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TEAM TERROR'S Reign(rated PG)

T.W North

Swordsman
  • 105
    Posts
    19
    Years
    (rated PG for only a fe things...)Okay, this FanFic may start of the same old, same old, but it quickly changes into a completely different plot. Trust me. Just read the Prologue?

    Prologue

    Seth sat high in the branches of a green-leaved tree. He was watching a battle between two teenagers far below him. The battle was at its final stages, each trainers last Pokemon, finishing up. The two Pokemon left were; a Chansey and a Wartortle. One of the trainers commanded his Chansey to use Egg Bomb, the other told his Wartortle to use Water gun. The water gun was blocked by the first egg thrown, the next two eggs hitting the Wartortle in the face. The Wartortle fell backwards and fainted from the barrage.

    Seth sighed, seeing his friend Kate win was harder for him than you?d imagine. Why? Because Seth did not have a Pokemon of his own to train. He slid down the tree trunk and congratulated her as she walked towards him. She smiled and they continued side by side towards the village, the other trainer wandering away.

    They both went their separate ways once at the village. Kate to her house and Seth to the Pokemon Lab to plead for a starting Pokemon again. He didn?t have one yet, even though he was two years over the point where you were aloud to start training Pokemon. Seth walked slowly down the streets, kicking rocks and pebbles as he went.

    He has a boring life, well boring for the world of Pokemon that is. I mean his father was once the Pokemon Champion and his mother the Professor of the village. He had absolutely no idea why his mother refused to let him train a Pokemon. He was more than capable of becoming a brilliant trainer. Just look at his education. He?d already finished the full 7 years of school that was available in the Pokemon world AND he?d done 1 year of extra schooling. He already had an extensive record at Pokemon research, inventing a pokedex even more thorough than Professor Oak?s. And still, he was not allowed a Pokemon of his own. Maybe it was because his mother wanted him to become an established Professor like herself, but that was not what he wanted with his life. Sure he could do great things, but he could do things that were greater still with Pokemon by his side.

    As he walked, he fingered the fencing sabre by his side. It was kept ready for anything as it was Seth?s only protection at this point. The blade was sharp and the tip not blunted nor covered. It was ready for use and Seth saw why when he rounded the corner. There, in front of him, was the Pokemon lab in all its glory. But it wasn?t in its true glory, for part of it was ablaze. Three large trucks were parked in front of the lab. On their side was a sign telling who they belonged to; TEAM TERROR, in big bold writing and surrounded by a misty blackness.

    Seth shouted out and drew his sabre charging at a grunt who was carrying a box full of pokeballs. Unfortunately, before he reached the man Seth was blocked by another grunt. He was wearing a baggy t-shirt and trousers and had a back to front hat emblazed with the words TEAM TERROR upon it. He raised a fist and planted it hard in the middle of Seth?s face.

    Seth groaned and fell forwards, towards the ground. The last thing he saw before blacking out was a small, sharp stone cutting into his left eye?
     
  • 439
    Posts
    20
    Years
    Ok, it did start out normally, as you said it would, but the change wasn't all that out of the ordinary. Nevertheless (not sure if that is one word or not), it wasn't bad either.

    Ok, going onto the acual rating of this...

    Plot: Look above...

    Characters: Well, it's hard to rate characters this early in the story, so I won't. I'll rate your main character in a couple chapters, when his personality shows through more.

    Length: For a regular chapter, this would be short, but seeing as it is a prolouge, it's fine.

    Detail: You get the idea of it, but I would like more detail, espically in the battle. You shouldn't have a Pokemon faint in one simple attack - it's just plain boring that way. Instead, try to add creative edges to plain attacks. It makes the battle more interesting to read.

    Grammar/Spelling: This is the area that gets me the most, and it gets a lot of people. I'll show you some of your mistakes, but not all of them, sorry.

    The battle was at its final stages, each trainers last Pokemon, finishing up.
    You don't need the comma before "finishing".

    The two Pokemon left were; a Chansey and a Wartortle.
    You don't need the semi-colon in the sentence.

    One of the trainers commanded his Chansey to use Egg Bomb, the other told his Wartortle to use Water gun.
    There are a couple things you could do with this sentence.
    1. "One of the trainers commanded his Chansey to use Egg Bomb, while the other told his Wartortle to use Water gun." You could use another word. I just chose to use while.
    2. "One of the trainers commanded his Chansey to use Egg Bomb, and the other told his Wartortle to use Water gun."
    3."One of the trainers commanded his Chansey to use Egg Bomb; the other told his Wartortle to use Water gun."

    Well, I'm going to stop there. Hope you don't mind. If you don't understand something, feel free to PM me about it.

