Tales of a Nomad

[darkcowboy]

Chapter 1 – Cool Hand Lucario​

"Even Pokemon who've been bad have to go away for awhile," a distant voice said as Luke awoke in iron gloves and a muzzle. "You've been very bad, and we've got a place picked out just for you. Of course, we've never had a Lucario before."

Luke glared at the man and simply growled through the muzzle that had been placed on his snout.

With a smirk, the police officer gestured to his Rhydon who mirrored the man's smirk.

Leaning forward, the Rhydon came within an inch of Luke's blue, pointed ears. "That's why you shouldn't attack innocent Pokemon and people."

Luke didn't acknowledge the Rhydon's comment. He would have his chance eventually. He'd show them all that it wasn't he who attacked the PokemonCenter in Olivine.

Without anyone noticing, Luke had managed to unlock the iron gloves that prevented him from using moves like Aura Sphere and Force Palm. They were suppressing his abilities.

"Rhino, watch the prisoner. I'm going to check with the pilot to see how much longer 'til we get to the island," the officer said as he left the cargo hold of the C-12 airplane, and ascended the ladder to the cockpit.

This is too easy. He just left me alone with a rock-type. I can take him out easily, then the plane'll be mine, and I can get back to the Kanto Region, Luke thought to himself as the iron gloves slipped off of his paws.

"You're gonna wish you'd stayed in those gloves, runt," The Rhydon growled as he rose to his full height, barely letting his nose touch the roof of the airplane.

Luke removed the muzzle from his snout and met the Rhydon's eyes with a cold stare. "No my friend, It's you who'll wish I'd stayed in those gloves, gigantor." He began manipulating the aura around him into a blue sphere, roughly the same size as a baseball.

The Rhydon's eyes widened as Luke released the small but potent ball of energy into him, throwing him to the floor.

"What the hell's goin' on back there," the pilot shouted as the airplane suddenly began listing to the left.

"I should've taken into account the fat bastard's weight," Luke hissed to himself.

"Get a hold of her," the officer's voice echoed.

"I'm trying! You can't just correct an eight ton banking maneuver! She could come apart!"

Luke opened the rear cargo hold doors while the officer and the pilot argued. "Freedom at last…" Luke crooned to himself as he reached up to grab a parachute off of the rack.

"Not so fast, pipsqueak." Luke suddenly felt his airway cut off, as a stone hand wrapped itself around his throat, and lifted him into the air.

Luke, feeling as though the world were now spinning, drew in a small amount of energy at the center of his paw. Concentrate. Draw all the energy around you, into a tight area, he told himself over and over until he was satisfied with the amount of energy he had gathered. Now let it go, like a shock wave.

Rhino was thrown back from the immediate dispersal of energy from the Force Palm attack.

"It's been fun Rhino, but now I've gotta jet," Luke quipped as he strapped on the parachute. "We should do it again real soon."

As Luke finished, the officer came out to find out why the cargo bay door was open.

"So long officer," Luke shouted, flipping the man a lazy wave as he dove out of the open door.

Luke pulled the rip-cord, releasing the parachute and slowing him down enough to slowly drift down into the ocean.

======================================================

VermillionCity

Luke hopped off of the Wailord's back, into the waters and began swimming to shore. "Thanks pal," he said as he looked back at the Wailord who was now sinking back into the water.

"No problem, kid," he replied before disappearing completely.

Luke swam to the beach, and trudged out of the water. His attempt at drying himself sent water flying all over, but in the end he was somewhat dry.

He entered the city, with a minor look of contempt. Luke didn't hate humans, but he never fully understood them.

Passing a window, Luke noticed a breaking news bulletin on several television sets inside the store.

"Ladies and gentlemen we are coming to you with breaking news. The Lucario responsible for the vicious attack on PokemonCenter workers and injured Pokemon has escaped from custody. The head of the Pokemon Rangers had this to say:" the screen shifted over to a clip of the large balding man in a black suit and black tie.

"We are doing everything we can. We urge citizens to call us if the Pokemon is sighted, and most of all we urge citizens not to take matters into your own hands. This Lucario is dangerous and places no value on Pokemon or human lives."

Luke looked around at the crowd that was gathering at window. "Eheheh… nothin' to see here people. Just a lone, wild Pokemon passin' through."

From the back a voice shrieked. "It's him! It's the wild Lucario!"

"Uh-oh… this is not good," Luke grumbled to himself as sirens began to sound in the distance.

An officer made her way through the crowd, as Luke tried to part the sea of people. "Make a path! What's going on here?!"

Luke couldn't seem to make his way through the crowd. Another thing Luke didn't understand about humans. Here the news said he was supposedly deadly, yet these people were just standing there gawking.

"YOU," came the authoritative voice of Officer Jenny.

"Just close your eyes and pretend it's a bad dream," Luke called with a wink.

"Everybody down," Jenny shouted as people began to run from the spectacle.

Daylight. A path in the crowd opened as Jenny's Arcanine came on the scene. "BYE!!" Luke shouted as he ran through the crowd.

"Arcanine, corner him!"

As the Arcanine came close to him, lips curled and fangs revealed, Luke was preparing a trick for the unsuspecting Pokemon. "You're under arrest," the canine growled.

Luke grinned revealing the two longest of his fangs. "Come and get me, if you think you can."

Arcanine came closer… right next to a fire hydrant.

"Hook, line, and sinker," Luke said as three long claws extended from his paws, dark shadowy blades that could rip through any matter.

"That's Shadow Claw! Arcanine move," Jenny called.

Before he could react, Luke swung missing him entirely, and cutting the nozzle off of the fire hydrant. Water sprayed everywhere, including all over Jenny and her Arcanine. As the two stood up, and surveyed their surroundings, they both noticed Luke was gone.

"Where'd he go??"

Luke chuckled as he ducked into an alleyway. "That was too easy." He glanced around at the new environment. "Now to get outta here without being seen."

 

[Blue Angel]

Good start. I like the idea of a wild Lucario being the main character. With it's human like characteristics and its ability to use attacks, it makes for a great main character. I'd love to see where you go with this.

 

[darkcowboy]

I'm glad y'all Likey. XP here's the next chapter.

