Pokemon Platinum; Chapter #1: The Beginning of a long Friendship

[mrshaun7]

Pokemon Platinum; Chapter #6: You will take home the Ribbon?

Made Chapters:
C.1
C.2
C.3
C.4
C.5
C.6

Chapter #1

It was a warm summer day when a young boy named Shaun had just turned 10 years old. Today was a big day for him. It was the day that he would get his first Pokémon and his license to become a Pokémon Trainer. He had been preparing for his whole life to be a Pokémon Trainer, and today was the day his work would all pay off. He had not decided what Pokémon he would start out with. In the Sinnoh Region, there were 3 options you had as your starter Pokémon. They were Turtwig, the grass type Pokémon, Chimchar, the fire type Pokémon, and Piplup, the water type Pokémon. Shaun went down stair to the Kitchen where his mom had made his a great breakfast. "Good morning Shaun," Shaun's mom said. "How is my soon-to-be Pokemon Master?" "I am great, Mom," Shaun replied. Shaun ate his breakfast and grabbed the back-pack his mom had packed for him. Shaun's mom had been a Pokemon Champion, and Shaun planned to carry that on to his generation. After he was ready, Shaun headed out the door, ready to start his journey.
Shaun had to get to Professor Rowan's Pokemon Lab. That was where he would get his first Pokemon. He had to get to Sandgem Town. He got on his bike and started off. On the way there, he observed the Pokemon that lived in the wild. He saw tons of them and saw how they communicated with each other. After a couple hours, he had finally got there. After asking a few people, he found his way to the Lab. He walked inside and saw Professor Rowan turn around to him. "Welcome," Rowan said. "You must be Shaun, the new Pokemon Trainer from Twin Leaf. " "That's me," Shaun replied. "I am ready to get my first Pokemon." Rowan said, "Very well then, let's go to where we hold your options as your starter Pokemon. " They walked into another room and Shaun saw that sitting upon a table, Turtwig, Chimchar, and Piplup were eating Pokemon food. "Have you decided which one you would like to be your partner?" Shaun said he hadn't decided yet. Just then, a massive explosion went off as a hole blew up in the wall. Three people stepped into the opening. They wore white and black suites with a 'G' symbol on the shirts. "We are Team Galactic," One of them said. "We are here to steal your three Pokemon. " All three of them sent out a Dustox. They ordered the Dustox to get the starter Pokemon. Chimchar, Piplup, and Turtwig started running around the room. Turtwig hid in a closet. Then, one of the men through out a PokeBall. Out came a Weezing. "Weezing, use Smoke Screen!" The man ordered. The room became filled with smoke. Rowan sent out a Staraptor. Staraptor used Whirl Wind. The smoke cleared and everyone looked around. The Pokemon were gone.
"Oh no!" Rowan exclaimed. "How could this happen?" Just then, Turtwig walked out of the closet. "Turtwig must be the only one left!" Shaun said. "Professor, please let me go out and look for Team Galactic." "Are you sure? What if you get hurt?" Rowan Replied. "We are talking about Pokemon that could be my future partner. You just have to let me go." Shaun pleaded. Rowan replied, "Very well then, you may go. But take Turtwig with you. He may come in handy. "So, Shaun and Turtwig headed out on there search for Team Galactic. They did not have to go very far when they saw a parked car that had the same 'G' symbol. They saw no one was in it. So they snuck on. "Turtwig, we have to find Piplup and Chimchar before they get back." Shaun said. "Wig," Turtwig replied. They looked out and did not find anything. Just then, they heard some noises behind a closet. They opened it and Piplup and Chimchar jumped out. "We found them!" Shaun exclaimed, "Now let's get out of here!" They ran out and managed to get back to the lab without getting caught. "Good job," Rowan said. "You were very brave to go and get back the Pokemon." He then asked Shaun what Pokemon he wanted to start with. Shaun then replied "Turtwig." Rowan gave Shaun 5 PokeBalls, a PokeDex, and Turtwig. Shaun said good-bye and walked out of the lab. He then started on his way to Jubilife City, where his first stop on his journey took place.

