Nature and Man...

[s l u g]

The clock strikes twelve.
The stars twinkle
in the pitchy night and
the moon hides
behind the clouds.

The trees sway as the
breeze gently pushes them.
The activity of man has
stopped
and the expansive splendour
of Nature on earht can be
seen.

I hear a song.
The trees, the
clouds, the sky,
the stars, the
moon, the whole
of Nature seem to be
singing
the song, the silent song.

It seems like they sing
a silent song, which says,
"Look at us, look at our
beauty,
look at us..."

I close my eyes for a while.
I open them only when
I find a bright light hitting
my lids.

Suddenly the beauty of
nature seems to have vanished.
I realise it is day.

I look around me
only to seem men fighting with
each other,
cutting down trees,
hurting animals.

I hear all sorts of noises.

But through all the noise,
from somewhere
I hear the silent song again.
But this time it says,
"Look at man, look at his
cruelty. Look at man......."

 

[I Laugh at your Misfortune!]

Overall, I liked this poem :D I just picked up on two things:

Spoiler:

The clock strikes twelve.
The stars twinkle
in the pitchy night and
the moon hides
behind the clouds.

The trees sway as the
breeze gently pushes them.
The activity of man has
stopped
and the expansive splendour
of Nature on earht can be
seen.

I hear a song.
The trees, the
clouds, the sky,
the stars, the
moon, the whole
of Nature seem to be
singing
the song, the silent song.

It seems like they sing
a silent song, which says,
"Look at us, look at our
beauty,
look at us..."

I close my eyes for a while.
I open them only when
I find a bright light hitting
my lids.

Suddenly the beauty of
nature seems to have vanished.
I realise it is day.

I look around me
only to seem men fighting with
each other,
cutting down trees,
hurting animals.

I hear all sorts of noises.

But through all the noise,
from somewhere
I hear the silent song again.
But this time it says,
"Look at man, look at his
cruelty. Look at man......."

The first is obviously just a typo. If you C+P into word first, you can spellcheck, so its always worth doing. The second is more about word choice. While what you've said gets the point across, you get more of an impact if you say something like: "Decimating forests, slaughtering animals."

I did like this poem, though, so you better write more... or I'll threaten you with a rusty knife.

 

[s l u g]

Oops!

yeah i should have seen that anyway my bad.

Thanks for the comment :) yeah i'd be writing more :)

just don't harm me

Voila~

 

[Ray Maverick]

Haha,nice poem.Its very natural. ;)

 

[s l u g]

Thanks :)

though i write this poem.. we ourselves don't look at things and the problems we are causing.. well saying won't help.. i hope this awares how badly and where world is going too.. :\

 

[Magician Of Ice]

I really like this one. I'm a fan and writer of the rhyming poetry so anything outside of that is really hard for me to get down Dx. But this one just... worked! If only more people could see this poem, it gives you that "Be careful what you're doing" vibe.

 

[ShinjisLover]

The whole first five lines didn't flow all that well together, especially toward the last three.

​

of Nature on earht can be

Earth is spelled wrong.

Suddenly the beauty of

So, uh. . Why is that randomly bolded?

This wasn't a really good poem, to be honest, but it does have a nice meaning. I think you needed to present it better, especially considering you cut off many a' sentence in your stanzas.​

 

[s l u g]

Oh yeah i made that mistake, but i didn't edit, i know someone reviewing may surely get a hold of that personally even i am not content with the poem but anyway i wanted to convey a message, thanks for the review anyway ;D

 

[Sweet Jasmine]

This is a good peom.. And it delivers a good point and meaning. It's good :3.