Nightmare

[September]

This is a poem I wrote in one of my night classes at school following a couple days of depression that I had after my girlfriend broke up with me. That can kind of give you some kind of background to it, and while I'm not sure the whole meaning behind it, it has to do with the conflict between my conscious and subconscious and how I judge myself harder than I should.

Nightmare

in his eyes
there is no disgust
no sky or ground
I feel I must

descend into dark
judge not the jury
harvest for heaven
forget my fury

too pulled apart
and shooting down
here, no ones sees
so I will drown

leave forth their tender
I alone shall bare
his selfish quota
no room to share

black tendrils enslave(d)
this wicked game
he devours pride
and vessels shame

I'm caught entwined
underneath his feet
made waste to mine
despair complete

 

[TJgamer]

I feel sorry about what happened to you, September. :cer_frown:
Your poem was interesting to read. Especially the form of words you use.
One thing I suggest, though, would be to capitalize the first letter in each line of your poem. It's proper composition.
But overall, nice work!

 

[Daydream]

I like this poem, it has an indistinct, raw emotive feeling to it.

One thing I suggest, though, would be to capitalize the first letter in each line of your poem. It's proper composition.
But overall, nice work!

While agree capitalisation in some places might aid with how the poem is read, I disagree. A lot of poems don't have capitals letters at the start of every line or even at the start of every stanza, it gives the poem a different flow. I think in this poem it gives it a gushing kind of emotional feel - it was just written because it described how the poet felt (which, personally, I find quite effective).

Though I would suggest the first word is capitalised and your last word has a full stop (unless you want to leave out an air of finality).

 

[September]

I feel sorry about what happened to you, September. :cer_frown:
Your poem was interesting to read. Especially the form of words you use.
One thing I suggest, though, would be to capitalize the first letter in each line of your poem. It's proper composition.
But overall, nice work!

I actually typed it out that way in the start, but I felt it was better to just leave it how I had written it out in my notebook. It was during an emotional time so it may just be that was how the style reflected it.

Although I'm not the biggest poem person ever this one just kind of came to me and I wrote it down. I've been definitely using poetry as a tool lately in that regard so your suggestion is something I'm going to note down, thanks. :)

I like this poem, it has an indistinct, raw emotive feeling to it.

Thank you. :)

I don't often write poetry down when I really should. I'm torn that I have a creative style but a logical brain (left or right? the one that's better at math, lol), but this is definitely I want to start doing more.