Episode 12: Brown Nosing
INT. CAR
BROCK is driving in a rental car with LIAM in the passenger seat.
BROCK (TALKING HEAD)
So Liam and I are on the way to Indigo Plateau. The Elite Four has summoned us there to go over the results of the inspection. Quite honestly, I'm expecting an increase in funding.
LIAM
I don't get why we're driving there so early, then...
BROCK (T.H.)
You see, I'm going there so early because even though we both think the inspection went really well, there's nothing wrong with doing a bit of *** kissing beforehand. I'll just pay a visit to all the members of the Elite Four, and when they go over my inspection, they'll just remember how charming I was!
LIAM
Hey, can I turn the radio on, sir?
BROCK
Don't you dare!
INT. HALLWAY
BROCK and LIAM walk through the Pokémon League hallway and reach the office of LORELEI.
BROCK (T.H.)
So first off I'm going to take Lorelei out for lunch. I may be taking a big risk here, since I've never had much luck with the ladies, but I'm just brown nosing, so no pressure!
BROCK knocks on the office door, and LORELEI walks out.
LORELEI
Hello?
BROCK is stunned, as his eyes are fixed on her cleavage.
BROCK
Uh...
LORELEI
Close you mouth. That's how you catch bug type Pokémon.
BROCK
Uh... sorry!
BROCK quickly shifts his gaze upward.
LORELEI
You're Brock, aren't you? That would explain why the camera's following you, at least. What do you want? We aren't having our meeting with you for a few more hours, and even so, we aren't having the meeting in my office.
BROCK
Oh, I thought Liam and I would just take you out for lunch!
LORELEI
I packed a sandwich on my way to work... but fine, I guess we can go out for lunch.
LORELEI (T.H.)
I'm not that big a fan of being filmed, especially when I'm eating. Why does everyone have to watch me chew? It's disgusting!
INT. DINING ROOM
BROCK, LIAM, and LORELEI have gone to a restaurant. A WAITER approaches there table.
WAITER
And what will we be having to eat this afternoon?
BROCK glances at LORELEI.
BROCK
I'll have the breast... er... I mean chicken breast!
LORELEI sighs.
LORELEI (T.H.)
Yes, my boobs are big. Get over it.
LIAM
I'll have half of a grilled cheese sandwich!
WAITER
We don't offer half. You can only order the whole thing.
LIAM
But wouldn't it be cheaper?
WAITER
Nope. It would cost the same.
LIAM
Fine, I'll have the grilled cheese.
LIAM (T.H.)
Brock told me he that he wasn't going to pay for my meal, so I'm trying to be frugal.
LORELEI
I'll have the broccoli rabe.
WAITER
Okay. I will be back with your orders soon.
The WAITER leaves.
LORELEI
Liam, you put on quite the spectacular at the gym the other day, or at least I heard.
BROCK
Oh, the fundraiser was great!
LORELEI
I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Liam.
BROCK
Oh...
LIAM
Well, it was a lot of hard work, but I think it paid off. Everyone was really impressed! Even the inspector!
BROCK
So Lorelei, how about this weather we're having? It sure has been nice out. It's good weather to just go for a stroll in!
LORELEI
Is that all you can talk to me about? Just pointless small talk?
BROCK
Uh... what's your favorite color?
LORELEI
Blue.
LORELEI takes a sip of her wine.
LORELEI (T.H.)
Where's the waiter? I'm going to need more of this.
The WAITER has brought the food out. As BROCK, LIAM, and LORELEI eat, BROCK looks at a certain area of LORELEI.
LORELEI
You know, Brock, when you eat, you should try and keep your head up.
BROCK
Sorry!
BROCK doesn't move his head.
LORELEI
That's wasn't a suggestion; that was an order.
BROCK
Oh...
BROCK lifts his head up.
LORELEI
Look at that! You're eating like a non-perverted adult now!
LIAM sees the WAITER and motions to him.
LIAM
Excuse me, but are there free refills on soft drinks? I nearly finished my soda.