Chapter 2 – Fists of Steel and a Heart of Gold​

The alley was dark and cold; just the way Luke expected it. It always seems to turn out like this, Luke thought sadly as he sat down next to a dumpster. His paws ached from the running, and he was running out of energy.

The silence was broken by the sound of a young girl running through the alley, chased by two men.

As the men clumsily tripped through the alley, Luke felt a sharp pain in his tail accompanied by the sound of a loud crack.

Luke yelped loudly, grabbing his tail. After a moment of nursing his tail, he realized that the girl was probably in some kind of trouble. With that in mind, Luke chased after the men.

The girl led them through many twists and turns in the hopes of losing the two, but her attempts ended in failure. Her pursuers cornered her in a dead end at the end of the network of alleys.

"Is it her, Joe," one of them asked the other.

"I don't know. Lemme get the device." The other took a device out of his pocket, and aimed it at the girl. After several clicks and beeps, the device hummed to life and began its function.

With a look of satisfaction, he looked up at his partner. "That's our girl."

"That's good to know, but I don't think she wants to leave with you," Luke called from behind them.

The two men whirled around to see that Luke was a few feet back from them, holding a charged sphere of blue energy.

"It's none of your concern, tiny."

"That's right. Now Slowbro, go!" One of them grabbed a pokeball from his waist and threw it out. The ball burst into a cloud of smoke, releasing a large pink Pokemon with a Cloyster latched onto his tail.

"Kadabra, do your thing," the other called as he released a tan and purple Pokemon with a star on his forehead and a spoon in his hand.

Luke released his attack on the two Pokemon but to no avail, as the two were both psychic-types. The Aura Sphere attack fell harmlessly on the two Pokemon.

"Well, I think, we'll have try somethin' else then," Luke said with a half grin. The two pokemon watched curiously as a wave of darkness passed through the alley. It seemed as though some evil force was blocking all light from the inside of the alley.

Three dark claws extended from Luke's paw as he swiped at Kadabra with a hard left swing. The attack connected with the Pokemon's torso causing him to howl in pain. Luke disappeared into the shadows of the alley while the men stared in shock. This was fun; he could toy with these guys all night, but the girl appeared to be injured. Getting her somewhere safe was the top priority.

"Slowbro, use Disable!"

The Slowbro concentrated, and released his attack which pulsed throughout the alley.
Laughing, Luke projected his voice throughout the alley. "You're kidding, right? I have an arsenal of techniques at my disposal. Honestly, I think you boys should just run along."

They won't leave, not without me, a voice echoed in Luke's mind.

Who are you, Luke replied to the voice. He looked at the girl who was staring at him intently.

The girl nodded, and then gestured toward the men.

"Hey, boys. I've gotta end this quick," Luke announced as he dropped from a nearby fire escape.

"What are you talkin' about?"

Luke formed a ball of energy in his paws. "Don't worry about it. It's not your problem anymore." The ball of energy turned red and yellow.

When Luke felt that he couldn't hold the energy anymore, he released it into a beam of orange light that knocked the men and their Pokemon down.

When the men got up, Luke and the girl were gone.

Luke stepped out of the alley carrying the girl on his back. "Hey. How'd you get inside my head like that," he asked when they were well enough away that the men wouldn't hear them.

"I thank you for your help, but I really must be going. It won't be long before more of Team Rocket's men come after me."

Luke raised an eyebrow before setting the girl on the pavement and taking three steps back. "That was Pokespeak. You're no human at all, are you?"

The girl shook her head. "No, I'm not. I'm a Latias. If Team Rocket finds me-"

Luke put a paw over her mouth. "Who is this Team Rocket you keep talkin' about, and why should I be scared of them?"

"You're not from around here are you? Team Rocket is the most feared gang of men who exploit Pokemon for their own selfish gains."

"Back home, we had Team Galactic to deal with. That was a lotta fun…" Luke glanced at the girl who was favoring her left arm. "I think we need to get you to a PokemonCenter."

"Please, if you get involved, they might take you too," she pleaded.

"Ha. Them and the police, both," Luke picked her up again and began carrying her.

===================================================

VermillionPokemonCenter

"I'm afraid she'll have to stay here a while," Nurse Joy explained to Luke, who seemed preoccupied with being recognized. "Does she have a trainer?"

Luke looked at Joy quickly and then looked away. "Umm, no. I found her being chased by some local thugs."

"Are you her friend?"

"I've never seen her before in my life."

"In that case, she'll have to stay until her wing is fully recovered," Joy explained.

"I thought Latios and Latias used telekinesis to fly," Luke said as he scratched his head.

"That's true, but I don't want her in the wild with an injury like the one she sustained."

Luke looked back at the door only to see a police officer stroll in. "She kept saying a group named Team Rocket attacked her. If you can, you should be on the lookout for two men. One with an injured Kadabra, and the other with a possibly injured Slowbro," he said while hiding behind Nurse Joy.

"How do you know they're injured," Joy said with a suspicious glance at the officer.

"I did the injuring."

Joy looked down at Luke. "Could you excuse me for a moment," She said, turning away only to be stopped by Luke.

"Please don't go get that officer. I'm really quite harmless," Luke said quickly.

"Tell that to my niece and all the Pokemon you attacked in OlivineCity," Joy hissed.

Luke stared for a moment, his lips parting for a moment. "That wasn't me. I never attacked the PokemonCenter in OlivineCity! I was framed!"

"Oh sure, how many Sinnoh Region Pokemon go wandering around attacking Pokemon Centers?!"

Luke looked at his feet. "I know that it seems like I'm the villain here, but I'm really not. I've never harmed a Pokemon that wasn't trying to grind me into dust, and I've never attacked 'em from behind."

"That's not enough to convince me," Joy said angrily as she turned, only to be stopped again. This time by a little white and red Pokemon, tugging at her apron.

"You believe him, don't you," Joy said kneeling in front of the dragon Pokemon.

The Latias nodded silently.

Joy sniffled, and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Ok. I won't tell the officer, but you both need to spend the night, while all of this blows over."

Luke nodded, while Nurse Joy went to divert the police officer's eyes from Luke's general direction.

As the officer left, Luke looked up at the Latias. "I guess that makes us even," he said quietly.

