Tyson’s Journey

[Hero]

Tyson's Journey
Chapter 1 Turtwig! Go!

This is my first Pokemon Fan Fic some please leave helpful tips on how to improve myself.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon

The fresh scent of flowers filled air the as Tyson made his way towards Prof. Rowan's lab on the outskirt of Sandgem Town. It was a beautiful day as many Pokemon were out today taking advantage of the good weather. Wild Bidoof were everywhere searching for food as a flock of Starly flew over head roaming
the vast skies. Tyson continued to walk down the trail where he could see Prof. Rowan's lab in sight.

Tyson could hardly believe that he was about to go start his on Pokemon Journey. He had read many magazines about trainers starting their journey and becoming expert Pokemon Trainers. His day had finally come to him obtain his first Pokemon and start his adventure. Tyson hurried along the trail to Prof. Rowan's lab and finally came to a large white building. At the entrance of the lab was a tall elderly man with a white bread along with his bread he had white hair and was wherein a long white lab coat with brown pants. Tyson apache the man slightly scared of his appearance as he had a mean look on his face.



"Who might you be young men" said the guy with his deep voice.

"I'm Tyson from TwinLeaf Town" said Tyson nervously. "I came to get my starter from Prof.Rowan."

"Well you came to the right place" said the man laughing at how nervous Tyson was. "I'm Prof. Rowan
Pokemon Researcher."


"Your Prof.Rowan" said Tyson as he started to get more excited. "I read about you in books you look like nothing the books describe about you."

A sweat drop appeared on the back of Prof.Rowan head as he heard Tyson go on talking.

"Let's not waste time talking how about we get you your starter Pokemon now" said Prof. Rowan as he entered the lab.

Tyson quickly followed Prof. Rowan into the lab and was amaze at what he saw. Flashing machines were everywhere analyzing data and many of Prof. Rowan assistant were walking through room through room. Prof. Rowan led Tyson through many rooms as they finally came to what looked like a check up room for Pokemon. In the middle of the room was a small white table with three Pokeballs on it.

"Each of these contains Pokemon given to new trainers in Sinnoh" said Prof. Rowan. "The Pokeball to your left contains Chimchar a Fire Pokemon." "The Pokeball in the middle contains Piplup a Water Pokemon." "Finally the last Pokeball contains Turtwig a Grass Pokemon." "Each of these Pokemon have their own strengths and weakness so choose wisly Tyson" said Prof. Rowan

Tyson could hardly decide on which Pokemon to choose from as he looked aitches to choose one. Tyson wanted a strong and trustworthy Pokemon that would stand by his side. Tyson had finally decided he quickly pick up the Pokeball containing Turtwig the Grass Pokemon.


"I choose Turtwig Prof. Rowan" said Tyson happily.

"Good Choice" said Prof Rowan. "Through out adventures you will find many Pokemon through the region of Sinnoh. "So you will need these" said Prof. Rowan handing Tyson a small red device and 5 Pokeballs. "The Pokedex will help you Identify Pokemon you don't know while Pokeballs help you capture them."

Tyson place the 5 Pokeballs into his black backpack and his Pokedex into this black jeans left pocket.

"Well I better get going" said Tyson. "Thanks for the advice Prof. Rowan I'll try my best to become a great trainer "said Tyson has he exited the room.

"Good Luck" Tyson said Prof. Rowan "Try not to get into any trouble."


The sun was still shining as Tyson exited Prof. Rowan lab and was aitches to try out his new Pokemon. Tyson first stop was going to be Route 201 as he wanted to do so training there before heading to Sandgem Town. Tyson grabbed Turtwig Pokeballs from his pocket and tosses it into the air releasing a familiar white. When the light disappeared a small green turtle like with a brown shell and a leaf on top of its head was left in its place.

"Turtwig" said the Pokemon loudly. It quickly took notice of its surrounding as it seemed a little scared of where it was.

"It's okay Turtwig there's nothing to be afraid of" said Tyson. "I'm your new trainer."

Turtwig started to get more relaxed as he was glad someone was with him.

"Turtwig" said the Pokemon softly.


"Alright Turtwig let's get moving" said Tyson as he continued down the path to Route 201 with Turtwig quickly following behind.

 

[kidstaple]

Hey man, it's not a bad start to your story. There are a lot of things that you need to work on, such as spelling and grammer. Also, if this is your first chapter to your story, it isn't near long enough. It should at least be two to three times the size that it is now. Besides these errors, it's not a bad story, but your going to need a heck of alot work done to it in order to keep it going and draw in a large fan base of readers. I hoped this helped.

