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[Pokémon] [SWC] A Champion's Resolve (Rated R)

Shrike Flamestar

The Invisible!
212
Posts
15
Years
  • Well then, rather much ado since I do not feel like writing much here, here is the entry I submitted for the 2010 PokeCommunity Small Writing Contest, this time placing second in a tie with Giratina.

    Oh, and here's a big red warning:

    WARNING: THIS STORY IS RATED R FOR VIOLENCE, BLOOD, AND GORE. WITHOUT GOING INTO DETAILS, THINGS DIE AND THOSE THINGS BLEED WHEN THEY DIE, SO DO NOT READ THIS STORY IF YOU HAVE AN AVERSION TO ANYTHING I HAVE MENTIONED ABOVE.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A Champion's Resolve

    The road of a Pokémon Trainer is long and hard. From the moment you receive your first Pokémon, your starter, you are sent off virtually alone with only your brand new companion, plunged into a world populated by savage monsters and other Trainers eager to prove their own worth. Receiving little assistance along the way, Trainers have to fight their way across entire continents, encountering challenges in both the wilderness and cities. Deep forests, dark caves, rugged mountain paths, all are challenges in their own right that shape the very figure of those select Trainers who push on and persist. However, all those natural challenges come secondary to the main goal of the Pokémon Trainers's journey: The Pokémon League Challenge.

    Along a Trainer's path, the eight Pokémon Gym that populate each region are without doubt their biggest challenge. The Trainer must fight against an opposing Gym Leader who undoubtedly has far more experience than themselves, and win. All eight badges in the region need to be acquired, as both a sign of the Trainer's own experience and self-worth, and as a ticket allowing entrance into the inner sanctum of the Pokémon League's presence in that region. Merely reaching the Pokémon League building is but a challenge in itself, requiring passage through the strenuous Victory Road. Yet once this final natural challenge has been passed, the Trainer will find themselves standing at the gates to their future. Deep inside the hallowed halls of the Pokémon League resides the four master Trainers that reside over that region: The Elite Four. Then, beyond even those masters, one final challenge remains. One final Trainer, unmatched in strength and skill. The Pokémon League Champion, the single most powerful and prodigious Trainer that region's League has to offer.

    It is this champion that all Trainer seek to fight and defeat in battle for if anyone were to defeat the current champion, they themselves would take up the crown of champion and be known across the land. Several Trainers seek to follow this path, to overcome all challenges in their way, to defeat all eight Gym Leader, all four Elite Four masters, and finally take the crown of champion for themselves.

    Few, if any, succeed.

    The last time a new champion was crowned in the region of Johto was years ago. Previously, a then young trainer by the name of Lance followed the same path all Trainers take, claiming all eight badges and laying waste to the Pokémon League with the powerful dragon Pokémon inherited from his ancestral clan. Rather than challenge the champion immediately, however, he instead settled for a position among the Elite Four until he decided it was truly time to challenge the champion and take the title for himself. Since then, no reports exist of challenges made against Lance himself, and indeed any Trainers who have claimed to make it past the Elite Four have confessed to forfeiting to Lance. Yet, this does not stop more Trainers from trying, seeking to claim that glorious title of Pokémon League Champion for themselves.

    One such kid was named Ethan. Hailing from New Bark Town, Ethan took off on his journey as a Pokémon Trainer with relish. Passing the many challenges in his path with ease, Ethan even took the complications that arose with the newly revived Team Rocket in stride. Considering the criminal team as merely another challenge on his journey, Ethan defeated them at every opportunity. Alongside Lance himself, Ethan even managing to put a stop to their attempts to restore Team Rocket to its former strength. Ethan continued to cut a swath through the gyms of Johto, acquiring all eight badges and making his way through the Victory Road as if it were nothing. Finally he found himself at the gates to the Indigo Plateau, his longtime friend and companion Typhlosion standing at his side.

