[Pokémon] The Return of a Legend (13+)

[sheep261]

Hehe, this is my first fan fiction EVER, so any criticism is welcomed. In my next post, if i have the chance to do so, I'll begin to include the age's of the characters.

The Decision.
​

It was a sunny evening in the middle of Autumn, with a fine mist developing a certain mountain not far from Pallet Town. The view from the top was simply jaw dropping for an ordinary person; the sky was a deep colour between the mix of orange and red, with the Sun half way down.


However, on person in particular didn't find it amazing at all; to him, he had just found it to be normal, although, he had been living on this mountain for a while. The man in question was youngish, about in his mid 20's, and it was obvious that he had been far from civilisation for a while, due to the messy flop of hair, which was cut at irregular angles. On his body was a pair of dark-blue jeans, accompanied with black trainers. Although to someone else, it was so cold up on the peak of the mountain, they would have to wear multiple layers, but to this man, he was wearing a black t-shirt which was tight on his body, alongside a blue jacket.


Turning away from the sky, he made his way over to a cave, which was about a 5 minute walk, and returned to see a huge group of pokemon waiting for him, all surrounding a fire. Just looking at his face, they knew something was going to happen, so they all listened patiently.


"It has been 10 years" The man spoke; his voice was clear yet it sounded like a young teenager. "We have had many adventures when we have been away; some good, some bad, some amazing, some horrifying that we wont be able to forget." As he said this all the pokemon were nodding along to what he had to say.


"However, I have decided that it's time for us to return to everyone. By now, they probably won't remember us, and that is why now is the right time. We are going back to Pallet; its time to see a new friend again." He said, and they pokemon knew that he was finished, and they are shouted in their voices on their agreement, before they started getting ready.


After 5 minutes of gathering everything and putting it away, the young man gathered up his bag, which on inspection had multiple pokeball's with him, and he returned all of his pokemon back to their respective pokeball, apart from one; a bird which was waiting by the cave entrance, with it fluttering its wings out and preparing for the flight.


Getting onto it's back silently, the man uttered 3 words silently. "Pidgeot, Pallet Town", and with that the bird cried out and took off, flapping it's wings to gain some altitude, as well as to get away from the mountain. Eventually, the young man decided that it was time, and with a gentle pat on the back, he clung on as the bird began to close in its wings and began to free fall through the sky, gaining so much speed it managed to break the sound barrier,


Due to this quick descent, the pair was at the base of the mountain instantly, and they began to glide through the sky; the evening had turned into a royal blue, and a person on the ground had to use binoculars to actually see the pair in the sky at all.


Pallet Town was the same as it had been when he had last visited; the same small houses, all illuminated with their lights; completely different to goldenrod city. Getting off pidgeot's back when they arrived outside a certain professors lab, he returned Pidgeot back to his ball and walked up the door and sharply knocked on the door 3 times, before waiting for an answer.


If the night was silent, which it wasn't due to the chirping of the birds, you would of heard the shuffling of feet and the odd mumble, before the door was swung open by an ageing man, who had more wrinkles on him, alongside tired looking eyes.


"I'm sorry there young man, but I'm not accepting any new trainers at the moment, please come back in the morning." And with that he began to close the door, but before it was fully shut, a foot was stuck inside, preventing it from shutting.


"I'm not here for a pokemon Professor" The man said, before he looked up at the man. "I'm here to have a talk with you."


Looking into the man's eyes, the professor instantly knew who those eye's belonged to, and he began to shake uncontrollably.


"No, it can't be………." He said, with his words beginning to tail off. "How are you alive? We thought you were dead. Never mind that, come inside" The old man ushered, and the man accepted, before walking in, with the professor looking out to see no one was looking, before closing the door.


"How have you been Ash?"​

 

[Spinor]

I'll start by saying that you have a good sense of description here.

However, some of your narration is awkward:

...and putting it away, our hero gathered up his bag...

You are in a third person (omniscient?) narration. You cannot really use words like "I, My, Our, Your..." or anything else that implies the narration is done by a person or is being told to the reader or to someone else. So the minimum required replacement here would have to be "the young man".

Another thing, your text is formatted. You should remove the center and the font and always keep text at defaults besides when italics or bolds are necessary. Bolding is also not necessary when a character says something. Usually you'll only need italics for emphasis during a story.

There's also grammar mistakes, but I'm not the one to dive into those details. It's mostly within the dialogue.

From all that, I am interested in what shall occur in the next chapter. I encourage you to apply for a BETA reader and make sure you have a proper plot ready at the plot bunny thread.