PEACE AND LOVE,
kidstaple

 

[Hero]

Chapter 2
Battle at Lake Verity! Save Mesprit!



Route 201 was a lush, green, wooden area surround by tall trees. Resting on some of the trees were flocks of Starly taking a break from the long flight journey they had taken. Bidoof's were playing around the vacant trees making sure they didn't disturb the Starly. Tyson and Turtwig walk along the trail leading deep into Route 201.

"There are sure a lot of Bidoof's and Starly's around Route 201" said Tyson. "I wonder are they the only Pokemon that live in this area but while will here we should get some battle practice in Turtwig."

Turtwig who was completely bored out of its mind quickly responded to the command as it was searching for its target. Turtwig quickly scouted the area and found a Starly alone on a near by tree.

"Turtwig use Razor Leaf to get its attention" said Tyson

Turtwig started to sake his head wildly around launching a wave of sharp leaf's at Starly. The Razor Leaf severely damage Starly but it some how mange to withstand the pain and launched at Turtwig with a wing attack. Starly rams its wing into Turtwig causing Turtwig great pain. Tyson knew Turtwig couldn't take another Wing Attack since grass types were weak against flying types.

"Turtwig use Razor Leaf" said Tyson.

Turtwig mange's to recover from the attack and launches another wave of sharp leafs. Starly was hit again by the leaves cutting its body even more. Tyson saw his chance to catch it. Tyson quickly grabs a pokeball from his pocket and tosses it at Starly. A red light absorbs Starly into the pokeball as it starts to shake around on the grass. After a few seconds the pokeball stops and Tyson knew he had caught his first Pokemon.

"Good job Turtwig" said Tyson happily.

"Turtwig" said the Pokemon happily.

"Okay Turtwig let's keep going down Route 201 to see if we can find anymore good Pokemon" said Tyson as him and Turtwig continue down Route 201.

Tyson pulls off his black backpack and reaches inside for a small white and purple spray bottle.

"Okay Turtwig this might sting a little" said Tyson as he begins to spray Turtwig all over its body. Turtwig flinched a little from the powerful chemical in the medicine.

Suddenly out of no where a small fat and brown beaver Pokemon came and snatch the potion out of Tyson hand.

"Hi give that back" said Tyson angrily. Tyson tries to grab Bidoof but it quickly jumps out of Tyson reach. Bidoof laughed at Tyson attempt to try to catch it but Turtwig quickly tackled Bidoof causing it to drop the potion. Shocked by the sudden attack Biddof angrily charges for Turtwig with a tackle but Turtwig quickly moves out the way. Unable to stop its charge Bidoof ran straight into a tree and way badly hit. Bidoof slowly started to get up and was about to burst into tears.

"It's your felt trying to steal others stuff Bidoof" said Tyson. "I don't have any more potions to heal your wounds but resting in a pokeball well help."

Tyson grabs an empty pokeball from his pocket and tosses it at Bidoof. A red light absorbs Bidoof into the pokeball as it starts to shake around on the grass. After a few seconds the pokeball stops and Tyson had caught his second Pokemon.

"Well let's get going Turtwig" said Tyson as he placed Bidoof pokeball into his pocket.

Tyson and Turtwig continue through Route 201 fighting a few wild Pokemon battles along the way giving his team some practice.

"Nice job Turtwig you're getting a lot stronger" said Tyson. "Keep this up and we'll make it to the Pokemon League in no time!"

"Turtwig" said the Pokemon happily but was interrupted by a loud cry.

"What was that scream" said Tyson a little startled by the unsuspected cry? "Turtwig lets go check it out someone might be in trouble."

Tyson ran along in the direction of the scream followed by Turtwig. As they ran their surrounding begin to change. Many of the trees weren't in the area and the grass became a little taller. Tyson and Turtwig arrived at an open field and among it was Lake Verity. There were others besides Tyson there two men with weird looking outfits that had a yellow G on it and a girl holding a small purple and blue creature.

"Stay away from me and Mesprit" shouted the girl madly. "Whatever your trying do I want let you have it!"

"Well we'll have to take Mesprit by force then Team Galactic needs it" said one of the men. "Go Zubat and Wurmple" shouted both of the men.

The two pokeball release a white like forming the shape of two small creatures when the light cleared Tyson could make out the figures clearly. A small blue bat with no eyes and a small red and white worm appeared ready to attack.

