The Friendzone.

[Kanzler]

We've all heard it before. Okay, usually us guys - but girls too. The dreaded bottomless pit of the friendzone that is impossible to crawl out of.

What is it? Is it merely the expression of the rejectee's (yes that's a word now) despair at the rejection or is it actually a box in the rejector's mind labelled "not considering for relationship"?

Is it necessarily a bad thing in terms of relationship progression - is it a dead end? Can you or have you escaped it? If we start with the assumption that the friendzone exists and if there are people who have escaped it, do these exception disprove the existence of the friendzone, or do the exceptions prove the rule?

At the end of the day, does it exist? Is it a figment of our imagination, but just real enough to make a big deal out of it?

 

[Ultramarine]

Sure, it exists. It's when person A likes person B in a romantic way, but person B only wants to be friends, and makes that clear to person A. That's how I see it anyway.

I friend zoned lots of people in my day. My friends called my King of the Friend Zone. I feel bad about it, but hey, what was I supposed to do?

 

[Silais]

I've never "friendzoned" anyone, specifically because I am the ugly girl that GETS friendzoned, but I can say that it does certainly exist. The word is quite unappealing and carries a negative connotation, however, and that is something I do not like. If someone does not like you romantically but you like them as such, does that necessarily mean you're boned? Not really. Your worth as a human being isn't diminished because one girl or boy doesn't find you as appealing as you find them.

 

[gimmepie]

I'd say it exists. I wouldn't read too much into it though, it's simply the state of Person A having romantic feelings for Person B who does not reciprocate. Which is a set of circumstances (I'll get onto that in a second).

It is definitely escapable. I have done so, multiple times actually. How? Because the Friendzone is simply a set of circumstances and circumstances can change.

So, does the fact that it can be escaped prove it doesn't exist? No.
But is is anything more than a set of unfortunate circumstances? Also no.

 

[Star-Lord]

I would say that it "exists" but that people shouldn't turn it into such a big deal. Feelings that aren't reciprocated are going to happen quite a bit in your life, and when I hear the term "friendzone" it's usually in the negative "awww he/she friendzoned me" and I don't think that's ok? People are allowed to keep people as much as a distance as they want, and I just find that it turns into whining for the most part.

If they think it's a "dead end" in the relationship though they should **** off tbqh. That's ridiculously disrespectful to any sort of friendship the two could have had.

 

[Kanzler]

I see the friendzone as being when a person crosses over from just being any other person to having an explicit "no" said to them. Depending on who the rejector is the effects may vary, but I tend to get the feeling that once you've said no to somebody, you're effectively labelling them. Every time you see the rejectee or think about him or her the fact you'll be reminded of how you rejected them, so I do think it's more than a set of circumstances in that there's a stigma placed on the rejectee - hence "stuck" in the friendzone.

Of course, all of my points here are coming from the perspective of the rejector. Perhaps they haven't outright rejected the possibility of a relationship even if they say no. Perhaps their interest has been piqued :) The rejectee could be aware that being stuck in the "friendzone" is only one of a few possibilities. That being said, false hope is a *****, and friendzone could just be a coping strategy used by the rejectee to minimize the stress caused by having a glimmer of hope for the possibility of a relationship with the other person.

I'm probably reading too much into this, but it's always fun to analyze relationships and the going-ons of people :P

 

[Corvus of the Black Night]

The friendzone is such a stupid concept that I fail to acknowledge it and honestly anyone who does isn't really worth my time. I mean, seriously, there are a billion other fish in the sea, you'll find someone else. If you truly love someone you won't even really be thrown into a "friendzone".

I mean, ****, you were rejected, but you'll find someone else. I know that sounds like a dick thing to say but really. I've been in a sort-of relationship with someone for over a year, he would call me just a friend for a while but I think it's pretty obvious when it's more than just a friend and it will develop naturally if it is. If it's not you won't go down that path. Turns out I was right and he's confessed to me multiple times his feelings and he's just not sure how to approach it, but really, that's how it honestly rolls 99% of the time. People don't magically obtain an interest in someone just because you want them to and classify them in your "friend zone".

I just find the concept incredibly juvenile and broad.

 

[Ultramarine]

No one is saying that people gain interest when you classify yourself as in their friend zone.

All everyone's saying is that it's when person A has feelings for person B in a romantic way, and person B has feelings for person A in a friendly way. It's not self-pity or what you described above, it's just an occurrence. When you're in the friend zone it doesn't mean you're still trying to get that person to like you, though if you are that's not really that bad (though it can be a bit annoying for the other person).

