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The Forgotten Son

Bay

  • 6,390
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    18
    Years
    This is the best chapter yet Banov. Good description on the emotions Luke had when he felt bad for controlling Wooper like that.

    I did not really see any mistakes in this chapter. Can't wait for the next chapter!
     

    Banov

    Master of Kecleon
  • 117
    Posts
    18
    Years
    • PA
    • Seen Sep 15, 2017
    Here it is, chapter 6. I'm sorry for the lateness, but it took me a while to get right, and it took me a good time to get ahold of my beta reader, who was sick for a little while.

    Chapter 6
    ----------------------------------------
    Darkness surrounded Luke as he fell, clouding his vision of everything; all he felt or saw was the sensation of falling; and it was a scary one.

    As he fell, his mind felt as if it was going as black as the darkness around him, and he entered a kind of subconscious state. The two personas Luke had been shifting between seemed to almost appear in his mind, although not physically- he could only 'feel' them. One battling for his want for more power, disregarding his pokemon's friendship and wishing for the death of his father; one fighting for the want to forget about team rocket, and his father, and just go home and live quietly. The two ideals wrestled for control over his mind, his physical body twisting this way and that as he fell.

    The battle within him continued as he fell, and within a couple of seconds he painfully smashed into the ground. The sudden jerk and the surprise made his mind snap into place, his more careful and worrying side suddenly gaining full dominance over his mind.

    This was bad given the situation.

    Before he could even say anything however, he was crushed under the weight of his pokemon, who landed one by one in quick succession; Woop, then Kenshin, then Magikarp, and Luke uttered a small "Oh no" under his breathe as Miltank fell towards him, but soon gave a hearty sigh of relief as he was missed by a few very small inches, the ground beside him crushed beneath miltank's weight.

    He pushed himself up awkwardly, inspecting his surroundings. The ground, walls and ceiling were all rock, like a cave. Luke wiped his hand on the wall to find that it was very damp and soaked, and his shoes found themselves in an ankle-deep puddle. Water had collected on various parts of the ground, it seemed. The lighting was very poor, as the sun was too low in the sky to provide any brightness for the dark, dank well.

    Fear grasped his body, and he gave a shiver. If he had been under his own control a moment ago, he'd never be here, but now he was stuck in this well for… well, he didn't want to think about it. He tried to remember what had driven him to jump into this thing, but the memory only added to his shock; he was trapped in a well with one, maybe more members of team rocket.

    This was a nightmare, truly.

    As he shivered, Kenshin growled at him angrily. Moments ago he felt proud of his master, who had for once in his life stood up for himself. But now, he was this sniveling, hopeless wimp again. Kenshin tried to grasp what Luke was going through but it couldn't; the only conclusion it could reach was that Luke was incapable of any strength.

    Woop and Miltank, on the contrary, tried to comfort him as best they could, but they couldn't help showing they were afraid too; they had been depending on Luke's outburst of energy earlier to survive. Magikarp flopped on the ground helplessly, moaning sadly.

    Kenshin frowned at the lot of them. If they were going to sit so hopelessly, he didn't want to be a part of it. He bravely marched forward, deeper into the well.

    Screw those guys, he thought.

    Luke however, sadly stood up and meekly followed him, clinging to the only one who seemed to have any mind in his head at the moment. Kenshin growled back at him, but decided that weak company was better than no company in this place, so it left its growl as a simple warning and lead the way deeper in, the other pokemon following as well.

    As they trekked deeper in the light got dimmer, and soon the traveling partners were enshrouded in complete darkness. They cautiously followed a couple bends in the well, coming to a part which had openings in the rocky roof.

    The openings were small, but through them spilled blessed moonlight, which reflected off the puddles in the floor to fill the dungeon with a dim blue glow. It was a magnificent scene, but the team's awe was interrupted by a yell from deeper in the well.

    It was difficult to determine whether it was a yell of anger, or fear, but whatever the emotion was it terribly frightened the group of Luke and his pokemon; even Kenshin felt a hint of anxiety, although he didn't show it. However, he led the way deeper in, quietly approaching the source of the yell.