"Wurmple use String Shot to tie of the girl and Mesprit" said the man.

Wurmple started to release tiny white strings wrapping the girl legs and arm. The girl struggle to get free but the strings were too tight around her.

"This is it for you little girl Mesprit is ours for the taking" said the man laughing but was interrupted by Turtwig Razor Leaf cutting Wurmple and the strings off the girl.

"Who the Hell are you" shouted the man before getting kicked by Tyson and knocked out cold.

"Kid you're asking for trouble if you're going to interfere with Team Galactic" shouted the man angrily ordering his Zubat to prepare for battle.

"You're asking for trouble if you go around messing with pretty girls" said Tyson while the girl was blushing a little. "Besides I can't just set by and watch you creeps do this."

Tyson quickly releases Starly from its pokeball ready to the Zubat.

"Zubat use your Bite attack to end this battle quickly" commanded the man.

Zubat quickly obeyed flying towards Starly ready to sink its teeth into its opponent.

"Starly use Quick Attack to get behind Zubat and then use Tackle" said Tyson.

Starly gained a sudden burst of speed and was quickly able to get behind Zubat and Tackle from behind.

Zubat thrown off balance from the impact and had a hard regaining control of itself.

"Starly let's end this with a Wing Attack" said Tyson

Starly wings started to glow white as it gain speed to deliver the final blow. Starly smacked Zubat with its wing and sent Zubat crashing into the ground.

"This isn't over kid" said the man as he returned Zubat into its pokeball and carried his partner away from Lake Verity.

Tyson quickly returned Starly to its pokeball along with Turtwig.

"You okay how's Mesprit" said Tyson.

"It's okay its just needs some rest" said the girl happily.

"Well you need to get out of here before they bring back friends" said Tyson as he help the girl up from the ground.

"We can head for Twin Leaf Town my house is there" said the girl. "By the way what's your name?"

"I'm Tyson from Sandgem Town what's yours."

"I'm Sarah" said the girl as Tyson and her continued toward Twin Leaf.

 

[Scytheteen]

Okay once the next song on my playlist is over i'll give you a real review. But for now i'll just say this, don't post more than one chapter. Give your chapters a two or three grace period before posting. It gives readers more to read.

 

[Hero]

Okay once the next song on my playlist is over i'll give you a real review. But for now i'll just say this, don't post more than one chapter. Give your chapters a two or three grace period before posting. It gives readers more to read.

Thanks I"ll take that advice!.

 

[Duncan McNeil]

Okay, I'm just going to review the second chapter. This isn't bad, but it's not great either. There are some areas that need work. Your tenses often get confused. Like here:

Route 201 was a lush, green, wooden area surround by tall trees. Resting on some of the trees were flocks of Starly taking a break from the long flight journey they had taken. Bidoof's were playing around the vacant trees making sure they didn't disturb the Starly. Tyson and Turtwig walk along the trail leading deep into Route 201.

Walked. I noticed that many times throughout both chapters. When you complete a paragraph, read it aloud. Small mistakes like this are easily caught that way.

Turtwig started to sake his head wildly around launching a wave of sharp leaf's at Starly. The Razor Leaf severely damage Starly and Tyson saw his chance to catch it. Tyson quickly grabs a pokeball from his pocket and tosses it at Starly. A red light absorbs Starly into the pokeball as it starts to shake around on the grass. After a few seconds the pokeball stops and Tyson knew he had caught his first Pokemon.

Way too rushed. Slow it down and describe what happens. Surely Starly would have put up more of a fight? Unlike in the games, in fics Pokemon should be more than just things to collect. Give the Pokemon unique personalities.

Tyson and Turtwig continue through Route 201 fighting a few wild Pokemon battles along with Tyson catching a Bidoof adding to his team.

There we go again. Catching a Pokemon should be a big deal, not just something that you mention. Slow down and desribe things. Also its pretty doubtful that a new trainer could catch two Pokemon in his first day.

"Stay away from me and Mesprit" shouted the girl madly. "Whatever your trying do I want let you have it!"

This is probably me being picky, but isn't Mesprit a powerful, legendary Pokemon? I don't know how scared it would be of a Zubat and a Wurmple.

I can appreciate that this is your first fic. But it would be very helpful for you to read other peoples fics. The more experience you get the better you will write, so don't worry. Just keep working at it and you'll get better.