    Well, that ends my rating. It was a good story, and don't get discouraged by this. Aside from what I said, it's a pretty good story and, if you chose to continue it, I think it could turn out very well.
     
  • 104
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Seen Dec 27, 2010
    I thought it was a bit long for prolouge, it could have been a chapter but that would have too short right? :D Aside from all that it's not that bad and if you started on more it would be good story.
     

    +Charbaby+

    Mistress Charbaby ^^
  • 51
    Posts
    19
    Years
    I'm no good at rating stories, but i'll say this : I think, if you continued it, this story would turn out very well and i would probably read it! Good work! ^^
     

    T.W North

    Swordsman
  • 105
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Sorry for not posting for so long, but I forgot my password...:P
    Anyway, thanks for the reviews, Ill keep those grammer points in mind as I want to be an author some day...here are the next 2 chapters:

    Chapter one: Realisation​

    Seth groaned as he shoved himself into a sitting position. Warily, he looked around him. Where his face had been lying was a small, pool of dried blood and a blood covered stone right where his left eye had been. This he took as an explanation on why he could only see out of his right eye. He quickly dispatched this bit of information, as there were plenty of more important things to him that had happened. For now he didn?t care about his vision. Nor did he feel the pain that his destroyed eye created. He only cared about his village, which was currently in shambles around him.

    In fact, the whole village had been razed to the ground. Every single building in the area was burnt and charred. Several corpses lay upon the blackened ground. In some building people stood stunned or crying at their losses. The Pokemon lab that had once stood tall and mighty was now reduced to a pile of ashes. The professor had all but disappeared and any traces that the building had once been a lab were gone. Not a single Pokemon was in site and neither were there any equipment that suggested that it had anything to do with research,

    Seth pulled himself to his feet and wandered towards the lab, wondering if he could salvage anything of use. He walked its main length to find only two pokeballs and a potion. Then came the major discovery. There, right at the end of the building was a Pokemon lying wounded on the floor. It was breathing heavily, obviously in great pain. Once Seth realised this, he rushed over to it and knelt down beside it.

    The Pokemon was black in colour?well mainly black anyway. It resembled a hound of sorts and had an orangey underside. Upon its head was a bony sort of hard cap. In the middle of the cap were two holes, showing the black fur beneath. Across its back were two bones set in a striped pattern. Around the bottom of its legs were bone rings. The whole bone effect gave it a hardy and dark look and character. In a matter of seconds, Seth realised what this particular Pokemon was?a Houndour.

    Carefully, Seth scooped the Houndour into his arms. He then stood up, almost overbalancing from the weight of the Pokemon, but he soon recovered. Gathering him self up he wandered towards the exit to the village but stopped a few minutes. There, standing in the hollow of a burnt out house, was Kate. She was standing slumped against the charred frame of a wall, sobbing quietly. Sighing to himself, Seth strode over to his friend.

    ?Come now. There was far to many of them, there is nothing that you could have done to stop them. Your family is okay; I saw them huddled together near the fountain. Yes all of them, Bobby, your dad and your mum, all perfectly fine.?

    ?That may be so, but my dear Pokemon have been taken by those thugs! Chansey, Gloom, Farfetch?d and Quilava! All I have left is a pokemon I recently rejuvenated, but I haven?t had time to train him. Here look.?

    With that Kate started to rummage through her bag, her tears now seemingly ended. From her bright blue backpack she drew a red and white pokeball, which she threw to the ground. From within the ball came a yellow light that was centring on a pokemon that was quickly taking form. When the light disappeared seconds later, the pokemon was revealed. A blue squid like thing, with small wavy tentacles, with a shell on its back looked up at Seth and Kate. It had two tentacles that were longer than the rest that seemed to be the actual arms. Its eyes were hugely round, all together being about the same size as walnuts.

    ?This is an Omanyte. I found its fossil in Mount Moon and took it to a researcher in the Devon Company, which is in Hoenn. But it?s nowhere near as strong as my other pokemon. Oh they?ll pay, those thieves that took them! I swear I?ll get my dear pokemon back again!?

    ?Look, I need to go to Pewter City to got this poor Houndour healed before it?s too late. You can come with me if you want, so that I have some protection from wild pokemon and those scum if they turn up again.?

    ?Yeah, okay then. I think it would be easier if you put it into a pokeball, if you have one that is, because I?m fresh out of them.?

    ?Err, yeah, I have one here.? Seth replied after a short pause, retrieving a pokeball from his belt. He held it up to the Houndour and pressed the button that was set into the middle of it. In a flash of light, Houndour disappeared into the ball.

    Clipping the pokeball back onto his belt, Seth and Kate started to run onto the small trail that led towards Pewter City. The duo paused for a minute when they saw the tracks of several large trucks heading in the direction of the forest that was on the right of the trail, but they could not stop for long, for they desperately needed to get the injured Houndour healed.

