The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)

[Dragonfree]

Don't I just love rewriting this fic?




Prologue

Two shiny sapphire-blue eyes open weakly, reflecting the eerily orange clouds high above. A roar of thunder sounds with a bright flash of lightning.

The eyes blink slowly, curiously; two small paws feel the damp soil and are raised into the owner?s line of vision. Their fine pale pink fur is stained with red.

Another curious blink as the creature tilts its head slightly. Then all of a sudden, it seems to realize something; it quickly gets up on its large hind legs to look around.

Dead and dying humans are sprawled on the ground with expressions of terror frozen on their faces. Pok?mon lie blood-stained in front of their trainers? bodies, having died in their feeble attempts to protect the humans they had sworn loyalty to.

And right next to the creature lies a large, somewhat humanoid Pok?mon, its leathery gray skin bruised and its powerful violet tail covered with slashes.

The creature looks sadly at the stab wound through the Pok?mon?s heart and then up to its limp, catlike head. A blank expression crosses its face as it observes the facial features.

All of a sudden, the creature?s triangular ears perk up as its eyes scan the area carefully. Ignoring the horror all around, it locks its gaze onto a spot close by. It takes silent, wingless flight, using its thin tail for balance.

The creature hangs its head mournfully when it arrives next to the remains of a black pardus-like Pok?mon?s head. Wavy markings and spikes on its sides glow with a bright alien green color through the crust of dried blood; its right eye has been torn apart while the left is missing.

The green glow of the head?s markings fades into a sapphire blue color, similar to that of the pink creature?s tear-filled eyes.

Is this? is it my work?

The lifeless town knows no answer.

 

[Negrek]

Bah, I don't like this nearly as much as the last prologue. I think that the present-tense isn't as effective as the past tense that you used before. It seems somehow wrong, the tone somewhat altered. I think that the beginning section is too choppy. I know that you used the short, simple sentences for emphasis and in order to create a tone of uncertainty and to restrict the view of the piece to Mew's feelings and reactions, making it more like the perception that someone just waking up would have. Hoewever, you overused this effect. The first three paragraphs are just, "This happened. Then that happened. And by the way, this happened." It's not very interesting and appears very choppy.

Two sentences in particular are overly wordy:

Then, as in realization, its pupils widen with fear.

This sounds very awkward. As in realization? It would be much smoother and simpler to state, "Then its pupils widen with fear and realization."

Hmm, I guess that isn't exactly what you were trying to say, was it? Regardless, this sentence is awkward and should be looked at again.

The creature hangs its head mournfully to the remains of a black pardus-like Pok?mon?s head.

You don't hang your head to something. You may hang your head in response to something, but hanging your head to something implies that your head is being angled in the direction of the whatever-it-is. If I'm reading the scene right, I think that you mean that Mew hung her head upon seeing the mystery pok?mon. If that's the case, I think it might be better to use over instead of to.

Also, you really downplayed the relationship between Mew and Chalenor, or the importance of Chalenor, I forgot which, in this prologue. In the other one, Mew was very impacted by Chalenor's death, but in this one she seems more despairing for the destruction and deaths in general, rather than in that of Chalenor. I dunno if that was intentional, but that's the way it came off in my eyes.

 

[Act]

Hm, I like the present-tense much better than the past, and this definitely ad more of a effect than the previous x versions.

However, I agree with Negrek in that the choppiness was awful. Choppiness for effect never really appeals to me; I don't paritcularly understand it. I don't think like that... :shrug: maybe everyone else does. xD. Also, those two sentences that Negrek pointed out were awkward, but I don't feel like reiterating it.

Also, I wasn't too fond of this sentence:

The eyes blink slowly as if trying to comprehend the cause of this.

Were they trying to comprehnd the cause or not? If they were, say so; if they weren't get rid of it. Implication doesn't do anything here.

I'm glad I have a chance to read this through (I really don't like to 'catch up' when I'm reading things... I usually fall behind as it is and have zero incentive to read a fic already 10 or more chapters into plot /rant).

Good luck... I do seriously hope you end up with a version you like this time through. Remeber: don't write to please reviewers, but don't completely dismiss us.

:) Luck... again o.o;;

 

[Dragonfree]

*shrugs* I'm not sure why, but present tense seems to me to portray a more serious tone than the past, which is why I chose it. It also separates the prologue more from the main fic.

The first part... I felt it was choppy too, but mainly because it was in three paragraphs. I tried to make it one but then the paragraph seemed too long... although perhaps that was just because it was too many sentences... hmm, I'll look into that better, thanks.

I have all the implications in there because in general the narration in the prologue is absolutely outside of Mew's mind aside from the "Is this my work"; the narrator doesn't know whether Mew is really realizing anything or trying to comprehend the cause, but that's a 'guess' at what's going on in Mew's head.

You don't hang your head to something. You may hang your head in response to something, but hanging your head to something implies that your head is being angled in the direction of the whatever-it-is.

I tend to make those mistakes. x_x Fixing.

The relationship between Mew and Chalenor is still there; it's just more hidden.

All of a sudden, the creature?s triangular ears perk up as its eyes scan the area carefully. Ignoring the horror all around, it locks its gaze onto an area close by.

