Max Birch's Journey!

[HikozaruLover]

Hi,BonslyLover here to bring you a new fanfic.

Characters:
Max Birch(10)
May Birch(12)
Prof.Birch(32)
Ash Ketchem(12)
Brendan Maple(12)
Linda Lun(10)

Chapter 1:
The Adventure Begins!

*RIINNNNGGG!RRIINNGGG!*
"Wake Up!"Said May."Okay!"Said Max."You have to get your first Pokemon!"Said May."I Know!"said Max."Max,I have a suprise for you!"Said the Professer."Okay,coming Dad."Said Max.Then as Max walked down the stairs,Prof.Birch said that the suprise was a pokemon."What Pokemon?"Asked Max."Mudkip".Said Professer Birch."GIVE ME IT!"Yelled Max."OKAY,okay."said the Prof.,giving Max the pokeball.

As Max walked out of the house,he saw his rival from trainer school,Linda Lun.
"Hi,Max."said Linda."Hi,Linda".said Max.The reason they're rivals is because when they took battle exams,Linda was chosen to battle Max,and Linda won.

"I wanna rematch!"Said Max.
"Okay,Go!Seedot!"Said Linda,throwing out Seedot's Pokeball.
"seedot!"Said Seedot.

"Oh,Go!Mudkip!"said Max,throwing out Mudkip's Pokeball.

"muudddkkkkiiippp!"said Mudkip.

"Mudkip!Tackle!
mud!
"Seedot,Bide!
See!
Mudkip,Mudslap!
mud!
seeeedd!
"Mudkip,another Mudslap!

"No!Seedot Return!"

"Yay!Good job,return!"
And so,Max's adventure has just begun,tune in for Chapter2!

 

[Phoenix Riley]

Its Weird as it isnt long enough to the whole first chapter and the speech is weird also

I think you would need to re write this at proper length in word or something as this is way too short ^_^

 

[HikozaruLover]

Its Weird as it isnt long enough to the whole first chapter and the speech is weird also

I think you would need to re write this at proper length in word or something as this is way too short ^_^

Okay,I'll fix it,thanks for telling me!
EDIT:Here's chapter 2!

Chapter 2
Max Catches a Pokemon!

Now,our hero Max,and his pal Mudkip,are at route 101.
Max stared at some trainers battling pokemon.
"I want a pokemon!"Exclamed a little girl to her Dad.
"Okay,okay."The dad said.

Then Max was attacked by a happy Ziggzagoon.
"Whoa!"Exclamed Max"Go!Mudkip!"
"Mud!"
"Mudkip,Mudslap!"Commanded Max.
"MuudddKIP!"
Then,the Ziggzagoon used a tackle attack and Mudkip fainted.
"Okay then,Go!Pokeball!"
"Bomp,VRUM!"went the pokeball
"C'mon,c'mon!"
"DING!"
"Yay"
Then,Max went to Oldale Town,Healed his Mudkip,and went to the Pokemart
"Hi,I would like 5 pokeballs and 4 potions please"Max Told The clerk.
"Here,that will be 1,800 pokedollars please"The clerk said to Max.
"Here"Said Max,handing the clerk the money.
Then as Max left Oldale Town,Linda came around the corner.
"Hi Max"Linda said to Max.
"Hi"Max said back.
"I want a rematch!"Exclamed Linda.
TO BE CONTINUED...

 

[Kijuna]

Your grammar is the worst thing I've ever seen and frankly, it makes me want to die.

Aside from that, Birch isn't Max's last name and he's said many times that he wants a Treecko.

 

[Lord Mike]

Its way to short to even be a chapter if you ask me.

 

[HikozaruLover]

Your grammar is the worst thing I've ever seen and frankly, it makes me want to die.

Aside from that, Birch isn't Max's last name and he's said many times that he wants a Treecko.

First of,I made the story,so Max got a Mudkip,And his last name is Birch
Second,I am only as old as Max,10

 

[Lord Mike]

First of,I made the story,so Max got a Mudkip,And his last name is Birch
Second,I am only as old as Max,10

You should still try to make an effort though. When I was 10 I could use grammar correctly.

 

[oni flygon]

https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=46646
https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27806

Please read those threads and try again at writing. Please put some effort into your work if you don't want to be criticized.

 

[HikozaruLover]

Okay,But sombody,please close this thread.