WAITER
Sorry, sir, but we charge on refills.
LIAM
Oh, just get me a water then. That doesn't cost me anything, right?
WAITER
Right.
The WAITER leaves.
WAITER (T.H.)
I have a bad feeling that kid isn't going to tip very well.
BROCK is still struggling to have a conversation with LORELEI.
BROCK
Hey, so have you been watching "Kanto's Next Top Trainer"? I really want Leroy to win, but Tyrone seems pretty popular with the ladies.
LORELEI
I don't have time to watch TV, and if I did, I wouldn't waste my time watching reality garbage like that.
LORELEI (T.H.)
Yes, Brock is paying for my meal, but it really isn't worth it. This just proved there truly is no such thing as a free lunch.
The WAITER comes out and brings two bills over to BROCK and LIAM.
WAITER
You said you wanted different bills, so here's one for the man and his lady-
LORELEI
We aren't a couple.
WAITER
And here's one for the boy.
LIAM opens his bill, and mints fall out.
LIAM
Take these back! I don't want to pay for them!
WAITER
The mints are complimentary, sir.
LIAM
Oh, thank goodness!
The WAITER leaves.
LORELEI
Well, I actually have work to do, so I'm going to leave now. You'll take care of the bill, right?
BROCK
Right.
LORELEI gets up from the table and leaves. As soon as she's out of sight, BROCK gets up and leaves, leaving his bill unpaid.
BROCK (T.H.)
Dine and ditch!
LIAM
Hm... the waiter was okay. I guess I'll give him a five percent tip.
LIAM gets his cash out, pays his bill, and leaves.
WAITER (T.H.)
Only fifty cents for a tip... I knew it!
INT. HALLWAY
BROCK (T.H.)
So next up is Bruno. This dude is my cousin. He got me my job at the Pewter City Gym, and for that, I am eternally grateful. So I will be taking him out to watch an exhibition battle.
BROCK knocks on the door to the office of BRUNO. BRUNO exits.
BRUNO
Brock?! What are you doing here, buddy?
BROCK
Oh you know, I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd show up early, say hi to all the Elite Four.
BRUNO
That's great, but you know, I'm really swamped with work right now.
BROCK
I got us tickets to that exhibition match today.
BRUNO
I guess I can go for a break, then. You do know that as a member of the Elite Four, I don't need to pay for tickets though, right?
BROCK
Dammit, I bought two tickets! What the hell am I going to do with this extra one?
BROCK looks at LIAM for a moment.
BROCK
Liam, you go wait in the car. I'm going to try and scalp this ticket before the battle.
LIAM
Yes, sir.
INT. INDIGO PLATEAU ARENA
BROCK and BRUNO are sitting down, watching the battle.
BROCK
Hey, that one guy has an Onix! Kick his ***, Onix!
BRUNO
You do realize that the other trainer is using a Vileplume, which knows attacks that are super effective against Onix, and that Onix will probably lose this battle? I mean, you do know that, right? You know at least that much?
BRUNO (T.H.)
Sometimes I still try to validate my decision to make Brock a gym leader.
BROCK
Of course I know everything about Pokémon battles, cousin! I'm a gym leader!
BROCK (T.H.)
And I know that Onix is going to win. Rock types rule!
BRUNO
Anyway, I heard Liam put on an impressive program at the gym the other day.
BROCK
Well, Liam and I. Mostly I. It was a joint effort, but I was the jointest of that effort.
BRUNO
Jointest? Is that even a word?
BROCK
You know Shakespeare invented words? Well, so do I.
BRUNO
But you aren't Shakespeare!
BROCK and BRUNO share a laugh.
BROCK (T.H.)
Bruno better watch it. I am just as inventive as Shakespeare!
BRUNO
But it's still good to know that someone is doing something at the Pewter City Gym.
BROCK
And that someone is me, obviously. Liam, too. But mostly me.
BROCK turns his attention to the battle again.
BROCK
What?! Why'd he switch out Onix?! You can never go wrong with a rock type!