Basically, Mew looks around at first, seeing all the death, and does care. In the old version, I felt like Chalenor was the only thing Mew cared about, which wasn't supposed to be the effect. However, upon realizing that Chalenor may be dead too, Mew suddenly forgets about everything else ("Ignoring the horror all around").

As for Chalenor's importance, that was purposefully toned down; it was kinda wrong to emphasize him so much when he doesn't matter a lot until much, much later.

Heh, Act, you sound like me. (Regarding the thing about catching up with fics.) Except that it's usually more like five chapters for me, or even just a single one if it's very long. x_X; Exception when the fic *really* catches my interest (and what makes me feel a bit guilty is that I'm pretty sure my own fic would not do that).

Heh, hopefully I won't have to make any more major revisions, at least not ones where I actually change the events. (This is only the second one to do so.) I'll always be making minor rewordings, though - shoot me for being a perfectionist. x3 I just barely ever read through a chapter of mine without wanting to make some small changes.

Anyway, I think I'll wait with chapter one until tomorrow (since I've already written three chapters and an extra while my internet connection was down).

 

[Dragonfree]

I made some fixes to the prologue, and here is chapter one.


Chapter 1: Ultimatum

The gentle breeze swayed the branches outside. The sunny, green streets of Sailance couldn?t possibly have looked more tempting. Well, maybe if there had been a stray Taillow singing there somewhere. Or a Rattata darting behind that dustbin.

?Mark Greenlet, will you please answer my question??

The dark-haired boy quickly turned his head away from the window, a blank look on his pale face.

?Er? I?m sorry??

The woman sighed, scribbling something into her notebook. Probably something negative about his lack of attention in class if he knew her correctly.

She observed him over her half-circle glasses, her mouth forming into a frown. ?I asked you to explain what defines recoil attacks.?

Mark rolled his eyes, looking up at her. ?I have no clue, okay??

The teacher sighed again. ?You seem to fail to answer even the simplest of questions, Mr. Greenlet.?

?Whatever.?

?Don?t speak to me like that, or I?ll give you detention.?

Mark rolled his eyes again. Yeah right. That?s just the 500th time you say that.

?Now stop drawing your Fearow and start paying some attention.?

?It?s a Lugia,? Mark corrected in a mutter, covering the smudged drawing on his desk protectively with his hand. A warning alarm sounded in his head. Don?t lose yourself again? school is almost over? Mrs. Grodski is just a grumpy old witch with nothing better to do than hating you?

Luckily, the bell rang at just the right moment. He hurriedly started returning his unopened books to the battered schoolbag that hung on the back of his chair.

?Mr. Greenlet,? the teacher said, ?I would like you to remain here.?

Mark sank back into his chair. He silently placed his drawing inside his thick binder and sighed deeply as he packed it down and forced back the zipper on his stuffed bag. Through the glass in the window, he could see that the wind was growing nastier.

?So,? said Mrs. Grodski, closing the door after the last student left, ?what do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Greenlet??

Mark opened his mouth unsurely, not sure if he?d be better off just keeping quiet, but decided to fire away.

?Why do I even need Battling class?? he blurted out. ?I?m not being let out on a Pok?mon journey. There aren?t even any Pok?mon around this stupid city.?

?Have you ever considered,? said the woman, narrowing her eyes, ?that perhaps failing the class last year played a part in your parents? decision??

?They decided it months before the tests!? Mark protested, his face reddening slightly. Mrs. Grodski just loved to bring up his three from the finals last year; it was one of the many reasons he hated her.

?Oh, don?t try to fool yourself,? she said calmly, sitting down at the teacher?s desk. ?The tests aren?t the only part. All you?ve done in my class since you first started it is doodling on the back of your papers and being an idiot. Your parents have known that since the first time I talked to them about you.?

?They? they said it was because it was too dangerous,? he said uncertainly, fearing that he might be losing the argument. Outside, the shadow of a cloud drifted past the sun. He was missing the nice weather, all because of one stupid teacher.

?As clearly ignorant as you are, I wouldn?t trust you to go on a Pok?mon journey without getting yourself killed either,? she said in a silky voice, a thin smile on her lips.

Mark?s face turned beet red as he clenched his fist. ?I get good grades in Pok?mon speech,? he countered. ?And Art.?

?I never approved of Pok?mon speech as a school subject,? Mrs. Grodski said. ?They weren?t teaching that back when I was at school, and I did fine as a trainer without trying to assign a meaning to all those Pika Pikas.?

Mark folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. He liked Pok?mon speech; Mr. Flintlake?s Vulpix was usually a great deal more interesting than any human person he had met. Apart from his best friend Alex, of course, but he had left on his journey last year.

?As for Art,? the teacher continued when Mark didn?t say anything, ?drawing will hardly help you on a Pok?mon journey, will it?? She gave him another thin smile; Mark just sighed.

?Now, what did your parents tell you last time?? Mrs. Grodski said, leaning forward and looking at him with her stinging blue eyes.

?That I?d have to take class with fifth graders again if I didn?t pass this time,? Mark mumbled.

?Exactly,? she said, examining the blood red nail polish on her long fingernails. ?I suggest you start putting some effort into your studying now, and I might actually change my mind about your IQ. You can leave now if you promise me that.?

