Curse you all. some random arch-nemesis of mine gets her own fanclub... BUT WHY!?! All she does is post in like, ONE TOPIC! Now I, on the other hand, created this:
Back in MY day we had 150 monsters, and that was ALL you needed! None o' these new-fangled 'cutey' monsters for children!
Look at dat thereTauros. A fine specimen of a monster. Look at the new-age Tauros. A CARTOON COW. Disgraceful! We had Pikachu and Raichu, but that wasn't CUTE enough for CHILDREN so they added Pichu, the Baby. Then they added those two Minun and Plushie creatures, which are completely obvious knockoffs! That's right, IVE SEEN YOUR NEW MONSTERS! BAH! Tailow? HootHoot? Starly? BAH! Give me Pidgey any day! Sentret? Zigzagoon? BIDOOF? You young whippersnappers can paint a Ratatta brown, but it's still a Ratatta!
The new popular starter is CHICKCHAR or something. Hooey! Back in my day, if you wanted a flaming monkey, you threw a Mankey into a bonfire!
I must say, it's nice to see the developers haven't gotten creative. A hippopotamus called "Hippopotas"? That's almost as clever as a pile of muck called "Muk"! Shows that the first generation was the BEST generation!
But everything they try to change doesn't work! Take evolution for example. Well, we DIDNT evolve them because evolution is a heathen scam! Everytime they tried to evolve, we would stop them because they were Intelligently Designed to be the way they were. But at least science was simpler in those days. Creatures evolved by leveling, stones, and trading! We didn't need to equip any new-fangled Kings Rock while leveling up at dusk while fighting a Goldeen at Cinnabar Island with a happiness level of 200 and spare Rare Candy in the inventory! That's ridiculous!
Also, there are no male or female monster of the same species! If they were, they would be a DIFFERENT SPECIES like Nidoran is. I notice that you haven't tried to reclassify them as the same species. That's because they are the ONLY monster with genders! All them other monsters are a-sexual. They don't breed! You kids today pass your monsters to some hag, and she has to genetically engineer you a cross-bred creature. WHY ELSE WOULD CREATURES ONLY MULTIPLY IN A DAYCARE CENTER?
Speaking of evolution, you young punks can stop evolving my monsters! Lickitung, Tangela and Rhydon were useless enough without you tainting them with stripes and spikes and scowls! If we wanted them to evolve, we would have done it the old fashioned way: by putting three of them together! I see what you did to Magneton! IF WE WANTED MAGNETON TO EVOLVE, WE WOULD JUST PUT THREE TOGETHER.
YOUR TURTWIG IS A BULBASAUR WITH A LEAF ON ITS HEAD!
Where was I? Oh yeah, your fancy colors. We didn't have color back in my day! We had black and puke green and we were grateful! People at the store would say, "Welcome to Cerulean City, the most vibrant city in Kanto. Would you like to see a third color?" and you would reply, "No, sir, I am satisfied with two" because THATS THE WAY GOD MADE IT.
And what's with these monsters that roam around the whole region? I don't care if you are a legendary, you stay in ONE house or cave. YOU DONT MOVE. I tells ya, the whole world is loosing control. Pretty soon these creatures will all be free. What kind of world has no pocket monster fighting action paralleling cockfighting? I am not sure, but it's a world I want none to do with!
Maybe this old fool is too naive for this new world. But with God as my witness, I will keep my level 100 Charmander, level 100 Magikarp, and level 100 Pikachu by my side forever. You kids wouldn't understand because you're too busy 'evolving' your monsters, watching their stat-ee-vees and teachin' them moves to balance against your friends. What a waste of time! I could beat the Elite Four everytime, back when that MEANT something. So you can go fight strangers over them thar internets if you will, but as for me and my monsters, we will retire from a world which no longer needs us.
But apparently Grandpa's Pokemon Rant is not fanclub-worthy.
