I identify as a Pantheist who is influenced by eastern religions and philosophies such as Buddhism, Taoism, and Confucianism.
While growing up, my family was Protestant and I would call myself one as well. However, I never really knew what it meant, so I wouldn't even say I was one. Sometime around ten or eleven I was pretty much an agnostic I suppose. Throughout the next few years I was more like an atheist, then I'd describe myself more as an apatheist.
It wasn't until last summer (July 2011) that this changed. I've always been open minded, I suppose, to feel the presence of God or Jesus or anything transcended, but it never came. Until this particular night. Basically, a few friends and I went to this bonfire, but we were late, so there was no alcohol left, mostly everyone had left. We hung out with a few of the leftover people for like an hour or so, during which time we smoked a few joints and my friends all drank shroom tea (which I had none of). We ended up driving to our friend's house on the beach, and then decided to go walk three miles up to a plaza.
I was sober by the time we began our walk, but there was just something peculiar that I still can't put my finger on. Everything was just... better. The reflection of the moon over the dark sea was the most gorgeous site I've ever beheld. The wind blew and sent my hair and clothes flapping. There was no one else but me and my three friends - and it felt wonderful. Being out on a beautiful night, with the moon, the wind, the water, my friends, all of these things I felt like I hadn't really given any thought to before. Now that I was, there was this incredible sense of serenity and happiness coursing through me.
These feelings pretty much persisted throughout the walk there, the time we spent there, and the three mile walk home. It felt like I was alive for the first time, for the hours upon hours I spent just walking.
A few days later, I got curious about religion. I decided to ask a good friend of mine, saul, what his beliefs were. He's kind of an inspiration to me and someone I look up to. Turns out he's a Pantheist. We had a bit of discussion and then I went off to do some more reading into it. By the end of it all, I was shocked because literally just about every single belief that the typical Pantheist held, I have always held. I simply didn't know there was a word for it, or that there were other people who felt like this.
From there on out I identified as a Pantheist (like guys i changed my facebook thats how srs it is). And it felt... pretty good. I mean, not that I wasn't happy when I was an atheist or an apatheist, but it was like I got an addon and I could insert more happiness, like you insert more RAM onto a computer. At some point I decided to take a look at religions that shared the idea of reverence for nature and the universe, rather than a God or deities. I found Buddhism interesting, and read into meditation. From there on out I began to meditate. I don't do it anywhere near as often as I'd like to, unfortunately, but I've been trying to do it every day if I can.
As far as that goes, it makes me feel pretty good and relaxed. I think once I might have achieved a state of enlightenment. For about ten seconds I felt as though I had let go of my body and broken some sort of barrier, and I could feel energy... sort of, intertwine, and release, and enter my body all at once. Kinda hard to describe, but it brought overwhelming calmness.
Then, college began, and I had an introduction to philosophy class. I had a keen interest in one chapter near the end of the book about eastern religions. It talked about Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, Zen Buddhism, as well as talking about some of the philosophers, such as Confucius and Zhuangzi.
I suppose I really liked some of the core beliefs of these religions. Concepts such as the Tao, that there is a flow of energy in the universe. That there is this balance in the universe that we can bring ourselves closer to when we bring ourselves closer to nature and the world in which we perceive ourselves in. The Noble Eightfold Path is something I try to keep in mind, especially when I find that something is bothering me.
But, the main thing is my reverence for nature and desire to live a life as in tune with nature as possible. It's quite nice to feel as though there is something else in my life that wasn't there before. Since then I feel sort of like I have a slightly different outlook on the world. Going out for a walk in a forest or on the beach feels to me what I imagine a devout Christian feels when they are in a church.
These similarities are what have gotten me to think, and ultimately conclude, that all religions strive for the same thing. In essence, I believe that what Christians call God, what Buddhists call Enlightenment, what Taoists consider the Tao, what I and other pagan religions might call a connection to nature, are all the same thing. I like an analogy I read somewhere: all spiritual people are like tourists heading to one destination. We've all got different airlines and guides to help us pick out the best flight for our preferences, but we're all heading to the same place.
I do not believe in a God whatsoever. Though, I suppose in away I could see literally everything in existence being "God", but I don't believe in an actual, personal creator person thing God guy.
