Radical Honesty

[Oryx]

Radical honesty goes beyond never lying to a person - it goes much farther than that. Radical honesty, an idea introduced in 1995 by Dr. Brad Blanton, encourages a person to say everything they think and feel with literally no filter. This includes reactions to things being said and non-sequiturs, insults and compliments. To take an example from the website:

Q: Suppose you met someone whom you found unattractive. How do you handle that?

A: If the person's outstandingly ugly, then that's an issue I'm certainly going to bring up to talk about right off. I would say, "I think you look kind of ugly and this is what I think is ugly. I think that big wart on the left side of your face is probably something that puts people off and that you don't have much of a love life, is that true?" Then we'll have a conversation about it.

While most people in their lives would like to be more honest, the idea of going beyond basic honesty and actually saying everything you think to a person no matter how insulting, inappropriate, or embarrassing that thing is is frightening to many people. On top of that, there is an issue of power imbalances in relationships; it's currently illegal to sexually harass someone in the workplace, and telling someone you'd like to have sex with him or are imagining him naked is certainly harassment by the legal definition. This issue becomes worse when you extend it to children, as children don't necessarily understand the implications of radical honesty as an abstract concept, only that their parent or authority figure insulted them.

On the plus side, the idea of radical honesty completely removes the fear of not knowing where you stand with a person, as the person will be quite clear about how they feel about you whenever they see you. No one would ever feel like their friends don't want to spend time with them but are too nice to say no; the friend would instead just say "I don't like you enough to cancel my plans with Netflix and wine tonight." Once a mind is reprogrammed, it's much easier to say what you're thinking than it is to try to decide whether the words will be harmful or irrelevant or inappropriate.

What are your thoughts on the concept? How does it interact with power structures in place in our society? Is the fear of hurting other people with our words too strong in society? Is the answer somewhere in the middle?

 

[Flushed]

From what I can remember, the plot of The Invention of Lying has to do with this exact concept. The whole idea of radical honesty is only radical because of the system of omission we've erected. If this new honesty system was to exist, we'd think it'd be terrible, but, as the movie portrays, it's not a problem and people aren't necessarily offended or put off by the truthful expressions they hear every day. So essentially the whole perspective depends on whether you're brought up in this system or not. The mentality of worry and fear exists only because we know that omission of the truth is a plausible threat, and the very nature of omission makes people over-think things, which leads to more worrying.

So basically, the concept seems plausible in theory, assuming it's implemented in such a society where people haven't been exposed to its antithesis. That being said, implementing radical honesty in today's world could be disastrous just because of how people are conditioned to "lie" and consequently worry about being lied to.

 

[Hound of Justice]

In high school ud end up being a punching bag if ud go to random dudes and tell stuff like that
Most of the people would call u a jerk and ud have no friends or a few who would have similar pov to urs
On the internet ud make many friends though :D

 

[Tek]

This reminds me very much of the censorship thread. And I'll bring up a point that I think I made in that thread, though I can't remember if I ever actually posted it.

We live in a world where there are people who are out only for themselves. There is a lot of depth and a lot of value to something like radical honesty. But if you do not censor yourself around this type of person, you are only giving them ammunition, which will be used against you.

Aside from that, politeness, if nothing else, is the basic expression of human dignity. This ties in to my previous point in that most people simply are not ready to live in a radically honest way - at least with regards to how radical honesty has been defined here. For many, rules and roles are of the utmost importance, and to eschew these is not an option unless they are to regress to a stage where rules and roles do not exist.

Now for those of us who have integrated rules and roles as parts of an autonomous self, radical honesty - as here defined - is a viable way of living. But this is only because we are no longer defined by rules and roles; it is only once rules and roles have been transcended and integrated into a deeper understanding of the world that this type of radical honesty can be anything other than pure selfish egoism.



But to depart a bit from the topic as originally presented, what I consider to be "radical honesty" is being open to all parts of your own psyche. People lie to themselves. People hide parts of their own minds from themselves because certain thoughts and impulses threaten the image of ourself that we have constructed. To me, what is actually radically honest is to cease this chronic self-deception.

 

[Sage Ebock]

When I try to conceptualize radical honesty, my mind conjures images of secrets long lost to any living soul. Words fallen into the void, cursed to never reach an appropriate medium for perceptual experience.

