bill flibby
Chase is my favorite
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- The Great U.S. of A.
- Seen Sep 22, 2016
I've only had surgery from when I was a kid. I was a really dumb kid. Like, really dumb.
You know those fold-up cases that would go over old baby pins? The tall, rectangular things that shut with velcro or something? I thought it would be hilarious to close myself in one, then waddle around the corner into the kitchen where my parents were. I locked myself in no problem, with just my head and feet showing. Started the waddle, but only took one step before losing my balance and falling. The universe must have aligned, because as I fell I ended up smashing my left eye into the wooden recliner handle in the living room. Couldn't see out of my eye for a week. Before the ambulance arrived I heard my parents whispering that they couldn't get the blood out of my eye because it was underneath the skin or something. I was about five.
Another time, maybe a year or so after that stupid escapade, my family was visiting some relatives. They had a little weiner dog. This weiner dog was the most hateful dog that ever existed. No one thought to warn me about this. While the parents are talking, I'm sitting there petting the evil thing. It isn't making any noises, so I didn't think anything was up. I glance away for a second, and the bastard takes the opportunity to bite the holy fuck out of my thumb. Tore skin off all the way to the bone. That incident was more fun than the eye one, because I couldn't actually see how messed up I got this time. I'm right-handed, though, so it sucked when I couldn't hold a pencil for a month.
You know those fold-up cases that would go over old baby pins? The tall, rectangular things that shut with velcro or something? I thought it would be hilarious to close myself in one, then waddle around the corner into the kitchen where my parents were. I locked myself in no problem, with just my head and feet showing. Started the waddle, but only took one step before losing my balance and falling. The universe must have aligned, because as I fell I ended up smashing my left eye into the wooden recliner handle in the living room. Couldn't see out of my eye for a week. Before the ambulance arrived I heard my parents whispering that they couldn't get the blood out of my eye because it was underneath the skin or something. I was about five.
Another time, maybe a year or so after that stupid escapade, my family was visiting some relatives. They had a little weiner dog. This weiner dog was the most hateful dog that ever existed. No one thought to warn me about this. While the parents are talking, I'm sitting there petting the evil thing. It isn't making any noises, so I didn't think anything was up. I glance away for a second, and the bastard takes the opportunity to bite the holy fuck out of my thumb. Tore skin off all the way to the bone. That incident was more fun than the eye one, because I couldn't actually see how messed up I got this time. I'm right-handed, though, so it sucked when I couldn't hold a pencil for a month.
