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Help Thread: Plot, Planning & Review Thread

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    The Planning and Review Thread


    This type of thread has been tried out before, a few years ago, so let's give it another chance.


    What can I do here?

    • Post draft-plots for review and comments. These can be general RP plots or plots for a specific event in your ongoing roleplay.
    • Post character sign-ups or biography for general feedback. These could be characters that you are planning to use in a sign-up or pre-existing characters you would like to flesh out and improve on.
    • Nicely help people to improve their posted plots and characters.

    Just keep in mind...
    • No advertising of roleplays, you can use the discussion thread for that.
    • Be helpful and offer constructive criticism, not just vague applause or 'it's bad'.


    (Any questions or queries please ask below or VM/PM Magic or Adventure).​


    240x3z9.gif
     
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    Fort PokePower

    Muffins forever
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  • I really hope this thread lives longer than the last one!

    So, as a few people know, I've been working on revising Fargona. This is the redone plot; I just wanted to see what people think, and if there's any confusion about anything so I could clear it up.

    Spoiler:

    Members will be Dragon Tamers. I have written lore and such about Skolgar and the Dragon Lords as well, and more. There will be 22 dragons for Tamers to choose from, the descriptions for which I am in the process of writing.
     

    RSC Cooper Inc

    Disciple of Jesus Christ
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  • I need a lot more experience with how roleplaying works here but in the future I'd like to try a plot that I came up with a year ago.
    Its a Pokemon version of the Arthurian Legend(based heavily on the BBC show Merlin) but if I renew the plot I plan on taking out the actual Arthurian elements so that the story is more open-world and stick with the medieval, magic, and Pokemon themes.

    Here's the whole thing that I made originally:
    Spoiler:


    • I'd only fix this up if there was a good interest shown. Would anyone want me to develop this into a better plot? Also would like input on how I could change it and what details are good for keeping.
     
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    Fort first, I'll come back for you Cooper!

    I really hope this thread lives longer than the last one!

    So, as a few people know, I've been working on revising Fargona. This is the redone plot; I just wanted to see what people think, and if there's any confusion about anything so I could clear it up.

    -snip-

    Members will be Dragon Tamers. I have written lore and such about Skolgar and the Dragon Lords as well, and more. There will be 22 dragons for Tamers to choose from, the descriptions for which I am in the process of writing.

    One bit that instantly caught my attention:

    after all, who was to notice if he obtained a few wild dragons for the sake of experimentation?

    I know what you're getting at, but I think it could be wored better. It makes it sound like nobody would notice dragons being shipped in. How about use an excuse? Maybe he was 'collecting dragons for army training'? Or something? Idk, just give a reason and it makes the idea more plausible.

    I'm also lost to the role of the Dragon Lords. They are portrayed as mythical warriors (or are they actual dragons?) in your plot, but play no purpose other than destroying the corrupt Lorcend. It would be nice to integrate them further, or leave them as a legend?

    If you removed the 'what actually' happened bit and kind of gave it as a list of rumours then it maintains a mythological air about the lords, and allows their roles to be more or less.

    Alternatively you could suggest they had some role in the gradual return of the magic/illness of the dragons.

    I realise some of this may be included in the lore section, but just some hints or suggestions in the plot would be nice.
     

    Fort PokePower

    Muffins forever
    967
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  • I know what you're getting at, but I think it could be wored better. It makes it sound like nobody would notice dragons being shipped in. How about use an excuse? Maybe he was 'collecting dragons for army training'? Or something? Idk, just give a reason and it makes the idea more plausible.
    I can see how that could be a problem. I meant it to say that he was bringing them in himself, but I suppose I should elaborate more on that. How's something like this?

    Spoiler:

    I'm also lost to the role of the Dragon Lords. They are portrayed as mythical warriors (or are they actual dragons?) in your plot, but play no purpose other than destroying the corrupt Lorcend. It would be nice to integrate them further, or leave them as a legend?

    If you removed the 'what actually' happened bit and kind of gave it as a list of rumours then it maintains a mythological air about the lords, and allows their roles to be more or less.

    Alternatively you could suggest they had some role in the gradual return of the magic/illness of the dragons.