Books that contained knowledge of ancient origin, burned in a zealot fury, cast into the ocean...

I get lost sometimes thinking about honesty, and to be a little off topic, truth.

What are your thoughts on the concept?

Radical honesty already exists in my opinion. It exists in altered states of consciousness, greater understanding of nature, and subtle senses (I.e. Intuition, feelings, deja vu etc...).

A mixture of body language, worldly knowledge, accumulated experiences (via multiple sources, so not ruling out things like lucid dreaming, or perhaps VR simulations) on different "levels" of reality.

Knowing just a few things (usually psychological in nature) will allow one to be able to read an individual with incredible accuracy. Thus secrets become more of an illusion than a concrete wall. Words only communicate a percentage of information. There are pheromones, physical signals and ques, ticks, habits, and yes even adaptations (via geological differences like desert vs rainforests) to take into account. Even more information is available to one who is in tune with the proper channels.

That being said the accuracy of ones ability to see others true natures and read their bodily thoughts, does not mean that "truth" or "honesty" have been achieved. Only that the illusion of secrets or lies can be seen through with enough will power and patience.


How does it interact with power structures in place in our society?

I think such an honesty would prep the global consciousness (at least as it pertains to humanity) for one or more radical paradigm shift. Power is almost always interesting, isn't it?

It seems to be the answer, but then, time and time again it corrupts. Even if the corruption is not immediate, eventually an ideal, a message or meaning, anything that "is" seems to be subject to it. A gift and a curse most certainly. Let me quote Stan Lee on this one: "With great power, comes great responsibility." -Uncle Ben, before his death.


Is the fear of hurting other people with our words too strong in society?

I believe that fear is itself incredibly powerful. I do not believe that it must be a limiting factor tho. I like to imagine it as a volatile fuel. It very much so keeps my fire burning strong. I am about 90% sure it drives numerous others as well.

However, maybe laziness could be observed in the context of this question. Are people too lazy to make such an effort? What beautiful and grotesque things await in the hearts of humanity? And how heavy is the burden to bear ones heart on ones sleeves?


Is the answer somewhere in the middle?

Yes. 42. Look it up on Google. :P

 

[Kanzler]

Is it possible to be "radically" honest? How do you know what you know? You're just moving from one programming to another. I don't believe you can be truly honest to others unless you're truly honest with yourself to begin with. If you're not okay with yourself, radical honesty could be just another mask.

 

[dogtree]

people need to be honest more. i am sick of fake smile when people greeting me. It is awkward when i don't smile back. they might think i am mean person

 

[Plumpyfoof]

I wonder if the 'radically honest' could possibly get offended by another. Or do they bypass the offensive nature of whatever was said and accept it as relative truth.
Like I would be extremely offended if someone came to me and told me they thought I was too skinny and that to be beautiful I shouldn't be that way. But if I were to say that to them, would they be as offended as I am? Or would they acknowledge I don't like that aspect of them and choose whether to act on my comments in a positive way?

 

[Sage Ebock]

I would enjoy living in a world kinda like in the movie the invention of lying. At least for a few years.

 

[Oryx]

I wonder if the 'radically honest' could possibly get offended by another. Or do they bypass the offensive nature of whatever was said and accept it as relative truth.
Like I would be extremely offended if someone came to me and told me they thought I was too skinny and that to be beautiful I shouldn't be that way. But if I were to say that to them, would they be as offended as I am? Or would they acknowledge I don't like that aspect of them and choose whether to act on my comments in a positive way?

I think it would depend on how the honest person put it, and how long the person receiving the "insult" had been practicing it. In the quote I gave above, it's important to note that the man told the person "I think you look kind of ugly". He also makes it clear that when someone pisses you off instead of saying something like "you did this wrong" you should say "I resent you for doing this in this way." Radical honesty is about owning your emotions more than anything else.

