Random Quotes

[THIRTY-SIX]

The Mighty Boosh - Hitcher

The Hitcher: You wanna know about my thumb do ya boy? Intrigue ya does it boy? My Thumb? Let me tell ya 'bout it. I come from a long line of hitchhikers, all with bleedin' massive thumbs. You see the thumb its a tremendous boom to the hitchhiker, helps with work. Ya know what I mean? Only problem was, when I was a child, my thumb was tiny. Not just tiny like a single sugar puff, Disgusting! Even my own mother would reel back in horror, like an anaconda, 'Aagh! What is it!? Get it out of here! It's tiny! It's horrible, it's revolting! Take your tiny thumb and get out of here and never darken my door again!' she'd say. I had to leave the family unit, in search of a miracle. I wandered the streets, looking for the answer. And people told me of a magic shaman: part man, part hornet. So I went looking for him. I went everywhere. I combed the universe in search of the stripy insect shaman. Turns out he was in a local primary school, in the bin, reeling about with the apple cores. Like they do. And I stood there, with my thumb out, and he stung it, and he stung it. He grabbed onto it, it was like he was making love to it with his sting. In and out, in and out, more and more! Oh the pus, the pain, the black voodoo, the wet jigsaw puzzle! I didn't know what was happening. Oh for days I was in a trance. But when I came to, there it was. Like a fleshy maraca! A thumb of gigantic proportion! 'A miracle!' I said, 'A miracle, you're a true wizard! How can I ever repay ya?' And he said to me, 'Five hundred euros.' 'Five hundred euros!? You won't see penny one from me you slag!' And as I raised my thumb up, to smash his tiny skull in I could see in his little insect face, could see him thinkin', 'Oh, I created that monster! I created that thumb! And now it's killing me! My own beastly creation, killin' me dead. The sweet irony.' I think he was sayin' that, although it was a long time ago. And in hindsight, he coulda just been •••••••• himself.
​

 

[SamuraiMaster]

SM, you posted this on Pe2k a few months back.

Snakes on a Plane: "I'm sick of these [youknowwhat] snakes on this [youknowwhat] plane!

yeah but I don go thar no more.


Anyway more YGO:TAS

[phone rings and Kaiba answers it]
Kaiba: What the hell do you want?
Ishizu: Hello Kaiba, this is Ishizu Ishtar. Stop whatever you're doing and look at the TV right now. [Kaiba does so]
Ishizu on TV: I personally invite Seto Kaiba to my museum.
Kaiba: What the hell was that?
Ishizu: You see, Kaiba, I specifically called you on the phone so you could hear my initation on the television.
Kaiba: Why didn't you ust invite me over the phone?
Isizu: Because I have magical powers.
Kaiba: You do realize your paying for this call, right?
[Ishizu hangs up]

NOw these next ones are from the best show ever: "Zorc and Pals" lol

Theme song: Who's that crazy kook destroying the world? It's Zorc...
Zord: THAT'S ME!
Theme: It's Zorc and Pals! The blood of the innocent will flow without end, he name is Zorc and he's destroying the world!

Bakura: Zorc did you forget our aniversary...again?
[studio laughter]
Zorc: Yes I was too busy destroying the world.
[studio laughter]
Zorc: I've slaughtered millions!
[studio laughter]
Bakura: That's my Zorc!

Zorc: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas everyone!
[studio laughter]
Zorc: Now to destroy the world!
[studio laughter and applause]
Bakura: Zorc bless us, everyone!

Narrator: Next week, on a very special "Zorc and Pals."
Bakura: Zorc, what's wrong? Why haven't you destroyed the world?
Zorc: Because I have a terminal disease.
Bakura: But ou can't die! What about our adopted daughter? Who's going to take care of her when you're gone?
Zorc: She also has a terminal disease.
Narrator: Don't miss this very special award winning episode of "Zorc and Pals" because we really need the ratings.

[Earth blows up]
Zorc: I finally destroyed the world!
[studio laughter]
Bakura: Well done Zorc! What are you going to do now?
Zorc: I'm going to Disney World!
[Studio laughter]
Zorc: And then I'm going to destroy it!
[studio laughter]
Bakura: I love you Zorc.
[studio applause]

Announcer: "Zorc and Pals" is filmed before a dead studio audience.

 

[Midnight Beat]

That 70's Show-

Fez (talking about Kelso)- What happens in cat and mouse when the cat is retarded?
Kelso- Oh you just wait and see.