    "We're finally here..." Ethan whispered in amazement, unable to keep the memories of his past triumphs from flooding through his mind. Typhlosion gave a low growl in acknowledgment, the two proudly walking along the immaculately cared for grass path that led to the doors of the large building before them. Inside that building was housed the five final trainers that stood in Ethan's path. Pausing before the doors, Ethan hesitated a moment and glanced at Typhlosion. "You really think we're ready?" the boy asked. Ethan's partner nodded his head eagerly, smiling and communicating his trust in his trainer without even needing to use words.

    "Right then," Ethan said, turning to face the door again as he reached up and adjusted the hat he wore. "Let's go kick some ass." Striding through the door, Ethan marched through the regally-decorated foyer and up the stairs, not even pausing as he entered a large doorway that slammed shut behind him.

    One by one, Ethan challenge each of the Elite Four to a battle, conquering all. First, the psychic master Will. As the first member of the Elite Four Will proved no trouble for Ethan, his psychic-type Pokémon falling prey to the combined efforts of Ethan's team as he exploited their secondary weaknesses. Ethan relished the victory, and wasn't surprised by how oddly easy it was. After all, the true challenge didn't come until the champion.

    Moving on deeper into the Pokémon League building, Ethan was greeted by the poison master Koga. Again, Ethan's opponent fell easily before him, the poison types ready prey for Ethan's experienced Espeon while Typhlosion handled the rest. If anything, Koga was easier than Will had been! Realizing this, Ethan felt pretty good about his chance of success, tending to what few wounds Espeon had received before moving on to the next chamber.

    This time, the match was up against Bruno, the fighting master. Again, Espeon made the fight almost too easy, the psychic cat only needing minor assistance from the Floatzel Ethan had acquired from a friend in Sinnoh. A little put off by how easy the supposed "master trainers" were after all the hype, Ethan restored his Pokémon to full health before moving on to the final member of the Elite Four.

    A woman with silver-blue hair awaited Ethan on the penultimate battlefield. Karen, the dark-type master trainer. Having no true counter for dark-types, Ethan again had to rely on his whole team to exploit their secondary weaknesses. Unlike Will, however, Karen proved to be a fair bit more challenging, but nothing Ethan couldn't defeat. Pumped up by the win, Ethan healed his Pokémon and ecstatically ran through the final doorway to what he knew would be his ultimate challenge.

    "Welcome, Ethan. I've been waiting for you."

    Atop a high set of stairs, standing in the middle of the final battlefield, stood none other than the Kanto-Johto Pokémon League champion: Lance. Clothed in a rather outlandish black, blue, and orange outfit, with a high-colored cape hanging behind him, Ethan could already tell he would be one tough opponent.

    "Lance," Ethan nodded courteously as he walked up the stairs to the battlefield. This wasn't their first meeting; the two had met and even battled side-by-side during an investigation into a Team Rocket base underneath Mahogany Town.

    Lance grinned as he watched Ethan step up into the area on the floor marked for the challenging trainer, the boy's Typhlosion standing next to him rather than step into the battlefield. Ethan had done his research into the types of Pokémon Lance used: Typhlosion would be practically useless for this fight.

    "Ever since I met you at Mahogany Town, I knew we would meet each other again upon this battlefield," Lance said as he turned around and walked over to his own designated spot, his cape whipping in the air behind him. "The skill and compassion I saw in you that day... You are one of the few Trainers worthy enough to challenge me. Now that you stand here before me, what is your decree?"

    "I challenge you to a battle over the title of League Champion," Ethan said rapidly, his eyes narrowing. Clenching his hands into fists, he could feel sweat run down his body. He had to keep focused now, he couldn't let excitement or nervousness hinder his judgment.

    "Then your challenge is accepted." From seemingly out of nowhere, Lance produced a Poké Ball which he held across his chest, his smile slipping away as he himself focused his mind. "Let us decide the better of ourselves through one final battle."

    Both Pokémon were released simultaneously. On Ethan's side, an Ampharos. On Lance's, a Gyarados. The champion raised an eyebrow, Ethan really had done his research. The electric-type was quick to fry the flying water dragon with a high powered Thunderbolt, Lance's first Pokémon quickly falling before Ethan. Calmly, Lance recalled the unconscious Gyarados as Ethan recalled his own Pokémon, both trainers wiping the stage clear for the battle proper.