    They went around another bend in the cave, coming upon a lit chamber in the well, torches lined along the side. The companions could only see one end of the room, and that end was empty, but from where they were they heard a terrifying screech, followed by a terrifying sight.

    Out from the corner of their view came something; it was twirling through the air in a fashion that made it hard to discern. Whatever it was, it must have been a living being, because blood rained out from the twirling thing as it flew across the room. It smacked against the wall in a pitiful, painful heap, revealing its still form to be a zubat. It peeled off the wall, leaving a mark of red blood where it hit, but before it hit the ground it was caught by a red beam and yanked out of view.

    Luke was terrified, but his interest was caught; he couldn't help but lean closer in, expecting the worst. There was some mumbled dark speaking from somewhere far off. It seemed to be getting closer, and it was; a man dressed in black, a member of Team Rocket, backed up into view, his face pale and cold and his hands raised cautiously in the air.

    He continued to back up, mumbling fearfully and apparently begging for his life. Eventually his back was against the wall, pressed up against the red smear on it. Luke gulped, his face sweating and his body shaking. What kind of demonic guy could do something so horrific?

    His question was given an answer as the culprit walked into view. Luke gave a gasp and muttered under his breathe "Oh, no. Not him again."

    By 'him,' Luke was referring to the red-haired, piercingly cold eyed boy who had walked into view. He was recognized immediately as the red-haired boy from a few days ago, who had given away magikarp and spoke of pokemon weakness being a good reason for it. A small blue crocodile-like being on two legs was at his side as well, barely reaching a height above his knees, a totodile. The little totodile's eyes were as cold and mean as its masters; no doubt this thing was the mean kid's pokemon. His long, bloody red hair seemed on end with excitement as he stared down the groveling rocket member, until he heard Luke's loud breathing, and turned to see him watching.

    "Oh." He said, frowning, "It's you. How did you get down here?"

    The red-haired boy's eyes, now focused on Luke were almost horrifying, striking fear into the deepest parts of Luke's consciousness. Luke would rather have been anywhere right now other than in this kid's presence.

    "I, uh… I jumped?" Luke was unsure of how to answer, and his nervous feeling didn't help him at all in his task of forming a coherent answer.

    "Dim-witted and annoyingly weak, as always." The kid said, his tone matter-of-fact.

    Luke couldn't do anything except nod, forcing a weak laugh from his red-haired counterpart.

    Luke, forcing himself to look instead at red hair's victim and away from red hair, recognized the gasping rocket immediately as the guy in the trench coat from earlier. As he lay gasping on the floor, he seemed to be mumbling "It's just one demonic kid after another today, I swear…"

    "Were you planning to fight Team Rocket too?" Red hair asked, his eyes less powerful and hateful as earlier.

    "Ummm, well I don't seem to have a choice anymore." Luke said, trying to put it simply.

    Red hair gave another light laugh, turning around and leaving Luke, whom was frozen in place.

    "I'll be honest… you've gained a very small bit of respect from me if you came down here after Team Rocket. If you want, we can go deeper in… together." The first part was cool and controlled, but his mention of their travel together seemed a little forced. Still, it was enough for Luke, dashing after red hair and huddling close behind him. From the looks of things he wouldn't even have to fight with red hair on his side.

    They continued deeper in, going through passageways lit only by weak moonlight. Eventually they came to another lit room, the same as before. In this one was one lone man who wore a team rocket uniform for the most part, although he lacked the black Rocket hat, revealing pointy dark hair above cool blue eyes.

    "Hey." Red hair said, looking at Luke.

    "Uh… what?"

    "I want to see what you're made of. Fight that guy."

    "Y-you want me to fight?!"

    "Yeah."

    "I… I don't want to!" Luke said, fearfully backing away.

    Red hair gave a soft laugh, saying coolly "Once weak, always weak, it seems. I guess you'll never evolve past the pathetic species you are now- after all, you're way too cowardly to even be human…"

    Luke was insulted by this comment, and if only to prove himself gave a frown of defiance, standing up for himself- his "true" self- for the first time in five years. He proudly marched forward, eying red-hair as he passed by.

    He stood in front of the Rocket, who after a few moments glanced up and saw Luke.

