• Our software update is now concluded. You will need to reset your password to log in. In order to do this, you will have to click "Log in" in the top right corner and then "Forgot your password?".
  • Welcome to PokéCommunity! Register now and join one of the best fan communities on the 'net to talk Pokémon and more! We are not affiliated with The Pokémon Company or Nintendo.

Natural Evolution [The First of Many Chapters]

  • 11
    Posts
    14
    Years
    • Seen Nov 29, 2010
    Author: Murj
    Fiction Rating: T (Contains content not suitable for children.)
    Notes: (This is a short teaser chapter. This is the event that will set my entire story in motion. I realise I have to write more per chapter (not just to make the chapters worth reading but) also to make them easier to read. Right now the text looks too spaced out with too many gaps.)

    - - -

    Pokémon: Revenge of Team Rocket
    Chapter 1: An Introduction to Eva Stone / Natural Evolution
    - - -

    "This is it… Ladies and Gentlemen… Esteemed Colleagues of the Cabinet… What we are about to do has never… Ever been seen in the likes of Pokémon before. Not has it ever been possible in humans such as you and I. If you would like to look at your monitors you can see the Eevee's vitals and other information about this specimen… You are all about to witness history!"

    The room is bright white, with blinding lights from the high ceiling. There is a metal surgical table right in the middle of the circle on the floor. Surgeons and nurses are all huddled around the small Pokémon, working very carefully. The people watch on behind the red and yellow on the around the open theater.

    "But Sir, can you explain to me exactly what you're doing?"
    Enquired a Lady at the front. She had a notepad and black parker pen. The spokesman noticed a tape recorder bulge on the side of her breast, it became clear to him that she was a reporter.

    "Well madam, what we are doing here right now is re-structuring this Eevee's DNA."

    "But for what cause? And how are you doing it?" She started writing more and more notes as the spokesman started pacing around the surgeon's circle and speaking louder to address the entire congregation.
    "Every Pokémon evolves. It's a natural part of their life. Whether or not they reach the stage of evolution is not the case; the fact is that every Pokémon can evolve. Now of course, there are some Pokémon like this Eevee here which cannot evolve without the help of evolutionary stones or other methods."

    "You mean…"

    "Yes, Madam… I do. By altering this Eevee's DNA we are going to remove one gene! This gene has but one task and that task… Is to suppress the evolutionary stages. Of course Eevee can still evolve with stones but it has never had a true… Natural evolution."

    Nearly everyone in the crowd had their eyes fixed on this man, who had them hanging on his every word. He came to a stop and took a deep breath.

    "In just a few moments before your very eyes, you will see a brand new Pokémon be born into the world! History will be made and you shall all bare witness to it! You are about to see for the first time ever with your very own eyes, the evolution of Eevee that nature intended! Without the need of an evolutionary stone!"

    The crowd started murmuring, the reporter had a grin on her face as she realised she had hit the big time with this story. She hastily turned over another page in her jotter and started scribbling more and more notes. The man walked over to the surgeons and whispered something in his ear. The surgeon nodded and the man motioned to the crowd the end was near. The surgeons backed away to the wash room as two nurses calmly approached the desk.

    "This will only take a moment. The stitches have been sewn and the Eevee is just being washed away of any chemicals which may still be on it's body and will then be brought back to life. So to speak."

    Everyone looked on, the anticipation mounting with each stroke the nurses took. The reporter had even stopped writing for a second to look up. The Eevee started to move slowly and the nurses slowly backed away. The man kept his finger over his lips, telling the crowd to stay quiet. The Eevee looked drunk, it was staggering as it got up. However, it started to glow. The crowd started talking again as the Eevee started floating into the air, glowing so bright you could barely see. As it began to take shape again, it slowly fell back down to the table. It was bigger than Eevee, it's coat was lighter and it looked fitter, more athletic. Comparable to Ninetails. It now had white highlights in it's light brown coat. To the women in the room, it was adorable.