 

[Melody]

The friend zone does exist. It's oftentimes a person's best way of screening out people when they're not ready for a relationship.

Ultimately you have to often fight through the 'friend zone' to get people to recognize your feelings. If you stick it out, you just might escape it. However the friend zone is a very easy place to get stuck in, and one has to ultimately realize that when someone sticks you in the friend zone, it's often a big red flag that says "I couldn't give two ****s about your feelings right now" and it's usually just a better idea to move on. But the heart wants who it wants, and that can often be a really arduous and difficult task.

 

[Flushed]

The friendzone is such a stupid concept that I fail to acknowledge it and honestly anyone who does isn't really worth my time. I mean, seriously, there are a billion other fish in the sea, you'll find someone else. If you truly love someone you won't even really be thrown into a "friendzone".

Whoa someone's a bit adamant about their position I see. The callousness is not necessary, especially when there is obviously room for debate on the matter.

I don't really see why the friendzone can't exist. It's a place/progression in a relationship where one person is trying to go from friend to something more, but has no success. If I truly loved someone I wouldn't just move on to the next person at any sign of being friendzoned and I hope others wouldn't abandon ship just to avoid the friendzone, especially if there was a solid relationship beforehand.

 

[Sector]

The Friend Zone doesn't bother me, unless I'm involved with someone that means more to me than anything & don't have the similar feelings returned. It just sucks when one side of the equation ends up gaining feelings, whereas the other has placed that person in the Friend Zone.

I know it exists, I've seen it happen countless times with my friends. I've never experienced it myself, I don't think I want to but things happen, right?

It isn't a dead end. It just means you won't be able to share your life with the person the way you want to according to your feelings, which can be a downer for the person. I've never heard anything about anyone escaping Friend Zones before. In fact, I think you can still be in a successful relationship and have a Friend Zone be active. Have you ever heard of the saying, "My husband is my best friend?" That term right there, means they have it all basically. That's my point of view, in fact, I think that's the best relationship right there, having your significant other being your best friend. You don't really escape it. You just build on it, in my opinion. Anything is possible, but most of the time Friend Zones is a dead end, I guess.

Sometimes people will take it personally, & have the Friend Zone be a reason to end their friendships. Which is stupid, because if it were me, I'd rather have them in my life than not if I truly cared for them.

If we start with the assumption that the Friendzone exists and if there are people who have escaped it, do these exception disprove the existence of the friendzone, or do the exceptions prove the rule?

No, the existence will still exist for everyone else no matter if certain individuals can escape it or not. It just depends on how the two certain individuals will end up, that will define their friendship, their Friend Zone. Like I said, I have never seen anyone actually escape such a thing. We can't predict the future, so this will always remain an unknown thing, as to judge whether or not the Friend Zone is for life or can be broken.

Can't Friends with Benefits be involved in a Friend Zone's relationship?

 

[Kanzler]

Can't Friends with Benefits be involved in a Friend Zone's relationship?

Ouch. Wouldn't that make unrequited feelings worse? That you're doing all these intimate activities yet reaffirming (explicitly) that it won't be anything more? That sounds like it could be very complex, potentially ending in disaster.

 

[Sector]

Ouch. Wouldn't that make unrequited feelings worse? That you're doing all these intimate activities yet reaffirming (explicitly) that it won't be anything more? That sounds like it could be very complex, potentially ending in disaster.

It most likely will cause complications, but to some they can do it just fine. Being with the person during any of those moment should be well worth it if they really want to do something like that. Sure, we could watch the movie Friends with Benefits which starred Mila Kunis & Justin Timberlake to show a perfect example of this, not everything in life will be 100% problem free if people were to do this.

It sometimes can help the other person start growing feelings, thus making it possible to be in an actual relationship, "more than friends." I would say Friend Zones can be escaped after all, it just needs to be worked on, unintentionally, I guess? I don't know. It is complicated lol

 

[Saki]

I agree that the concept exists in the fact that one person may like the other person, while the other has absolutely no romantic feelings but I often feel as though the term is used as a way of putting blame onto someone or something else such as "She put me in the friendzone so I am pretty upset about that". Often times being in the "friendzone" can simply mean that the individual has not had a chance to view the other person in a romantic light, or considered if they are compatible or not. My personal experience with romance is that I don't have feelings for people right away, I need to understand their personality a lot more and to also understand their morals and opinions. I find it hard to decide my feelings for someone based off of looks and most of my stronger (and my current relationship) have been based off of getting to know someone and then developing feelings. If those people had originally assumed they had been "friendzoned" and that it was hopeless then most likely nothing would have developed between us. I won't say I need the other person to make all the effort, but if one person does give up then it makes it much harder to develop anything.