    "Ah, you must be the demon kid everyone's been talking about." The rocket majestically said as he stood up as proudly as Luke was standing now.

    "You could say that." Luke said, his voice not quite as proud as his opponent's but still surprisingly powerful for Luke.

    "They say you've been beating everyone here. I suppose I'm next, eh?" The rocket said, dramatically wielding a pokeball from his belt.

    "Um… yes!" Luke said.

    "Well, I'm afraid that won't happen. I am a new recruit to team rocket, but I'll be rising through the ranks soon, being known as the legendary master of blades among members of team rocket!"

    "… 'Master of Blades?'" Luke said inquisitively, a little doubtful.

    "Yes, that's right." He replied, "And you shall be the end receiver of my very first victory as a member of Team Rocket. Be proud!"

    As he yelled the last sentence, he thrust forward his pokeball, revealing a large green praying-mantis like pokemon, with sharpened scythe blades for arms. The scyther stood tall and proud, a wide grin spread across its face and a cool, calm look in its eyes.

    Before Luke could give any command, Kenshin leaped forward to take on the scyther; nobody was gonna call themselves a 'master of blades' without beating him first!

    "Scyther, let's finish this quickly! Move in and use slash!"

    Scyther nodded, then ran forward, running at a surprising speed and landing a quick slash on Kenshin, who gritted his teeth and endured the blow, counter attacking in a single swift blow from a suddenly drawn grass blade.

    Scyther leapt back in surprise, not expecting Kenshin to be a fellow blade-user. From the looks of things, however, scyther was superior in overall power, based on the first exchange.

    "Scyther, we may not have finished it one blow but we know that we're more powerful- use fury cutter!"

    It gave a nod, whirling around one of its arms in a quick, powerful slash, although it was too far from Kenshin to make any contact. Rather than move in, however it followed the first slash with another, and another, each increasingly fast.

    As it built up its speed, Luke took the chance to yell some advice to Kenshin; "Kenshin, you've got less power, but we may be the superior one in speed; use that to your advantage!"

    Luke's command, however, was met with a pure angry glare from Kenshin, who snarled and growled. Luke took a surprised step back; he remembered Kenshin wanted to be commanded in his last battle, but maybe now he was different? Either way, Luke figured that Kenshin could fight without commands well enough.

    Scyther's sudden thrust forward marked the beginning of round two. By now his arms had formed some kind of impenetrable, invisible shield, as its arms were moving at invisible speed in every area around its body; the only sign of their existence being the sound of their insanely fast slashing. Even Luke was intimidated by the powerful attack, taking a step back, but Kenshin remained cool and calm, holding his ground firmly and holding his sword at the ready, preparing to take on the fury cutter.

    Just as scyther drew within range, however, Kenshin gave a brave leap up into the air, reaching a peak at twice scyther's height. It bent back, yanking the sword as far behind it as it could, then as it accelerated downward it swung the sword down, meeting scyther at the peak of its speed and power.

    Scyther, who was swinging his weight around sporadically, was very easily knocked off-balance by Kenshin's attack, slipping and crashing into the ground. Kenshin, however, was repelled by the shield in an instant, being blown across the dungeon and his back smacking into a wall. He awkwardly landed, trembling as he fought his way back onto his feet. His eyes widened, however, when his sword suddenly burst apart, being unable to endure the force form scyther's attack.

    He angrily stood up, thrusting his arm forward. It grabbed its own arm and yanked it forward, but instead of yanking its arm it steadily pulled another grass blade out from its wrist, from where it was able to spawn grasses and leaves.

    "Kenshin…" Luke said, disappointed, "I thought you were going to use your speed. Why did you try to overpower it when you know it's stronger?"

    His remark was met with an equally raging glare, and it finally dawned on Luke; He, who recently had been showing weakness of the highest kind to Kenshin, was unworthy to the green lizard to even give him commands. In fact, Kenshin did the wrong moves in battle jus for the sake of contradicting Luke's advice. It seemed that if he wanted to see any smart battling from Kenshin, he'd have to reprieve from giving any commands; something which he was actually totally fine with.

