Quest
Veteran Roleplayer
- 984
- Posts
- 14
- Years
- Seen Jan 6, 2023
@ Zero: Always thinking ahead, aren't you? :3 I like the idea.
@ Tuxedo Clank: You seem to just be having some major bad luck. :P I don't know what the censored word is, but a completely new character may provide you with a little extra practice.
@ Stingray: Glad to see interest! :)
@ Mr. Zagan: Just like Zero said, the new characters (once accepted) will be new recruits with no knowledge of the "Shinigami way." With that said, no Substitutes. :P
Moving on, your current SU still has part that need criticizing. I told you about appearance so we'll start with personality. First off, I like the ways that you separated it, but what you have is rather... Eh... When I read it, it's like it's not a personality, ya know? Cool, he uses his wit and such but does that mean he a nice person? Is he antisocial? I don't know! Also, physical strength doesn't really have anything to do with personality. :/
Also while two specialties aren't too much, they need to related! How is defense magic and hand-to-hand combat connected? They're not.
Onto history, well, your character doesn't have much. :/ You see history books and they are filled with (nearly) everything. Don't necessarily make it huge but do expand on it. The sealed form of your Zanpakuto is also a bit, how should I put it... Overdone? Remember it's only the sealed form so it's really only going to look like a regular katana or even a trick cane, not an alternate dimension.
Grammar is next and well, you don't have much of it unfortunately. We're a pretty laid back RP though, so spelling doesn't really matter as long as it's close, but you do need to use punctuation correctly! For one, every paragraph you have is only one sentence because you're using commas instead of periods. Why?
Sorry if I'm sounding a bit mean though. I am merely trying to help you, :). If you have any questions feel free to ask.
@ Jack, Reader, and Zero: I'll have my post up soon. If you'd like me to move faster, which you probably do, just notify me. :)
@ Tuxedo Clank: You seem to just be having some major bad luck. :P I don't know what the censored word is, but a completely new character may provide you with a little extra practice.
@ Stingray: Glad to see interest! :)
@ Mr. Zagan: Just like Zero said, the new characters (once accepted) will be new recruits with no knowledge of the "Shinigami way." With that said, no Substitutes. :P
Moving on, your current SU still has part that need criticizing. I told you about appearance so we'll start with personality. First off, I like the ways that you separated it, but what you have is rather... Eh... When I read it, it's like it's not a personality, ya know? Cool, he uses his wit and such but does that mean he a nice person? Is he antisocial? I don't know! Also, physical strength doesn't really have anything to do with personality. :/
Also while two specialties aren't too much, they need to related! How is defense magic and hand-to-hand combat connected? They're not.
Onto history, well, your character doesn't have much. :/ You see history books and they are filled with (nearly) everything. Don't necessarily make it huge but do expand on it. The sealed form of your Zanpakuto is also a bit, how should I put it... Overdone? Remember it's only the sealed form so it's really only going to look like a regular katana or even a trick cane, not an alternate dimension.
Grammar is next and well, you don't have much of it unfortunately. We're a pretty laid back RP though, so spelling doesn't really matter as long as it's close, but you do need to use punctuation correctly! For one, every paragraph you have is only one sentence because you're using commas instead of periods. Why?
Sorry if I'm sounding a bit mean though. I am merely trying to help you, :). If you have any questions feel free to ask.
@ Jack, Reader, and Zero: I'll have my post up soon. If you'd like me to move faster, which you probably do, just notify me. :)
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