"Those who experience bullying bring it on themselves."

[Dakotah]

*clarification: in no way do I mean that the victim is at fault. I'm giving an MO from the bully's perspective and how the victim could provide that motive to an extent, but it is always the bully's fault, of course.

It could quite easily be postulated that a bully is a sadist, one who takes pleasure in the discomfort of others. So in that sense the supposed provocation simply drives the bully's already present desire to inflict harm on another. It's just an excuse. Not a reason. The motive is to gain pleasure. The method is to become a bully. The reason for it is irrelevant. A person could have scratched their ear the wrong way and a bully could have used that as a reason to pick on someone.

 

[£]

That's true; and that was what I considered as my third case, the most TYPICAL sort of bullying. For the sake of argument though, I would say there's more to it than merely typical cases like that, and I felt I should consider them carefully with regards to the topic's intention.

In those cases, it can be argued that the victim does prompt said bully to make them their target; even unwittingly. Why that target? Because they're probably the easiest target to pick out of all the available options; considering consequences of bullying, ie: would the person be able to fight back, would other people step in? Bullying manifests itself in all sorts of ways. Bullying as an ideal isn't solely a matter of simple classroom situations, though that makes for a nice metaphor. (See Vladimir Putin for my finest example of a bully in a non-classroom situation)

 

[Dakotah]

Yes, and it leads to my belief that a bully is essentially a coward. For the bully almost always goes after what they consider to be the easy targets. But then, sometimes they make a really wrong choice in who they bully, and then this can happen:

 

[Raine]

That's an example of taking the situation slightly too far, to be honest, and that "bully" is literally one-half/third size of the "victim" \: Countering the bullying with violence is not the answer. In this case, I almost feel like the roles were reversed simply because of how that problem was handled; not in the best way if I may add. But I still believe whoever initiated the first attempt should be labeled the bully.

 

[Kanzler]

I don't think the kid took the situation too far. I think "physical interaction" is part of life, and if it's just a one-time thing then I think it's fine. Hopefully when the bully tastes that blood between his teeth, he'll realize his own mortality and how he's just one person in the big wide world. We're not placed on Earth to take your ♥♥♥♥, and if we won't, we should let you know. And if it takes your head to connect to concrete in order to do that, then let it be so.

 

[Entermaid]

We should also consider the child who provoked the altercation, the bully. Did he choose of his own free will to engage in that behavior? There are a series of actions and reactions that guide decisions (parental/familial upbringing, interactions with other children, social institutions/gatherings, television, among other things) along with inherent thinking processes of the mind that have developed over the coarse of natural selection.

Bullying behavior is exhibited in several social mammalian species, along with recipients of bullying. If we are to define bullying as the unprovoked exercise of ones superiority through displays such as violence or ridicule. There are so-called hawks and doves, that exhibit more aggressive and more pacifist behavior. Though it's not the choice of the organism to choose which mode of behavior to engage.

This is why, we collectively, through the law establish methods of mitigating behaviors that are less desirable for a stable society. So although I'd estimate the bully and bullied alike do not choose to engage in that role, we can form laws and policies that can better reduce this dynamic. And further, just because our actions are not completely of our free will doesn't mean that certain acts should not be punishable, though preemption is preferable.

It's important to understand why bullying occurs and the negative effects on society, most will point fingers at the bully and/or some will point fingers at the recipient, but it's a rather simplistic assessment of why, ultimately, the act of bullying occurred. Thinking so ignores the structural or systemic flaws that need to be addressed in order to circumvent the behavior.

 

[Burakki Tsuki]

There is always going to be a bully around, due to mental situations and family problems unfortunately. The best thing we can do is encourage people to stand strong mentally and physically. I don't condone violence but if you can protect yourself that is a great step as a child in growing into a confident adult. I was bullied a lot in middle school but I learned to ignore it. There was a kid who would constantly talk trash and I would just ignore him and he slowly stopped. If you don't give them want they want they have no reason to bother you anymore.

In high school I was barely abused by a bully. I used my humor to make friends with the older kids and at least make them laugh and not think negatively or ill towards me. I learned to be a bold and stronger person so when a bully would try me I would destroy their attempts. It defiantly helped be a bigger kid with confidence. If I was a skinny and short kid I may have had a different method.