To be continued…

In the mean time…
"So, you did not get the Pokemon." A man said. "No, they some how got away." Three men replied. "Very well, you three, get out of my office, you are all fired." The man replied. "Yes sir." They said.

 

[IceDragon2439]

This story has a pretty good storyline but it sort of reminds me of the anime. Not much but a little. Another thing is that you need to make a new paragraph when a person speaks like:


"Good morning Shaun, his mother said. How is my soon-to-be Pokemon master?"

"I am great mom," Shaun replied.

Etc...


Other than that, it looks pretty decent. I'll be back to read the next chapter.

 

[mrshaun7]

Thanks. I am working on the next chapter right now.

 

[mrshaun7]

Chapter #2

After a very exciting first adventure into the Pokemon world, Shaun could not wait to see what would happen next. They were on there way to Jubilife City, where his next journey waited him.
"I can't wait to see what will happen next," Shaun said. "We should start training soon, huh Turtwig?"
"Turtwig!" Turtwig exclaimed.
"Professor Rowan said that if I want to challenge the Pokemon League, I have to earn all of the 8 badges around Sinnoh. He also said that the first one I should challenge is in a town right past Jubilife City, so that is where we are headed." Shaun remarked.
Turtwig was riding in the basket on Shaun's bike. They were happily enjoying there ride until that saw something that seemed like a huge of electricity coming towards them. They saw a Pokemon inside. It looked like there was a Pokemon inside it. Shaun took out his PokeDex and checked what Pokemon it was.
"Pikachu, the electric mouse Pokemon," the PokeDex said. "Pikachu charge up electricity in the pockets on their cheeks."
"Oh no!" Shaun exclaimed. "It's coming right towards us!"
But before they could get out of the way, the Pikachu ran right into them. Both Turtwig and Shaun were paralyzed.
"Not again!" A boy's voice said.
Shaun and Turtwig slowly got up. When they looked around, they saw a boy wearing jeans, a black and yellow jacket, and a white shirt under it. He also saw a girl and another boy.
"Sorry about that," the boy said. I was training my Pikachu's Volt Tackle. I guess it got out of hand."
"It's ok," Shaun said.
Then the boy said, "I'm Ash Ketchum, and this is Brock, Dawn, and Pikachu. I see you have a Turtwig. I have one too. My goal is to become the best Pokemon Trainer ever."
"Me too," Shaun said. "I am just starting out though."
"I am trying to become the world's best Pokemon Coordinator," Dawn said.
"And I am trying to become the world's best Pokemon Breeder," Brock said.
"Cool," Shaun said. "Hey Ash, do you think you can help me train?"
"Sure," Ash happily agreed.
So, Shaun, Ash, Brock, Dawn found a wide open field and Ash and Shaun decided to start out with a Pokemon Battle.
"The battle of Shaun vs. Ash will now begin," Brock declared. "Each trainer will use 1 Pokemon."
"Come on Turtwig, where going to win." Shaun said.
Since Shaun only had Turtwig, he used Turtwig.
Ash yelled, "Come on out, Aipom!"
The battle was Turtwig vs. Aipom. No one had the advantage.
"Let the battle begin!" Brock yelled.
"Turtwig! Use Razor Leaf!"
"Aipom, dodge and use swift."
Aipom got out of the way and used swift. Turtwig got some serious damage.
"Turtwig, Tackle attack!"
"Aipom, use Focus Punch!"
Just as Turtwig was about to ram into Aipom, Aipom hit it with its tail fist. Turtwig was knocked out.
"Turtwig is unable to battle, Ash and Aipom are the winners!" Brock announced.
"Thanks for the battle, Ash." Shaun said. "Now I know the thrill of it."
"The key is to trust in you Pokemon," Ash said.
Shaun and Ash shook hands. Even though Shaun lost, he thought it was cool to be in a battle. Shaun knew he needed more training.
"So, is Turtwig your only Pokemon?" Ash asked.
"Yah, I have not seen many Pokemon lately." Shaun answered.
"How about some lunch?" Brock asked.
"Sounds great!" Shaun replied.
They ate the awesome food Brock made. Eventually, they had to leave.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye…" Ash said sadly.
"Yah, but we will meet up somewhere soon." Shaun said.
"You can count on that."
So they said there good byes, and Ash and friends left.
Later-
"Ok Turtwig, lets get going. " Shaun said. "Hey, where is the bike?"
They looked and looked and soon found it.
"Hey Turtwig, I found i… WHAAAAA!" Shaun yelled! "My bike is barbequed!"
To be continued…