    I realise some of this may be included in the lore section, but just some hints or suggestions in the plot would be nice.
    I didn't actually want to insert too much about them within the plot for fear of giving away too much of future events within the RP. I still don't want to say too much about them, as it could very well spoil the plans I have for them o3o' There is, however, this which I added into the lore for them:

    Spoiler:

    There was originally a separate story about Fargona's origins, but I decided to integrate it into the story of the Dragon Lords as it doesn't actually play any major part until the sequel. Yes, I've already planned a sequel; I'm getting much too excited for this |D

    EDIT: Actually just realized a way I could possibly let on that the Dragon Lords will have something to do with the future plot, without actually saying what~ I wouldn't put it in the plot itself, but rather in the description of Dracoism (what I've decided to call the dragon worshipers o3o).

    Spoiler:
     
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    Greiger

    A mad mind... hehe
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    Well, might as well use this. Lately I've had a certain idea in my head. I can't implement it now, but maybe after SE I could try. I'm thinking this rp would be a pokemon training school. Sort of like military academies in the real world but only filled with pokemon. I'm still developing it, but it wouldn't be as sandbox as PTA. For one thing there would be a plot going on in the background that would rear up every so often but it would mostly rely on teamwork. At the beginning teams would be set up where every day you have to go through a certain challenge such as transporting an item to the other side of a course while your opponents can try and break it, etc.

    As I said, I'm still figuring it out, but it would be events like that which would encompass teamwork and various other values. So the question is would anyone want to see an rp like that or have any ideas for improving it?
     
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  • OK, so If you noticed my posts a few pages ago in the discussion thread, I'm plotting a Mario RPG using a homebrew system. I am asking these questions here, as it's about plotting out an RP:

    Now, since it has stats for stuff, would it be too confusing if I had a vanilla sign up (personality, appearance, age, etc?) form with a statblock, or should I just make the sign up form the "statblock" to keep things simple and relevant to the system I am using?
     
    3,411
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    I need a lot more experience with how roleplaying works here but in the future I'd like to try a plot that I came up with a year ago.
    Its a Pokemon version of the Arthurian Legend(based heavily on the BBC show Merlin) but if I renew the plot I plan on taking out the actual Arthurian elements so that the story is more open-world and stick with the medieval, magic, and Pokemon themes.

    Here's the whole thing that I made originally:
    Spoiler:


    • I'd only fix this up if there was a good interest shown. Would anyone want me to develop this into a better plot? Also would like input on how I could change it and what details are good for keeping.


    • Sounds interesting, this caught my attention. Something tells me it'll be an advanced, well-placed sort of Roleplay, if it ever comes to be. The setting needs some fleshing out, and you have some explaining to do on certain elements. The information you've given so far has had me raising question marks... perhaps enlightening me will also help you develop your story in the process.

      You combine a world of epic fantasy with Pokemon, I can dig that. But what is the role of Pokemon in all this? Just companions? This bit of information struck me as very important, as we're in a Pokemon-forum after all. You seem to limit their strength by setting all these rules about using them, yet the presence of magic diminishes their usefulness furthermore, I'd say. In the games or anime or wherever, Pokemon are the powerful ones, and there is nothing exceptional apart from their power. If you're going to introduce a setting where they're not as powerful as we know, I suggest explaining thoroughly the reason to why. Most of us here are familiar with the extent of the Pokemon powers as they appear on the games; clearing that part will help us all understand how to wield Pokemon correctly when making a post for your RP. Perhaps you could say that something is actively limiting their power that exists in the world of Akure, just an idea.

      Another thing that snares me is that the properties of the widely accessible magic are not explained, besides the Burst magic. I haven't watched the show Merlin, which you claim this setting was inspired from, so I've no clue what sorcerers are capable of bringing into this world or what lengths their powers can reach. Are they like Pokemon, able to spit/conjure fire at will or summon torrential waves out of nowhere? If that's so, I ask again, what's the role of Pokemon in this, if they can easily be replaced by sorcerers, who are far more powerful?

      But you mentioned some Pokemon are considered magical and are hunted down. In that case, in what way exactly are they connected to magic? Are Palkia and Dialga revered as Gods, since they rule the dimensions acceptable by King Uther, or no one is truly familiar with them?
     