    And so they ran grimly up the track until they reached the stone built houses of Pewter City, home of the famous gym leader Zachary. But the two friends did not stop to take in the sight of the gym, nor the museum, or even the far of sight of Mount Moon. Instead they ran straight through the door of the empty Pokecenter and rushed to the counter. Kate desperately rang the bell on the desk, while Seth hurriedly plucked the pokeball containing the Houndour from his belt.

    Nurse Joy hurried through the back door of the Pokecenter yawning slightly as the time of day was actually late evening and she had had a very busy day. Now as she looked upon the two teenagers wearing charred and dirty clothing she became increasingly worried, for earlier that day the residents of Pewter City had heard screams coming from the direction of the village.

    ?What?s wrong my dears?? she asked worried sick of what kind of harm might have come to the inhabitants of the village.

    ?We have an injured Houndour here.? Seth said placing the Pokeball on the counter.

    ?And?the village?its?its??Kate stumbled shakily, but managed to continue, ?been ransacked. Team Terror, came and brunt the place to the ground?and?and?took all my Pokemon and the Professor.?

    ?There?s people dead as well, and wounded.? Seth finished off.

    ?Oh my. Oh my, oh my, oh my. Go and tell the police everything, this poor little Houndour will be alright with me.? Nurse Joy said as the children?s words sank in.

    Authors note: This chapter may be short, but it?s how most of them will be. The time frame that this is set in is quite a while after that of the series and such. I hope you enjoy it!


    Chapter Two: The Taking​

    Seth?s eyes flittered open showing him a curved ceiling. He couldn?t see terribly far to his left, which he was surprised about at first but then came to remember that he had lost that eye. Yawning, he swivelled round so that he was sitting on the edge of his bed so that he could have a proper look around him. The room was filled with beds, but only one of them was occupied apart from Seth?s. In that bed slept a young boy about the age of 10. Seth vaguely remembered the face, but could not at that moment recall where from.

    For a moment Seth wondered how he had got where he was, but then he remembered what had happened the previous night. For the whole of that day he had not even thought about how there were people lying dead in his village, how everyone was now without homes, but still he shrugged all that off. For now he was worried about the Houndour that he had left in the care of Nurse Joy. He had not had a chance to ask about him last night as he was asked to tell the police everything that had happened. Afterwards he had been so tired that he had just walked into the room and fell asleep as soon as he had hit the bed, not bothering to change his clothes.

    Sleepily, he wandered out of the room to find himself in a crowded Pokecenter. Frowning he pushed forward to the counter and immediately caught the attention of Nurse Joy.

    ?Hows that Houndour going Nurse?? he asked.

    ?Oh, he has completely healed again. In fact?I have it hear for you.? And with that she placed a Pokeball on the counter.

    Seth picked the ball off the counter and instantly released the Houndour in a flash of light. The Houndour looked intently into Seth?s eyes and at that moment a bond between the two was created. A bond that would make them friends to the time they died?

    ?Hey little fella. How are you feeling?? Seth asked stoking Houndour?s helmeted head.

    ?Hou, hound!? the dog yapped back.

    ?Hey Nurse Joy, have you seen Kate??

    ?Is that the girl who was with you before??

    ?Yeah, that?s her.?

    ?She got up and had her breakfast while reading today?s newspaper, then left. But she did leave you a note and a copy of the newspaper. Here, she told me to tell you to read the main cover story first. I don?t know what it is as I haven?t had time to read it yet.?

    Seth picked up the copy of POKEMON TIMES and sat down to read the main story.

    TEAM TERROR HAS TAKEN OVER!​

    At midnight last night, Team Terror attacked the embassies of each region. They attacked at precisely the same time and in the same style. The main leaders of our lands were felled during the siege that lasted only 5 minutes.
    Since then, Team Terror has taken control over the Pokemon League and every one of the gyms with conveniently placed troops. All of this happened between 12:00am and 12:15am.
    Now Team Terror has asked us (most rudely) to tell you all this:​

    There is now a new Pokemon League system which goes upon the following: to have access to the Pokemon League you must still collect a total of 8 badges, but instead of just defeating the gym leader, you must first defeat one of our elite team members who will follow the gyms type style. Once you have all the badges you can then challenge the Pokemon League. But we are afraid the elite four no longer exist, and you do not have to verse other trainers who have collected all the badges. No, you must defeat our most senior trainers of each type, then you have the honour of battling our leader. Only when our leader has been defeated, will Team Terror leave these Pokemon Regions to their own thing. Have fun?
    Seth put the paper down, stunned. He hadn?t heard Team Terror take over the gym during the night. And by the looks of it, neither had anyone else. Frowning, he picked up the letter written by Kate.