"Not even close. You saved me from being exploited by Team Rocket. They would have done all manner of inhumane experiments on me. All I did for you was keep you from getting sent away," she replied with a smile.

Luke smiled slightly. "If only you knew what life on Paradise Island was like."

 

[Blue Angel]

Maybe making the chapters longer, would help improve your story. They seem to have such a quick pace, and very little happening throughout. I like the plot and where you're going. It was a good, but short chapter.

 

[darkcowboy]

will do. 'preciate the advice.

 

[darkcowboy]

Chapter 3 – Old Debts​

​

The rain came down heavily. Lightning split the sky as an injured Kirlia named Salem, lay in the mud crying. He was fairly young and wasn't conditioned for battle, but that didn't stop the trainer from attacking him out of sheer spite.

Salem tried to crawl away from the merciless trainer and his Pokemon, but there was no escape. Every move he made was blocked by the trainer's Weavile.

"Please… don't hurt me any more… please," Salem whimpered to the Weavile who laughed.

"I'm sooo sorry, but it's just so much fun," the Weavile replied, stepping on Salem's throat.

"Weavile, finish him," the trainer commanded with no hint of remorse in his voice.

An evil grin flashed across the Weavile's face, as he prepared to use a Night Slash attack that would ultimately end Salem's life.

A dark aura appeared around the Weavile's claw, as he took a final slash at Salem, only to be stopped by iron hard claws, which protruded from black paws on blue furry arms.

The Weavile stepped back somewhat, as he was now face to face with a Lucario. "Ah, fresh meat. I've never had the pleasure of fighting a Lucario before."

Salem looked up at the Lucario, and recognized him automatically. "Luke? You came to save me!"

Luke didn't look at Salem, nor did he acknowledge him. "You've gone too far today, Weavile."

"Don't be so melodramatic," the Weavile said as he stepped back even more. "Honestly, you'd think someone, had just killed a Kirlia or something."

Luke lunged at the Weavile, iron claws extended to their full length.

The Weavile howled in pain as Luke sank three claws into his left shoulder, and raked them across the front of his torso, spilling blood everywhere.

Luke's left paw came around with so much speed that it couldn't be seen by either Salem or the enemy Weavile. A jaw cracking connection was made between Luke's paw, and the Weavile's lower face.

Flames now covered Luke's right foot, as he spun around quickly, in a roundhouse kick. Another connection was made with the right side of Weavile's head, sending him tumbling to the ground next to Salem.

"You're lucky that I'm sparing your life," Luke growled angrily.

"Luke, look out," Salem cried, just before Luke put his paw out to catch a Pokeball that had been thrown at him.

Luke held the Pokeball in his paws for a moment, then dropped it and looked up at the trainer who'd thrown it. "Tisk tisk. You shouldn't have done that. I understand that you have to catch Pokemon to be a great trainer, but to apply such brute force to your tactics, I can't accept."

"What do you know about it? You're just a soft heart in a hard shell," the trainer shouted.

"Real power isn't measured by a being's willingness to kill. Real power is measured by a being's ability to restrain himself," Luke said as he moved closer to the trainer. "You and I are weak, because we can't restrain ourselves."

"What do you mean 'you and I'?"

"I mean that I see no mercy in your future…" Luke said as the shadows engulfed them both. Three long claws made of dark energy appeared at Luke's paws as he moved in to strike. He brought his claw down onto the unnerved trainer, slashing right through his torso.

No damage was done to his physical body, but Luke could see the damage done to his aura. It was turning from a bright blue to a shadowy purple, as the trainer sat down under the trunk of a tree.

Luke raised his paw to the sky. "Now for the finisher."

As he began to bring it down, a green form jumped in the way of the attack, causing Luke to purposely miss his foe, and hit the tree trunk just above his head.

"Luke, don't do this… please," Salem said, now standing in the trainer's lap.

"Salem, get out of my way."

"Don't you see?! You're becoming the trainer, and his merciless Weavile. Just let it go!"

Luke stepped back and looked at himself. His fur was covered in mud and blood. Luke turned around. "What have I done?"

A human hand touched his shoulder, causing him to jump. Looking back, Luke saw a man in a red and yellow uniform, who was now holding Salem in his arms. "You did what any Pokemon or human would have done to him had they seen what you saw here today. But you had the strength to stop yourself before someone got killed. I'm proud of you for that."

"And who are you," Luke asked quietly.

"My name is Johnny Slade, and I'm a Pokemon Ranger. Unfortunately I'm going to have to take you to the authorities, and let them decide what to do with you."

Luke stared down at Slade's feet. "Am I going to be punished by the humans?"

"No. You'll be sent to a wildlife preserve, where Pokemon are sent when they've done a great deal of damage to life or property. It's more like relocation. You'll still be wild but in a different place," Slade explained.

====================================================

Luke sat up quickly, his fur standing on end. "Dreamin' about the old days again, dummy," he said to himself while flattening the fur on his arms and chest. Rolling out of the bed, Luke stumbled to the window of the second story guest room, and looked down on the street.

The sun had already raised high above the earth, and was now happily beating down on the harbor to­wn.

"Luke? Were you having a nightmare," Latias' sweet voice said from the door.

Luke glanced at the Latias who had come over and was now hovering by his side. "No. Just a dream."

"Luke, I'm psychic. Plus you were talking in your sleep."

"I can't lie to you, can I, Latias," Luke said smiling sadly.

"Please, call me Lanai. It's the name I was given by the girl that helped me escape from Team Rocket."

"Okay, Lanai." Luke's smile grew somewhat. "Four years ago, a friend of mine was nearly killed by a trainer and his Weavile. I took it upon myself to exact revenge, but my friend stopped me. The horrible thing that I almost did, has haunted me ever since."

"He must've been a pretty bad friend, if he couldn't keep your sorry ass outta trouble," said a familiar voice.

Luke looked at the door to see a tall figure standing in the doorway. "Salem, is that you??"

The Gallade stepped forward and nodded. "It's been a couple years."

"Yeah, I suppose it has. What brings you here," Luke asked.

"Well, when I hear that my best friend just tried to kill twelve Pokemon and a Pokemon Center nurse… I think its time you and I have a chat."