    Last edited:

    Greiger

    A mad mind... hehe
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    OK, so If you noticed my posts a few pages ago in the discussion thread, I'm plotting a Mario RPG using a homebrew system. I am asking these questions here, as it's about plotting out an RP:

    Now, since it has stats for stuff, would it be too confusing if I had a vanilla sign up (personality, appearance, age, etc?) form with a statblock, or should I just make the sign up form the "statblock" to keep things simple and relevant to the system I am using?

    I tried a statblock once myself. It depends on how the statblock is made to be honest. With Mario RPG I'm not entirely sure what stats you would include, but perhaps you could give a list of stats you are considering and give some more information about how these stats will work and how they will increase as the rp goes on.
     
    342
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  • I tried a statblock once myself. It depends on how the statblock is made to be honest. With Mario RPG I'm not entirely sure what stats you would include, but perhaps you could give a list of stats you are considering and give some more information about how these stats will work and how they will increase as the rp goes on.

    Alright. Here's a rough draft of Stats I intended to implement. These a fairly big part of it, as it's really more of a playtest than anything else:

    Spoiler:


    ...Writing all of that down, I'm leaning toward just having the stats be the SU and have a few more descriptors. Hope it helps with what you were asking
     

    Greiger

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    Alright. Here's a rough draft of Stats I intended to implement. These a fairly big part of it, as it's really more of a playtest than anything else:

    Spoiler:


    ...Writing all of that down, I'm leaning toward just having the stats be the SU and have a few more descriptors. Hope it helps with what you were asking

    I see, I see. What you may also want to consider is that you put descriptions on the stats themselves. Have the appropriate stats and a level list under them with each level having a description next to it just so it can help the rpers out.
     
    342
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  • I see, I see. What you may also want to consider is that you put descriptions on the stats themselves. Have the appropriate stats and a level list under them with each level having a description next to it just so it can help the rpers out.

    Of course, the entire system was built to be easy to understand so hopefully the players won't have much problems filling it out. As I said, it is more of a playtest than anything, though the players should have fun, otherwise the system is useless. I have the plot and everything all sorted out, I just need help setting how I was going to run the game in this type of environment.
     

    Greiger

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    Of course, the entire system was built to be easy to understand so hopefully the players won't have much problems filling it out. As I said, it is more of a playtest than anything, though the players should have fun, otherwise the system is useless. I have the plot and everything all sorted out, I just need help setting how I was going to run the game in this type of environment.

    I see, so let's start with the stats. With so many stats I do feel that at least one should be trimmed down in a way. I think sense can actually be taken out, unless you have a specific mechanic already in place that will use sense. The other stats I can see being more in a rp system to be honest.
     
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  • I see, so let's start with the stats. With so many stats I do feel that at least one should be trimmed down in a way. I think sense can actually be taken out, unless you have a specific mechanic already in place that will use sense. The other stats I can see being more in a rp system to be honest.

    That was the plan. This is really a Tabletop RPG system I'm devving with someone elsewhere, and doing an RP to playtest it for balance. I'm pretty serious about and it ain't half baked (I even have a dA artist on commission for illustrations for the rules). I know what I'm doing design-wise here. =P

    Sense was the other guy's idea; in earlier versions it wasn't there, but one we started to crunch number we realized we needed a 7th characteristic to prevent IQ from being OP. Since you are starting to provide feedback on the stats, would you like me to share the link to the RP Corner for the rules we have written so you have better idea on what to criticize?
     

    Greiger

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    Yes, that would help greatly. I see you mentioned about IQ being raised to high levels in that case. If you want any advise on that, instead of letting players put points into skills, essentially tell them they can only put certain points into what skills they want. For instance, instead of offering them those choices how about instead give lower amounts? Say, you tell them, okay you can choose two skills to be your best skills. Those skills get a 5. Three skills are more average so among those they can assign values of 3 or 4. For the remaining two skills those will be poor skills and so will have values of either 2 or 1.

    In that way you don't have a team made up of, say, guys who have 7 toughness and just plow through everything early on. This also gives incentive for them to do more quests or other things to get skill points or experience points and improve their stats more. Instead of letting them just spend one skill point to raise a skill to the next level put in penalties dependent on what level that skill is at. For instance, you could use one skill point to raise a skill from 1 to 2, use two skill points to raise a skill from 2 to 3, etc.