?I promise,? Mark muttered.

?Good,? Mrs. Grodski said with a poisonous smile. ?You may go.?

Mark stood up, slung the schoolbag over his shoulder and left the room without saying a word. Outside, the sky was slowly becoming gray and gloomy, matching his mood.

By the time he reached his house, it was starting to rain.

 

[Act]

I'm not in uber-grammar-review mode, so I'm not sure if I missed anything, but the prose seems fine.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but couldn't he get her fired for speaking to him like that? I know that's exactly what happened in my school. The whole scene was a little unrealistic, and I can absolutely tell now he's going to end up on a journey ::shrug::

It was also a tad short for my liking, and although there was a minor rise and fall of action, not much really happened. It read like the opening scene of a movie: a good enough intro to the character, but nothing too enticing.

::shrugagain:: Not much to say when not much is said, ne?

 

[Negrek]

Not bad. As Act stated, perhaps too short and introductory, but not bad.

Grammar and such appeared fine except for one sentence...

That?s just the 500th time you say that.

Something about this sentence really bugs me. I've only ever heard "That's just the 500th time you've said that," which may be part of the problem. I can't think of anything to mark it as wrong, but it doesn't sound... right...

Also, what's the three Mark got on his finals last year? I get that it's something bad, but I don't have any context to tell how bad it is.

Mark is eleven, right? Or was it ten? *memory lapse*

Anyway, I think he sounds a bit too teenage during the first part of the chapter for my taste. The eyerolls and "whatever" attitude seem a bit advanced for his age. It's clear that he feels resentful of his position and has no respect for his teacher, but his blatant disregard for authority and rebelliousness seem a bit too adolescent for my tastes.

So... 'bout it.

 

[Dragonfree]

Mark is nearly twelve (his birthday being in June). That is also my excuse for having him this teen-like, although I'm aware he's still a bit young...

It's a three out of ten.

As chapter two suggests, Mark hasn't really told anybody in details how Mrs. Grodski treats him; he tells his parents that "she hates me!" but while they're slightly concerned about it, they've convinced themselves he has to be exaggerating a bit.

I felt the old chapter was too long, and that one was too short... :dead: Well, the old chapter was mainly full of very unnecessary and boring detail that had very little to do with anything, but yeah... it was meant like a bit of an introductionary chapter, but it should probably have some more to it.




Chapter 2: The Lost Pok?mon

Mark poked his potatoes with his fork, wondering whether to tell his parents about today?s incident or just to wait until they found out. He was saved from making this decision when his parents appeared to notice his lack of appetite. They looked at each other - a tall blonde and a short, dark-haired man, - remarkably similar when both wearing that expression which Mark knew only too well.

?Mark,? said his mother, putting down her knife, ?did something happen at school today??

He looked up. ?Well, I had Battling class.?

?And??

She leant slightly forward and brushed her long hair from her ears. This meant, as Mark had learned through the years, ?Resistance is futile. Speak out or I?ll sigh and look at you with an annoying parent expression.?

?Mrs. Grodski told me off,? he said shortly.

?For what??

He closed his eyes painfully. ?For saying ?whatever?.?

?In what context??

Detective Mom on the case. Mark sighed before continuing.

?She asked me a question, I didn?t know the answer, and she started going all ?Oh, you?re so hopeless! You can never answer questions! You?re going to fail! You?re blah blah blah blah blah!?? Mark imitated in the screechiest voice he could manage.

His mom smiled in that annoying parental way that said, ?I always side with the teacher because she is an adult and you're just a kid so you can't be right.?

?You really should try to do well this year, dear??

Mark sighed again and rolled his eyes. ?I?ll try ? if Mrs. Grodski doesn?t finish me off before the exams, that is.?

?Oh, she?s not that bad,? she said.

?She hates me,? Mark grumbled, folding his arms.

?She doesn?t hate you,? his mom said reassuringly. ?She may not be your favorite teacher, but I?m sure she doesn?t hate you or anybody.?

?She does! I?d know!? Mark shouted across the table.

?Mark?? his father began.

?Goodbye,? Mark said loudly, standing up from his chair and storming towards the door. ?Did I mention I hate you too??

As Mark slammed the door behind him, he discovered two things. One: he had completely forgotten that it was raining and was greeted by the nasty feeling of his socks getting soaked with water. Two: there was an unconscious Charmander lying in the middle of the street.

Mark?s frustration at discovery number one was replaced by the funny feeling of having landed himself in an extremely clich? situation that was like cut out of Ash Ketchum?s biography; of course, the next thing that came to mind was: What the hell is a Pok?mon doing here of all places?

From his Geography class, Mark just knew that for unknown reasons, something about North-West Ouen had creepy effects on Pok?mon. No wild ones had lived there for as long as anybody could remember, and if Pok?mon were brought there by trainers, they seemed to get unnaturally exhausted and weak after a few days. Sailance, Mark?s hometown, was in the very corner and stereotyped as a haven for Pok?phobes; why a Charmander would have come there of all places was even more puzzling than why it was outside in this kind of rain at all.

The sound of a car snapped Mark back to the real world; whatever reason could be for this Charmander being there, it would certainly get run over if it wasn?t brought off the road, and even then, the tail flame that the little lizard?s life depended on had been reduced to less than a candlelight.

