That was brilliant, and that sums up everything I've ever heard from every person who's ever wailed "THEY RUINED EVERYTHING FOREVER!!" whenever a new generation comes out.
I remember being amazed when I had Pokémon Yellow and the colors changed whenever you went from one town to another. All two of them.
Now you've got your cutsie Dee-Ess with its 3D image thigamabobs and its gradual sunrise and sunset... bah! If I wanted sunrise and sunset, I'd sit on the porch, not play a video game! Video games are for people who don't want real life. Internal-battery clocks are for people who can't make up their minds about whether they want to be playing video games or not.
It's because of indecisive sissies like that that somebody went and put multiple evolution lines into all the Pokémon, so they could have more things to be indecisive about. What, Vileplume wasn't enough for you? Somebody had to go and give it a sister in a hula skirt? Back in my day, people were awed that they could use different stones on Eevee! And now what's all this nonsense about that "God" Pokémon Acircus coming in fifty different forms? Hoo boy, that's a circus, all right. A regular three-ring circus.
Don't get me started on Dark and Steel. Weren't Ghost and Rock good enough for you hooligans?
(As a footnote, yes, I know how to spell Arceus. I feel like that needs to be pointed out, for the benefit of the people who are capable of coming up with the questionable calculation that someone whose grandfather played Pokémon in 1995 would be 3 years old today, and yet are incapable of realizing that the OP was writing a parody.)