 

[Confuse]

From Chief Rocka by Lords of the Underground:

The kids around the way used to think that I was buggin'
But they don't understand how I feel about the funk
I walk with the funk, I talk with the funk
I eat with the funk, I sleep with the funk
I live for the funk, I'll die for the funk
So now what do they say, when I'm walkin up the block?
Boom shaka laka there goes the Chief Rocka

From Ace Ventura:

Ace: Oh there is just one more thing, Lieutenant. (Points) This woman is Roger Padacter's neighbor, she lives across the hall. She said she heard a scream. Is that right, ma'am?
Neighbor: Right!
Ace: (Turns to a guy) And you said you had to open the balcony door when you came into the room?
Guy: Yeah, that's true.
Ace: Are you certain you had to open this door?
Guy: Yeah, I'm sure.
Leiutenant: What's the point, Ventura?
Ace: Only this...(steps behind the door, continuously yells and opens and closes the door) AAAAAAAAAA....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...AAAAAAAAAA...AAAAAAAAAAAAA...AAAAAAAAAA...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! This is double-paned sound-proof glass! There's no way THAT neighbor could've heard Padacter scream on the way down with that door shut. The sound she heard came from inside this apartment, before he was thrown over the balcony, and the murderer closed the door before he left. (Pumps his fists) YES! YES! Oh Yeah! (Thrusts his hips) Can you feel that body, huh, huh, huh? (In a weird voice) I have excorcized the demons! This house is clear. Losers?
Leiutenant: Get him outta here!
Ace: LOSERS!
Officer: Let's go, Ace!
Ace: LOSERS! LOOOSERS!

Love that scene.

 

[BrandoSheriff]

Spongebob:

"So you mean to say, they've taken what we thought we think, and made us think our thoughts, and the thoughts we've been thinking are thoughts we think we thought... I think?"

"The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma. -thinks of a milk carton falling over-
-Patrick Star-

Legend of Zelda: The Return of Ganondorf: (a movie i saw on Newgrounds)

Ganondorf: Say... I have an idea that's to die for!
Link: It's the rage! I know it is!!!
Ganondorf: Let's do the chicken dance!!

Link: I knew he wouldn't do anything dastardly out in the open, so I snuck into his room at night using my awesome ninja skills!
Ganondorf: No, not the Master Sword. Curse you Link. Curse you Zelda. Ahhh!! Oh... it was only a dream... It makes me so angry... it makes me want to...
Link: Yes?
Ganondorf: It makes me want to...
Link: Yeeeeeees?
Ganondorf: Volunteer at the soup kitchen! Come Ganny!
-Ganny squeaks-
Ganondorf: There are hungry mouths to feed!
-Link falls from the ceiling-
Ganondorf: What? Who is that? Oh, Link! I'm glad you're here! I have something for you. Heh heh heh heh...
Link: (thinking) This is it! Come on, GanonDORK! Bring it on!
Ganondorf: Now where is it? I FOUND IT! I've been waiting a long time for this moment...
-shows Link a hilarious looking apology picture-
Ganondorf: Can you ever forgive me?
Link: I... guess...
Ganondorf: Yes. That's wonderful... Now I must be off. Make yourself at home. Oh, and help yourself to anything in the fridge. -evil laugh-

Ganondorf: Me and Nabooru used to be an item. But she turned traitorous. I imprisoned her in a statue!! Now she is nothing to me!
Link: Oh here we go! Pent up rage!
Ganondorf: Whenever I think about it I just... I just...
-bursts out crying-
Link: Okay... first the crying, THEN the rage!
Ganondorf: Oh, whenever I'm upset I eat!
-starts eating a bowl of chocolate-
Link: Get with the rage already!


Paper Mario: TTYD:

"Great, just great. Now I look like the huge, mighty king of GUYS WHO TALK TO POSTERS."
"Stop speaking in riddles, you chicken nugget!"
-Bowser-

That 70's Show:

"My balls are black and blue."
"I'm going to do IT!!"
-Fez-

Fez: Oh no, I'm going to die a virgin!
Rhonda: Not if I have anything to say about it!

See Spot Run:

"Alright. This is how I shut the club down. You want some of this, you want some? Whoo!
-flips and farts really loud-
-That fat guy(forgot his name)-

A Shadow the Hedgehog Redub:

"Bad to the bone... Bad to the bone... Son of a... b****!!!!
"I just came from the bathroom, and I'm still constipated! Son of a... b****!!!!
-Shadow-

yeah... it was a lot huh?