He ran into the street to pick up the Charmander?s limp body. Taking it towards the house, he stroked the warm, orange scales and vaguely remembered pointing at a Charmander in a picture book when he was little to announce to his parents that he was going to pick it when he became a trainer.

Opening the door with his right hand while securing the Charmander in his left, he stepped back into the house.

?I thought you hated us?? his mother said smugly, her back turned to the door as she ate; he could nonetheless imagine the expression on her face.

?Whatever? I love you again?? he said quickly in order to get to the point. ?Mom? Dad? there?s a Charmander? it was outside??

His mother looked over her shoulder with a blank expression; her eyes moved slowly from Mark?s soaked clothes to the lizard Pok?mon in his arms. She let out a shriek as she jumped out of the chair. Mark?s father hastily came around the dinner table to see; his mouth fell open under the black mustache.

Rolling his eyes at his parents? reactions, Mark started fanning the Charmander?s tail with his hand; he couldn?t think of anything else to do. Whether because of his efforts or simply because it was warm inside, the fire was restored within long. Breathing in relief, Mark shook his exhausted arm.

His mom looked shortly at the window; the street view was still blurred by a thick sheet of rain.

?I guess we will have to keep it inside for the night,? she said unsurely, biting her lip.

?I think it?s a he, Mom,? Mark said, pointing between the lizard?s legs.

?Oh, yes, of course,? his mother said, blushing slightly.

?He?ll have to sleep in something flame-proof, too,? he said, glancing at the fire that now burned peacefully on the Charmander?s tail tip. His mom hurried up the stairs to the kitchen.

?Mark,? his father said suddenly, speaking for the first time since Mark came back inside, ?where did you find him exactly??

Mark shrugged. ?On the road just outside our house.?

?You are aware that this is the last place a wild Charmander would go to when it?s raining??

Mark sighed. ?Yeah.?

He knew that a trainer was probably out there looking for his Charmander; the excitement of finding a Pok?mon right outside his house had just somehow made Mark feel like his life had changed forever.

?We?ll go online tomorrow and check if a trainer has reported a lost Charmander,? said Mark?s father decisively as his wife returned from the kitchen, holding a large pot. She looked questioningly at Mark.

?That should work,? he said, shrugging as he took the pot. ?It?s got to be a bit uncomfortable to sleep in, but we can?t have him burn down the house.?

?Er, why don?t you just take him into your room and read or something, just to keep an eye on him?? his mom suggested, noticeably worried by the thought of the house burning down. ?I need to talk to your father a bit, too.?

Mark eyed his parents suspiciously as they walked up the stairs, but decided that watching the Charmander was more important than listening in to conversations and carried the pot with the unconscious Pok?mon into his room. Setting it down beside his bed, Mark picked up a book about legendary Pok?mon that his parents had given him, and sat down on his pillow. He almost knew it by heart, but he could read it again and again without ever getting bored of it.

Secretly hoping that the trainer would take a while to find, he sank himself into the legend of Vaxil and the Color Dragons.

 

[Act]

Again, not in grammatick of D00M state of mind, so I'll complain about character instead.

This chapter was better in terms of flow and lengh, not necessarily because it was long but because it ended where it ended, not where you cut it off.

I will, also complain about the lack of descriptive lenaguage being used here. Now, call me a hypocrite as I probably am, but considering we've never seen this region before, and I in particular have never read this fic before, you should be pouring on the scene and setting in these first few chapters. I have no idea what anything is and the like, and it's strange to read.

[rant] Mark may hate his parents during this chapter, but Gawd did he get me hating him. Not only did he have no right to pour on the teenage emo-wangst to his parents, it's horribly unlike something a twelve-year-old would do. Trust me, my brother and cousin are twelve (and for the record, my cousin and I are like best friends). Now, girls are much more mature even at this age and boys are starting to get kyute!, but to boys, this is still a cooties! stage. They're still blowing things up and playing video games and not really caring about school from day to day. Not to mention that they still tend to have the blatant honesty of a younger kid. Boys are hyper and purposely annoying (you wouldn't believe how many of my brother's friends try to get on my nerves). They still like to get their way and be correct. And personally, I didn't think Mark was glossing anything over. If I (or any of my siblings) ever reported to my parents that a teacher 'told me off' there would be a riot at the school. His parents reacted like unconcerned stereotypes. Frankly, the whole thing seemed too much like a get-charmander engine, and the un-12-year-oldness really got to me. [/rant]

So, this chapter was alright, but still not much is happening. Personally, I'd combine this one and the first one, but that's just me. As far as ratings go, I'd say you were in the 3.5/5-slash-6.5/10 range. Better than a lot, but still pretty average as a whole. Just to be repetitive, I can't help feeling like asking, 'Yeah, so...?' Jumping into the plot isn't good, but I wouldn't go any further than third chapter at this pace.

 

[Dragonfree]

Hmm, Sailance isn't that important of a setting, so I never really put that much thought into describing that in particular. But I'll look into that. Description has been my weakest point since... always. x_x Evil thing.