I made sure to never bully people and I made friends with many kids who were bullied and would make sure the bully would stop or eventually give up. It's amazing how humor will destroy a bully and completely turn the tables on them.

 

[AoTora]

No, that is defenitely not their problem - if you see someone being bullied you should help and never think that it's their problem and that they should sort it out themselves.
They shouldn't be expected to change who they are for the sake of bulling to stop.
I think that even if someone changes for bullies they will find another reason for bulling. It usually happens with a reason - Bullies tend to choose weaker targets not random targets. Bulling can sometimes actually have positive outcome - people can get stronger after they experience it - but on the other hand they can get their self-esteem really low thanks to bullies. It's something that it's hard to fix. It can actually have one benefit - it can change bully - if you react that is. If you face them they can stop and become better person - Speaking from my experience.

My experience:

I used to be bullied in 2nd year of High School - there were some kids who thought that they were "better" than us normal students - because they were good at sports etc. - so one kid picked up on me - he followed me everywhere and he constantly bugged me - I told my mom - and my friends told one of our professors - we talked it over with that boy's parents and he started crying - than he apologized and stopped - we actually became sorta friends - and he never picked on anybody again - so if you speak up you can change yourself and the bully.

 

[Konishi]

Those who are attacked for being academically superior, athletically inferior, for their race/sex/sexuality/creed/religion/hair colour, stating their opinion, or for simply for being different, aren't 'bringing it on themselves'. They didn't ask for it. They don't deserve it. They are victims. Not enough is done about it.

 

[Eevee3]

I think that this depends on the situation.

If the person is acting like a jerk and people react badly and tell him he's an idiot, then yeah that guy asked for it for acting like a jerk. But it's really different in terms with a guy being called "gay" for wearing pink.

I believe that most of bullying situations, the victim does not ask for it. In fact, they mostly just either want to be accepted or they want to just go along their merry way.

Remember Kick a Ginger Day? It's not like the people with natural red hair asked to have red hair so they could get bullied. Same with being short, too tall, etc.

 

[rickyt713]

ill tell my story first before answering the questions.i was bullied my entire life. they tried everything they could to make me feel miserable to get satisfaction out of it. it stopped for a period around my last year of middle school and my freshman year of high school because i started to retaliate physically. but instead of them getting in trouble for provoking me, i got in trouble because i was the one who threw the first punch in front of someone of higher authority in the school, even though i had been physically hit in the past (and yet i was considered the troublemaker). it got to the point where i had to switch high schools for the sake of my well being. when i got to my new school it calmed down. i still got made fun of at first but after a while i made friends with everyone and things werent as close to as bad as they were in the past. these days it is calmer for me because i have learned to ignore people who go out of their way to try and get a rise out of me. that is what bullying is. it is someone who tries their best to find your weak spot and exploit it to no end until you do something about it. the after affects still remain with me though. i am critical of myself at every moment of everday. whenever i try to do something about myself, i always hear the mocking voices of those people that made my life a living hell back then and in turn lead to no results for me. i end up just depressed and belittle myself to the point where i have myself become a bully to no one else but me. the people i blame are the people that destroyed my self confidence and my self worth. i now have to try my best to get both back.

even though i have tried to, i havnt changed since i started getting bullied. i dont think anyone should change themselves to try and become "normal" in the eyes of the person who is criticizing, no matter what if someone is bullying you, they wont stop even if you change. if you are going to change, then change for yourself and not anyone else. i see bullying as an assault of someone's mental and physical being that in no way is ever "good" for someone. people can and should change for themselves. if they change for anyone else, than they may regret it later on down the line. my suggestion is to ignore bullies as much as you can. it may seem impossible but sometimes it is the easiest thing to do other than punching them square in the jaw and make them cry for their mommys until you knock them out cold =]

 

[Palkia]

As a person who has had his life crippled by bullying throughout my life, I feel that the idea that people who are bulled is like saying that a rape victim was asking for it. It's just simply blaming the victim because they're different, which is pretty much bullying in itself.