 

[Hero]

Okay, I'm just going to review the second chapter. This isn't bad, but it's not great either. There are some areas that need work. Your tenses often get confused. Like here:



Walked. I noticed that many times throughout both chapters. When you complete a paragraph, read it aloud. Small mistakes like this are easily caught that way.



Way too rushed. Slow it down and describe what happens. Surely Starly would have put up more of a fight? Unlike in the games, in fics Pokemon should be more than just things to collect. Give the Pokemon unique personalities.



There we go again. Catching a Pokemon should be a big deal, not just something that you mention. Slow down and desribe things. Also its pretty doubtful that a new trainer could catch two Pokemon in his first day.



This is probably me being picky, but isn't Mesprit a powerful, legendary Pokemon? I don't know how scared it would be of a Zubat and a Wurmple.

I can appreciate that this is your first fic. But it would be very helpful for you to read other peoples fics. The more experience you get the better you will write, so don't worry. Just keep working at it and you'll get better.

Thanks I'll be sure to improve the chapters before posting up Chapter 3.

 

[Hero]

I have edited Chapter 2 with a longer Starly battle and added the Bidoof battle.

 

[Duncan McNeil]

Okay, a little bit better. But you really confused the tenses a lot. Like here:

"Turtwig use Razor Leaf to get Starlys' attention," said Tyson.

Razor Leaf severely damaged Starly but Starly somehow managed to withstand the pain and launched at Turtwig with a wing attack.

Corrections in bold. There were many confused tenses, as well as missed puncuation. Another note: The second Starly is unneeded.

There were several of these mistakes, but they are very simple to catch. Simply read the chapter aloud to yourself. That way you can pick up on these problems easier.

 

[Alter Ego]

The fresh scent of flowers filled air the as Tyson made his way towards Prof. Rowan's lab on the outskirt of Sandgem Town. It was a beautiful day as many Pokemon were out today taking advantage of the good weather. Wild Bidoof were everywhere searching for food as a flock of Starly flew over head roaming
the vast skies. Tyson continued to walk down the trail where he could see Prof. Rowan's lab in sight.

You've got a random line break between "roaming" and "vast skies" here. Decent description, but it doesn't work that well as an introductory paragraph. Maybe introduce Tyson in some way before describing what he's doing. He's the main character, so you should start by giving the reader some form of physical description that they can link to him. Maybe replace the "Tyson" here with something like "a boy/person/whatever" then fit his physical description as you describe what he's doing. (e.g. "the breeze danced around him, ruffling his [Insert descriptives here] hair and tugging at his [Insert clothing here] (and remember: copy-pasting examples like this is bad. I'm just doing this to illustrate what I mean)). How to say...just keep your character's name under wraps until you have some particular reason to let the reader know it. ;3 Also, having both 'see' and 'in sight' within that same sentence is tautology (=needless repetition). If the lab is within sight then he can obviously see it, and vice versa. Just go with one of those.

Tyson could hardly believe that he was about to go start his on Pokemon Journey. He had read many magazines about trainers starting their journey and becoming expert Pokemon Trainers. His day had finally come to him obtain his first Pokemon and start his adventure. Tyson hurried along the trail to Prof. Rowan's lab and finally came to a large white building. At the entrance of the lab was a tall elderly man with a white bread along with his bread he had white hair and was wherein a long white lab coat with brown pants. Tyson apache the man slightly scared of his appearance as he had a mean look on his face.

Tyson's an apache? o.O *shot* Careful with those typos. Also, comma after 'the man'. The way you've currently worded it also implies that Tyson has a mean look on his face as he approaches the professor.

"Who might you be young men" said the guy with his deep voice.

So why did the good professor suddenly make a change from 'man' to 'guy'? There is quite a significant shift in collocation (associations) here as 'guy' is a very informal term in comparison to 'man'. Maybe use another word? Also, unless the good professor is getting senile or seeing double that should be 'young man' rather than 'young men'. Still missing Tyson's physical description too. .__.

"I'm Tyson from TwinLeaf Town" said Tyson nervously. "I came to get my starter from Prof.Rowan."

And this would have been a handy place to hand Tyson's name to the reader. See...this is what I mean about introducing information as it becomes relevant. I also find it vaguely odd that Tyson, nervous as he is, isn't giving his full name. I mean, he must have a surname, right?

"Well you came to the right place" said the man laughing at how nervous Tyson was. "I'm Prof. Rowan
Pokemon Researcher."

