[Pokémon] pokemon rain and fire adventure

[pokemonash]

Just really want to know what people think its the first story i've wrote in a long time
pokemon rain and fire adventure

Two trainers stand in the middle of a battle field rain beating down around them it was the end of a long and trying fight between the two friends 1 Pokemon left a side ​

Alex the older of the two trainers with darkish hair that would always stand up on top no matter how hard he tried to keep it flat with his trusted partner jolten​

Amy the younger and more shy of the 2 with light brown quite smart hair with her partner lucario the two had grown up together side by side but there had always been a lot of Competition between the two when it came to Pokemon up to now they had won 20 battles a side it all came down to this.​

Jolten shadow ball!​

lucario shadow claw!​

the two moves hit head on the explosion blowing both trainers off there feet ​

the field cleared and ..... both Pokemon had gone down ​

nice work jolten return called Alex walking over to Amy to shake hands ​

well its the first time we've had a draw you've been working hard smiled Amy​

so have you replied Alex ​

Hey what are you two doing out in this weather?! you'll catch your death of cold come inside right this minute called amys mum ​

now we've done it sighed Amy walking slowly toward the house​

coming in Alex asked amys mum ​

no cant I'm off to sinnoh to train so the next time we met your going down young Amy smiled Alex ​

stop saying young I'm half a year young then you thats not much! shouted Amy at her friend half laughing ​

and so it starts little do the two friends know there is a lot to come that will challenge them more then they could ever know. ​

​

​

​

 

[Astinus]

You have a lot less punctuation in this story than what you need. You need a full stop at the end of pretty much every sentence, and quotation marks around the speech of the characters. Capital letters are also needed for the start of every sentence and the proper nouns. Because it's really difficult to read

nice work jolten return called Alex walking over to Amy to shake hands

and much easier to read

"Nice work, Jolteon! Return!" called Alex, walking over to Amy to shake hands.

You misspell Pokemon names, like "Jolteon", which should be corrected if you're going to be writing Pokemon fanfics. (Unless that was a nickname, in which case, you should have said so.) Otherwise, it doesn't reflect too well on you. Also, instead of saying "more shy of the 2", you should write out the numeral. Otherwise, it really doesn't reflect well on you if you aren't willing to make the two other keystrokes to spell out the word.

Don't center your work. It's more difficult to read because we're trained to read from the left margin to the right. Having lines centered and not having a space between each paragraph gets really confusing, at least to me when it comes to the centering. But a blank line between each paragraph is extremely common practice when posting online.

I suggest requesting a beta reader to help you fix errors before you post. Also, take your time writing your story so that you can catch as many mistakes as you can before you send it out to be read.