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[Pokémon] Pokemon Blue: Victory Road Extended (Creepypasta)

Llennoccm8

The Sprietenator
87
Posts
15
Years
  • I wrote this in my spare time



    [STORY STARTS]

    I myself am not a fan of bootleg games. I never was. I just didn't see the appeal in them. But there's only one bootleg that I ever let into my life. It wasn't any extreme hack like chaos black or shiny gold; it was just a simple edition to Pokémon blue. I picked it up at yard sale a couple weeks back. I wish I'd never bought it. The cartridge sticker was just the Pokémon logo, and below it said, "Victory Road, extended". As I said before, I don't like bootlegs, but this was an exception. It just added on to the game rather than completely revamping it. So, I brought the game home, and coaxed my old gameboy out from under the bed. I loaded up the game. The Pokémon Blue title screen came up, as it should. The file from the previous owner was never erased. The file was named "Blue". I opened it up, and to my luck, the character was just outside Victory Road. I looked at the team, and it was Charizard, Primeape, Butterfree, and a Hypno. Decent team, I suppose.
    They were all level 40 and above. I ventured into the Cave. I toughed out the first 10 minutes of it. This team is better than I thought. Eventually, I got to the end of the original victory road, and then the extended part began. It was like any other part of Victory road. The trainers, the wild Pokémon, everything was normal. I was having a winning streak, up until about 30 minutes after I started the extended part. The number of trainers began to dwindle, and eventually, there wasn't a trainer in sight. No trainers at all. Then Pokémon stopped appearing. At this point, I was just walking through the caves. Twenty minutes later, something strange started to happen. Actually, strange isn't the word of choice. More like scary. Where you'd think trainers would be placed, would be dead bodies.
    What? People don't die In Pokémon games! They were just laying there. It was kind of gruesome. They came in huge numbers at first, but as I proceeded through the caves, they started to less common, and then they stopped appearing. I was puzzled, and creeped out. I kept going. Twenty minutes later, my character would just stop dead in his tracts, and stay there for 10 seconds, and keep going. Then when he stopped, the game would make some, garbled warped sound. When blue would move again, there would be a puddle of what appeared to be blood. What sicko made this anyway? I kept going for about an hour, constantly stopping to puke up blood. I stopped again. But the garbled sounds were accompanied by a Lower pitched version of Charizards cry.
    "Charizard has died"
    WHAT THE HELL, POKéMON CANT DIE!!!! I was shocked. Charizard died? how?
    "So….thirsty…."
    "So….Hungry…."
    "Blue salvaged what he could."
    I tried to move, and when I did, what was behind me was horrifying. It was the dead mutilated body of Charizard. It was just lying where I was standing before. My terrified curiosity kept me moving. After charizard died, I started to move at a slower pace. Nothing drastic, just a bit slower. I couldn't run either. The music stopped when I entered the next cave. It was an eerie silence.
    "Primeape has died"
    "I need food"
    "Blue salvaged what he could"
    Not again, this is getting really scary now. I advanced to the next cave, leaving primeapes body behind. Then butterfree died, and then Hypno died. Then blue started to have vomiting blood episodes again. I still don't know how I kept going. My team was dead. I was left with nothing. Then, my player stopped moving. I could look at my bag, but I couldn't move. At this time, I took the opportunity check my trainer card. Blue was in terrible shape. He had his shirt off, and you could see his ribs. He was so malnourished. His eye sockets where dark holes and his eyes shriveled up to a dot. His limbs where just skin and bones. His head was just a skull covered in skin. No meat.

    Pokemon Blue: Victory Road Extended (Creepypasta)


    I exited my trainer card, and went to my bag to see if I had an escape rope. But what I did have was horrifying. I had multiple items called "Loved ones meat". It said I could use them. So I did. A picture of Hypno's severed head appeared on the screen. All bloody, tendons hanging out, absolutely gruesome.

    Pokemon Blue: Victory Road Extended (Creepypasta)


    "Ha..HA...SO much Better!"
    My player could move again. Just then, it hit me. My Pokémon died from dehydration, and Blue salvaged the meat to survive. For the next hour, all I did was walk, stop, eat, go. Then, I saw the end of victory road. I hobbled out. I fell on the ground, and started to crawl. A man was infront of me. It looked like a team rocket grunt, but I'll never know for sure. The man said,
    "Do you feel good about yourself?"
    Then the screen cut to black, and let out the loudest screech that ever entered my ear drums. I yanked out the game and through it across the room.
    I never figured out why this happened. I looked it up online, and I apparently have a one of a kind game. One of a kind indeed.

    [STORY ENDS]
     

    Who's Kiyo?

    puking rainbows
    3,229
    Posts
    12
    Years
  • + Story begins very similarly to Blue Tears, a creepypasta I've read and I believe is well known? Anyways, point is, the whole "Yard Sale" concept is a bit stale, my friend.
    + The "wish I never bought it" line is kind of stale, too. Get more daring and creative. I know you're trying to build tension, but, this line just makes the story seem cheesy and a dime a dozen.
    + Try to weave the narrator's reasons for continuing into the game. Why did he suffer through periods twenty-thirty minutes of nothing for? Morbid curiosity? Then, be descriptive and expand! Get inside the narrator's head! This stuff was freaky to them. You wouldn't skip out on describing things if this happened to you, now, would you?
    + Adding onto the last point, the narrator's personality is kind of sacrificed for story progression. Try making your narrator a true-to-life person with a unique personality, and then see this gruesome through their eyes.
    + Eh, nothing much too special about the story as a whole. Unique concept! Let down by way it was told.
    + Like the pictures!

    I still enjoyed it, BTW.

    If you have any questions or comments about my crit, please just question or comment in this thread. X3;
     

    Llennoccm8

    The Sprietenator
    87
    Posts
    15
    Years
  • + Story begins very similarly to Blue Tears, a creepypasta I've read and I believe is well known? Anyways, point is, the whole "Yard Sale" concept is a bit stale, my friend.
    + The "wish I never bought it" line is kind of stale, too. Get more daring and creative. I know you're trying to build tension, but, this line just makes the story seem cheesy and a dime a dozen.
    + Try to weave the narrator's reasons for continuing into the game. Why did he suffer through periods twenty-thirty minutes of nothing for? Morbid curiosity? Then, be descriptive and expand! Get inside the narrator's head! This stuff was freaky to them. You wouldn't skip out on describing things if this happened to you, now, would you?
    + Adding onto the last point, the narrator's personality is kind of sacrificed for story progression. Try making your narrator a true-to-life person with a unique personality, and then see this gruesome through their eyes.
    + Eh, nothing much too special about the story as a whole. Unique concept! Let down by way it was told.
    + Like the pictures!

    I still enjoyed it, BTW.

    If you have any questions or comments about my crit, please just question or comment in this thread. X3;

    Umm....okay....I guess....
    :nervous:
     
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