There are times where bullying is for things that are from things that the victim can control (e.g weight or clothing), but in the end, the bully is still in the wrong as he/she cannot express there opinion appropriately thus ends up bullying someone.

 

[PokemonLeagueChamp]

The way I figure it, if the victim is going out of their way to be annoying to others, or there are actions within their ability to do to at least try to mitigate the situation(that don't necessarily require any fundamental changing of who they are)that they simply don't take, then it is at least somewhat that person's fault, though obviously not entirely. I know this because I was bullied towards the end of elementary school and through most of middle school. Initially, there was no rhyme or reason for it, so when I was younger I just figured being really obnoxious would shake things off. Obviously it didn't work. In middle school, I tended to be socially withdrawn, which made things rougher until I became more outgoing. In high school, it all just kind of went away, which is ironic when you consider how brutal things can get in high school.

I don't think rape is necessarily a good analogy. There isn't often anyone else in proximity to get help from, whereas bullying usually takes place at schools, where one can go to a teacher or other faculty member. The only thing stopping anyone from doing so would be some fear of "being a tattle-tale" or something.

 

[Dakotah]

The way I figure it, if the victim is going out of their way to be annoying to others, or there are actions within their ability to do to at least try to mitigate the situation(that don't necessarily require any fundamental changing of who they are)that they simply don't take, then it is at least somewhat that person's fault, though obviously not entirely. I know this because I was bullied towards the end of elementary school and through most of middle school. Initially, there was no rhyme or reason for it, so when I was younger I just figured being really obnoxious would shake things off. Obviously it didn't work. In middle school, I tended to be socially withdrawn, which made things rougher until I became more outgoing. In high school, it all just kind of went away, which is ironic when you consider how brutal things can get in high school.

I don't think rape is necessarily a good analogy. There isn't often anyone else in proximity to get help from, whereas bullying usually takes place at schools, where one can go to a teacher or other faculty member. The only thing stopping anyone from doing so would be some fear of "being a tattle-tale" or something.

It's one thing for someone to be obnoxious and basically go out of their way to antagonize people, but something else entirely for a person to be ridiculed and bullied because of their need for glasses, or because they are afflicted with a medical condition that results in them putting on weight, or because a person isn't perceived to be masculine or feminine enough because of their perfectly natural mannerisms or the way in which they choose to dress.

Sometimes there are people who go out of their way to find faults in others, no matter how slight, and use that as an opportunity to assert their dominance over others.

Bullies will always go after those they perceive to be weak and take delight in exploiting that weakness and causing harm (physical or psychological) to another either on their own or as a group. In this way bullies are sadists and cowards both.

 

[starseed galaxy auticorn]

I don't really believe in this statement. Most of the time, if the person is poor or has a disability, it's something they can't help. It would be hard for them to really bring it on themselves all of the time. I don't think anyone who goes through it does it to get bullied intentionally. It's usually the bully's fault for targeting the more vulnerable ones. I read this book on bullying, and it talks about how people who are LGBT, Disabled, gifted, poor and even rich get bullied. If you think about it, it's not their fault for the way they feel about something, what they have or what they are.

Most people will always say this because they don't realize that the person can't help being that way. There was also this article I read about how this school banned a boy's MLP backpack. The reason was because they thought it would be a target for bullying. To me, that's messed up because the boy has every right to like something such as MLP. Most guys I know do and aren't even bronies either. Hell, my boyfriend likes MLP, and so do I.

The point is... none of what bullied victims do is intentional. I had this problem in Elementary school because I acted differently. It was before they realized I was autistic. The teachers always said things like, "She brings it on herself" or "She does it on purpose" when in reality, I wasn't doing it because I WANTED to be bullied. I did it because I couldn't help acting that way.

 

[Raine]

Bullies will always go after those they perceive to be weak and take delight in exploiting that weakness and causing harm (physical or psychological) to another either on their own or as a group. In this way bullies are sadists and cowards both.

That kind of dominance is what bullies strive for when they're upsetting victims, and another point, it could be their way of gaining attention. In North America, I think, people (especially adults with children) take this problem seriously, and having these bullying issues being brought up in the news is only giving them, the bullies, what they may have wanted in the first place. We don't know what the actual reasons for the bullies' behaviours are, but we can speculate that it could be related to problems within their family/household, the desire to feel dominant, the desire to gain attention, etc.