"You think it was me too, don't you," Luke said, folding his arms.

"You have it all wrong! I'm psychic. I can tell just by lookin' atcha, that you didn't do it. I came, to see if I could help. After all, I owe you my life…"

Luke grinned. "Alright. Let's see whatcha got."

The room suddenly shook causing Luke and Salem to be thrown violently to the ground, as the sounds of bewildered screams could be heard downstairs.

"What the hell was that," Luke shouted as they clamored to their feet.

"I don't know. Let's check it out," Salem replied, running out of the room.

Luke glanced back at Lanai, and stopped. "You stay here. It could be your pals from the alley."

As Lanai nodded, Luke left the room and joined his friend on the stairs as a wave of Rockets ushered into the lobby of the Pokemon Center.

One of them grabbed a boy by the collar. "Where's Nurse Joy," he shouted angrily.

"I-I don't know," the young boy wailed, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Let that boy go," a stern voice yelled amongst the angry roar. All faces in the room turned to Nurse Joy who was standing on the counter next to an angry Blissey. "What is it that you want?"

"I want Latias and I want her now, or this little boy gets fed to my Houndoom," the Rocket said without batting an eye.

Luke leapt down from the stairs, onto the counter next to Nurse Joy.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Nurse Joy answered, narrowing her eyes.

There was a moment of silence as Luke eyed the leader of the Rockets. All that could be hoped for was that the leader was dumb enough to believe Joy's lie.

"Boss, she's lying! That's the blue mutt that ambushed us in the alley behind the Poke Mart!"

The leader was now eyeing Luke. "Is he now? What do you say, shorty? Is she here or not?"

Calmly, Luke took a deep breath. These "tiny" jokes were getting tiresome. "Move on."

"What if we don't wanna go," a voice shouted from the crowd.

A sound near the exit caused all of the grunts in the room to look at the glass doors which were sliding shut, followed by the prompt shutting of the iron shutters, which prevented break-ins during the night. Salem appeared between the grunts and the door.

Luke grinned. "If you don't wanna go, then you're stuck in here with me 'n' my friend there."

Another moment of silence was trailed by a short chuckle from the leader. "Do you hear that, gentlemen? We're trapped! All forty of us. Against these two."

"You don't wanna push me friend," Luke said with a dark undertone.

"Actually, I think I do. ATTACK," the leader cried, as his Houndoom lunged at Luke. The battle was on. A swarm of Pokemon came at Luke, but was quickly dispatched by a Vacuum Wave attack, while Salem crossed blades with a Scyther during the chaos.

Luke rammed an electrically charged fist into the face of a Blastoise who had his water cannons trained on Salem. Another Thunderpunch put the Blastoise down on the ground, and a

Outside, sirens blared heralding the arrival of the cops, as a Mightyena blasted his way through the iron shutters that blocked the exit.

"Every man for 'em self," a grunt shouted at the top of his lungs.

Luke and Salem chased the perpetrators into the street where they were corralled into a circle of police cars, and Pokemon. In a panic, one of the Rockets' Pokemon attacked one of the police cars, causing it to somersault violently into the air.

Predicting its landing, Luke dove into an officer who had been in the predicted landing spot, while the car made its dramatic landing, right where Luke had foreseen.

For a second, Luke and the officer stared at each other, Luke straddling her stomach.

"You," she exclaimed while the other officers busied themselves with trying to catch the fleeing members of Team Rocket.

"Would you believe me if I told you there was a completely logical explanation for all of this," Luke asked hesitantly.

"Get OFF! Now isn't the time for this," Jenny shouted angrily after pushing Luke off of her, forcefully. She turned and began helping her fellow officers by calling out her Squirtle and her Arcanine. "Zen, use Blizzard! Arcanine use Fire Spin!"

Jenny's Squirtle nodded and unleashed snow and ice from all over the city street, which caused the Rockets to slip and fall on the suddenly frozen cement, and Arcanine followed up with a fire storm which encircled the fallen Rockets.

Luke saw this as an opportunity to grab several iron bars from the construction site across the street from the Pokemon Center.

While the Rockets were still trapped in the fiery tornado, Luke hurled the bars high into the sky, and using Psychic, Luke positioned the bars to land in a perfect circle.

When the bars landed, they stood straight in the air, creating a makeshift jail cell for the Rockets to sit in while the police rounded up their Pokemon.

"Thank you for that, Lucario," Jenny said, wiping sweat from her brow.

"Always happy to help. Crooks like these should get locked up," Luke answered, his back to Jenny.

"I…" Jenny faltered for a second. "Thank you for saving me."

"You gonna… slap the cuffs on me," Luke asked after turning to face her.

"No. Not… not this time. My superiors told me you were evil, with no regard for Pokemon or human life. What I saw here today contradicts that." Jenny paused to interpret what she was saying. It had been a long time since she had spoken with her heart. "I hope that one day you find what you're looking for, whatever it is."

Luke looked her in the eyes, which appeared to be filling with tears. "Thank you. I do have one request though."

"What is it?"

"Contact the Pokemon Rangers, and get in touch with Johnny Slade. Could you tell him that I'm alright?"

Jenny nodded numbly.

Luke turned and went back into the Pokemon Center with a strange feeling. As he ascended the stairs, and entered his room, he found Salem sitting on his bed. "Where's Lanai?"

"She left. I don't know where or why, but she was babbling about being a jinx and causing problems wherever she goes," Salem answered. "I tried to stop her, but she wasn't having it."

"Damn," Luke shouted as he rammed his fist into the wall. "C'mon, we're going after her. The wild is no place for the injured."

"But, what about the humans?!" Salem called after Luke who had rushed out of the room and down the stairs. Salem stood up and looked around the room. "Typical Luke. Rushin' head first into danger." With that said, Salem exited the room. "Luke, wait for me!" he called.

 

[bobandbill]

Well, I said I would when I have time, so now I will. :) First two chapters only though thus far.

The fic idea is ok, but you do need a lot more work on the fic itself, IMO. See, yuo are not really pulling us into the story enough. There's a lack of feeling surronding the characters. Lucario... to me he seems a bit bland, and a bt too dumb as well. More on that later...