 

[sheep261]

OK, thanks for this, I really needed someone to tell me that,

Thanks for telling me about the "our hero" part; I put that in because at the time I thought it suited the whole story, but now looking over it again, I see where you are coming from and I edited them, alongside some other stuff as well.

At the moment I have applied for a beta reader, and I have also put in my plot in the bunny thread, so it might be a while (2 weeks maybe? Possibly less if I work hard) until I post another chapter.

 

[sheep261]

WOO! A post. I managed to work hard on this, so once again, all reviews, comments etc are welcome.

Ash : 24

Professor Oak: 77

Painful Memories

Professor Oak was by the kitchen, making himself a cup of tea, whilst getting Ash a glass of water when he asked him if he wanted anything to drink. However, although nobody could see it, inside the professor his thought and emotions were flying all over the place. One second Oak was feeling relived and happy that Ash had returned, he hag missed him greatly; the next he was angry that Ash didn't even bother to call him at once and ask how he was; and then he was sad, as he couldn't imagine what could of happened to him.

Rubbing his head and smoothing out the ever increasing number of wrinkles on his head, the professor grabbed both glasses and shuffled to the table. Placing both cups on the table, the duo both silently sipped at the drinks, although both were thinking different things. Oak was thinking of a way of trying to ask Ash what he had done on his journey, but he didn't know what to say in case of angering him. Ash on the other hand, was thinking that if the professor didn't ask him a question any time soon, he was going to leave and do what he had to do.

Moments passed, and both of them were twiddling the thumbs, before Ash began to get up from his seat, before Oak asked a question.

"Why Ash? Why did you leave?" He asked, looking up. His face was trying to look angry, but his voice betrayed him, filled with sadness and sympathy. "Why did you have to leave so suddenly? It broke my heart when you left…"

* flashback *

A once younger professor began to make his way to his laboratory, whilst letting out a huge sigh, filled with stress and anger; the past couple of weeks had been truly life changing, and to be honest, he wanted the once quiet life back.

Placing his key in the door, he opened it and went inside before closing it gently, then proceeding to make himself a cup of tea; in situations like these, that always made him feel better. Once the water was boiling, the professor made his way to his fridge and took out a bottle of milk, before he noticed a letter on the table addressed to him.

Puzzled by this, he put down the milk, took the letter before sitting down and read what it said:

Dear Professor,

As you know, the past couple of weeks have been truly life changing for me, and I don't feel like the same person anymore; ever since those events two weeks ago, mostly everyone around me has changed towards me, and I don't think I can cope with that. That is why I have decided to leave Pallet and my friends, to make them happy, as well as me. If I don't manage to speak to you again, I thank you for everything you have done, and the great adventures you have told me to go on. If you look out into the garden, You'll notice that my pokemon have gone; don't be alarmed, I have taken them with me, so at least I have some company.

Ash.

"Oh Ash" The professor said, hot tears running down his face as he read the letter; why was it always the good people that had to be picked on and tossed aside like they were nothing? The professor began to cry softly as he read the letter, not knowing what to do. After crying for a good 10 minutes, the professor got up and went to his safe and opened it, before depositing the letter in their in case it was needed again.

* end *

Ash was silent when he heard the professor recap of that fateful day; Ash could remember it so clearly. He was exactly like the professor when he was writing the letter, he was filled with sadness and was crying his eyes out that he had to leave his home. But now, he had changed; he wasn't the weak boy he was then. NO, he was much emotionally stronger; he wouldn't cry at the slightest thing anymore.

"Professor, I'm so sorry for what I caused you on that day." Ash said, as he twiddled his thumbs. Inside, the feeling of guilt was rising inside him; have I caused the professor to feel like he did then today? He didn't mean to, but looking back at what the professor just said, well Ash was having second thoughts.

Both were silent for a while, we either not knowing what to say at all. However, Ash decided to break the silence. "I didn't want to go you know." He said, not looking at the professor, preferring to play with his fingers, which Ash knew was a sign of nervousness. "It was just, after the events that had taken place, I couldn't cope with it anymore" He said, before proceeding to tell Oak what had happened,

* flashback *

Ash was walking down route 1 after returning home from Sinnoh; although he had lost to Tobias, he was feeling proud of his pokemon for beating Tobias Darkrai, and that was all he wanted. After a 20 minute walk, he could see the outskirts of the town, and Ash couldn't keep his excitement of returning home away at all. Running all the way home, it only took him 5 minutes to get home, before he rushed inside.