Random line break again. Also, you need a comma after "the man" and another after "Rowan.". Also, unless he's concretely saying 'prof' (which would be rather odd since he's always struck me as a pretty formal type) then you should write out 'professor'.

"Your Prof.Rowan" said Tyson as he started to get more excited. "I read about you in books you look like nothing the books describe about you."

"You're" rather than "your". And...is it really necessary to repeat the good professor's name in each and every line of this conversation? o.O Also, now he's excited? Where did the scariness go? xP Emotional coherence, please. Also, judging by the paragraph following this one, I'd assume that Tyson is surprised at this discovery, yes? Let's see that in a description of his expression. (dropping jaws, widened eyes, just pick your favorite expression) The complete lack of physical description surrounding Tyson is making it hard for me to relate to him, understand him or - for that matter - even care about him. That's not a good thing for a main protagonist. To give the appropriate tone to Tyson's inqury, I'd also suggest a question mark after the "professor Rowan" (typing those five letters at the end won't take much effort on your part, so please do it) and putting the "You're" in italics. I'd also suggest something besides 'said' in this instance.

A sweat drop appeared on the back of Prof.Rowan head as he heard Tyson go on talking.

"Let's not waste time talking how about we get you your starter Pokemon now" said Prof. Rowan as he entered the lab.

Bit of an anime thing, eh? It's your call, I suppose. Full stop needed after "talking" and a question mark after "now". Anyway, you've got some needless filler description. The "as he heard Tyson go on talking" just really isn't needed, and neither is the "said Prof.Rowan as he entered the lab.". Instead, you can fuse those two paragraphs into one, like so:

A sweat drop appeared on the back of Professor Rowan's head, "Let's not waste time talking. How about we get you your starter pokémon now?"

See what I mean? The part about entering the lab isn't really necessary since it's made obvious in the next paragraph.

Tyson quickly followed Prof. Rowan into the lab and was amazed at what he saw. Flashing machines were everywhere, analyzing data, and many of Prof. Rowan assistants were walking through room through room. Prof. Rowan led Tyson through many rooms as they finally came to what looked like a check up room for Pokemon. In the middle of the room was a small white table with three Pokeballs on it.

I'm really missing some kind of response from Tyson here. (you know, nod of the head or some similar gesture of agreeing to the suggestion) Anyways, the 'were' implies multiple assistants and you need a pair of commas there and you missed a 'd' in 'amazed'. *Pokes quote* Anyway, I don't get what you meant to say with that underlined part. Maybe something like "A number of assistants were walking back and forth between the many rooms Professor Rowan led them through". Given his enthusiastic nature, some additional observations on Tyson's part would be nice here. How does being in the lab make him feel? Nervous, excited, curious? Combination thereof? Any speculations on what the assistants are doing? Any particular scenes or pieces of conversation that strike him as he's being ushered through the place?

"Each of these contains Pokemon given to new trainers in Sinnoh" said Prof. Rowan. "The Pokeball to your left contains Chimchar a Fire Pokemon." "The Pokeball in the middle contains Piplup a Water Pokemon." "Finally the last Pokeball contains Turtwig a Grass Pokemon." "Each of these Pokemon have their own strengths and weakness so choose wisely Tyson" said Prof. Rowan

Okay...this bit is just messy, to be honest. You only need to put new quotation marks if there's a change of speaker or a piece of written description in-between the quotations. In this case, there isn't so remove those extra quotation marks. You also misspelled 'wisely'.

Tyson could hardly decide on which Pokemon to choose from as he looked aitches to choose one. Tyson wanted a strong and trustworthy Pokemon that would stand by his side. Tyson had finally decided he quickly pick up the Pokeball containing Turtwig the Grass Pokemon.

Okay, I honestly don't know what 'aitches' means (other than the plural of the letter 'h's pronounciation) but I'd say that it's not the word you intended to put there. The bit about the pokéball's contents is also redundant as he proclaims his choice right after this. I'm also a bit dubious about the use of the word 'hardly' in this instance, but meh...

"I choose Turtwig, Prof. Rowan" said Tyson happily.

Comma needed after Turtwig, unless it's called "Turtwig Prof. Rowan", which is one of the wackiest nicknames I've ever heard. Also, where did the difficulty of the choice go? Emotional coherence is very important for characterization.