 

[mrshaun7]

Chapter #3

After meeting some long-lasting friends, Shaun and Turtwig were still on their way to Jubilife City.
"We should be there by tomorrow morning, Turtwig." Shaun announced.
"Turt-twig!" Turtwig happily said.
"We should get some training in today," Shaun said.
"Hey you!" Someone shouted, "I challenge you to a Pokemon Battle!"
"Sure, that would be some good training," Shaun agreed.
So, they went to a wide open field, and they started the match.
"Come on out, Piplup!" The boy said.
"Let's win this, Turtwig!" Shaun said.
The battle was Piplup vs. Turtwig. Shaun had the advantage in this battle since Turtwig was a grass type and Piplup was water.
"Turtwig use Razor Leaf!"
"Piplup! Dodge and use Bubble Beam!"
Piplup did not have enough time to dodge. So, it was hit by the Razor Leaf. Piplup was knocked out!
"Yah! We won! We won! We wo…. WHAT!" Shaun yelled."
Piplup was glowing. Then a flash of light blinded them. When it faded, Piplup was not there. Instead, standing in its place was a Prinplup!
"Yes! Piplup evolved!" The boy happily exclaimed.
Shaun took out his PokeDex.
"Prinplup, the penguin Pokemon," the PokeDex said. "Prinplup is the evolved form of Piplup."
"This is bad," Shaun said.
"Prinplup, use Metal Claw!"
"Um, Turtwig! Use Razor Leaf!"
Prinplup dodged the Razor Leaf and headed right for Turtwig. Right when it was about to hit Turtwig…
"Turtwig use Bite and stop the Metal Claw!"
Everything stopped as Turtwig completely stopped Prinplup right in its tracks.
"Now swing Prinplup around and let go!"
Turtwig did exactly that. He launched Prinplup right into a tree. Prinplup was knocked out.
"We won!" Shaun said happily.
"Nice battle," The boy said. "My name is Roy. I am going to challenge the Pokemon league."
"Me too," Shaun said.
"So, are your 3 Pokemon ready to challenge the first gym?" Roy asked.
"3 Pokemon?! Turtwig is my only Pokemon," Shaun replied.
"The first gym match is a 3 on 3 battle," Roy explained.
"I'd better start catching some Pokemon," Shaun said.
"Ok, how about I help you catch your first?" Roy asked.
"Sounded great," Shaun said.
So, they went out to look for some Pokemon.
"Hey look!" Roy said. "There's a Chimchar over there."
"Ok, I will get this one," Shaun said.
"First you need to weaken it, and then throw your PokeBall to catch it." Roy said.
Shaun sent out Turtwig.
"Turtwig! Use tackle on that Chimchar before it notices us."
Turtwig rammed into Chimchar like a bullet. Chimchar took tons of damage from the surprise attack. Then Shaun used a PokeBall on it. The PokeBall wiggled. Then it stopped.
"We got it!" Shaun said.
Shaun had captured his first Pokemon. Later on, he knew he should continue on his journey.
"Well, I think I should go if I want to get to Jubilife City by tomorrow," Shaun said.
"Ok," Roy replied. "I'll see you at the Pokemon League!"
So, they parted. Now, Shaun was ready to train harder and faster.
To be continued…

 

[Cynic Kaka]

Can you put a character I made in there?
Furizaa, blue hair with black streaks, and Piplup as starter, and also gets Articuno, Giratina, and Eevee later.

