Man talks in sleep. Wife writes down everything he says

[Jolene]

This is a website about a man who says things in his sleep and his wife posts them online. They are funny, but some of them have bad language so be careful:

Sample:

"You can't be a pirate if you haven't got a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules."

"Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only. Nothing else."

"No, not the cats. Don't trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much."

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

"Don't... Don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings."

"I haven't put on weight. Your eyes are fat."

"I don't want to watch. I want to get my hands dirty, all the way up to my shoulder. Filthy."

 

[Jordan]

"I haven't put on weight. Your eyes are fat."

I could learn a thing or two from this guy.

 

[Legobricks]

Say, some of these are like, really witty comebacks... reminds me I sometimes have some amazing story dream in the morning before I really wake up, then wonder how I came up with all of that on the spot as it went along...
This is good, nice find. :0

 

[luf100]

I just read through the whole site. I laughed SO hard. XD Thanks for posting this.

 

[Captain Hobo.]

I heard about this it is so funny. He say weird things.

 

[Gummy]

My friend linked me to this a couple days ago. I admit, a few entries had be rolling.

 

[Sydian]

That's MY donkey.

Oh, that's dandy. I'm going to spend a good long time on this website.

 

[インフェルノの津波]

This guy is a secret comedian. Some of those are seriously funny, I'm telling you.

 

[Wi-fi Battler]

"Badger tickling... proceed with caution."

OMG. i can't stop laughing at that. especially with audio!

 

[Anti-Hero]

These are pretty funny (: I'm gonna read through the whole page. Then, I'm going to use these as comebacks!

 

[ShinjisLover]

"So many little people. Pet them on the head. pet pet pet pet pet...."

I love that one so much. XD


This reminded me of my best friend's dad who sat up in bed once, pointed to the other side of the room, and shouted "YOU! OVER THERE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" and scared his wife to death. XD
Or when I turned on my bathroom light and my gramma shouted "Bright lights! Bright lights!". Ah, you gotta love people who talk in their sleep. XD​

 

[Åzurε]

New internet phenomenon we have here. My cousin just mentioned this on her Facebook a day or two ago. This man has a beautiful mind. XP

 

[N!ck]

"You know, its a human race. And you lost."

Holy crap, this guy is funny. XD

 

[Ninja Caterpie]

omg

I love this guy.

Hilarious stuff.

 

[Emotion.]

I'm kinda glad no one writes down what I sleep talk :X.

 

[ChrisTom]

That's actually creepy in my opinion. Whenever I hear people sleep talk I freakk out, it's just plain creepy. IDK, perhaps in the realm of the surreal anything can happen, and it's better when you're in your own dream, because then it is slightly controlled by you. But with another person's dream, it could be a dream about death or the supernatural. My mom once had a dream about a deceased relative, who was sitting in a treehouse with her, and told her about some weird room. That would scare me if I had a dream like that, because I wouldn't care if it was a family member or not, I don't want direct contact with the dead. Anyways, I think it she is being an invasion of privacy into the sacred realms of dreams. It is morally wrong in my opinion.

 

[TundraCanine]

I remember going camping with my bro and we had to share a tent. Apparently I had asked him "Did you just spank me?" I still don't know what I was dreaming to this very day......

 

[Uecil]

Oh, my gosh... this is like wowzers O_O
I bet alot of people in their sleep say really random things, but we just don't get a chance to see or hear it...
but this.. this is just hilarious XP

 

[Pokestick good times.]

Wow, he sure has an artistic mind...
These are really good! Thanks for sharing this!

 

[Spherical Ice]

"It's the belly button button. Press it and go to hell!"
"You tap-dancing hamsters. You rock my world, with your little blurry feet."
WOW. Best site ever. Hilarious!

I doubt the guy really does talk in his sleep, but either way, this is awesome.