The Joke Thread
- Thread starter Midnight Beat
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ROFLMAO!!! I started laughing at that one b4 I even got it.
TheGreatMothim
The Moth/Bug Trainer
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Yo Mama
Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
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Oh,heres one.If Barbie is so popular,why do you have to buy her friends?
Jack O'Neill
Banned
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If we're going to devolve into yo mama jokes, then I might as well bring out some of my own.
==========
Yo mama so loud, when she whispers she deafens everyone in a 100 km radius.
Yo mama so stupid, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo mama so filthy, the EPA declared her a hazardous waste site.
Yo mama so stupid, she got locked in a grocery store and starved.
Yo mama so stupid, she could trip over a cordless phone.
Yo mama so fat, she's got her own area code.
Yo mama so fat, when she dived into the Pacific Ocean it was emptied of water.
==========
Yo mama so loud, when she whispers she deafens everyone in a 100 km radius.
Yo mama so stupid, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo mama so filthy, the EPA declared her a hazardous waste site.
Yo mama so stupid, she got locked in a grocery store and starved.
Yo mama so stupid, she could trip over a cordless phone.
Yo mama so fat, she's got her own area code.
Yo mama so fat, when she dived into the Pacific Ocean it was emptied of water.
Azonic
hello friends
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Yo mama is so fat she asked for a waterbed and they put a blanket over the ocean.
Yo mama is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
Yo mama is so stupid she climbed a glass wall to see whats behind it.
Yo mama is so stupid she sold her car for Gas money.
Yo mama is so fat she saw a school bus and said, "Chase that Twinkie!"
Yo mama is so stupid she took a spoon to the Superbowl
Yo mama is so desperate she died of it.
Yo mama is so skinny she ate an M & M and looked 8 months pregnant.
Yo mama is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
Yo mama is so stupid she climbed a glass wall to see whats behind it.
Yo mama is so stupid she sold her car for Gas money.
Yo mama is so fat she saw a school bus and said, "Chase that Twinkie!"
Yo mama is so stupid she took a spoon to the Superbowl
Yo mama is so desperate she died of it.
Yo mama is so skinny she ate an M & M and looked 8 months pregnant.
Manaphy1128
We're Making Gods
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You guys have come to yo mamma jokes. If so,i'm posting some:
Yo mamma is so fat that when she fell in love she broke it
Yo momma's so ugly, on Halloween the kids trick or treat her by phone!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says one at
a time please.
Yo momma's so stupid, when she saw the "NC-17" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
And regular jokes:
There is a mirror that if you tell it a lie you are sucked into the mirror but if you
tell the truth you are given money. A brunette walks up to the mirror and says,
"I think I am the tallest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror.
A few minutes later a ginger haired person walks up to the mirror and says,
"I think I am the fattest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror.
The next day a blonde walks up to the mirror. She stares deep into it and says, "I think,"
and shazam...
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across
the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over
the place.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of
the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to
his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and
pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it.
There may not be an Easter because of me. What shouldI do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk,
and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the
entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and
candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter
Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned,
waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
The man was astonished.He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can?
What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turned the can around so that
the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair.
Adds permanent wave.
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three
wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a
one-wish genie. So .. what'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map?
I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to
love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have
been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years ...
I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make
another wish and please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said , "Well, I've never been able to find the right man.
You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning,
is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is
faithful. That is what I wish for . . a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the Stupid map again."
Yo mamma is so fat that when she fell in love she broke it
Yo momma's so ugly, on Halloween the kids trick or treat her by phone!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says one at
a time please.
Yo momma's so stupid, when she saw the "NC-17" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
And regular jokes:
There is a mirror that if you tell it a lie you are sucked into the mirror but if you
tell the truth you are given money. A brunette walks up to the mirror and says,
"I think I am the tallest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror.
A few minutes later a ginger haired person walks up to the mirror and says,
"I think I am the fattest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror.
The next day a blonde walks up to the mirror. She stares deep into it and says, "I think,"
and shazam...
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across
the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over
the place.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of
the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to
his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and
pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it.
There may not be an Easter because of me. What shouldI do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk,
and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the
entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and
candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter
Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned,
waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
The man was astonished.He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can?
What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turned the can around so that
the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair.
Adds permanent wave.
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three
wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a
one-wish genie. So .. what'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map?
I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to
love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have
been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years ...
I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make
another wish and please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said , "Well, I've never been able to find the right man.
You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning,
is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is
faithful. That is what I wish for . . a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the Stupid map again."
Azonic
hello friends
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LOL, whoever made this thread was a genius(like me:))
Yo mama is so ugly she entered an ugly contest and rejected for not reading the sign: NO PROFESSIONALS.
Yo mama is so fat she drowned in dry cement.
Yo mama is so fat, people live in her.
Yo mama is so ugly she entered an ugly contest and rejected for not reading the sign: NO PROFESSIONALS.
Yo mama is so fat she drowned in dry cement.
Yo mama is so fat, people live in her.
Dawson
The Rebirth Is Upon Us
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Those jokes are older than you are. I think you're the first person in this thread to do that.
Azonic
hello friends
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Yea, even YOU are older than me, no offense taken... :P
Midnight Beat
elit resu motsuc
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XD Thank you.
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."
Idiot!
One shot, one kill.
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A lame one:
Holmes and Watson went camping. They set up tent under the stars and slept. Suddenly Holmes woke Watson up. "Look at the stars, Watson, and tell me your deduce."
Watson looked up. "Well, there are billions and billions of stars and the Earth is probably one of the thousands out there with life..."
"No, Watson! Our tent is stolen!"