"I'm home-" Ash began to say, but he was stopped by the monster cuddle he was getting from his mum, as she rushed all the way from the kitchen to give Ash a hug.

"There's my little champion! How are you? Have you been eating enough, as you look thin? Have you been changing you pants all the time?…" She said, with the questions continuing on and on, with Ash only being able to give a mumble for each answer. Eventually, she let Ash go and turned back towards the kitchen, where wonderful smells of home cooking began floating through, when Ash realised that his stomach was rumbling.

"Hehe, looks like someone has missed some food " Ash joked, patting his stomach,, before turning into the kitchen and looked at the feast on the table, which was fit for a king, as there was mountains of food everywhere. "OH, MY GOD!" Ash shouted, and he rushed to the table and picked up his plate, before pilling on food after food on it, ignoring the look from his mothers face.

* end *

"At that moment, I thought everything was going fine. There was no trouble at all. I was happy at last; the defeat to Tobias was far gone from me, and I was too busy shoving food into my face " Ash said, letting out a little chuckle, before proceeding on with the story.

* flashback continued *

Ash was laying in his bed, looking out at the stars while pikachu was snoozing at the foot of the bed. Inside Ash, he was thinking of what he could do next, as he had done everything there was possible, and he felt sad, as he began to think that his journey was now over. Looking over at pikachu, Ash le out a small mile. He knew that his adventures weren't over. As long as he and pikachu were together, new ones would keep on popping up.

Ash woke up to the heat of his bedroom, and he instantly thought that tit was just the duvet on him that was making himself hot. However, as soon as he kicked it off, but straight away the heat became more intense. Opening his eyes, he saw the flickering of the fire, and instantly his heart was pumping away, and the feeling of death and fear was running through him. However, the fear for him was replaced of the fear of his mum, so he scrambled out of the bed to get to his belt.

"Buizel! I need a water gun attack quickly!" Ash shouted as he threw the ball, and out came the sea otter, who started spraying water at a high pressure around the door.

"Mum!" Ash shouted as soon as the fire was gone, and he stared running along the hall, adrenaline rushing threw him with the mixture of horror; if anything happened to her, he could never forgive himself…

Getting to her door, Ash started pounding on it, whilst screaming, trying to grab her attention; Ash had buizel instantly use water pulse, which cleared most of the water out of the room. Rushing over to his mother who was on the floor, Ash began to feel the hot prick of tears that were forming on his face when he saw his mother; all of her clothes were burnt right threw, with multiple holes everywhere on them, but here body was the worst. Most of her body was black, although her face was strangely fine, with a few small blisters forming.

"You're going to be ok mum" Ash said, the tears falling down his face, whilst hugging his mum tightly. "We're going to get help for you" he said but Delia slowly raised her arm and placed it on Ash's cheek. "You were always a bad liar you know Ash" She said with a sad smile. "Just let me tell you this" She said, before coughing loudly. "I want you to promise me that your going to look after yourself and your pokemon for the future ok?' She asked, with her voice getting weaker by the second. "I promise mum" Ash said, the tears still falling down his cheeks. "Thank you…" She said, before her eye lids began to flutter before closing, and her body slumped to the side. Ash began to cry into her body, not believing what had happened.

* end *

"So that's what happened on that night. " Ash said, and when he went to scratch his nose, he felt the wetness of his cheeks, and realised he was crying. Just thinking about that night always made him sad, and now was no exception.

"I always think back to what I could of done to change things, but inside I know that it was my fought all along" Ash said. The professor just sat there, tears rolling down his face as well. He had heard briefly of what had happened, but he never heard the full story.

"I feel so sorry for you ash, but what actually happened? Why did you leave?" Oak asked. Ash just looked up at him and gave him a thin smile. "Heh, you won't believe me when I say this."

------------------------------------

That's it for now. I'll try and continue on later, where more will be revealed. I just thought i would leave out the next part from this chapter, as I felt it would ruin the sadness of this chapter for me personally.
​

 

[sheep261]

UPDATE*

Sorry I haven't posted lately, I'm busy with work experience, so that has taken up m time. I'm just posting to give out a few details. I'm going on a family holiday next week sunday for 3 weeks, so I'm probably not going to be able to post. However, I have managed to get the drafts for the next couple of posts ready, so I'll need to finalise them and get them read, before they are posted.

Next Post: Ash's decision into leaving is revealed, plus some of his new pokemon are shown
Chapter 4: Ash goes off to Pewter City, before meeting up with a loyal friend
Chapter 5: Off to Cerulean + Ash is told what happened when he was away.

As always, I welcome criticism with open arms, so please feal free to post here.