    Kenshin, in obvious pain readied his sword and stared carefully into his opponent's eyes. Scyther too brought its arms at the ready, and two stared at each other in a silent standoff.
    ---------------------------
    End Chapter 6
     

    Banov

    Master of Kecleon
  • 117
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    • PA
    • Seen Sep 15, 2017
    Corrrect me if I'm wrong but for sometotally odd reason this chapter was not bumped up with my posting up chapter six. Hopefully this bumps it up.
     

    Banov

    Master of Kecleon
  • 117
    Posts
    18
    Years
    • PA
    • Seen Sep 15, 2017
    Yes, this took forever. However, I've got the series in order now and things are looking up.

    Chapter 7
    ----------------------------
    As it gave another odd-sounding yell Kenshin leapt forward again with its sword at the ready, but it was easily repelled just as it had been before. The battle had extended for a little while, but with each exchange the difference between scyther and Kenshin grew larger; scyther benefited from the commands of its trainer as well as a higher level in power- it's speed was not inferior either.

    Every attempt from Kenshin to strike was read carefully and brilliantly, always blocked and the opening exposed. As Kenshin toppled backward onto the ground for the umpteenth time, scyther's master gave a sneer; "Enough of this. Scyther, let's end it- now!"

    Scyther nodded, obviously satisfied with the command, and charged forward. Luke gritted his teeth and could barely watch as Kenshin stood up again, its legs wobbly, expression energyless and body wounded all over. Just as scyther brought down its mighty scythe, however, the attack hit not the treecko's frail body but instead a collection of thick black mass, from which eyes appeared and a fog spread across the room. The Gastly had stepped in at the last moment, released from Luke's partner's pokeball.

    "That was the height of pathetic, I swear to God." He said as he stepped out of the shadows, his eyes leering at Luke. "I can't stand to watch a battle like that go on any longer. Gastly, let's curse him and give him a taste of night shade."

    The fog seemed to tremble as the black energy of the curse was laid upon scyther, the ghost pokemon giving up its own life energy to handicap its opponent.

    "Hmmph, you're a heartless trainer indeed to impose such a dreadful attack on your pokemon." Scyther's master said, a little disappointed. "Scyther, let's give him a good fury cutter!"

    Scyther nodded, cutting rapidly at the fog, but it failed to have any effect. The slashes simply whiffed through the fog, not damaging the opponent in the least bit.

    "You idiot- only Gastly's core can be affected by such meager attacks. You can't battle fog. Night shade, Gastly."

    As scyther's master frowned the fog flashed with a painful black energy, the attack focusing on the scyther and causing it to wobble in place as the curse continued to eat away at its strength. The fog slowly thickened until nothing was visible, but after another black flash there the sound of a 'thud' as something hit the damp ground.

    "Gastly, let's go."

    A red beam shot through the fog, catching the black core perfectly even in the darkness and immediately sucking away all the fog; however what was revealed was a decoy slowpoke which had been previously kidnapped and was dropped on the ground as the scyther and its master made an escape.

    "Cowards." The red-haired child scoffed, brushing some hair out from his face. "Let's go, Mr. helpless. Can't have you wetting yourself all alone in this cave."

    Luke frowned a little but was otherwise unaffected by the insult. He felt no need to do anything but passively accept it, and willingly followed his partner deeper into the cave. He was met with an equally evil leer from treecko, and the remainder of the journey in was quite silent. Luke would occasionally open his mouth, but he couldn't think of anything to say; he had failed them, and that was it- although he was a bit upset at the fact that he'd lost respect from both Kenshin and his partner.

    Finally, after journeying through the secret caverns in the well, they came upon a decent group of rockets with a large number of slowpoke as well as what appeared to be a cutting table smeared with blood and a brown sack of tails beside it. The room was well lit with flood lights around the perimeter, and there were no passages deeper; this was the center of their operations. Most of the slowpoke looked utterly depressed without their tail, almost like a fixed dog or cat.

    Red-hair chose to stand silently as the rockets chatted among each other. His evil aura slowly gained their attention without him having to make a sound, and after half a minute every eye in the room was turned to him. He wordlessly released his Gastly from its pokeball, staring angrily back at the rockets.