    "Eever."

    The crowd let off gasps in shock and started chatting even louder. The man then stood beside this new Pokémon as it stared back at him, seemingly giving him a smile.

    "Ladies and gentlemen… This… Is Everett!"

    The reporter jumped out of her seat and quickly took a few photos on her handheld camera and shook the man's hand. She took out her pen to write something when—A loud crashing noise. Everyone stopped where they were, looking to see where this noise had come – Another one. Everybody stayed perfectly still this time, not daring to make a sound. All of a sudden, the roof exploded, sending tonnes of debris falling onto the floor. People screamed and started running everywhere in commotion as people dressed entirely in black started zipping down from the new hole in the massive roof.

    "Urgh, what's happened?" Choked the spokesman as he struggled to see in the chaos.

    "We're Team Rocket. Dumbass."
    The reporter watched on as the spokesman was punched straight in the nose, knocking him to the floor, bleeding. More and more Rocket Members jumped down, heading towards Everett. It used it's big tail to hide but Team Rocket kept moving closer. A huge sandstorm suddenly appeared, blinding and stinging everyone around. The reporter knew Team Rocket wouldn't stop. She took a chance. She got up and ran through the storm, throwing a Pokéball at Everett. She grabbed the ball before she even knew it was captured, luckily she caught it. She ran off down a dark corridor as water sprinklers in the building went off. The dust slowly started to clear…

    "Hey, where did that rare Pokémon go?"

    "You! Find it. You, go and help. The rest of you round up our little guests. Tie them up and blindfold them. If they disobey… You know what to do."

    More than six Team Rocket members ran off in different directions and one was walking around with a clipboard. He handed the man who seemed to be the leader the board. He was wearing a black pinstripe suit, with a red waistcoat underneath his black jacket.

    "Vince, here's the guestlist which we found for the event. Everyone is accounted for, except one person."

    "Just one? Who is she?"

    "Her name is Eva Stone, she's a reporter. Very foxy blonde."

    Vince thought about this for a second, looking at the broken desk where the Everett once stood. He looked again down the corridors and once up at the broken roof. He smiled before turning back to his goon.

    "Do you think she has the Pokémon Vince?"

    "I'll be damned if she doesn't. I want you to find her and get that Pokémon back. Kill her if you need to."

    The member nodded and walked away, looking for a few other members to help him on the hunt. Vince adjusted his cufflink, smiling to himself which soon turned into a sour frown. Team Rocket was on the verge of making history. He's not going to let one reporter ruin all their plans.
     

    Misheard Whisper

    [b][color=#FF0000]I[/color] [color=#FF7F00]also[/c
  • 3,488
    Posts
    15
    Years
    Why is all the speech bolded? That's kind of unnecessary. And I lol'd at 'Everett'. That's an interesting name for a Pokemon. It makes me think of Rupert Everett.
    But this is an interesting concept, and I'd like to see where this goes. I won't mention grammar this time round, which is unusual for me.
     
  • 9
    Posts
    14
    Years
    • Seen Jun 18, 2010
    "Just one? Who is she?"

    "Her name is Eva Stone, she's a reporter. Very foxy blonde."


    How did the rocket know the person was female.

    Other than that im not very good with editing, get someone else to do it. Good story idea. But normally DNA isn't editable by scalpel.
     

    Misheard Whisper

    [b][color=#FF0000]I[/color] [color=#FF7F00]also[/c
  • 3,488
    Posts
    15
    Years
    Other than that im not very good with editing, get someone else to do it. Good story idea. But normally DNA isn't editable by scalpel.
    Very true. I know little about DNA (I hate science), but I do know it is infinitesimally small. You cannot scalpelise it. Perhaps use technobabble if you're not sure. Works for me!
     
  • 11
    Posts
    14
    Years
    • Seen Nov 29, 2010
    I tried to delete my post but I don't have the option. Sorry for 'bumping' my topic without posting a chapter, I was just going to respond to Feedback. Sorry again.
     