 

[Cynic Kaka]

They could travel together, and battle as tag team!

 

[mrshaun7]

Good Idea. I will keep that in mind.

 

[Cynic Kaka]

Ok, cool. BTW view my hack video in the Other Chat section lol

 

[Astinus]

Furizaa, quit the spam and double posting. Don't tread off-topic.

Articuno, Giratina, and Eevee later.

Why two legendaries and a rare Pokemon? It's going to take a lot of work to explain why two legendaries want to follow some trainer around.

Ah, mrshaun7, a little advice for you. When you're writing your chapter, hit the Enter button twice to make a new paragraph. This makes it easier for readers to see what's going on. So this

After meeting some long-lasting friends, Shaun and Turtwig were still on their way to Jubilife City.
"We should be there by tomorrow morning, Turtwig." Shaun announced.

becomes

After meeting some long-lasting friends, Shaun and Turtwig were still on their way to Jubilife City.

"We should be there by tomorrow morning, Turtwig." Shaun announced.

 

[mrshaun7]

Thanks for the advise. I will do that in chapter 4.

 

[mrshaun7]

Chapter #4

Shaun was almost there. Jubilife City was dead ahead. Shaun was very excited. Just then, Shaun heard a loud BOOM! He ran over to it. Just as some smoke just clearing, he saw a girl coughing. He ran over to her to see if she was ok.

"Are you ok?" Shaun asked.

"Yah thanks," The girl said.

Shaun saw two Pokemon behind her. One was a Piplup and the other one was an Eevee.

"My name is Shaun," Shaun said. "I am on a journey to become a Pokemon master.

"My name is Furizaa," The girl said. "I am going to become the best Pokemon Coordinator ever. My first contest is at Jubilife City."

Shaun replied, "That is where I am headed."

"Cool," Furizaa said.

"So, what were you doing?" Shaun asked.

"I was practicing my Eevee's Shadow Ball attack for the contest," Furizaa answered.

"Can I help you train for the battle round?" Shaun asked.

"Sure," Furizaa said. "Let's battle right here."

So, they got ready for the battle. It was a 2-2 battle. Turtwig and Chimchar vs. Piplup and Eevee. The battle began.

"Turtwig, Razor Leaf on Piplup! Chimchar, Flame Wheel on Eevee!"

"Piplup, use Bubble Beam on Turtwig! Eevee, use Shadow Ball to stop Chimchar!

Bubble Beam and Razor Leaf collided and none of the attacks prevailed. Just as the Shadow Ball was about to hit Chimchar…

"Chimchar, keep up the Flame Wheel but use dig to get under Eevee!"

"Piplup! Water Gun into the hole!"

A huge rumbling went under the ground. Then, Chimchar popped up in Flame Wheel right under Eevee. Eevee flew up into the air. Just as Eevee was coming down, the water gun came out of the hole. Eevee was knocked out.

"Oh no!" Furizaa said. "Piplup, use Bubble Beam!"

"Turtwig, use Razor Leaf! Chimchar, use Ember!"

All three attacked collided and a huge explosion formed. Just as the smoke cleared, Turtwig and Chimchar stood there perfectly. Piplup was knocked out though…

"Yes! We won!" Shaun said.

"Nice battle," Furizaa said.

Later, they knew it was time to go.

"I have an idea," Shaun said. "Why don't you come with us? Since we have to go all over Sinnoh, there are bound to be tons of contests."

"Sure," Furizaa said.

So, the two headed off for Jubilife City.

To be continued…

 

[Cynic Kaka]

Chapter #4

Shaun was almost there. Jubilife City was dead ahead. Shaun was very excited. Just then, Shaun heard a loud BOOM! He ran over to it. Just as some smoke just clearing, he saw a girl coughing. He ran over to her to see if she was ok.

