Sinnoh Saga-Rise of Arceus

[df006]

Prologue


The boy leaned over the dead Glameow. A stench rose from it, the smell of burned fur rose from it.Tears fell fast from his eyes-he could not take his eyes away from it .It had been fried alive by a terrible heat.

The worst was yet to come.

Twenty more Pokemon dead,executed in the same manner,scattered all over the clearing,most were turned to ashes.

The boy,named Max,finally lost control of himself.He screamed and screamed until he was hoarse.But ther was no one to hear.He ran away from the spot as fast as his legs would carry him.

As he ran,he thought,who could be so cruel.

Soon he would find out-or so he hoped.

He was mistaken.


Next time-Intrusion of Team Galactic.

 

[Ninja Caterpie]

Sorry to say, but it's far too short.
Also, put spaces after most punctuation (full stops and commas)
Also, type it up on MS Word, not the reply box.

Lengthen it or it'll probably be locked.

 

[Astinus]

Why is there no description of the destruction? You have Pokemon being burned alive, you have some human watching all this, and there's nothing. No real good description of the burning flesh and fur (which smells awful). We don't know how Max is really feeling. Sure, he's crying tears, but why? Just because of the stench and sights, or is it because he feels sorrow over the death of the Pokemon.

And why is he there in the first place? And what's up with the ending line?

There are also a lot of typos that could have easily been caught if you read this over with basic knowledge of the English language and if you had typed this in a word processing program.

Fic is shoddy work and short.