    I have left you to your own devices because I ? as I?m sure you do as well ? want to take my revenge on Team Terror, and as the newspaper says, the only way to do that is by getting all the gym badges. As it would be awkward for both of us challenging the same gyms, I have gone my own way to battle my own gyms, so as to get it all done faster. It will be the same for you, trust me. Farewell for now.​

    Looking up from the letter, Seth sighed realising he?d have to do it all on his own. Still, he was determined.

    ?Come on Houndour, we?d better get started eh?? With that, Seth picked up Houndour?s Pokeball and withdrew the puppy. He got up and walked out of the doors towards the gym, hoping to get his first badge early on. Before he reached gyms double doors though, a short red-haired boy jumped in front of him.

    ?You going to battle Team Terror and Zachary?? the kid asked excitedly.

    ?Yeah??

    ?I bet you?re not strong enough. Here, let me see. Lets battle! And?what happened to your eye??

    ?Got poked out with a rock?so, lets battle.? Seth replied warily. He tried to look calmer than his heart told him he was.

    ?How many Pokemon each?? the boy questioned drawing a red and white ball from his belt.

    ?Err?one. That?s all I have.?

    ?Fine then. Go Aipom!?

    The boy hurled the Pokeball to the ground. The ball opened up releasing an orange light that revealed a small purple monkey like pokemon. It had a sort of Mohawk on its head and its tail was particularly unusual. It was shaped like a giant three-fingered hand. The monkey seemed to have a permanent grin spread across its face as it faced Seth.

    ?Go Houndour!? Seth cried releasing his pokemon. He had seen enough battles to know what to do next, ?Houndour, use Ember!?

    Houndour growled and opened its mouth wide revealing sharp rows of teeth. He took a deep breath and started to spew red-hot flames from his mouth. The Aipom jumped athletically out of the fires way and looked round at its owner.

    ?Aipom, use Fury Swipes!? The monkey leapt forward and its tail?s fingers grew small claws, which the Aipom scraped along Houndour?s face once, twice, three times! Houndour stumbled a bit, but became steady once more.

    ?Houndour, use Ember again!? Houndour, yet again spewed flames, this time managing to singe Aipom?s butt. The Aipom snarled at Houndour and without further ado or waiting for its owner?s orders, jumped into the air and released a series of small, sharp, glowing stars from its torso. The stars circles around Houndour, before diving down and slashing the poor hound all over. After such a brutal punishing, Houndour could withstand no more and collapsed.

    ?Wow, Aipom good job! We won, plus you learnt a new move, swift!? the boy was hysterical with joy as Seth ran forward to his Houndour and returned him to his Pokeball.

    ?Good try boy.? Set h muttered as Houndour disappeared inside the ball.

    ?See, you?re not ready yet. You need to train some more. As for me?I?m going to challenge the gym now!? And without even asking Seth his name, the boy ran off into the gym.

    Seth sighed and jogged back to the Pokecenter to get Houndour healed. Once he?d been healed, Seth suddenly remembered his Pokedex in his bag. He quickly got it out and pointed it at Houndour.

    ?Now lets see what level and what attacks you know??

    Level 6. Attacks are: Ember, Growl.

    ?That?s it? I guess you ARE quite young? Well we?d better go train. We?ll start at Mount Moon.?


    Authors Note: I know the newpaper and letter parts of this chapter were pretty stingy, but they were needed. The leveliling(sp?) part of the pokemon is different to that of the games. They level slower here and the moves are learnt at different levels, as are the evolution phases, except they are around the same time as before, Im not making Rhyhorn evolve at something like level 20. So yeah...
     

    Mr Cat Dog

    Frasier says it best
  • 11,344
    Posts
    20
    Years
    I'm not sure on how the levelling system is really going to turn into your favour. If you use it sparingly, and don't put too much emphasis on it, it should work out... but if you consider it paramount when training, then it might not work the way you want to, since in real life, a species would not evolve based on a concrete figure of how many Pokemon it made faint. Every creature is different. It may take your Houndoor 5 battles to evolve, yet it may take another one 66. I'm just telling you to be cautious of how you're going to use it... as many people tend to avoid it for very good reason.

    Second thing - There were a few noticable grammatical errors. Obviously, MS Word can fix this, but I won't go into any of them in detail as that would be a waste of my time. Just be sure to proofread it once the chapter has been completed.

    What I compliment you on is your good use of description - the battles especially. It made them feel more interesting than normal OT fics of "???" attacked. "???" faints... Yadda yadda yadda. But... yeah. I liked the use of descriptive and emotive language.
     
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