    Ethan now called upon his Floatzel, which he knew would be his primary combatant for the remainder of the battle. Of Lance's remaining five Pokémon, Ethan knew there to be three Dragonite, a Charizard, and an Aerodactyl, all weak to either Floatzel's water or ice attacks. Sure enough, the first Dragonite Lance then called upon went down in a flurry of Ice Punches, the water weasel wearing a NeverMeltIce around its neck to enhance its ice attacks. Aerodactyl then found itself knocked out of the air by a Waterfall, the second Dragonite went much the same as the first, Charizard also received a face full of Waterfall, and finally Lance was down to his last Pokémon: his final Dragonite.

    Not for long, of course.

    Floatzel triumphantly leaped into her final assault, fists encased in chunks of ice as hard as rock and as cold as the void of space. Reeling back from the series of punches, the final Dragonite roared as it fell to the ground, Floatzel standing over it and grinning as the ice around her fists melted away. The Dragonite tried to pull itself up, but of course failed, and thus the sixth of Lance's Pokémon was eliminated. Ethan leaped in the air and cheered at his victory, running over and hugging Floatzel as Typhlosion watched on, jealous that he hadn't been able to contribute any.

    Ethan's little moment of excitement was interrupted as Lance began to slowly clap, chuckling slightly underneath his breath. "Congratulations," he slowly said. "You beat me. Do you feel proud?"

    "Of course!" Ethan exclaimed, pulling away from the Floatzel that had won him the title of champion. "Oh, come on, Typhlosion. Don't feel left out!" Ethan called over his shoulder, beckoning for his starter Pokémon to join in the celebration.

    "Now, what if I were to add a twist to things," Lance pondered, reaching behind his back.

    Ethan looked up from patting both Typhlosion and Floatzel on the shoulders. "Huh? What do you mean?"

    "Now, what if I were to, say..." Lance pulled out the hand from behind his back, revealing clutched in his hand another Poké Ball. Grinning broadly, he held the ball up on an open palm. "What if I were to say I have a seventh Pokémon?"

    "What?!" Ethan exclaimed, staggering backwards and into Typhlosion. Collecting himself and regaining his balance, he angrily shouted, "You can't do that! It's against the rules!"

    "Oh? You mean the rules set by the same league that I, as champion, have worked myself into a position of control over?" Lance asked amusingly. "I do not think they'll oppose this last minute addition to my roster..."

    Before Ethan could object any further, Lance threw the seventh Poké Ball out before him. Amid the burst of flash light, the writhing form of another sea dragon appeared, although this Gyarados was a fair bit more threatening than the first. It was so large it nearly reached the ceiling of the cavernous room, its body thick enough that even two men holding hands wouldn't be able to reach entirely around the massive beast. Most strikingly, the normally blue scales of a Gyarados were instead a sickly blood red. Ethan gasped as he recognized that color, remembering a similar Gyarados he had encountered along with Lance previously at the Lake of Rage. This one was much larger though; plus, Ethan had caught the one from the Lake of Rage anyway. Apparently, there was more than one Red Gyarados.

    "Tch, fine then," Ethan grunted, reaching for his belt. "Ampharos can easily handle another fight."

    "I don't think so," Lance smirked.

    Suddenly, the Red Gyarados roared and a beam of pure ice shot from its gaping mouth, the Ice Beam grazing right past Ethan's side. The precisely aimed attack knocked loose all the Poké Balls Ethan was wearing, the spheres flying back through the air and down the stairs Ethan had come from. Ethan's hand was caught in the attack as well, the boy yelping as he shook his hand out and tried to bring some warmth back to it, fortunate that at least he hadn't been frozen.

    "I want to see you fight me without your precious type advantage, using only those two Pokémon that stand beside you," Lance said, gesturing to Typhlosion and Floatzel.

    "No way!" Ethan exclaimed angrily. "Typhlosion would be massacred and Floatzel just fought five Pokémon in a row! What gives you the right to make all these rules?!"

    "I'm not giving you a choice." Lance narrowed his eyes, noticing the Red Gyarados glancing at him. Lance nodded to his Pokémon.