 

[Alakazam17]

The Cree People
Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.

Albert Einstein
"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. "

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. "

Teal'c - Stargate series

"Indeed"

Jake Berenson and Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill - Animorphs series
Jake: *gives out orders*
Aximili: <Yes, Prince Jake.>
Jake: "Don't call me 'Prince.'"
Aximili: <Yes, Prince Jake.>

George W. Bush, during his trip to Ottawa

"I would like to thank all the Canadian people who came out to wave-with all five fingers."

Richard Lynch, member of PC

"Impossible! A day without hax is like a day without taking a crap: it rarely happens, and when it does, you feel really awkward. And then it's doubled the next day."

 

[SamuraiMaster]

One of my favorite Simpsons moments.

Otto: [the kids on the bus are driving him crazy] I know! The radio will tune them down.
[Otto turns on the radio]
Otto: Guuuhh, Disco. [switches station] Easy listening?! [switches] World Music?! [switches] Urban Smooth?! [switches] Salsa Fusion?!
[turns off the radio with sadness then he notices Metallica's brocken down bus on the side of the street]
Otto: [gasp] Metallica! [slams on the brakes] Am I on drugs?
[a small dragon appears on the dashboard]
Dragon: Yes you are. But that really is Metallica. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a gumdrop parade on Fu-Fu Island. [laughs and disappears]
[Otto calls from the bus]
Otto: What's up Metallica? Need a lift?
James Hetfield: We don't take rides from strangers.
Otto: [out of the bus] I'm no stranger, remember this? [lights a cigerrette lighter] METALLICA RUUUUUULLLLLES!!!!!!!
Lars Ulrich: Oh yeah! Springfield Arena 97, Row XX Seat 64!
Kirk Hammet: I was about to quit the band when I saw your lighter. You saved me that night!
Otto: So what are you waiting for? Hop in!
James Hetfield: Hop in what?
[Bart has hijacked the school bus and is driving down the street]
Bart: Look at me, I'm Otto! I'm a hundred years old and I drive a school bus!
[drives very crazy]
Otto: [in a down mood] Ohhhh man. Maybe me and Metallica can go splitsies on a cab.
[as he says this Hans Moleman's pick-up truck appears in the scene; Metallica and all their band gear is in the back]
Kirk Hammet: Hey loser! We got a ride from a real fan!
Hans Moleman: I used to sleep with Lars' grandmother.
Robert Trujillo: Never listen to our music again!
[the truck drives away as Metallica starts playing the song Master of Puppets leaving Otto on the street stomping on his hat in a fury]

 

[Azzurra]

"Never forget what a man says to you when he's angry" - Henry Ward Beecher

 

[Tamaki]

I hope this is where you put this.

You put up quotes from random sources, whether they be forum discussions, movies, song lyrics, tv shows, or whatever.

Just put them here if they're good.

I'll give off a few.
[From Yu-Gi-Oh]
Marik: My name is Marik!
Bakura: I don't care.
Marik: What if I told you I had knowedge of certain secrets?
Bakura: I don't care.
Marik: Once I possess what I desire, the Millenium Rod will mean absolutally nothing to me.
Barkua: [short pause] ...I don't care.

[From Yu-Gi-Oh: THe Abridged Series]

Kaiba: Screw the rules, I have money!

Yami: Don't worry Pegasus, there's always Naruto: THe Abridged Series. But as everyone knows, that's just not quite as good!
Pegasus: OH NOOOOOOO!!!!

Lol, I love the Abridged Series<3

Joey: A woman winning a card game! That's just crazy!
Tristan: Didn't she beat you in the second episode?
Joey: Do you wanna go back in the box?
Tristan: Please don't send me back there.

XD

 

[Trap-Eds]

Ed, Edd n Eddy:

Eddy: Lighten up, will ya? It's just an empty house, geez.
Kevin: Oh yeah? Why don't ya go and check it out, then?
Eddy: Well, I would but uh, Ed needs me to change the newspaper under his bed. Yeah!!
Ed: *gives a thumbs up* Changed it this morning, Eddy!
Edd: *looks at Ed* Hmmm?

Edd: Preposterous!! I refuse to play under these absurd conditions, Ed!!
Ed: Awww, kitty cat go meow?