BRUNO
But now he's using Rapidash. He has the type advantage.
BROCK
But he doesn't have the cool advantage. Rock types for life!
A BARKER starts moving down the aisle.
BARKER
Hot pretzels! Get your hot pretzels here! Get them while they're hot! Or you can wait until they cool! It doesn't matter to me! Hot pretzels here!
BROCK
Bruno, can you get me a hot pretzel?
BRUNO
Why can't you pay for one yourself?
BROCK
I just figured you can get them for free because you're a member of the Elite Four and all that...
BRUNO
Fine... One hot pretzel, please!
BARKER
Sure thing, Bruno, and it's on the house!
The BARKER hands BRUNO a pretzel. BROCK grabs it.
BROCK
Yay! Yay! Yay! Thanks, Bruno!
BRUNO (T.H.)
Being with Brock is like babysitting a small child.
INT. CAR
LIAM is sitting in the car, singing along with the radio.
LIAM
And I'm here to remind you, of the Muk you left when you went away, it's not fair to deny me, of the cross-chop bruise that you gave to me, you, you, you oughta know!
LIAM notices the camera.
LIAM (T.H.)
That totally isn't me singing! It's the radio!
INT. INDIGO PLATEAU ARENA
The battle is now over, and the crowd begins to leave.
BROCK
That was quite an enjoyable match! I'm pretty upset that trainer didn't use the awesome power of rock Pokémon, though.
BRUNO
He would have been at a disadvantage if he brought Onix out again! All of his opponent's Pokémon had a strength against rock types!
BROCK
Rock types have no weaknesses.
BRUNO
Grass, water, ground, fighting, steel.
BROCK
It's all in their head. Mind over matter! They can overcome their weaknesses if they think about it hard enough!
BRUNO
That's not how it works, Brock.
BROCK
Rock should be able to beat everything! I mean, if I hit you in the head with a rock in real life, you would die! The same should apply toPokémon.
BRUNO
Whatever. It was nice seeing you again, Brock, and I guess I'll see you soon, when we go over the inspection.
BRUNO (T.H.)
I am not looking forward to that.
INT. HALLWAY
BROCK and LIAM are now standing outside the office of AGATHA.
BROCK
You said you took care of plans for Agatha, right?
LIAM
Yes, sir, I did.
BROCK
Good! Er... what exactly are those plans again?
LIAM
Tea time, sir.
BROCK
Oh, so we're going to go to a cafe or something?
LIAM
No, sir. Agatha will be brewing the tea herself.
BROCK
Her... herself?! Liam, you know how I feel about old people preparing food and drink for me!
LIAM
Sir, if you want to look good in front of the Elite Four, you have to do this! It'll really make up for that time you tackled her!
LIAM (T.H.)
I should have known Brock wasn't going to take this well...
BROCK
Liam, this is a matter of life and death! I don't care if you want to gamble your own life away, but why did you have to offer up mine?
LIAM
This is for your own good, Brock!
LIAM knocks on the door.
BROCK
Dammit! There's nowhere to hide!
The door opens and AGATHA walks out.
AGATHA
Hello? Who is it?
BROCK
Her crippling eyesight prevents her from seeing us! Quick, Liam, let's get out of here!
AGATHA
I can see you. I just don't recognize you.
LIAM
This is Brock, and I'm his gym assistant, Liam.
AGATHA
Oh, Liam! I talked to you on the phone earlier. That's right. I recognize your voice. Well, come in, come in.
AGATHA walks into the office.
LIAM
Sir, you have to go in now.
BROCK
I can't do it! I can't do it!
LIAM
Sir, I promise you that Agatha will not try to poison you.
BROCK
What if she doesn't try? What if she succeeds?
LIAM
She won't. Old people are... dimwitted anyway.
LIAM (T.H.)
I had to say something to get him to agree to go in.
BROCK
You're right. They're brains aren't what they used to be. I guess I'll go in.
BROCK (T.H.)