    The Gyarados let out an immense roar as it reared its head back, a rippling mass of water forming within its mouth. Whipping its head back down, the Gyarados spewed out a massive jet of water, right in the direction of the hapless, wide-eyed Typhlosion. Before the attack could hit though, Floatzel suddenly leaped to the side, putting herself in the way of the attack. The water weasel grunted as she absorbed the blow, the water splashing over her and keeping the fire-type behind her mostly dry.

    Floatzel panted as the water died down. Even with her resistance to the attack, it had still managed to take its toll on the battle-worn Floatzel. She definitely wasn't up to fighting an enemy like this now. As she tried to recover some of her strength, she was caught completely off guard when the Gyarados' tail suddenly came whipping around, smacking right against her side. Floatzel shrieked as she was sent flying through the air, waving her arms and legs helplessly until she finally smacked against the far wall with a hard thud. Ethan cried out as he watched Floatzel fall limply to the ground, the water weasel lying motionless in a heap at the base of the wall. Frantically, Ethan reached to his belt for her Poké Ball, but moaned as he remembered that the Gyarados' Ice Beam had knocked both his full and empty balls away from him.

    Ethan didn't have much more time to think as the Red Gyarados suddenly swung its tail down again, right on to the already unconscious Floatzel. Her body flopped slightly from the impact, the Gyarados raising his tail and slamming it down again, and again, and again. Sickening crunches could be heard following each blow, a pool of blood starting to form underneath the Floatzel's body.

    "Please, stop... You've already defeated her..." Ethan begged of Lance as the Gyarados continued its assault on the unconscious Floatzel. "What do you want, forfeit? If that's what it takes..."

    "Hmm..." Lance mused, watching as the Gyarados stopped slamming its tail against the water weasel's body and instead wrapped the sinuous extension of its own body around her limp form. Picking the unconscious Floatzel up, Gyarados again whipped his tail around and hurled the much smaller Pokémon at the wall near Lance. Floatzel impacted with a loud crunch this time, a trail of blood smearing down the wall as she fell to the floor. Lance walked over to the body, giving it a sharp kick as he examined it.

    "I'm afraid there's nothing that can be done for her now. Pity," Lance shrugged.

    "Wha... What..." Ethan gasped as he stared at the twisted lump of fur that was his Floatzel. His eyes were wide in shock as he stood hunched over, unsure of what was happening or indeed how to react. "What do you mean..." He already had a pretty good idea, but just couldn't accept it.

    "Your Floatzel is dead," Lance explained without an ounce of tact. "The rules have been changed again: now we fight to the death. I do believe your Typhlosion is up next..."

    Floatzel dead... The very idea seemed impossible to Ethan. He had raised her ever since she hatched from the egg his Sinnoh friend had sent him. Ever since she had just been a young Buizel, he had trained her to be part of his team. All the months of training they had shared and challenges they had surpassed together, all gone in an instant. In stunned silence Ethan looked up at the Red Gyarados that had murdered one of his companions, only to suddenly comprehend the rest of what Lance had said.

    Before Ethan could even issue a simple command to run, it was too late. Another massive jet of water blasted from the Gyarados' mouth, but this time there was no one there to protect Typhlosion. The fire type screamed as the water hit him, the force of the impact throwing him back against the wall. Unable to do anything against the force of the water, Typhlosion was pinned against the wall until the blast finally died down. As the water trailed away Typhlosion collapsed to the ground, completely soaked from head to feet, water dripping off his coarse fur. Surprisingly, he wasn't down yet though, panting heavily as he shakily pulled himself to his feet. Even if he was still conscious, the attack had drained all his strength and the water prevented any attempt at igniting the flames around his neck.

    Knowing that Typhlosion was in no position to fight now, Ethan turned around and quickly ran to the edge of the battlefield, looking around for where his Poké Balls had been thrown. Spotting them down at the very bottom of the staircase, Ethan quickly ran down to retrieve Typhlosion's Poké Ball before it was too late. Unseen to the boy, the Gyarados whipped its tail around and wrapped it around the weakened Typhlosion, the volcano Pokémon growling as it was bound by the red-scaled tail, unable to fight back. Gyarados lifted Typhlosion up into the air, bringing him up to the water dragon's eye level. Typhlosion winced as the Gyarados roared, spit flying out of its giant maw and covering Typhlosion in even more liquid.