    It means their characters don't become gods within the first few quests and will need to gather skill points from multiple points and be more thoughtful as to where they place them. Those are just my thoughts anyways.
     
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  • Yes, that would help greatly.

    Alright, here you go; the system is meant for ease of use and accessibility, so do your worst!

    https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BwnOrMW67i6gcWxqbGNQWWNJN09nMXk1WURPWlpYQlc3dTlN/edit

    I see you mentioned about IQ being raised to high levels in that case. If you want any advise on that, instead of letting players put points into skills, essentially tell them they can only put certain points into what skills they want. For instance, instead of offering them those choices how about instead give lower amounts? Say, you tell them, okay you can choose two skills to be your best skills. Those skills get a 5. Three skills are more average so among those they can assign values of 3 or 4. For the remaining two skills those will be poor skills and so will have values of either 2 or 1.

    The current plan is that Skills are set into 4 categories, which are dependent upon a certain Characteristic, you have an amount of points equal to that Characteristic to spend upon them.

    Those are just my thoughts anyways.

    Your feedback is actually really appreciated, as I can't really develop a system in a bubble without other people's thought. If you have any other advice, keep it coming.
     

    Greiger

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    Hm... from what I see so far, I don't think this could work well as a PC rp. The problem that you will run into is using dice of course, but the other is that many in PC just don't have a whole lot of experience with tabletop rps, more to the point that they get really confused with such rps. I know the tabletop I tried there, and some that others before me tried, ended up ending quite abruptly. If anything you two could focus on completing this and getting a group of friends together and doing a bit of testing there. Now, if you can find more than three guys on PC who do tabletop and could adapt to this, then fine.

    Unfortunately that is how it is on PC, but I would have to see some redone things here and there, especially if you have that large of a rule book in the docs. It would require a bit of reworking, not saying it can't be done at all, but it would require reworking to make it good for forum play.
     
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  • Hm... from what I see so far, I don't think this could work well as a PC rp. The problem that you will run into is using dice of course,

    Dice are easily solved through several online programs. The honor system would need to be used, but I believe I can trust you guys for this.

    but the other is that many in PC just don't have a whole lot of experience with tabletop rps, more to the point that they get really confused with such rps. I know the tabletop I tried there, and some that others before me tried, ended up ending quite abruptly. If anything you two could focus on completing this and getting a group of friends together and doing a bit of testing there. Now, if you can find more than three guys on PC who do tabletop and could adapt to this, then fine.

    Believe it or not, I actually think this is why the PC RP Corner is an excellent place to test this thing out. Our greatest goal with this was to provide a simple and easy to use RP system, so to find out if this truly works or not, I need a group of people who are often confused with tabletop RPGs to truly prove that it is not as daunting as originally thought.

    If anything, the hard part is getting some PC members who are interested, but at worst three will suffice.

    Unfortunately that is how it is on PC, but I would have to see some redone things here and there, especially if you have that large of a rule book in the docs. It would require a bit of reworking, not saying it can't be done at all, but it would require reworking to make it good for forum play.

    But of course, some reworked rules are necessary, but on the whole I think it can be done. No use leaving something to waste, right?
     

    Greiger

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    True... true. You have the confidence for it and that's what is needed to make a successful rp. With dice you would at least need to go over a little tutorial with rpers since I know there are some who have no idea on earth what a d6 unless you call it a die with six faces. It might even be beneficial to have image of the dice, that way they can know what exactly they are rolling. I'll read through what you guys have later today and see where I can help.
     
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  • True... true. You have the confidence for it and that's what is needed to make a successful rp. With dice you would at least need to go over a little tutorial with rpers since I know there are some who have no idea on earth what a d6 unless you call it a die with six faces. It might even be beneficial to have image of the dice, that way they can know what exactly they are rolling. I'll read through what you guys have later today and see where I can help.

    Any feedback is great for me, as I can't tell if people will have fun or not on my own. The Confidence really comes naturally, I'm pretty invested in the system so I really can't afford to half-do it.

    The dice tutorial is a good idea. Thanks for that.

    Hopefully this will be one rather interesting RP for the Roleplay Corner. My only wish really for it is that people give it a chance. Already I'm getting a weird idea for it...
     
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