Mark probably shouldn't be so teenage-like, as I said... he just came out like that. (I've had the feeling that I keep writing him my own age even though I'm always fighting to push him back down to stay twelve like a nice character.) Hmm... try to ignore his age for now, since that's more likely to be changed in the future than his general personality (which is basically very whiny, annoying and probably too teenage-y).

Dunno about schools over there, but here you hardly live a day without teachers telling people off. *shrugs* They're not that nasty, of course, but nobody would really get suspicious if somebody said something like that. Mark's parents, also, have their motives... they're not your usual say-goodbye-and-never-appear-again trainer-fic parents.

I need to fix up chapter three... technically I finished it, but it's too slow since even then Mark is still not on a journey. (Hey, his parents aren't going down without a fight.) Things pretty much start happening right in chapter four and are happening throughout the rest of the fic, though, if you'll survive one more chapter of development.

 

[emeraldslay]

I liked ILCOETH better, to tell you the truth. This new one seems to be moving kinda slow.

 

[Dragonfree]

Since when was the ILCOEth not moving slow at the beginning?

 

[Dragonfree]

Chapter 3: The Test

?Char??

?Not now,? Mark mumbled, half-asleep. A second passed before he bolted upwards and looked down into the pot below his bed. His face broke into a smile as he saw the Charmander poking the bed curiously.

?You?re alive!?

Mark quickly got out of bed. One of the first lessons of Pok?mon Speech popped up in his head: When greeting a smaller Pok?mon, it is polite not to force the Pok?mon to look up at you.

He knelt down so that his eyes were nearly on level with Charmander?s; the Pok?mon?s deep brown eyes looked back into his green ones.

Pok?mon do not have names. When only one member of their species is present, a stranger Pok?mon will prefer to be addressed by the species? name.

?Er? good morning, Charmander,? he said hesitatingly. The Pok?mon smiled; Mark had the feeling it was a bit obvious he was following instructions from a textbook.

?Char Charmander.?

Pok?mon speech was so weird. Mark was thankful he was rather good at detecting the crucial tone changes; that had been something like ?Good morning to you too.?

?Umm??

?Mander Char?? Charmander asked.

Where am I. Mark?s heart was beating; he could picture himself understanding every word easily with some practice.

?You?re in my room. You fainted on the road in front of my house when it was raining yesterday.?

The lizard Pok?mon put up a puzzled look. ?I did??

Mark nodded. Charmander seemed to be trying to remember something.

?Oh, right,? the lizard finally muttered. ?The rain??

?What were you doing out there, anyway??

Charmander sighed. ?Well, my trainer? the boy I was given to? he tricked some girl into trading her Quilava for me, and she got so angry when she found out what level I was that she tossed my Pok?ball to the ground and ran after my trainer. So I just walked off in a random direction.?

?Oh.? There were a few seconds of silence. ?So were you looking for your trainer when you came here?? Mark then asked.

Charmander shrugged. ?Not really. My old trainer wasn?t very good. He never let me out of the Pok?ball.?

Mark raised an eyebrow. ?He must?ve been a jerk.?

?Well, you don?t really sense time in the ball,? Charmander replied, shrugging again. ?When you?re sent out, you have no idea how long you?ve been there. It?s all dreamy and stuff.? He paused. ?Pok?balls aren?t that bad, really ? but the first thing he felt like doing with me was tricking a random girl into trading over a stronger Pok?mon. Kinda depressing.?

Mark nodded. ?I can imagine.?

?But anyway,? Charmander said, changing the subject, ?you don?t happen to have anything to eat, do you??

-------

?That girl isn?t looking for you, is she?? Mark asked, munching on his cornflakes. Charmander, while eating some minced meat that Mark had dug out of the fridge, shook his head.

?Doubt it,? he said after swallowing. ?After all, she just threw me away.?

Mark nodded.

?Besides,? Charmander added, ?I kinda hope she?s not looking for me. She didn?t really seem very nice either.?

?Well, if she is looking for you, you have a right to leave her if you don?t like her.?

Charmander nodded absent-mindedly; this was indeed a right which Pok?mon officially had, but they very rarely used it. Some species of wild Pok?mon simply knew nothing of their rights concerning trainers because they lived in isolated areas and generally just despised the idea of mixing with other species, including humans. When they were caught, they actually often attacked or killed their trainers to escape as soon as they were sent out of the Pok?ball. Many trainers simply didn?t think much about Pok?mon rights and didn?t give their Pok?mon any opportunity to leave. And most dissatisfied Pok?mon who knew they could leave their trainers just endured it, either because they gave being trained to high levels a higher priority than what their trainer was like, or because they just didn?t think their problems with their trainers were worth leaving them for. Some also just preferred to follow the tradition and considered themselves obliged to serve any trainer strong enough to capture them.

Meanwhile, Mark was having a very frustrating inner debate. A part of him was yelling out, hey, just grab that Charmander, run away from home and become a trainer, while another part said, wait, wait, wait, you can?t just kidnap a Pok?mon and make yourself a trainer when you feel like it. Then those two parts agreed on the solution of asking Charmander about his opinion, but then his manners started crying out that it was extremely rude to be planning out Charmander?s future behind his back. Finally, Mark?s mouth decided to save him from insanity by acting a bit on its own accord.