    Meanwhile, Ethan was frantically looking through his scattered Poké Balls, trying to find the one that belonged to Typhlosion. There were minor differences between them that he had memorized, but in his panicked state it was hard to tell them apart. Finally he found the right ball, grabbing it and running back up the stairs. When he reached the top he was stopped in his tracks, gasping at what he saw. The Red Gyarados held half of Typhlosion in its maw, its sharp fangs clamped down around the Pokemon's chest and digging in deeply, rivulets of blood steam down his sides and dripping to the ground far below. The dragon still held Typhlosion's legs with its tail, tugging Ethan's Pokémon backwards as if trying to rip it in half. Each pull produced a noticeable crack, the flesh around Gyarados' teeth tearing and increasing the flow of blood. Typhlosion screamed and thrashed about inside Gyarados' mouth, punching it with reinvigorated strength but to little effect.

    Quickly, Ethan swung the Poké Ball up and took aim at Typhlosion, pressing the button on the front. A red beam of energy shot out of the ball, only to end up hitting against Gyarados' scales as the dragon suddenly moved, twisting its body to block Ethan's attempts to save his Pokémon. The beam disappeared, Typhlosion still held within the grip of Gyarados' teeth and tail. Ethan wouldn't get another chance to try saving his Pokémon.

    The Gyarados gave another sharp tug of its tail, Typhlosion screaming as the flesh all around where Gyarados' teeth clamped down on him split apart, blood spilling down to the ground in torrents. Another tug, another scream, and the sound of muscles snapping could be heard. Typhlosion's eyes drooped low, the Pokémon barely holding on to consciousness now. Gyarados then gave one more tug, a sharp crack reverberating through the room as Typhlosion's spine split in two, the lower half of his body completely tearing away.

    Ethan dropped the Poké Ball as he stared up at Gyarados. Typhlosion had literally been torn in two, Gyarados letting go of the lower half and letting it drop down to the ground with a sickening squelch as blood and intestines spilled out of the exposed chest cavity. Typhlosion's upper half, complete with his head, was still held within Gyarados' maw. Still alive for a moment after being torn in half, Typhlosion gagged and whimpered one final time before his eyes fell closed. Gyarados tipped its head backwards, the upper half of Typhlosion sliding down the dragon's gullet.

    Ethan collapsed to his knees and sobbed, closing his eyes so as not to see what remained of his Pokémon. Typhlosion gone too... He was his starter Pokémon, traveling alongside him since the very first day Ethan had become a trainer. There was no replacing that. Ethan couldn't just run out and catch another Cyndaquil or trade for another Buizel. You couldn't just go and replace a friend, all those months spent traveling together. Ethan openly cried as he covered his eyes, praying beyond all else that when he finally looked up, he'd find it had all been but a bad dream.

    Quiet footsteps could be heard as Lance walked over to Ethan, standing tall over the broken boy. For a moment Lance didn't speak a word, until finally he whispered, "I do not take pleasure in what I must do. Go now to rejoin your friends." Lance walked away again, Ethan finally glancing up to see Lance grab his cape and wrap it around him as he walked through a door at the far end of the room.

    A roar grabbed Ethan's attention, the boy looking up to see the Gyarados bent over him, Typhlosion's blood dripping down from the dragon's teeth. Pulling himself to his knees, Ethan stared up at Gyarados' gaping maw as it descended around him. He still had no idea why Lance was doing this, why the champion had resorted to murder to retain his title. Whatever the reason, Floatzel and Typhlosion were both dead. All the time and effort put into their training, all the obstacles and challenges passed to reach this moment, all were for naught. Tears dripping down his cheeks, Ethan looked up into the dragon's maw as it closed around him, the world plunged into darkness.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

    Deep in the heart of the Pokémon League was a dark, unlit room. A door at one end of the room slid open for a moment, allowing a small cone of light to illuminate the entrance of the room. A figure walked out of the light and into the darkness before the door slid closed again. At the other end of the room, three computer monitors attached to the wall suddenly flickered to life one by one. Each monitor displayed the picture of a silhouetted person, the dark images casting a minimal amount of light into the room.