"Are you ok?" Shaun asked.

"Yah thanks," The girl said.

Shaun saw two Pokemon behind her. One was a Piplup and the other one was an Eevee.

"My name is Shaun," Shaun said. "I am on a journey to become a Pokemon master.

"My name is Furizaa," The girl said. "I am going to become the best Pokemon Coordinator ever. My first contest is at Jubilife City."

Shaun replied, "That is where I am headed."

"Cool," Furizaa said.

"So, what were you doing?" Shaun asked.

"I was practicing my Eevee's Shadow Ball attack for the contest," Furizaa answered.

"Can I help you train for the battle round?" Shaun asked.

"Sure," Furizaa said. "Let's battle right here."

So, they got ready for the battle. It was a 2-2 battle. Turtwig and Chimchar vs. Piplup and Eevee. The battle began.

"Turtwig, Razor Leaf on Piplup! Chimchar, Flame Wheel on Eevee!"

"Piplup, use Bubble Beam on Turtwig! Eevee, use Shadow Ball to stop Chimchar!

Bubble Beam and Razor Leaf collided and none of the attacks prevailed. Just as the Shadow Ball was about to hit Chimchar…

"Chimchar, keep up the Flame Wheel but use dig to get under Eevee!"

"Piplup! Water Gun into the hole!"

A huge rumbling went under the ground. Then, Chimchar popped up in Flame Wheel right under Eevee. Eevee flew up into the air. Just as Eevee was coming down, the water gun came out of the hole. Eevee was knocked out.

"Oh no!" Furizaa said. "Piplup, use Bubble Beam!"

"Turtwig, use Razor Leaf! Chimchar, use Ember!"

All three attacked collided and a huge explosion formed. Just as the smoke cleared, Turtwig and Chimchar stood there perfectly. Piplup was knocked out though…

"Yes! We won!" Shaun said.

"Nice battle," Furizaa said.

Later, they knew it was time to go.

"I have an idea," Shaun said. "Why don't you come with us? Since we have to go all over Sinnoh, there are bound to be tons of contests."

"Sure," Furizaa said.

So, the two headed off for Jubilife City.

To be continued…

Um BTW I'm a boy. Rofl! But I like the coordinator idea.

 

[Cynic Kaka]

Look at my name tag "May when I'm not with her..." why would a girl post that?

 

[Charchic]

You need to add way more description to this, it's hard to picture what is going on.

And Furizaa, STOP DOUBLE POSTING AND GOING OFF TOPIC! IT'S ANNOYING!

Back to topic, when your characters speak, make sure they have some sort of reaction after they say something. Here is an example.

"Yes! We won!" Shaun said.

"Nice battle," Furizaa said.

Would be better if it was:

"Yes! We won!" Shaun said grinning as he looked at a smiling Furizaa, Furizaa then held out his hand.

"Nice battle," Furizaa replied. Shaun shook his hand and Furizaa nodded in approvement.

 

[Cynic Kaka]

Furizaa, quit the spam and double posting. Don't tread off-topic.


Why two legendaries and a rare Pokemon? It's going to take a lot of work to explain why two legendaries want to follow some trainer around.

Ah, mrshaun7, a little advice for you. When you're writing your chapter, hit the Enter button twice to make a new paragraph. This makes it easier for readers to see what's going on. So this



becomes

That's true.... Sorry, but how is it off topic?

 

[mrshaun7]

Well, I was thinking that the story needed a girl role. I will try to add more reaction in the next chapters.

 

[Cynic Kaka]

lol you coulda told me that!

Well idea for GIRL

Saphira, pure white hair, starter is a Mudkip, has Elekid, Magby, andMisdreavus later.

 

[mrshaun7]

well, i already made the girl named Furizaa

 

[Cynic Kaka]

Ok. Sorry for complaining so much Xd

But pretty great work! Can't wait for the Chapter 5!