?What are you planning to do now??

Charmander turned around. ?Find some other Charmander, I guess.? He paused. ?Well, if there are any wild Charmander around here, that is.?

Mark thought for a bit, trying to remember some of his Geography lessons. ?No,? he said finally. ?The only place in Ouen where they live wild is Champion Island, and I don?t expect you to be able to swim over there.?

Charmander sighed. ?Well, then I?ll have to do something else. At least find somewhere to go while it?s raining.? He shivered.

?Erm? do you plan on getting caught again?? Mark asked without really thinking about what the heck he was saying.

?Maybe,? Charmander answered, shrugging. ?I don?t want another trainer who would just stuff me in a ball and trade me for a stronger Pok?mon, though.?

?If I?? Mark began, ?would you? like? oh, forget it?? He sensed himself blushing, feeling very stupid.

?Erm? what?? Charmander asked confusedly.

Mark looked down. ?I just really want to be a Pok?mon trainer,? he muttered. ?My parents won?t let me.?

?Oh,? Charmander said blankly. ?Well, who knows. They might let you sometime in the future.?

Mark sighed. ?Well, I was hoping I could become a trainer if I did well on the finals this year, but they?re in just a few days and I still don?t know a first thing in Battling.?

?You can learn,? Charmander said reassuringly. ?Maybe you?ll pass if you read well now.?

Mark took a deep breath. ?Right.?

-------

There was a light knock on the door. Mark looked out of Officially Defined Pok?mon Attacks, a huge book that could make a Metapod die of boredom, to see his mother open the door slightly to look inside.

?I?m reading, Mom,? Mark mumbled, turning back to the textbook.

?Oh,? his mom replied, seeming slightly taken aback. ?Well, there are no lost Charmander reported, but your father and I have decided that it?s best to check again tomorrow ? if the Charmander is okay with staying another night here, that is.?

?Mander,? Charmander said. He was sitting beside Mark on his bed.

?He says it?s fine,? Mark translated quickly without looking out of the book.

?Well? I?ll let you read, then,? she replied, giving him an odd look while closing the door. As soon as she was gone, Mark cracked up in laughter.

?Did you see her face when she saw that I was studying? She must think Hell has frozen over.?

-------

Mark worked hard over the next few days, studying desperately to pass his Battling test while getting decently through the rest. Meanwhile, he became friends with Charmander, who had still not been reported as lost and was still staying at Mark?s home. The Pok?mon?s company helped him survive the dreadfully boring schoolbooks. He had still not told Charmander what he was secretly hoping for ? that Charmander would come with him on a journey ? and his conscience kept nagging him about it, but he always fended the thought away, convincing himself that he?d do it later.

What worried him more was that Charmander was all but immune to the mysterious effect that North-West Ouen had on Pok?mon. The lizard seemed to be too polite to complain, but it was hard not to notice the fact that he was growing weaker with every day. Mark?s parents saw it too; they exchanged looks every time they eyed the slightly dazed Pok?mon. It was clear that they would send Charmander away soon if he was not reported as lost. Mark had to do something soon if his dream was ever to come true.

-------

The alarm in Mark?s digital watch went off with a loud beeping. His hand blindly reached for it on his bedside table; as he found the button, he silenced it. He took a deep breath. It was exam day.

Rolling onto his side and rubbing his eyes, he looked into Charmander?s pot, where the lizard was curled up, fast asleep.

?Charmander??

He shook the Pok?mon gently with his hand, but Charmander was still fast asleep. A cold shiver ran down Mark?s spine as another attempt failed to wake the lizard up.

Calm down? the Effect is not fatal?

He shot a few more glances at Charmander to see if he moved; he didn?t. Mark had no choice but to go to the exam and hope Charmander would be better when he came back.

In his mind he was already thinking up a plan.

-------

?Greenlet??

Mark was jumped; Mrs. Grodski had tapped his shoulder when handing him the exam paper.

?Yes, Mrs. Grodski??

?I?ve got to say I never expected you to take what I said last time seriously. And even if you did, I wasn?t sure you were capable of paying attention.?

?Well, I am,? Mark said shortly. ?Surprised??

?Yes, if that?s how you?d like to put it,? Mrs. Grodski replied, eyeing him with slight suspicion while walking away from his desk. He grimaced at her as she turned around and then shifted his attention to the test.

1. Identify Beedrill?s signature move and briefly describe its effects. (2)

Mark stared at the question, feeling exactly as clueless as that fateful day when he found Charmander. Beedrill, Beedrill? Pin Missile? Darn, why did they ask about Pok?mon that ordinary people would rather keep as far away from them as possible?

He sighed and started writing down the first answer he could think of.

-------

An hour later, Mark returned the test. He was sure he had been rubbish; nonetheless he couldn?t help feeling he had probably done a bit better than last year ? then he had been so blank he hadn?t even been able to fill in half of the exam.

He hurried back home. The results would arrive tomorrow after the school?s Porygon had gone over the tests; only questionable things were ever brought before Mrs. Grodski (which was lucky, Mark thought; otherwise she would have marked everything wrong on his test for some nitpicky reasons).

When he entered the house, his mom and dad were in the doorway to his room, apparently watching Charmander. Mark rushed past them; the orange lizard was still fast asleep in the pot, just like this morning.