    The man who had entered before walked up to the screens, the dim light revealing his identity. "It's done," Lance said, addressing his three peers. "The boy, Ethan, won't bother us again."

    "We have received and reviewed the footage," the silhouette on the left, a woman seemingly cloaked in a fur-trimmed robe, said.

    "Was it truly necessary to kill him?" the man on the right asked. He appeared to be wearing a hat and a cloak that wrapped around his entire body.

    "Lance observed his prowess during the Neo Team Rocket incursion into Mahogany Town," the woman answered.

    Lance nodded and went on to explain, "Indeed. It was by chance I met him, but when I did I could see his innate skill. By besting my Elite Four and then myself, he proved that he would only pose a nuisance if left alone while we continue in our plans."

    "You went easy on him," the cloaked man observed. "You commanded your Elite Four to use only half their strength, as well. When you displayed your full strength, he fell easily."

    "The situation may have been different if he was prepared," Lance theorized. "We will never know, but I believe that the only reason I was successful was because I caught him so off guard."

    "But—" the man on the right started, but he was cut off.

    "Enough," the third man on the middle screen said. Unlike the others he was sitting in a chair, a hand rhythmically stroking a Pokémon laying on his lap. "Wallace, why do you question Lance's decision when you yourself are no better? The boy Brendan, did you not dispose of him in much the same way?"

    There was a pause, Wallace turning his head away from his screen. "...I did not dirty my own hands."

    "You manipulated legendary Pokémon to do your work for you," the woman scoffed. "You are just guilty as Lance."

    Before Wallace could say a word, the man on the middle screen spoke up again, "And Cynthia, you too intercepted and dealt with a potential threat to our cause. All three of you have identified our largest threat in each of your regions and dealt with them accordingly. You should be commended for your efforts and dedication; do not resort to petty squabbling."

    Wallace and Cynthia nodded apologetically and fell silent, not wishing to anger their master. Free to speak again, Lance spoke up, "Sir, there is one more thing. Before I became champion, there was another Trainer. He defeated me when I was Elite Four myself before besting my predecessor, yet did not claim the title of champion and instead went into isolation. While I was not able to get a full judge of his strength, it is possible he may be a threat to our cause. I have reason to believe he is currently located somewhere within Mt. Silver."

    The man on the middle screen slowly nodded. "The one who foiled our premature plans years ago. I will investigate this. When I have located them, I will send you the coordinates so that he can finally be dealt with. However, if he truly is isolated it is unlikely he'll learn of our plans, nor will he get in our way."

    "This means we will be proceeding soon?" Cynthia asked.

    "Indeed," the seated man nodded. "We are now in a prime position. Our reach extends over all the regions. Between you three, we have complete control over all of the Pokémon League. Furthermore, our agents have manged to infiltrate the highest echelons of Silph, Devon, both radio towers, and any other organizations of importance. With all major threats now dealt with, the time for our first, decisive strike is at hand." The seated man suddenly stood up, the Pokémon on his lap yelping as it jumped off to the side and out of the camera's view. "Neo Team Rocket... They were but mere usurpers, seeking to revive and control that which they could not comprehend. Team Rocket never died, and soon the whole world will bow to us as we are restored to glory and strength beyond comprehension."

    Lance, Wallace, and Cynthia all bowed their heads, crossing an arm across their chests as they chanted, together, "Bid us your command and we will not fail you."

    "You will receive your next orders personally," the now standing man said as he crossed his arms behind his back "See to it that they are executed exactly to plan."

    "Of course," Lance said, still bowing his head but glancing up at the screen. "You need not doubt us, Sir Giovanni."

    "I better not."

    All three screens flickered and shut off at once, leaving Lance alone in the pitch black room once again. The dragon master stood still for a moment, deep in thought, before turning and marching out the sliding door again into the light of the public world.