Another one:
A man was cycling with a sack. An officer stopped him. "Show me what's in the sack." The man opened the sack and revealed sand. The officer inspect it closely but there is nothing but sand so he let him go. The man came again the next week, cycling with a sack of sand. The same officer stopped him and let him go after inspecting the sack. This repeated for months, then the man didn't show up. One day, the officer who is not in duty met him again at the bar. "I think you are smuggling something. Between you and me, what is it?"
"Bicycles."
Holmes and Watson went camping. They set up tent under the stars and slept. Suddenly Holmes woke Watson up. "Look at the stars, Watson, and tell me your deduce."
Watson looked up. "Well, there are billions and billions of stars and the Earth is probably one of the thousands out there with life..."
"No, Watson! Our tent is stolen!"
Another one:
A man was cycling with a sack. An officer stopped him. "Show me what's in the sack." The man opened the sack and revealed sand. The officer inspect it closely but there is nothing but sand so he let him go. The man came again the next week, cycling with a sack of sand. The same officer stopped him and let him go after inspecting the sack. This repeated for months, then the man didn't show up. One day, the officer who is not in duty met him again at the bar. "I think you are smuggling something. Between you and me, what is it?"
"Bicycles."
Hideki~kun
Platinum Addict!
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(Not sure if this ones been done before...)
Your moms so fat, even Naruto can't believe it!
And here's a lame one my friend told me:
Your moms so fat, she was on a beach and a whale came up and sang "We are family" :|
Your moms so fat, even Naruto can't believe it!
And here's a lame one my friend told me:
Your moms so fat, she was on a beach and a whale came up and sang "We are family" :|
Cosmic Tyrant
Ruler of the Cosmos
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You want to hear a stupid one?
Yo mama's so ugly, she walked up in a haunted house and came out with an application slip!
Oh yeah,
you know it lol
Yo mama's so ugly, she walked up in a haunted house and came out with an application slip!
Oh yeah,
you know it lol
Azonic
hello friends
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Yo mama is so fat when she walks, every kid on the block yells, "KOOL AID! KOOL AID!"
Yo mama is so stupid she returned a puzzle because she thought she broke it.
Yo mama is so fat she makes the moon look small.
Yo mama is so fat she's the reason why there is gravity.
BLOND JOKES!!! THEY ARE SO FUN!
The blond calls her boyfriend up.
Blond: Hi! Can you come over here for a sec?
Boy: For what?
Blond: I need help with a puzzle
Boy: Whats it a picture of?
Blond: A tiger
The boy comes to the Blond's house and sees a bunch of Frosted Flakes laid out on the table.
Yo mama is so stupid she returned a puzzle because she thought she broke it.
Yo mama is so fat she makes the moon look small.
Yo mama is so fat she's the reason why there is gravity.
BLOND JOKES!!! THEY ARE SO FUN!
The blond calls her boyfriend up.
Blond: Hi! Can you come over here for a sec?
Boy: For what?
Blond: I need help with a puzzle
Boy: Whats it a picture of?
Blond: A tiger
The boy comes to the Blond's house and sees a bunch of Frosted Flakes laid out on the table.
This is pretty funny... my friend showed me this one. ;D
Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...
First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.
Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."
Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...
First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.
Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."
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Okay, one of my friends told me this, I'm sure everyone's heard it, dunno if anyone's posted it. xD
So, Jimmy wants to go to the bathroom. His teacher says, "Jimmy! You must learn the ABC's first!" And so Jimmy uses the bathroom when he gets home, and then asks his mother:
"Mom, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up, shut up!"
Jimmy then went to his sister.
"Sissy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"Uh-huh, uh-huh!" (talking on the phone, of course.)
Jimmy nodded and visited his little brother.
"Hey, what's the third letter of the alphabet?"
"B-b-b-batman!!!"
Jimmy then went out to the trash guy.
"Sir, what's the fourth letter of the alphabet?"
"In the trash can, in the trash can...."
So Jimmy went to school the next day, and again, asked to go to the bathroom.
His teacher said,
"Jimmy, did you learn your ABC's?"
"Shut up, shut up!"
"Do you want to go to the principle's office!?!"
"Uh-huh! Uh-huh!"
So Jimmy got sent to the principle's office.
"Boy, do you know why you're up here?"
"Shut up! Shut up!"
"Do you want to go home?"
"Uh-huh! Uh-huh!"
"Who do you think you are?!!?"
"B-b-b-batman!!!"
"Where do you live, son?"
"In the trashcan, in the trashcan...."
xDD
*shrugs* an old friend told that to me.
So, Jimmy wants to go to the bathroom. His teacher says, "Jimmy! You must learn the ABC's first!" And so Jimmy uses the bathroom when he gets home, and then asks his mother:
"Mom, what's the first letter of the alphabet?"
"Shut up, shut up!"
Jimmy then went to his sister.
"Sissy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?"
"Uh-huh, uh-huh!" (talking on the phone, of course.)
Jimmy nodded and visited his little brother.
"Hey, what's the third letter of the alphabet?"
"B-b-b-batman!!!"
Jimmy then went out to the trash guy.
"Sir, what's the fourth letter of the alphabet?"
"In the trash can, in the trash can...."
So Jimmy went to school the next day, and again, asked to go to the bathroom.
His teacher said,
"Jimmy, did you learn your ABC's?"
"Shut up, shut up!"
"Do you want to go to the principle's office!?!"
"Uh-huh! Uh-huh!"
So Jimmy got sent to the principle's office.
"Boy, do you know why you're up here?"
"Shut up! Shut up!"
"Do you want to go home?"
"Uh-huh! Uh-huh!"
"Who do you think you are?!!?"
"B-b-b-batman!!!"
"Where do you live, son?"
"In the trashcan, in the trashcan...."
xDD
*shrugs* an old friend told that to me.
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