"Even Pokemon who've been bad have to go away for awhile,"

a while.

He'd show them all that it wasn't he who attacked the PokemonCenter in Olivine.

Also should be two words, not one.
Now, here the lucario thinks that he will prove that he is innocent. If he plans to do so - WHY IS HE RUNNING AWAY!?! That sort of thing kinda proves that you are guilty of something, doesn't it? Too big a plothole to miss and ignore for me, unless he bumped his head at a young age or something.

This is too easy. He just left me alone with a rock-type. I can take him out easily, then the plane'll be mine, and I can get back to the Kanto Region, Luke thought to himself as the iron gloves slipped off of his paws.

That seemed too easy as well. You have a dangerous Pokemon capitve - so you'd make sure that he couldn't escape. Yet, he did, and with seemingly little effort there as well. Very little effort. Make things more realistic - don't let your character easily overcome every situation he gets himself into.

stayed in those gloves, runt," The Rhydon growled

You made the mistake of having no space between a quotation mark and the following word a few times there. Also, that should be a small 't' as well.

"No, my friend, It's you who'll wish I'd stayed in those gloves, gigantor

Comma after No is needed, it's without the capital, and what kind of name/insult/whatever is gigantor? Rather odd...

"Not so fast, pipsqueak." Luke suddenly felt his airway cut

Again witht he quotation mark without a space thing.
Now, with description...

Rhino was thrown back from the immediate dispersal of energy from the Force Palm attack.

It is rather bland, really. Instead of showing us how things happen, adding to the atmosphere and action, you simple tell us what happens, which makes for less entertaining writing. Basically, here it says 'Rhino was thrown back from super-mega attack'. What did the attack look like? How far did he go flying back? Did he crash into anything? What did it sound like? Consider things like this, and show us it insteadof telling, letting us use our mind and visulize what is happening clearer. This is very important, and is what gets us to go 'ohh, that's cool!".

Sentence length is all too similar as well. It starts to sound repetitive, like a list, so change it up more. Long and short sentences.

Luke hopped off of the Wailord's back, into the waters and began swimming to shore. "Thanks pal," he said as he looked back at the Wailord who was now sinking back into the water.

"No problem, kid," he replied before disappearing completely.

Quotation mark thing, and... well... this seems completly random, really. 'HEY I just jumped out of a plane because I like running away from things to prove my innocence now i'll catch the next Wailord to shore!' Just a bit too odd... you could get away with it yif you expanded those two two lines, and detailed the whole event, making it believeable. Otherwise, it's just lost on us to a large degree. Andthe Wailord is promptly forgotton after appearing for two lines.

He entered the city, with a minor look of contempt. Luke didn't hate humans, but he never fully understood them.

Again, the show-don't-tell thing. The first line is ok - showing us a look of contempt, which could be expanded upon but is ok. But then you tell us that he 'didn't hate humans, just never fully understood them'. That's telling us. It's much better if you show us, and let us figure it out for ourselves. Like him finding or seeing a piece of human machinery or something, and getting puzzled by it - or him watching how humans acted - then you aren't telling us, but we can see it for ourselves.

"That's Shadow Claw! Arcanine, move," Jenny called.

If something/one is addressed by name/species name/insult/title/whatever, a comma preceeds and/or follows it, depending on the situation. Here, one is needed afterwards.

It's not that it's so bad, but that it has a lot of unused potential. You could develop the mistaken-identity idea and expand on it far further, taking the time to plot it out. Now it just feels like 'here's a Lucario on da run despite he's innocent...because and look he's strong and cool'. Unfortunately, it's not really enough - you need to develop his character, explain those plotholes and add more descrition - add more drama and all that jazz.

A somewhat-critical review, I suppose, but I'm in a critical mood I guess and this fic could use some more work, I have to say.

 

[darkcowboy]

Now, here the lucario thinks that he will prove that he is innocent. If he plans to do so - WHY IS HE RUNNING AWAY!?! That sort of thing kinda proves that you are guilty of something, doesn't it? Too big a plothole to miss and ignore for me, unless he bumped his head at a young age or something.

I guess you're right, it is pretty bad, but just one thing. Have you ever seen the movies The Fugitive, or US Marshals? If you haven't then I'll just say that it's literally impossible to prove your innocence from behind bars... well I guess you could if you were OJ or something, but that would make for a pretty boring fic.

Secondly, the comma without a space thing is not my doing. For some reason, when I post on this site (and others), for some reason spaces mysteriously disappear. If you look through my work, you'll notice that things like Pokemon Center and Vermillion City appear as PokemonCenter and VermillionCity. I don't know why spaces get dropped, but they do.

 

[Event_collectorx]

I think this story was really great, but lucario can't learn five moves. You said he knew: psychic, aurasphere, thunderpunch,shadow claw and force palm, through out the story. Maybe you should fix that. Or work something into the story on how he learned five nmoves.

 

[darkcowboy]

my fic is based ihe mangaverse where they can learn as many moves as they can, but thanks for pointing it out. ^^ glad you enjoyed it.

 

[darkcowboy]

Chapter 4 – An Eggcellent Night!​

​

Luke ran through the dense forest, looking in every direction. "Lanai!"

The sun was setting now, as a few golden rays shot across the sky one last time and disappeared. Every minute counted, because if Lanai got herself into a fight in her current state, she would be in bad shape.

"Luke, you've gotta stop for a minute! If you wear yourself out, you won't have enough energy to find her!" Salem stopped and took a deep breath.

Luke looked back at Salem and glared. "We don't have time to rest…" With that, Luke turned around and closed his eyes. Even standing behind him, Salem knew exactly what Luke was doing. The appendages on the sides of Luke's head began to levitate. After a few seconds the appendages dropped, and Luke opened his eyes again. "She's that way, and she's already in danger," Luke said pointing in the direction of Saffron City. "She's near the retention pond being attacked by an Arbok!"

Luke began running again, north this time in the hopes that he could get there before the Arbok did something horrible. As they ran, Luke's super-sensitive ears could already hear her trying to reason with the Arbok.

"Please, you can't eat these eggs," She cried.

"Ha. Thesssssse eggsss are mine now. I will do with them what I please," the Arbok replied.