Also, I find that some people say "She/he put me in the friendszone" and imply that if she/he had not done so then they would be romantically involved. Often times I want people to realize that not everyone is a match, even if you believe yourselves to be. If you're chasing after someone and making all of the effort you won't end up happy with that person. Sometimes one person has to make more effort at the start, yes, but I don't think one person should shoulder it all.

If you find yourself "friendzoned" then enjoy having a friend! You never know what will happen in the future, maybe they (or both of you) will realize you're compatible. If that never occurs then there really is nothing wrong with having a good friend. :)

 

[obZen]

I think the friend zone exists in some situations, but it's not this gigantic banlist that it's made out to be.
I know some girls who see certain guys like a brother. But I know plenty of girls who have dated a friend after knowing him for a few years.
Basically, if it's meant to be- it's meant to be.

 

[Ombre]

I am sort of on the fence about the friendzone. For the most part, I think it is somewhat of a fictional limitation that people set upon themselves, or a bit of a cop-out to explain why someone may not be attracted to them. Some people legitimately have a hard time accepting that someone couldn't just be attracted to them, so they throw the term "friendzone" around to explain it, as if it's common and normalized, softening the blow to their ego. However, it is also generally true, as I read in one study (I couldn't be bothered to find it now, but if anyone would like to see, I'll do my best), that women make a clearer distinction between friends and potential mates than men do. Regardless of that, though, I just think people in general often look for the wrong things in other people, or can't figure out what kind of people to look for where there would be a mutual attraction. So they feel like they get 'friendzoned' a lot. Some people just aren't quite forward enough with romantic pursuits and wonder why women don't grow interest in them. It's great to be nice, but niceness doesn't translate to passivity. I think it is always important to state your intentions if you're interested in someone.

 

[kuro_neko]

I think that alot of girls, or maybe just myself, kind of unconsciously regard guys as friends rather then someone that they would date. But the only reason i do this is because i think of the guy as a very good friend and throughout the whole relationship act as it is a friendship just like i would with other girls. If they liked me from the beginning i think that they should state that so as to avoid misunderstanding. But if his feelings are something that evolve throughout the relationship as he gets to know them, (her) then i think that the guy should tell the girl and even if straight away she doesn't think of him in that way it could grow into that feeling easily. Because now there is a new element in the relationship and she can start thinking of him in that way rather than just a friend.

However for some cases the guy may not tell her about his feelings and she goes unknown and never has an opportunity to look at their relationship differently.

 

[Pinkie-Dawn]

Friendzones bother me whenever I try to find a relationship, which is one of the things I'm lacking in life (I do not wish to be forever alone). If you've get friendzone'd, that's it, you screwed up, you must find another girl to be in a relationship with. It's almost impossible to escape from the friendzone, unlike in the movies, because irl, their minds are made up and won't turn back. I knew several girls who I had a crush on, but they have no interest in me.

 

[LoudSilence]

I don't know if I believe in it or not, but I will say that I hate it when people go into a friendship "expecting more", then get disappointed when all their "nice" gestures and hints don't win the other person over. They then whine that they got "friendzoned" and it sounds absolutely pathetic. No one ever owes you a relationship.

Be sincere; either express your interest from the get-go or leave them alone. Don't stay in your self-inflicted "friendzone" after rejection hoping they'll eventually look at you in that way.

 

[Plumpyfoof]

I wholeheartedly believe in the friendzone. Mostly because I am usually the one to put someone else in the friendzone simply as an excuse to not tell someone I don't find them attractive.
However!!
I feel it works a little differently from how we think it works.
Usually once guys (sometimes girls) are placed in the friendzone, they've admitted defeat. It is literally they themselves who led them their, and just because your dating strategy doesn't match one type of person doesn't mean it won't match anyone ever. It is so incredibly easy to get out of the friendzone once you realise that you're going about courting this person completely wrong and adjust to suit, she is literally telling you exactly how she likes to be courted with her personality and how she responds to your current advances.

I also don't like the term "friend"zone, implying you have to be friends in the first place. It's more about sexual intention, you can be friends and have sex but you don't necessarily have to be very close with someone to be "friendzoned".

That being said though I believe it is usually self inflicted I still firmly hold that if someone is out of your league physically (and believe me they will know if they are) you are significantly more likely to be permanently friendzoned by them just straight up.
I have done this, although courting me is admittedly harder than most other people because I lose sexual interest very quickly once I feel I've achieved all there is to achieve (either sex or their admitted sexual interest in me) and I know girls who are exactly the same. We make the most dysfunctional couple just in case you were wondering.