Listen, if I die in there, I want you to use this video as evidence in that murder. Give her the death penalty!
INT. AGATHA'S OFFICE
BROCK and LIAM take a seat on a couch in the office. AGATHA begins to heat water.
AGATHA
Liam, you must be a bright young man, holding such a great fundraiser for the Pewter City Museum.
BROCK
Why is everyone giving Liam credit for that? I'm the gym leader, you know!
LIAM
It was quite a hectic day, but everything went smoothly in the end. I even sold some copies of my exercise tape!
AGATHA
It's good to see youngsters take an active role in the community. Make sure to stay active, though. Don't end up as some old duff, just staying inside, fiddling around with your Pokédex.
BROCK
Liam is to young to be doing that, you disgusting old hag!
LIAM
I don't think that was a euphemism, sir.
BROCK
Oh, my apologies then, Agatha.
AGATHA
It's alright, I guess. I'm just happy you came. I heard you're actually going to try something I made this time?
BROCK
Listen, I was pretty sure those hot dogs were going to kill everyone! I wasn't willing to take that risk! I had to tackle you!
AGATHA
Luckily, that is in the past. Now we can just sit here like old friends and drink tea.
AGATHA (T.H.)
Ugh, I can't wait to just get this over with already. At least I'm getting a chance to see Brock suck up his pride.
The water heated, AGATHA pours it into three teacups, and she pulls out a selection of teabags.
AGATHA
Is black cherry okay?
LIAM
I'm fine with that.
BROCK
I don't care.
AGATHA begins to brew the tea.
AGATHA
I used to not use teabags, but it has become difficult in my old age.
BROCK
That must be a real shame.
BROCK (T.H.)
I don't care what has become difficult in her old age! You see, this is why young people are the best! We don't need people to help us wipe our asses when we go poop!
AGATHA
Take advantage of your youth, Liam. I can tell you this, you have a lot to look forward to in your future.
BROCK
And how would you know that? Are you some kind of witch?
LIAM (T.H.)
I was doing okay until Brock brought up the possibility of Agatha being a witch. Now I'm just afraid she's going to eat me.
AGATHA
I'm not a witch, just someone in the know.
AGATHA finishes brewing the tea and gives cups to BROCK and LIAM.
AGATHA
Enjoy!
AGATHA takes a sip. LIAM follows suit.
LIAM
This tea is excellent!
AGATHA
Black cherry is one of my favorites. Well, are you going to try some, Brock?
BROCK
Oh, you want me to drink it?
AGATHA
That's the idea.
BROCK looks at the cup of tea. His hand begins to tremble.
BROCK
I don't know. I mean, I had a lot to eat and drink at lunch, and then I had that hot pretzel... it just seems like I consumed enough for now.
AGATHA
Nonsense! You can at least have a sip of tea!
BROCK
I guess I can...
BROCK begins to lift the teacup to his mouth, his hand trembling more and more as he does so. Finally, it reaches his lips.
BROCK
Well... b-b-bottoms up!
BROCK is about to drink the tea when...
BROCK
I can't do it! I can't!
BROCK sends the teacup flying onto the ground, the tea spilling everywhere and the teacup smashed into a ton of tiny pieces.
BROCK
I can't do it! I just can't take the risk!
AGATHA sighs.
AGATHA
That was a perfectly good teacup too, you know.
AGATHA (T.H.)
Really, it seems like every time I meet up with Brock, something of mine gets broken. First it was one of my bones, now my fine china.
LIAM
I'm sorry about that.
AGATHA
Don't worry about it, Liam. Some people just never change.
AGATHA turns to BROCK.
AGATHA
You made this mess; you're going to clean it up. Go over to the janitorial closet and get yourself a mop.
BROCK
Yes, ma'am.
INT. HALLWAY
BROCK and LIAM leave the office. BROCK is exhausted from mopping the floor.
BROCK
That's the problem with old people! They think just because they had to do hard labor back in the olden days, we should have to do hard labor too!
LIAM
So, who's next?