    The End?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

    A couple things I want to mention:

    -You may have noticed that I largely kept this story within game canon, using its depiction of characters up until the end where I used an anime-style Giovanni. Why did I switch it up there? Well, mostly because him sitting there stroking Persian in his lap is so distinctive that I really wanted the reader to strongly go "Wait, what, is that...?" when he's first described, only to have their suspicions confirmed when his name is finally spoken. Simply having him in a suit isn't really that distinctive.

    -The team Ethan uses there? That is in fact the same team I used in SS, with one exception. In my SS, Typhlosion has the nickname "Zethro" (and of course my trainer is called Shrike). I removed the special names from this story simply to alleviate confusion, however.
     

    icomeanon6

    It's "I Come Anon"
    1,184
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • My first and foremost reaction to this story: shiver.

    I thought you would have a bit of a time outclassing the sheer cringe-factor of your entry from last year, but clearly I was wrong. The shiny Gyarados felt truly monstrous (no pun intended). I was reminded of that one infamous devouring scene in Evangelion, so well done in that regard.

    I'd say that the greatest strength in your story is how well you subvert the whole "challenge" aspect. Lots of readers can identify with how un-challenging the Elite Four and Champion battles feel, which makes it all the more powerful when you place the un-scalable wall in front of Ethan. That was a very nice transition between way-too-easy and simply impossible. The sheer unfairness of it all was definitely the right move. I found myself asking the same questions of Lance that Ethan was, which is a good kind of connection to build with the reader.

    My main complaint has mostly to do with me comparing this to your entry from last year, which may not be entirely fair, but whatever. What struck me the most about your story last year was the revelation at the end, and how well it tied into the narration throughout the rest of the story. Your revelation here feels more sudden, and it didn't do as much for me as the rest of this story did. Still, it's a fine ending, and the rest of the story wouldn't have worked without it. Since what I'm saying is basically "I like what you've done here, but I think you've done better before," I guess you can take it as a compliment.

    As with all of our entries, there are a number of typos and other little mistakes in there. What I noticed most were some lapses involving plurals. Other than that, it read just fine.

    Thumbs up, and congratulations on securing second place!
     

    Jin-Roh

    VGC or Bust.
    133
    Posts
    14
    Years
  • Wow. I loved this work. I was always a fan of how the Dark Knight chronicles of the batman series were in comparison to the normal story in darkness and this just brought all that 'ooh what if' feeling back.
    much love. one can't have creativity and perfection so I don't mind the typos XD
     

    Bay

    6,388
    Posts
    17
    Years
  • Hey! Decided to try to review all of the SWC stories posted here. Sorry for the lateness. Been quite busy the last couple weeks. >.> For my SWC reviews I decided to divide it into three sections, the same ones from the contest. Already showed you the individual scores for the three sections, so yeah.

    Grammar/Spelling:
    Mechanics seem fine to me, although I saw a few typos, for instance you put" manged" instead of manage. There's also one awkward sentence:

    Alongside Lance himself, Ethan even managing to put a stop to their attempts to restore Team Rocket to its former strength.
    "even managing" sounds a bit awkward there. Maybe "even managed" would sound better.

    Writing Style:
    The writing first started off with the uneventful explanation of the Pokemon League overall, but I guess that's necessary for this story. However, it then got interesting with the description of the battle there. Even though the violence is a bit uneasy at times, you did well with it consideration I did want to take my eyes off from the screen after reading the gore (which is a good thing as it evokes emotion from me. :P). Also, you did well with Ethan and the Pokemon's emotional descriptions there despite the gore.

    Story/Prompt:
    The battle in the story fits the prompt well and I like it a lot despite the violence. XD The ending is quite interesting too. Even though I'm a bit iffy with corrupted Elites, I'm actually for the idea of the main trainers being experimented. D: Maybe it's me thinking how it's silly a ten year old can defeat the Elite. XD But yeah, nice read there.

    I'm going have to agree though with icomeanon6 though in that I like last year's entry, though. Both this year's SWC and last year's SWC have some depth, but last year has that more emotional pack. For this entry it's more suspense-like. It's still very good though as I like the idea you have for the challenge prompt, though. Great job!
     
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