The Incredibles: [Pixar movie]
Syndrome: You see? Now you respect me; because I'm a threat. That's just how the world works.
I don't know why, but that's my fav line from the whole movie.

 

[SamuraiMaster]

From the "Master Chief Sucks at Halo" videos; note that all the dialoge he says is how it is spelled. For those who do't know what "Master Chief Sucks at Halo" is, it's like Toy Story. Only not. It's about a Master Chief action figure that comes to life when Jon's not around and plays Halo online, and he sucks horribly. He is voiced by the Microsoft Sam voice and swears a lot.

Master Chief: Hello I am Master Chief lollolololloloollloololol

Master Chief: Wtf gears sucks halo if the best fps. (goes down a line of video games) g** g** g** g** g** g** g** g** g** g** g** omg, yay halo 3 beta.

Master Chief: Time to own some n00bs.

Master Chief: Ima look @ jon's profile...what a f**

Master chief: (Snowbound has been chosen as the map) f***ing snowbound. (begins tapping "X" to veto the map.) Veto this s*** f*****s. Damn it, veto! Veto veto veto f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f***. (no one has vetoed it) You guys r g** go to hell.

Master Chief: What the f** ur use hax. (into headset) Stop hacking n00b piece of s*** go to hell.

Master Chief: What's this? (picks up a new gernade) New gernade type, cool. (throws gernade and it bounces off the wall and explodes where he stands) What the f*** g** weapon. Bungie r retard.

Master Chief: This guy is so pwn3d. (kills a guy standing in front of him) Idiot hahahahahahahaha. (Begins beating the dead body) How do u like my balls in ur face, dumb***?
Headset: I wan't even playing, I was getting something to eat. In fact you've done nothing but talk s*** the whole match and blame bungie because you suck so much a**.
Master Chief: Suck my balls.
Headset: 'The hell kinda response is that?
Master Cief: That's what your mom sed last night hahhahahahahaha.

Master Chief: Oh my god yes I got shot gun. Ima camp here and own everyone lolololololololololoololol.
Game Announcer: GAME OVER.
Master Chief: F***!!!!


[after finding out the halo 3 beta was only running a couple of weeks, Master Chief writes a suicide note and plans his suicide]
Master Chief: Now is time to end it all, I will drown myself in the toilet and no one can stop me.
[inside the toilet]
Master Chief; F*** you stupid helmet. I can't f***ing drown myself. S*** s*** s*** s*** s***. Oh f*** I can't get out. Someone help me please! [pause] :(

Headset player: Okay who was the retard on our team who kept carrying our flag in the wrong direction?! This JonCCachile guy?
Master Chief: You got something to say to meh? B****?
Headset player: Yeah you suck!
Master Chief: I am better than you at leaste, d*****bag.
Headset player: You had negative three kills and 41 deaths!
Master Chief: Your mom had negative three kills last night in bed.
Other players in game: Oh no he didn't ohhohohoh.
Headset player: SHUT UP! That was the worst comeback I've ever heard.
Master Chief: Not as bad as ur...FAAAACEE.
Headset player: Alright you wanna settle this one on one? Just give me your address you little s***.
Master Chief: Sure, do you have a pen and paper? Im in ur moms house, I'll b waiting.
Headset player: YOU LITTLE F*** I'M GONNA KICK YOUR F***ING A** YOU FU-[Master Chief leaves the room]
Master Chief: rofl.

Master Chief: This better not be f***ing snowbound agin (it is snowbound) Go to hell! Stupid f***ing snowbound! (begins vetoing it again) Veto this s*** you ***holes. Damn it this map is f***ing gay if you do not press "x" it mean you're g** this map sucks please veto it motherf*** f*** f*** f*** f***! (nothing) Omg. Blow me u retards.

Master Chief: (kills a player who is a girl) Oh my god a girl on halo 3?! (into headset) Omg I'm sry k? (normal) I should send her a friend request. Maybe she will go out with me. :D

Master Chief; [gets killed] MOOOOOOOOTHEEEERRRRR F*********************ER!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! (throws an empty Mountain Dew bottle against the wall)

 

[Trap-Eds]

Pokemon swimmer in Pearl:
I wanted to be alone, but chasing away immature boys on the prowl....Well, my Pokemon grew tough without me even trying.

xD That just sounds....so odd for this game.

 

[LilLoveGirl]

This is soooo funny!!!! I'm laughing osooooooo much!!!!!