"Good Choice" said Prof Rowan. "Throughout adventures you will find many Pokemon through the region of Sinnoh. "So you will need these" said Prof. Rowan

handing Tyson a small red device and 5 Pokeballs. "The Pokedex will help you Identify Pokemon you don't know while Pokeballs help you capture them."[/Quote]

Another 'said' and a repetition of the professor's name is pointless. You can just say "he handed Tyson a small red device and five pokéballs". Also, seeing as you how described the pokédex, I find it odd that you didn't give the pokéballs the same treatment. Oh, and letters of ten and above are always written out unless they're part of a sequence like a code or so it's "five" rather than "5".

Tyson placed the 5 Pokeballs into his black backpack and his Pokedex into this black jeans left pocket.

'Placed' rather than 'place'. Also, we just got to know that there are five pokéballs in the previous paragraph so that's needless and bothersome repetition. The "jeans" bit (need I mention that this is way too far into the chapter to start giving descriptions? That's the sort of thing that you should have addressed in the beginning of the chapter) is also awkward. Just go with "into the pocket of his jeans".

"Well I better get going" said Tyson. "Thanks for the advice Prof. Rowan I'll try my best to become a great trainer "said Tyson has he exited the room.

Okay, a big problem that I really need to point out since you keep making that mistake. Don't repeat the characters' names all the time. It's extremely repetitive and gets annoying very quickly. Keep your description varied by using alternative names for your characters "boy", "teenager/whatever age group he is in" etc. for Tyson, "professor", "old man", etc. for Rowan. The English language is very rich in vocabulary, so make use of it.

"Good Luck" Tyson said Prof. Rowan "Try not to get into any trouble."

"Tyson" should be within the quotes, I believe. Also, the first letter in 'luck' should not be capitalized there.

The sun was still shining as Tyson exited Prof. Rowan lab and was aitches to try out his new Pokemon. Tyson's first stop was going to be Route 201 as he wanted to do so training there before heading to Sandgem Town. Tyson grabbed Turtwig Pokeballs from his pocket and tosses it into the air releasing a familiar white. When the light disappeared a small green turtle like with a brown shell and a leaf on top of its head was left in its place.

Again, what the heck does 'aitches' mean? >.< Also, there's a big plot problem here because Rowan's lab, if you'll remember, is located in Sandgem Town so he would have had to head there just to get his pokémon. Also, "Tyson's" rather than "Tyson" since you need a possessive for "Next stop". You've also got a random present tense there (duly underlined).

"Turtwig" said the Pokemon loudly. It quickly took notice of its surrounding as it seemed a little scared of where it was.

You're missing punctuation again. Also, the 'loudly' just seems very weird since neither 'said' nor any punctuational convention here is conveying the loudness. Also, how can Tyson tell that it looks like it's scared of its surroundings? Let's see some of Turtwig's body language.

"It's okay Turtwig there's nothing to be afraid of" said Tyson. "I'm your new trainer."

Turtwig started to get more relaxed as he was glad someone was with him.

And how do we know that Turtwig is glad to be with someone? Don't just tell us what they're feeling; show it.

"Turtwig" said the Pokemon softly.


"Alright Turtwig let's get moving" said Tyson as he continued down the path to Route 201 with Turtwig quickly following behind.

Just...not a very good ending for a chapter at all. An ending should always wrap up the events of the current chapter and - preferably - aim to either foreshadow the events of the next chapter or underline a central point of the current chapter. As it is, this looks like something from the middle of a chapter; not an end. xP


Anyway, Duncan already covered the second chapter with a fair amount of detail so I'll leave this here for now. Like he said, this fic is not bad, but it's really not that good either. Your description is lacking in numerous places (particularly when Tyson is concerned) and your character development is seriously lacking. At the end of the opening chapter, I don't know what Tyson looks like and don't really have any kind of fix on the personalities of him or Turtwig for that matter. Considering that said chapter really contained nothing but the most generic of OT material, it's not exactly getting my hopes up for the next one. You've also got a lot of grammatical errors and spell checker-style errors, which give your fic a rushed look. Focus on characterization and description (particularly emotional description) to really let Tyson and Turtwig come to life in front of the reader. Once you've got people interested in your characters, they will keep coming back to read more. ^^

And remember: this is OT fanfiction you're dealing with. It's my personal pet genre within the franchise, but it's also the most horribly overdone one so you'll really, REALLY have to put effort into your writing to give this fic something that lets it shine among the others.

Hanako Tabris' Grammar Advice thread is definitely a must-read here, and I think that the Fanfiction Writing Guide and Basic Pokémon Writing FAQ would also be worth it. They're basically threads every writer should read at least once. x3