 

[Kanzler]

I don't think this would work for most people. I can see people using radical honesty as an excuse to hate on others and projecting self-loathing/disappointment/frustration on others. Honesty and kindness are not mutually exclusive. Is "you're ugly" more honest than "you're not very attractive"? To me, both tell say the same thing on the surface, but the attitude is different. If you look at the wiki page it's not so much "actually saying everything you think to a person no matter how insulting, inappropriate, or embarrassing that thing" but more so "creat[ing] an intimacy not possible if you are hiding something for the sake of someone's feelings". Again, perhaps "objectively" the same things said but what stands out to me is how the attitudes are different. If a person "being honest" leads their personal relationships away from more intimacy, then I'd say that honesty isn't really the problem they have.

 

[twocows]

Where I'm from, that's also known as "being a jerk." And while sometimes being a jerk is necessary, being a jerk for no reason is just dumb.

 

[Oryx]

Where I'm from, that's also known as "being a jerk." And while sometimes being a jerk is necessary, being a jerk for no reason is just dumb.

Despite my (hopefully) double-sided OP, I completely agree with you - to me, the social contract demands that we do not say everything we feel because not only do we feel all the time so it would make for talking all the time, but it would be hurtful for no reason. I understand truth for good reasons; if someone asks you if you want to hang out and you actually don't like them but don't want to tell them, the truth has a good effect because you're not leaving your "friend" hanging wondering why you never want to hang out with them. But just walking up to someone you've never met before and listing off the ways you think they're ugly seems unnecessarily cruel with no good outcome behind it other than the person saying it feeling good about themselves because they were honest.

 

[Kanzler]

It probably does result in people being jerks.

While we've been discussing radical honesty, we haven't once talked about how radically positive we could be to others, complimenting them when they impress us, thanking them when we're grateful. I guess if we couldn't really say good things when we're being radically honest, we're all just really ♥♥♥♥♥♥ people. Something to think about.

"I really think you're a good looking/nice/successful/generous person but it makes me feel like crap because I'm insecure and blah blah blah" - that's definitely a conversation worth having.

 

[~Justified~]

From what I can remember, the plot of The Invention of Lying has to do with this exact concept. The whole idea of radical honesty is only radical because of the system of omission we've erected. If this new honesty system was to exist, we'd think it'd be terrible, but, as the movie portrays, it's not a problem and people aren't necessarily offended or put off by the truthful expressions they hear every day. So essentially the whole perspective depends on whether you're brought up in this system or not. The mentality of worry and fear exists only because we know that omission of the truth is a plausible threat, and the very nature of omission makes people over-think things, which leads to more worrying.

So basically, the concept seems plausible in theory, assuming it's implemented in such a society where people haven't been exposed to its antithesis. That being said, implementing radical honesty in today's world could be disastrous just because of how people are conditioned to "lie" and consequently worry about being lied to.

I could not have said it any better. You took the words right out of my mouth. Though sometimes you should be a little kinder in what you say, so it doesn't hurt someone too bad. There are some things, like commenting on how much you dislike someone's appearance, that can be said in a nicer way, and sometimes they should just remain unsaid. you don't need to plainly say "You look bad", that would just be rude and unnecessary.

 

[PokemonLeagueChamp]

I am not one who could be considered radically honest, but that being said, I do tend to be somewhat blunt in my viewpoints and my opinions on people. What filters that are in place(if any)are generally somewhat affected by the setting I am in at the time. Even if I do filter myself, I still remain very opinionated. That's simply how I am. And I am no fan of political correctness.

That being said, being my mind, I know that not everything in there is meant for public consumption at all times.

 

[~Justified~]

I am not one who could be considered radically honest, but that being said, I do tend to be somewhat blunt in my viewpoints and my opinions on people. What filters that are in place(if any)are generally somewhat affected by the setting I am in at the time. Even if I do filter myself, I still remain very opinionated. That's simply how I am. And I am no fan of political correctness.

That being said, being my mind, I know that not everything in there is meant for public consumption at all times.

We think in similar ways. I am also very blunt and opinionated even with a filter, sometimes I may seem rude in doing so, although that is not my intention. & You are right in saying that not everything is meant for public consumption, there are things that just don't need to be said.

 

[Sir Codin]

Not being blunt and brutally honest with people will ensure that those you dislike will always suck. Not to mention you're lying about how you really feel about them. But apparently, according to others, not lying to them makes you terrible as well.

So, overall, you're still a terrible person no matter which option you do.