 

[PokemonLeagueChamp]

It's kind of ironic how they're finding all these anti-bullying assemblies are counterproductive because apparently bullies are in the audience with everyone else, and they get to learn what anti-bullying strategies their victims are going to attempt to use, and I say attempt because the bullies just adapt their tactics accordingly. Clearly, the method of solving this problem needs to be re-evaluated.

 

[twocows]

Saying that they're completely non-involved in the process is false. They obviously weren't "asking for it," but the fact of the matter is, if they were stronger, they could have dealt with it.

The real issue, though, is that they shouldn't have to be. It's not fair. Young kids shouldn't have to be strong enough to stand up to bullies. Adults shouldn't have to be strong enough to stand up to criminals and injustice. They should all just not happen. But they do. Life's not fair, bad things happen to people who shouldn't have to deal with them, and people suffer for it. Sympathy with the victims won't solve anything, nor will outrage over the perpetrators. We can wait for society to "fix" the bullies, but that doesn't save the early victims and it doesn't do anything to help the victims overcome the next bully, or the one after that, or the one after that.

Kids (and everyone, really) need to learn the strength to overcome adversity. They need to understand how to deal when things go down the crapper. Unfortunately, that's largely something that can only be taught by experience; we can't teach it ourselves. What we can teach are the kinds of skills that will be extremely helpful in dealing with life's problems: situational awareness, improvisation, and thinking ahead. Some schools do, in fact, teach this, at least in part, under a broader subject known as "critical thinking" (which is not focused on nearly enough, in my opinion). Learning how to "think on your feet," if you will, goes a long way toward helping anyone learn to overcome adversity of any kind, bullying included. Then we don't have to wait for the shrinks to sort the little buggers out; we've given the "victims" all they need to protect themselves in many cases and prevent themselves from becoming victims at all. And that doesn't just apply to bullying.

 

[Kanzler]

Saying that they're completely non-involved in the process is false. They obviously weren't "asking for it," but the fact of the matter is, if they were stronger, they could have dealt with it.

The real issue, though, is that they shouldn't have to be. It's not fair. Young kids shouldn't have to be strong enough to stand up to bullies. Adults shouldn't have to be strong enough to stand up to criminals and injustice. They should all just not happen. But they do. Life's not fair, bad things happen to people who shouldn't have to deal with them, and people suffer for it. Sympathy with the victims won't solve anything, nor will outrage over the perpetrators. We can wait for society to "fix" the bullies, but that doesn't save the early victims and it doesn't do anything to help the victims overcome the next bully, or the one after that, or the one after that.

Kids (and everyone, really) need to learn the strength to overcome adversity. They need to understand how to deal when things go down the crapper. Unfortunately, that's largely something that can only be taught by experience; we can't teach it ourselves. What we can teach are the kinds of skills that will be extremely helpful in dealing with life's problems: situational awareness, improvisation, and thinking ahead. Some schools do, in fact, teach this, at least in part, under a broader subject known as "critical thinking" (which is not focused on nearly enough, in my opinion). Learning how to "think on your feet," if you will, goes a long way toward helping anyone learn to overcome adversity of any kind, bullying included. Then we don't have to wait for the shrinks to sort the little buggers out; we've given the "victims" all they need to protect themselves in many cases and prevent themselves from becoming victims at all. And that doesn't just apply to bullying.

Going on this idea, it seems like people only bother to do things nowadays if they're at fault. Nope, who cares about being stronger when it's the perpetrator's fault? I think that's a pitiful value to have, nobody wants to take responsibility for things.

 

[twocows]

Going on this idea, it seems like people only bother to do things nowadays if they're at fault. Nope, who cares about being stronger when it's the perpetrator's fault? I think that's a pitiful value to have, nobody wants to take responsibility for things.

It is unfair. Like I said, they shouldn't have to be stronger because someone else is being a jerk. I understand that. It's just... life's not fair. Life gives each of us lemons at some point, and we can either cry because of how sour they are, or we can make lemonade (or make life take the lemons back!). But I get why people get upset about this issue.