Lanai screamed loudly as the Arbok made his move.

"Shaan, stop this now," another voice called. "When Rolland gets back, he'll be furious!"

"Your mate doesss not scare me anymore. Now that I have evolved, I have all the power now!"

Luke had to get there quickly. It was getting darker. Luke's racing mind stopped for a moment. Darkness was all he needed now. The shadows would fuel his Shadow Ball, and Shadow Claw attacks. "The forest can be a dangerous place for an Arbok all alone."

"Who said that?!" Shaan looked all around bewilderedly.

Luke was in a good position to attack, but he wanted to play with this one a little while longer. Luke stayed quiet for a moment, while he moved. The Arbok, Lanai and now a Furret were all situated in the center of a clearing, around a pit with three eggs in it. Around the clearing, dense bushes and thick trees created good cover for Luke to hide behind.

After moving to a better place, Luke projected his voice loudly. "Does it matter? You'd better let my friends be."

"Who are you?!"

"Your worst nightmare," Luke called, launching a powerful fiery kick out of the nearby bushes. The Blaze Kick attack landed on the side of Shaan's head, throwing him to the ground.

Shaan hissed as he stood himself up and opened his hood. "Nobody told me that Rolland had a lackey, looking after his business interesssssstss while he wasss gone!"

"Gotta admit, Shaan, I'm new in town. I have no idea what you're talkin' about," Luke said with a wink and a grin, just before charging up his right hand. "You look drained. Maybe a good electrical charge'll get your juice flowin'," Luke yelled as he rammed an electrically charged fist into the side of the Arbok's face.

"I'll get those eggsssssss eventually," Shaan hissed before slithering away.

Luke watched as he left, and grinned to himself. "That was too easy."

Lanai, who had been hovering next to the Furret, was now trying to comforting her. "It'll be okay, Min. Trust me."

The forest was getting colder; another sign that winter was coming. Pokemon like Shaan would be going into hibernation… at least that was Luke's hope. He didn't know if Salem had noticed but he was getting weaker. A fight right now would be a bad thing, considering he'd already exerted too much energy for his own good.

Slowly, Luke moved over to a tree and sat down near the trunk as Lanai brought Min over to meet him.

"Min, this is Luke. He's a powerful Lucario and he's been watching over me these last couple of days," Lanai explained to her.

"I'm very pleased to meet you Luke," Min said timidly.

Luke nodded and looked around. "Where is your mate; Rolland was it? Isn't it his responsibility to look after your eggs?"

Min looked down into the grass and a tear ran down her cheek. "I don't know where he is. He went out to hunt for food one morning and never came back, and I've only been able to wonder what's happened to him. When that vicious Arbok came along asking for the eggs, I had a feeling that he'd done something with my Rolland."

Lanai looked at Luke and then back at Min. "That's terrible."

"So Rolland was the leader of all the forest Pokemon then," Luke asked.

Quietly Min nodded. "I don't know what to do. It's a miracle in itself that your friend came along."

Luke surveyed the surroundings. "My friends will stay and look after the eggs with you, and I'll follow that snake back to his hideout and see what he's got goin' on there. We'll only stay until the eggs hatch though."

Min happily threw her tiny arms around Luke's waist. "Oh thank you so much! I can't tell you how much this means to me. I promise the eggs only have a few more days to hatch."

Luke stood up and stretched his arms. "Well, I guess I'd better get to following him."

"How will you find him? He's probably long gone by now," Lanai asked.

"You'd be amazed at the things I can do with the Aura inside me," Luke said with a grin and a wink.

Suddenly, she didn't feel all that uneasy. There was something comforting about Luke's smile.

"I oughta be back in about a day or so. Salem is in charge here; you listen to what he says. He's young, but he knows what he's doing."

Salem stood silently.

As Min and Lanai moved over to the nest and began chatting amongst themselves, Salem stepped over and folded his arms. "When were you gonna tell me?"

Luke looked at him quickly and looked away. "Tell you what?"

"That you're sick."

Luke looked down at his scabbed and skinned paws. "It's none of your concern. Just look after the girls." He turned an left, leaving Salem all alone with his thoughts.

Don't be afraid. He's a lot tougher than he looks. A voice echoed in his mind.

Quickly, Salem glanced over at Lanai who was staring at him thoughtfully. He's dying Lanai, and there's nothing I can do about it.

======================================================

Indigo Plateau

In the confines of a large trophy room, a young man stood staring at a portrait on the wall. It was a photo of the previous champion, Lance. A Lucario stood by his side.

Lance the Dragon Master stood at his side. "Just imagine, boy. Your name will go down in history along side of all the other champions that have ever reigned.

The young man's cold stare turned to Lance.

"Shall we induct you into the hall of fame now?"

The young man nodded.

The Lucario laughed loudly. "You know, I've never served a champion before."

"Ah, young Lucius, you're in for a world of joy," He said grinning. And together, you and I shall rule this miserable region.

 

[darkcowboy]

Chapter 5 – Break In​

​

Luke leapt from branch to branch, following the trail of Shaan's aura. It wasn't too hard to track the serpent. He left an Aura trail that a blind man could follow. It was almost as if he was… sleeping. Luke stopped on a tree branch and took one look back at the trail behind him.

A living thing gives off its aura the most when it's asleep, or when its mind is inactive. The subconscious can't control the aura given off when that creature is asleep or under… "mind control!" Luke almost shouted at himself. How could I have been so blind? It makes sense. Arbok are hunters, not scavengers. Shaan wanted those eggs for some other reason, and I've gotta find out why.

With one bound, Luke leapt to the ground, and began sprinting at a breakneck pace. The crisp night air stung his eyes as he picked up speed. The Aura trail led into a grove of trees along the side of the road across from the retention pond.

Stopping for a moment Luke studied the trees. The forest went on for miles and miles, all the way to another road land-marked by cliffs that dropped off right into the ocean.

Along this road there was another tree line that blocked a passerby's view of what lay between the cliffs and the road. A small building that looked like a shack to the naked eye, but under it was a complex of rooms and air shafts. The remnants of a played out gold mine now converted into a secret base of some kind.

