back." Lucario concluded.
"Yes." Mew agreed. Mew closed its eyes. "Lucario…" Mew began.

"…?" Lucario turned to it.

"I need you to do something for me. It said.

To Be Continued…