    One, who seemed awfully important wiped chuckled and was the first to say anything; "Okay, kid, I gotcha. You're gonna save the day, huh? Gonna play superman, right?"

    That comment was not the thing to say to the red-haired boy, and this was something Luke watched happen as his mouth dropped below his chest.

    "Listen to me you sick worthless piles of crap!" Red-hair said this as he marched forward and yanked down his insulter by the scruff of his neck, "I am not to be tampered with and if you think otherwise then you'll pay for it!"

    His comment was met with another snicker, but before this grew into a laugh the man suddenly choked on something and fell to the floor, breathing uneasily. Out from his mouth spewed Gastly, who had evidently discreetly entered the man's esophagus earlier. When the man stood up, his expression was entirely different, squeezed into utter rage and with his teeth bared.

    "You wanna play rough, huh kid? I'll give you rough!" he said this as he released a team of two pokemon; a purple ball-shaped koffing and a blue bat zubat like one of the earlier men had.

    "See, this is what I hate; you guys are all talk combined with useless pokemon. Those guys look untrained and pathetic- here, maybe you just can't comprehend real strength."

    He gestured to Luke, who was surprised at his giving a second chance and took it eagerly, gesturing to Woop to step forward alongside Gastly.

    The battle began instantly without any real signal, and this caught Luke by surprise; both of the other trainers issued a command simultaneously and three of the pokemon sprang into action immediately.

    The Gastly had overtaken the zubat in seconds, enveloping it in complete darkness while the koffing spewed noxious gasses as Woop, who coughed uneasily and looked at Luke with an expression of sadness.

    "I'm sorry, Woop! Let's give 'em a good mud slap!"

    The blue pokemon nodded, slapping a muddy part of the ground with its tail to fling it into the air and blasting it forward with a shot of water, but both pokemon were unaffected as the attack fell just below their altitude. The poor command was taken advantage of in seconds, as koffing spewed another wave of gas- this time damaging Woop rather than poisoning it. As this exchange happened Luke could hear the faint screeching of zubat as it was slowly laid to waste, although at this point he was caught up entirely on his own battle.

    "Woop, let's try a water gun!"

    The blue pokemon nodded, gushing out a steady stream of water and blasting back the koffing, but by now the poison was getting to it and its attacks were slowly fading into weakness. After another wave of gas it looked to be badly pained, and Luke grimly called it back out of battle, realizing Woop was just plain outmatched and if the fight continued blow for blow Woop was going to lose.

    "Miltank…" Luke said solemnly, looking at his trusted cow pokemon, "Do you want to take his place?"

    Miltank crossed her arms and shook her head. She personally didn't like to battle, and saw it as a useless contest; she had disapproved of Luke from the beginning when he slowly drifted toward battle, and her mind wasn't going to change now.

    "Okay, that's fine." Luke said. "Well, Kenshin and Woop are in bad condition and Magikarp isn't ready for this yet, so… I guess I'm done."

    "What are you talking about?!"

    Luke turned in surprise to see red-hair already finished, his gaze fixed on Luke.

    "You're gonna let that slide? Maker her fight! Make your pokemon in bad condition fight- the fat lady hasn't sung for them yet! They've got to learn that there's no easy way out. Don't baby them!"

    Luke frowned "No, that's not fair. They're obviously weaker, and I want them to trust me. What can I gain in that respect from forcing them to fight?"

    "Why not try some real strategy outside of standing in place and firing attacks?! And I think asserting yourself once in a while may actually gain you some trust, huh?!"

    Luke looked away, unwilling to comply with his demands. He just plain didn't want to continue this fight any longer, and that was that.

    "Fine." The red haired boy scoffed, obviously very disappointed. He turned to the rocket, releasing his blue totodile. "Let's make quick work of this guy, everyone; all out attack!"

    The remaining four minutes of the battle were very one-sided as the rocket's remaining pokemon were made quick work of. He gave an almost pained grimace as his final pokemon flashed red and was sucked back into its ball, the safety snatching it away from further abuse. The rocket, who had been quite sure of himself before was now dethroned as the red hair boy stepped forward. He fell to his knees, and the red haired boy appeared almost majestic as he stood over his opponent victoriously, his cold eyes staring deep into the rocket's soul.