BROCK
Just Lance. Then we've hit everyone.
BROCK and LIAM arrive at the office of LANCE. BROCK knocks, and LANCE exits. LANCE has a very stern look on his face when he sees it's BROCK at the door, his arms crossed. LANCE says nothing.
BROCK
Uh...
LANCE
If you don't have anything to say, go away!
BROCK
Okay.
BROCK quickly submits to LANCE and walks away. LANCE notices LIAM standing there.
LANCE
Oh, Liam. I heard how well that fundraiser at the gym went. Keep up the good work.
LIAM
Thank you, sir!
LANCE slams the door shut.
LANCE (T.H.)
Listen, I don't have time to deal with clowns like him, and I certainly don't have time to deal with you clowns behind the camera. Now get the hell out of my office!
INT. INDIGO PLATEAU LOBBY
BROCK AND LIAM are pacing around when BRUNO greets them.
BRUNO
Ah, Brock and Liam. Follow me. We're ready for you.
BRUNO leads BROCK and LIAM through the building until they reach a pair of double doors. They enter.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
LORELEI, AGATHA, and LANCE are already sitting down. BRUNO takes his place with the rest of the Elite Four, while BROCK and LIAM sit on the opposite side of the table.
LANCE
So we received the report from the inspector the other day. After taking a look through it, we settled on a decision.
BRUNO
It wasn't easy.
AGATHA
It was for me.
LORELEI
I had to read through a couple times to make sure what I was seeing was true.
LANCE
Yes, well, after careful deliberation, we are sorry to say, Brock, that as of now, you are hereby relieved of your duties as Pewter City Gym Leader.
BROCK
What?! How can that be?! The inspection went great! The inspector was so impressed! There must be something wrong!
LANCE
There is nothing wrong. We made our decision.
BROCK jumps up from his seat.
BROCK
You can't do this! I did such a great job at that fundraiser! You can't call it anything but a success!
LANCE
I know. That's how we came to our second decision. Liam, you are no longer a lowly gym assistant. Congratulations, Gym Leader Liam.
LIAM
Seriously? I'm a gym leader now?
LANCE
Yes. Bruno has decided to visit sometime next week to help you transition. As soon as everything is running smoothly, the gym will be yours.
LIAM
I... I can't believe it. I mean... I've dreamed of this happening before, but...
BROCK
But what about me?! What happens to me?!
AGATHA
Nothing. You are no longer employed by the Pokémon League.
BROCK goes over to the Elite Four and gets on his knees.
BROCK
You can't do this! Being gym leader is the only thing I have! Without it, my whole world collapses!
BRUNO
Don't worry, cousin. Now that you're unemployed, there's an endless amount of new opportunities that await you.
BROCK
NO! I'm finished!
BROCK grabs on to the cape of LANCE.
BROCK
You can't fire me! YOU CAN'T! I need this job! I need it! I NEED IT!
LANCE kicks BROCK off of his cape.
LANCE
Get off of me. You need to accept the fact that you are no longer a gym leader. Move on with your life.
BROCK
I can't do that! It is my life!
AGATHA sighs.
AGATHA
Bruno, get him out of here.
BRUNO gets up from his chair and picks up BROCK. BROCK shouts as BRUNO moves him to the door.
BROCK
You can't do this! I'll never forgive you! Let go of me! I swear I'll have my revenge!
BRUNO throws BROCK out of the room.
LIAM
So... uh... what kind of health benefits do I get now?
BROCK (T.H.)
Well, **** on a stick.
INT. LORELEI'S OFFICE
LORELEI is working in her office when the WAITER from earlier enters.
LORELEI
What do you want?
WAITER
Well, you didn't pay your bill from earlier. I would have given it to the gentleman with you, but I have no idea where to find him.
LORELEI
Oh, he didn't pay? That's just great.
LORELEI hands the money over and the WAITER leaves.
LORELEI (T.H.)
I'm not even going to bother tracking Brock down to pay me back. Lousy unemployed bum.