Luke opened his eyes and looked at the sky. Judging by the position of the moon and the stars, even running at top speed, he wouldn't make it to the base until at least day break. There had to be an easier way to get there. He scanned the trees once again for any sight of Shaan, who couldn't have gotten a head start.

Shaan was nowhere to be found. His Aura had even disappeared.

With a deep breath and a sigh, Luke started off into the trees trudging slowly, until he tripped over a root and landed face first on top of a white linoleum tile with a green diagonal square in the center. "What the hell is this," Luke said to him self as he stood up on the tile and allowed his feet to touch the cold surface.

Suddenly, the world around him began to spin at a dizzying speed until it blurred into a mesh of colors. He felt as though he were being propelled through an alternate plane of space to another place. When his feet returned to the cold surface of the linoleum tile, he dropped to his knees clutching his stomach, trying to hold in the meal they had served him at the Pokemon Center in Vermillion City.

As Luke finally started to regain his bearings, he looked around and noticed that he was no longer surrounded by thick foliage, but now he was in front of a shack with a thick line of trees on one side and a steep drop-off which went right down to the ocean, on the other side.

He allowed himself to take in the surroundings before he tried to do anything too difficult with his brain. The world was still spinning, and thinking would only make it worse at the moment.

After letting his mind slow down, and his stomach settle, he started to make quick deductions about where he was. Standing up, he growled his discomfort slightly. "That was not pleasant."

It was only then that he became fully aware of where he was. The shack was the same as the one he'd been studying through the Aura.

Luke took several steps back and took a deep breath. "This is the place," he said to himself. He stepped over to the door, and attempted to push it open, but to no avail.

To the naked eye it appeared that a slight breeze would cave it in, but now that Luke examined it more closely, with the Aura guiding him, he could see that there was an iron door, with about six different locking mechanisms which were opened by a key-card and number panel. "And I thought Team Galactic was a push-over," he said to himself with a slight grin.

Luke drew his arm back and held it, allowing time for all the electricity he could charge. When he felt as though he couldn't hold the electric charge any longer, he drove his electrified fist into the console, sending a powerful electric charge into the door.

A series of whirs and clicks emitted from the door as it began to open and shut wildly in a fanatical malfunction.

Luke studied the door as it opened and shut in a rhythm that he was beginning to memorize. Luckily the door wasn't just sporadically opening and closing, but instead it had timing. It seemed that the door would open for a second, and then shut half a second later. So I've got a half second window to jump through the insane door, and hope I don't get smashed like a tamato berry.

He calmed his mind, and waited for the opportunity. Quickly the opportunity arose, and Luke dove through the door, just barely getting his tale smashed in the door. "That would've been painful," he mused as he turned around and stepped on the elevator.

It wasn't too hard to operate since there were only two buttons, one with an arrow pointing up and an arrow pointing down. Almost instinctively, Luke pressed the down arrow, sending the elevator down in a slow groan as the equipment began to do its work. After three minutes of bad elevator music, the elevator stopped and the doors opened allowing him to see the next level of his adventure in the base.

He stepped out into a long corridor that ran side to side from the elevator, with two guards walking down the hall with their backs toward the elevator.

Silently, Luke leapt up and grabbed a hold of a pair of pipes, monkey-barring his way over to the two guards walking down the hall. As he did so, another guard rounded the corner down the hall, walking in the opposite direction of the other two.

Quickly, Luke dropped down behind the guards onto the cold metal floor, and looked up at the guard who was approaching them. Their eyes met for a brief moment, and then the guard pointed at Luke.

"Hey!"

The other two guards, aroused by the third guard, turned around just in time for Luke to grab them by the backs of their heads, and slam the two together with a thud. As the two unconsciously fell to the floor, the third guard turned and began sprinting down the corridor as fast as he could.

With a scoff, Luke turned and ran after him, effortlessly catching up to the frightened guard.

"Have mercy," the guard squealed, as a blue bone-shaped staff formed in Luke's hands.

"I'm fresh out," Luke said coldly, swinging the staff down onto the man's head which sent him reeling to the iron floor.

Luke turned and closed his eyes, holding his hand to his chest. He began to focus on Shaan's Aura.

There was no trail, but the Aura was near by. The Aura could lead him to Shaan and any other Pokemon that were with him. Down the corridor, on the third left, leading down another corridor into a large storage facility, was where he found Shaan, and many other forest Pokemon from the surrounding area. They were in force cages, sleeping off the daily hypnosis of a Pokemon standing in the center of the room.

He had yellow fur all over, save for a white mane of fur around his neck. In his left hand he held a pendulum which arced back and forth, hypnotizing his victims. The Pokemon in the storage facility were under his command.

Luke began sprinting in the direction of the storage facility, in the hopes that he might be able to defeat the puppeteer, before he himself fell under the other Pokemon's spell. He dashed through a multitude of corridors at full speed, until he reached the door that he was searching for. The door opened right up for him, as he slowed down to a halt.

The Hypno smiled at Luke as he entered cautiously. "Welcome. You've just successfully infiltrated a base that took my master thirteen years to build."

Luke stopped and looked at the Hypno. It was he, who controlled the minds of the Pokemon. If he locked eyes with a person or Pokemon, they'd be under his control for as long as the pendulum swings. Shutting his eyes, Luke concentrated on the Aura around the Hypno.

As the pendulum began to swing, Luke leapt high into the air, hoping to land a kick and break the Hypno's concentration. His kick was flawless as he slammed into a wall of absolutely nothing.

Luke's eyes widened as he suddenly felt himself being suspended in mid-air by an unseen force. The Hypno's Aura was unchanged, so he wasn't exerting himself anymore than he had to, in order to control the minds of the other Pokemon. That was when the thought hit him.

Luke took a look around the room and noticed that one of the force cages were open, and its occupant was no longer inside. He's making the Pokemon fight for him so that he can stay focused on controlling the others, Luke told himself.

An Alakazam appeared next to him in a flash of light. "You'll deal with me now!"

Luke was suddenly and violently flung across the room by invisible hands, sending him careening into the bucket of a nearby front-end loader.

Clamoring out of the bucket, Luke cursed as another tractor sailed at him from the other side of the room. He put as much distance between himself and the two tractors as possible as the machine collided with the other front-end loader.

