The story of a Jigglypuff

[Milesman]

Once upon a time there was a Jigglypuff, he happily bounced along and sang. But one day he met a trainer, he was curious about this trainer, he walked up to the trainer and greeted him(though the trainer couldn't understand). He liked this trainer and started following him. after a while the trainer noticed and asked if Jigglypuff wanted to come with him, the Jigglypuff jumped up and down with joy. When Jigglypuff was called to battle all his trainer(who called himself Red) wanted him to do was sing, which he was happy with, he would practice his singing every night in his pokeball. But one day, he was sent out against a trainer, got his throat ready to sing when, Red told him to use a different move, one he had been taught but never thought he would use, "ATTRACT!" Red shouted. he looked at his opponent, it was the most beautiful Clefairy he had ever seen. He knew the effects of the move attract, and he was almost positive that Red had done this on purpose. He used attract and, to his surprise, the Clefairy's trainer said "Okay Fluffi, attract!" But Jigglypuff was called back! How could Red do that? He thought. Later that night, he found a way out of his pokeball. He saw nothing unusual, a campfire, which was normally set at night before Red went to sleep, but, to his surprise, wrapped in a blanket with Red, was the Clefairy's trainer! He searched for Clefairy's pokeball and opened it. Fluffi was so glad to see him, "Its you!" she said, "My trainer, Leaf decided to stay with Red!" "Really?!" he said, this was amazing, he bounced around with joy, he and Fluffi curled up between Red and Leaf and lived happily ever after.


THE END

 

[Nolafus]

First of all, welcome to PC! :D

Right now, this is a wall of text. In other words, it's not really inviting to read and it's very easy to lose your spot. I would recommend spacing it out.

To space it out, remember to hit that enter button twice to give it that full space. You want to do that at the end of each paragraph, and once a new character starts talking as well. Here's what I mean:

He used attract and, to his surprise, the Clefairy's trainer said "Okay Fluffi, attract!"

But Jigglypuff was called back! How could Red do that? He thought. Later that night, he found a way out of his pokeball. He saw nothing unusual, a campfire, which was normally set at night before Red went to sleep, but, to his surprise, wrapped in a blanket with Red, was the Clefairy's trainer! He searched for Clefairy's pokeball and opened it. Fluffi was so glad to see him.

"Its you!" she said, "My trainer, Leaf decided to stay with Red!"

"Really?!" he said, this was amazing, he bounced around with joy, he and Fluffi curled up between Red and Leaf and lived happily ever after.

Once you do this, your story will be much more inviting to read.

 

[Squirrel]

The repetition of the phrase "the trainer" is quite... noticeable! Perhaps try to find some synonymous terms like "a new friend" or even just "boy"? Otherwise it's a really nice, cute story, but I would love to see a lot more detail of the plot - how did Jigglypuff and Red's bond grow? How did Jigglypuff and Fluffi interact with each other aside from that one move? Did the 'infatuation' stay after the Attract's effects had worn off? What did they do once they were together? It's a cute introduction to a story and a warming theme, but I think you could really take it to the next level by adding some more to the plot and working on some more in-depth descriptions. :)