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Random Pokemon fanfic - Dorrick

Ecks-Dee

The Hysterical Artifact
  • 76
    Posts
    14
    Years
    This is just a really random scene i had in my head of my Pokemon char, Dorrick. It kinda shows his personality, but he wasn't always like he is in this! ;D I hope you like it! Give me constructive critisim if there is anything that may need improving <3


    It was a blazing summers day in Sinnoh. In a quiet park, with the sparkling water reflecting the sun's glow, a Lapras gently glided along the water's surface and a Bastiodon nearby munched on the grass. On a tree sat a Smeargle, painting on a piece of card while down below at the base of the tree lay a man. He was snoozing in the shade of the tree. His hat lay low on his head to shade his eyes from the sun and on his hat sat a Mothim, sleeping also. The man's chest rose and fell in a slow, steady rhythm with his hands over his stomach, his fingers linked together.

    He enjoyed silent days like this where he could sleep as long as he wanted, but it wasn't going to last long today.
    "Um, excuse me?" a voice interrupted.
    He did not say anything, but slowly raised his head, squinting at the figure standing above him. It was a girl and he scowled, slightly annoyed that she had disturbed his mid-day nap.
    "Yeah? What d'you want?"
    "Are you the man that got involved in that incident yesterday? You are, aren't you." Her last sentence was more of a statement than a question.
    The incident. As a matter of fact, he was, and he wasn't too happy that people had started to recognise him.

    It had involved Team Galactic, and they had tried to take someone's Pokemon. Disgusted by this, he had intervened and used his Bastiodon to defend the young rookie. It had caused quite a ruckus, mainly because it happened smack-dab in the middle of town.

    "Are you?" the girl insisted, becoming all the more intruiged.
    "Yes...I am" he replied reluntantly, stifling a sigh.
    "Cooool." She sounded awed. "So what's your name?
    "Dorrick" he said in a bored tone.
    The quicker he answered, he decided, the quicker she would go away.
    "So then, Dorrick" she said light-heartedly, obviously having a much better time than Dorrick himself. "You must be a really powerful trainer!"
    He snorted and moved his hat over his face, disturbing his Mothim who flapped a couple of times to avoid falling off, then settled back down looking a little annoyed.
    "Don't be ridiculous" he scorned.
    The girl bent down and lifted his hat, disturbing Mothim once again and it flew onto the tree trunk looking at them indignantly, but he was ignored. Dorrick opened his eyes and frowned, starting to get really irritated. The girl looked annoyed herself.
    "What do you mean 'ridiculous'? You attacked that Galactic and fought him off easily!"
    "That, little girl, was defending, not attacking" he replied, starting to sound quite angry. "And he was such a pathetic wimp that he has probably run home to his mummy. Now if you don't mind, i would like to be left alone now" he finished, taking his hat out of the girl's hand.
    "Hmph...fine then" she replied, defeated. She stood up and stalked off.
    Dorrick placed his hat over his eyes again, and as the girl walked off in the distance, he smirked.


    Obviously the pokemon mentioned are his XD
     
    Last edited:

    Radial TIA

    Sonic and Kingdom Hearts lover
  • 10
    Posts
    14
    Years
    I know I'm a newbie and everything so I shouldn't be giving much critism since I don't even have a fan-fic much less a good one but you need to make this MUCH longer.Like you should use Notepad or something like that.But it seems to be really good.Just put more of a introduction up and try to correct spelling mistakes.

    But this is still a good fan-fic just remember to prepare yourself when you make a fan-fic.Like make sure you have a few regular long chapters in storage and try to update once a week or something like that.

    I'm sorry I'm giving so much critism.
     

    Ecks-Dee

    The Hysterical Artifact
  • 76
    Posts
    14
    Years
    Yeah, i understand what you mean :) I actually do usually make longer chapters, but this was seriously a completely random scene which isn't meant to be an introduction to the character or anything XD It is just a scene i had in my head and really wanted to write it.

    Thank you for critisism though! That's exactly what i wanted =D
     
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