    The entire room was taken aback, but after seeing the kid battle nobody dared to challenge him. They were certain of their own doom, and rather than have to deal with it anymore they suddenly scrambled out of the caverns, bumping into each other and causing minor havoc.

    Red-hair gritted his teeth and stomped down on the ground, in a bit of a rage. "This is ridiculous! Nobody in this stupid operation can finish a fight. I hope that the higher ups aren't the same, and if they are they'd better think twice about ever coming back!"

    He said this rather loudly into the caverns, possibly hoping the fleeing rockets would hear him. Luke watched in a quiet awe, as the red haired kid's grip over the room was quite a surprise. After a moment, a small grin spread on Luke's face; the rockets were gone, the hate was over for now. He could finally be himself.

    At least, this is what he thought. But inside him, the question of his father still remained like a black stain on his shirt that wouldn't come out. Sooner or later the question was going to drive him to move toward more battles; the question was when.

    The red hair kid had by now noticed Luke's silent presence and was giving him a stern glare. He didn't have to say anything; by now Luke could fully comprehend what he was saying without sound. The red haired boy's words from a few days ago were now ringing in his head again; "You're training your pokemon to be weak, you're letting them get too close. I learned that getting close to a pokemon is painful- the hard way. I hope that you change your ways soon."

    Twice today he had failed his partner, but it didn't matter anymore. He was free, and his pokemon were okay for the most part.

    He silently turned around and walked back out from the well; he was through here. He was anticipating some good rest back home, but this would never actually come for the rest of his life…
    --------------------------------
    End Chapter 7
     

    ProtrainerEon

    Ultimate Trainer
  • 322
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    17
    Years
    • Seen Jun 11, 2021
    I'm sorry. I just didn't like this chapter. There were more mispelled words than usual in certain areas in the fic. The emotions didn't really, well, seem like actual feelings. I don't know what it was...something didn't ring true to me. I was craving a good fic chapter when I saw this.

    It seems that if you return (everyone, not just you) to a fic after too long, on certain occasions, you lose the pull you had on readers. The steady flow discontinues. However, I will still be around and I know you will get me interested again. You're that kind of writer.
     

    Banov

    Master of Kecleon
  • 117
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    18
    Years
    • PA
    • Seen Sep 15, 2017
    Really? Huh. You're the only one so far who said that about the cahpter. o.o I'm not saying I don't believe you, but it mayjust be that this particular story didn't quite reack out to you. Well, I'll double my efforts to make the next chapter as compelling as possible! RAWR!

    To Microsoft Word!
     
  • 32
    Posts
    18
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    • Seen Nov 2, 2007
    I liked it despite what the other people said although i think what they said was still valid, unlike your other chapters this one had less descriptions of emotions, also i don't really notice the spelling mistakes. keep up the good work :)
     

    diageo11

    Aspiring Eevee Trainer
  • 79
    Posts
    17
    Years
    Hi, you got a great story there and I have quickly become a fan :D
    Keep up the good work, your story is great and inspiring. I'm picking up great vocabulary which I plan to introduce when I fix up my terrible fanfic, so thanks.

    Also, Magikarp are weird pokemon because as it said on the show they can survive almost anywhere, to clear that up.
    But on the other hand as it also said on the show they are only scales and bones and have extremely hard outer scales making it an inedible pokemon. Making Nidoran not want to try and eat it.

    But you don't have to go with this, just stick to your story ;)
     

    Bay

  • 6,390
    Posts
    18
    Years
    Hello Banov, sorry I took so long. Been doing other reviews. ^^;

    Yeah, so far so good. I really liked how you put Luke's thoughts in the last two chapters. You are getting better with emotional description. (Well, to me. Even though in this chapter the emotions were simple, it's still quite good ). Also, the battles were quite good too. Really intense there.

    Also, when I read Chapter Six I did not expect Luke and the rival to be partners for a little bit. Right now it looked like Luke is going home. Can't wait to see what will happen there.

    Well, can't wait for the next chapter!

    Sorry if this review is not that good. This is what happens when you read the story but did not write up a review for a while. ^^;
     
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