Mark?s dad sighed. ?I wonder if Pok?mon can get used to this??

?Of course not!? Mark said loudly.

?Eh, how did the test go?? asked his mother quickly to change the subject.

?Better than last year??

Mark started shaking Charmander again to wake him up. With great effort, the Pok?mon opened an eye.

?I?m fine, really??

Then the lizard fell back to sleep.

?We have to do something,? Mark said, putting the last pieces of his plan in place in his head.

His mom sighed. ?We know,? she said. ?If still nobody is looking for him tomorrow, we?ll take him to Cleanwater where there are wild Pok?mon.?

?There are no wild Charmander there,? Mark pointed out. ?Unless we?re going to head to Champion Island??

?We?ll figure something out,? his father just said. That was exactly the answer Mark had been hoping for.

-------

Mark woke up early next morning. His plan was the first thing to pop up in his mind; nervously, he sat up and dressed, watching the sleeping Charmander.

?Hopefully,? he said quietly, knowing that Charmander couldn?t hear him, ?we will be walking out of this dratted city later today.?

And with that, he went out of the room in his pajamas, tiptoed to the front door and looked through the mail lying on the doormat ? it didn?t take long for him to find the brown envelope addressed to him with the school?s logo stamped on the top right corner. His hands shaking, he opened it; he took a deep breath as he pulled out his test results.

He skimmed past the other subjects; he had passed them all. Then?

Battling: 7/10

His face broke into a smile. I did it! I passed the stupid Battling!

Grinning from ear to ear, he ran towards his parents? bedroom with the piece of paper. ?Mom! Dad! I passed Battling!?

The door opened just as he reached it; his parents had apparently woken up around the same time as he had.

?See? I passed!?

Mark waved the paper in his father?s face; he took it and skimmed over it. His expression brightened slightly; he handed the results to his wife and ruffled Mark?s hair.

?I knew you could do it.?

His mom came and hugged him. ?See? You can do anything when you really try, dear??

?Now,? Mark interrupted, his heart beating, ?we need to do something about Charmander.?

?Right,? said his dad, taking a deep breath. ?I looked online earlier. There is still no trainer looking for a Charmander. However??

?I have an idea,? Mark broke in. ?If I were a trainer, I?d be able to take him??

His father sighed. ?Not this discussion again, Mark.?

?I passed my Battling class!? Mark argued. ?You say it?s dangerous, but tons of kids go on a Pok?mon journey every year and nothing happens to them! Why would I get myself killed??

His parents exchanged looks. His mom whispered something in his dad?s ear; he nodded and whispered something back. Then finally ?

?All right, you can go.?

 

[Dragonfree]

Okay, this is the first extra of this version.

A quick explanation for new readers: Extras are little one-shots in between, not a part of the main storyline and could be left out of the fic altogether, but they might explain small unimportant stuff that you could be curious about. They always follow the chapter that touches upon the subject explained in the extra. Some extras can even serve as stories on their own so that they might be posted in separate threads. (That does not apply to the first one, though.)

So, enjoy.


Chapter 3 Extra: Pok?mon Speech

?Good morning, children,? said a chubby, middle-aged man cheerfully as he walked into the classroom. He was met by a chorus of children?s voices, returning his greeting; however, it was quickly silenced as the class caught sight of the reddish brown, fox-like creature that came after him, majestically holding its six curled tails into the air.

?My name is Darius Flintlake,? the man announced, looking around the teacher?s desk he was standing behind. Finding a piece of chalk, he wrote his name on the blackboard.

?And this here is Vulpix,? he said as the fox jumped onto the desk and sat down. ?He will be teaching you much more than I will this year.?

A nervous hand was raised into the air in the back of the room.

?Yes?? the teacher said kindly, taking off his circular glasses to clean them with a handkerchief.

?Sir? how can you have a Pok?mon in Sailance?? said a small girl?s nervous voice. ?Isn?t Vulpix affected by the? the Effect??

Mr. Flintlake gave the girl a smile as he put his glasses back on. ?Ah,? he said, ?you?re an attentive one. We live in Cleanwater City, you see, and teach all our classes on Wednesdays, so that Vulpix only needs to come within the area for one day a week. That way, he is barely affected at all. But if he stayed for a while at a time, he would, like any other Pok?mon, be weakened severely by the Effect.?

He looked around the classroom; all the students were watching Vulpix cleaning himself with his tongue. After making sure there were no more questions, he cleared his throat to get the class?s attention again.

?Now,? he started, ?we are here to teach you Pok?mon speech. It is a language; however, it is different from all other foreign languages in that you will only need to learn to understand it, not how to speak it yourselves. Vulpix is right now listening to me and understands every word.?

?Pix,? the fox confirmed.

?Additionally,? Mr. Flintlake continued, looking over his glasses at the kids, ?Pok?mon speech is not structured like English or any other human language. As you might know, Pok?mon speech normally consists of certain syllables exclusive to each species of Pok?mon. Those species have later been named after the syllables that they use for their speech.?

?Vulpix,? Vulpix said, nodding.