    Last edited:

    Misheard Whisper

    [b][color=#FF0000]I[/color] [color=#FF7F00]also[/c
  • 3,488
    Posts
    15
    Years
    I tried to delete my post but I don't have the option. Sorry for 'bumping' my topic without posting a chapter, I was just going to respond to Feedback. Sorry again.
    There's no need to delete this. It's better than most of the crap we get from new writers. And there's no rule against replying to feedback. In fact, it's considered polite. But if you really want it gone, you could ask Astinus to lock it for you.
     
  • 11
    Posts
    14
    Years
    • Seen Nov 29, 2010
    There's no need to delete this. It's better than most of the crap we get from new writers. And there's no rule against replying to feedback. In fact, it's considered polite. But if you really want it gone, you could ask Astinus to lock it for you.

    It wasn't that, it's just when I read the rules it said if I bumped the topic without posting a new chapter it would get locked. It definitely want the topic to stay open, which is why I thought I had to delete my last post. But if it's okay to reply to feedback, then I'll quickly say:-

    I said nothing about scalpels when it came to DNA lol. But yeah it is farfetch'd
    Vince knowing it was a girl who went missing was a mistake, I'll change that.
    I won't put the speech in bold next time, I just thought it looked to similar to the description.
    You can hopefully expect Chapter 2 before July 18th. :)
    And thanks for all your feedback so far :D
     

    Neutrino

    The Jelly-Stuff of legend...
  • 333
    Posts
    15
    Years
    Actually, in the rules it says 'bumping' ( posting an uneccesary comment to bump it up the line and make people read it), should it occur after one month of unresponsiveness in an unlocked thread would result in it's closure. Responding to reviews is, pretty much, - other than posting chapter - what you're supposed to do. ^^

    I liked the story, because I'm into things like that. Not the science and all, the breaking in, screaming, danger, sor of thing. :P
     
  • 62
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Age 30
    • 650
    • Seen Nov 13, 2009
    The room is bright white, with blinding lights from the high ceiling. There is a metal surgical table right in the middle of the circle on the floor. Surgeons and nurses are all huddled around the small Pokémon, working very carefully. The people watch on behind the red and yellow on the around the open theater.

    This is in present tense when the rest is in past tense. Everything should be in present tense or passive tense, not both.
     

    Bagel

    Live Long, laugh forever
  • 808
    Posts
    14
    Years
    cool story

    team rocket seems a whole lot tougher "were teamrocket dumbass" that was funny
     
  • 11
    Posts
    14
    Years
    • Seen Nov 29, 2010
    cool story

    team rocket seems a whole lot tougher "were teamrocket dumbass" that was funny
    I do want to try and make Team Rocket a bit more intimidating. Whether or not I'll be able to pull it of properly remains to be seen but I hope I'm taking a step in the right direction.

    This is in present tense when the rest is in past tense. Everything should be in present tense or passive tense, not both.
    Thanks for pointing that out! I'll try not to make the same mistake again :)
    In all fairness I wrote all this when I was feeling sorta tired. I'm surprised there weren't any huge mistakes lol.

    Thanks for the feedback you guys :)
    I'm going to start writing Chapter 2 tonight.
     

    Neutrino

    The Jelly-Stuff of legend...
  • 333
    Posts
    15
    Years
    I do want to try and make Team Rocket a bit more intimidating. Whether or not I'll be able to pull it of properly remains to be seen but I hope I'm taking a step in the right direction.


    Thanks for pointing that out! I'll try not to make the same mistake again :)
    In all fairness I wrote all this when I was feeling sorta tired. I'm surprised there weren't any huge mistakes lol.

    Thanks for the feedback you guys :)
    I'm going to start writing Chapter 2 tonight.

    Well, my motto is: 'There is no story, without a good death!' ^^
     
    Back
    Top