Luke had begun planning his strategy ever since the psychic Pokemon came on the scene. It was obvious that a frontal assault on either Hypno or Alakazam would be more than just futile; it would be suicide. Alright. So far, it looks like Hypno's ability to fight is hindered by his need to concentrate in order to keep the other Pokemon in line. If I break his concentration, the Pokemon will be free. The only problem is standing right in front of me.

Quickly he dove out of the path of a generator which had torn itself from the concrete floor, and cut a path leading right to where Luke's head would have been had he not moved; instead the massive machine flew right by him, and raised a cloud of dust as it slammed into a pallet of concrete mix.

Standing up, Luke turned and ran in the direction of Hypno, his plan formulated. Luke stopped right in front of the preoccupied Hypno and watched as an aluminum scaffolding went flying in his direction.

The plan was working perfectly; better in fact. Luke dove to the ground once more, and rolled over in time to see the scaffolding slam into the exact spot where Hypno had been standing. The impact knocked loose an aluminum bracket on a crate behind Hypno; which in turn let loose of at least forty or so large lead pipes which crashed down onto the mess.

Luke rose to his feet again and grinned to himself. "That, as they say, is that." He gave the room the once over, searching for Alakazam, but didn't find any trace of the psychic Pokemon. After using his ability to sense Aura to search for Hypno, he also soon discovered that the Psi Pokemon was also long gone.

After cursing to himself silently, he began to release the other Pokemon from their holding cages. Soon they were all gathered in the center of the room buzzing with curiosity.

Luke stepped up onto one of the toppled tractors that had been used as a projectile earlier. "Quiet down everybody. I know you're all confused and wonderin' what's goin' on. There'll probably be somebody comin' to check out what just happened here so everybody be on your guard."

"There aren't many guards here! The humans abandoned this place a week ago and left about six guards," a Meowth called out loudly.

Luke looked at the crowd of faces and nodded. "Alright then. Before we go, I have to ask. Are there any Arboks or Furrets among you?"

After a few moments Shaan's familiar face appeared above the crowed. "Here and I have a friend right here that is a Furret!"

Luke nodded and motioned the two to the front. "C'mon up here, I wanna have a talk with the two of you."

As they did so, the other Pokemon murmured curiously as Luke spoke with Shaan.

"Hello again, Shaan," Luke said with a slight grin.

"Do I know you," he asked raising what could only be determined as an eyebrow.

"I'll explain later. Right now, I need to know about the eggs you guys were stealing," Luke said quickly, as he glanced at the door.

"There's not much to tell. We were captured by those fiends, and then we were taken under control by Hypno. When we became too tired to do what it was he made us do, he would free us long enough to sleep. That's when I found out that we were stealing eggs. I overheard one of the human's talking about it several nights ago. He said the eggs were being held in an incubation facility in the city to the north of our forest."

Luke nodded. "That's more info than I had before. Right now, let's get you guys outta here, and back to your homes." He looked at the Furret who stood about the same height as he did. "And you must be Rolland."

The Furret nodded. "I am, but how do you know who I am?"

Luke gestured toward the group of Pokemon that stood around them. "I don't see any other Furrets among them. Besides, your mate is worried sick about you."

"Min. You've seen her? Is she okay?"

"Yes, I have. She's just fine. A little shaken up though. An…" Luke glanced at Shaan for a moment. He saw no need to bring him into this if he wasn't at fault, "unknown attacker tried to make off with her eggs. The eggs are just fine though, and I'm sure the attacker was under Hypno's control."

Rolland glanced at Shaan as well. It was apparent that he had an idea. "I'll harbor no grudge if he was under Hypno's control."

"One thing's for sure. That damned Hypno has a lot to answer for if they ever find him."

Rolland nodded. "If it's all the same to you Lucario, I'd like to get home to Min."

Luke took a moment to make his next plan. "I suppose since there's no guards, we could walk right out the front door. The only loose end after that would be the getting the eggs back to their parents."

"The longer we delay, is more precious time we loose," Rolland said forcefully.

"Alright. Let's go then," Luke said. "Hey! Everybody follow me, I know the way to an exit on the cliff face near the ocean," Luke announced. As he made his way to the exit of the room, the drove of Pokemon began to follow.

Soon after that, they had made their way to the exit and were heading home. All except Shaan who insisted upon apologizing to Min after Luke had related their past skirmish to him.

======================================================

Min and Lanai had quickly fallen asleep while Salem stood guard over the girls and the nest. It had been almost a whole day since Luke had gone after Shaan. There wasn't much to do but pace around anxiously and hope Luke wasn't lying out there somewhere dying.

What could it be that he had? What if his illness flared up in some way and gave Shaan the advantage over him? These were all questions that were running through his mind as a paw touched his shoulder causing him to jump.

"Worried so easily," Luke asked with a quick grin.

"A little," Salem replied glancing over Luke's shoulder to see Shaan and a Furret standing behind him. "What's he doing here?"

Luke held up a hand to stop Salem from jumping to conclusions. "He's cool. We had a long talk on the way back. I would've gotten back sooner but they sabotaged the damned teleport thingy."

Salem shot Luke a quizzical glance about the "teleport thingy" but decided against asking. It probably had something to do with something else that Luke couldn't explain or understand.

Long after Rolland and Shaan had fallen asleep, Luke and Salem sat on the branch of a tree limb, staring at the full moon. "We're gonna have to go to Saffron City real quick, and take care of somethin' there."

Luke had explained to him about how the eggs were stolen by Team Rocket, and were being stored in the city to the North called Saffron.

"Have you ever been there?" Salem asked.

Luke smiled slightly. "That's a question for another day. I'm gonna go to sleep. I'll see ya in the mornin' okay?"

Salem nodded. Good night brother.

 

[darkcowboy]

I really love to hear from you guys so don't be afraid. I'd really like to hear your thoughts. -hint hint, nudge, nudge-

 

[mariokutai]

I really love to hear from you guys so don't be afraid. I'd really like to hear your thoughts. -hint hint, nudge, nudge-

My Thoughts???

MORE MORE MORE!! Nyahaha!! ^0^ =3

¬__¬::: Lol