?Despite this, all Pok?mon species can easily communicate with each other. This made it clear, even before real research on Pok?mon speech started, that the names themselves don?t matter; a Pok?mon doesn?t care whether the word is ?Pika? or ?Nido?.

?Therefore, Pok?mon speech brings bodily language and vocal tones to important use. The stress matters, the length of the word matters; it may even matter which syllable of the species? name the Pok?mon is saying. This is what makes Pok?mon speech difficult to learn.?

He looked around the class again; some of the children were looking nervously at each other.

?Technically,? the teacher went on, ?you will get away with not having learned any Pok?mon speech. Most of the more important things your Pok?mon might say to you are rather easy to understand. However, most veteran trainers of today agree that they have often been in a situation where they wished they actually knew the language of their Pok?mon.

?Of course, the only way to get good at Pok?mon speech is to practice it, to regularly have real conversations with real Pok?mon. That is why Vulpix here is so important.?

Mr. Flintlake gave a nod towards the fox Pok?mon.

?Now, this class does not only teach the language, but everything concerning communication with Pok?mon; therefore it is best to start with some basic rules of greeting a Pok?mon.?

He walked around the desk to face his Pok?mon; even though Vulpix was on top of the desk, the man stood considerably taller than the fox Pok?mon.

?Pok?mon?s battling instincts are very important to consider when talking to a Pok?mon,? he warned, turning his head towards the kids. ?When you meet somebody in the street, it is not your first reaction to assume they?re likely to attack you. For Pok?mon, it is. Their instincts tell them to run when they meet a stranger much larger than them. When you greet a small Pok?mon, the Pok?mon knows very well that you?re not about to attack, but due to its instincts, it will not feel comfortable while you tower over it. Therefore, it is common courtesy when starting a conversation with a smaller Pok?mon to bring your eyes as close to the Pok?mon?s eye level as possible.?

After finishing this speech, he bent down until his eyes were on level with Vulpix?s.

?As soon as you?re in a conversation, you should be able to stand fully up again if you wish so. If you have talked to the Pok?mon before, you will also not need to do this. But now we touch on the start of the conversation itself. Remember this: Pok?mon don?t have names.?

Some of the kids looked at each other, seemingly puzzled.

?This is, of course, because names as we humans know them don?t quite work with Pok?mon speech and culture. Instead, a Pok?mon will be perfectly fine with simply being addressed by the name of its species, provided that there are no other Pok?mon of the same species in the vicinity that could cause confusion; hence Vulpix just being Vulpix.?

Vulpix nodded.

?However, when there are more of the same species around, that complicates matters. Pok?mon solve that with nicknames. Not quite names like we use; we have one certain name which just is our name. Pok?mon, on the other hand, address strangers as simply the name of the species, and the ones they know by some kind of a word that has been given special emphasis that we call the name identifier.?

He wrote ?name identifier? on the blackboard and underlined it twice.

?Not everybody necessarily uses the same nickname for the same Pok?mon; they consider it more important that the same Pok?mon does not call two others by the same nickname. If you like to keep things simple and aren?t usually around more Pok?mon of the same species, you can also just keep calling it by the species? name; it won?t mind. As long as the nickname does not have an insulting meaning, the Pok?mon doesn?t care what you call it; provided that it knows what name you use for it, of course.

?This means you don?t ask a Pok?mon its name when meeting it, nor do you need to tell yours. The Pok?mon will assign a nickname to you, like it would to a Pok?mon, when it starts to consider you somebody it knows. Almost all Pok?mon call their trainers simply ?Trainer? with the name identifier. Vulpix, what is my name??

?Pix Vulpix,? Vulpix said. Mr. Flintlake turned back to the class.

?You do not need to think of it as what it actually is. If I were to translate what Vulpix just said, I would translate it to ?Darius?, not ?Trainer?. Vulpix cannot actually say ?Darius?; his vocal chords are simply not able to make the sounds. There are known examples of Pok?mon learning to produce different sounds and speak like a human, but that usually costs the Pok?mon years of practicing and very few ever feel inclined to try, especially now that humans have gained an insight into their language. There is nobody else that Vulpix calls ?Pix Vulpix?; therefore it is no less my name than Darius.?

The teacher smiled slightly as he saw that every child in the classroom was paying full attention. Then the bell rang, and within seconds the classroom was filled with the sound of chairs being moved.

?Read chapter one of the book for next class!? he shouted over the noise. ?I?ll see you next week, kids!?

 

[MeLoVeGhOsTs]

Well I really like this and have read the entire 'old' version. So is there any way that this is going to be proceeded?

 

[Dragonfree]

It is. I've just been writing the ILCOE more recently.

 

[MeLoVeGhOsTs]

Can you elaborate on what IALCOTN or ILCOE is?

 

[Dragonfree]

ILCOE = I've Lost Count Of 'Em.

ILCOEth revision = the version that is currently up to chapter 28.

IALCOTN = I've Absolutely Lost Count Of Them Now.

Version IALCOTN = this.

 

[MeLoVeGhOsTs]

Are you posting the ILCOE version aswell? Or anywhere for that matter?

 

[Dragonfree]

There was a thread which is now in the Fanfiction Archives, I believe, but I'm not sure it has all the chapters. I've posted them all on the Serebiiforums, TPM, my site, etc.