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Uh-oh, relationships!

Magdalena~

Feel the hnnnnggg
127
Posts
12
Years
    • Regarding romantic relationships, how do you think they should work? Should they be equal and democratic, i.e. should both members of a relationship treat each other the same way and take the same amount of initiative in all the same ways, or should they sometimes be gender-based? Are there certain things guys should do that girls shouldn't, and vice-versa?

    Discuss.
     

    .:CoralSoda:.

    61
    Posts
    12
    Years
    • Seen Mar 28, 2024
    They need to be some what equal. But being a guy, even if my girlfriend doesn't like it, I feel the need to always pay for everything and take care of her. But that's just how I like to do things :3.
     
    Kura

    Kura

    twitter.com/puccarts
    10,994
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • I think it should be equal, though it is really nice when the guy holds the door open for you and helps you carry your things :3 I'm not the type of girl to be like ">C CARRY MY BAGS, SLAVE!!" Haha! I guess that's just being gentlemanly though <3
     

    Oryx

    CoquettishCat
    13,184
    Posts
    13
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    • Age 31
    • Seen Jan 30, 2015
    It should be what the couple is comfortable with. One of the things that really bothers me about modern relationships is the push by pro-equality people for relationships to be done their way and no other way. For example, a friend of mine who's a very intense feminist linked an article on Facebook that basically ran down women that want to take their husband's last name when they get married, how they don't have any independence and are accepting that they're owned by their husbands, etc. I hate my last name for my own reasons and want to get rid of it. I have no interest in making up my own last name because I hate the one I have and the connections associated with it. So when I get married, I want to take my husband's last name. That doesn't mean I'm property or not independent, and it's frustrating when I see things like that. It applies to how relationships are handled in general too; modern radical feminists have taken to looking down on anyone who chooses to be a housewife, because they feel that it's demeaning. However, the woman chose it herself for whatever reason. Maybe she likes housework, or is more comfortable not interacting with a workplace every day, or any host of other reasons, and it's irritating to see people that make that choice get looked down on for it. If you're happy and your partner is happy, and if you're making the choice for yourself, who are they to judge?

    So that's my little rant on this. I believe the choice should be equal. Neither of the sides of the relationship should be subject to undue pressure from the other side to choose a certain lifestyle/relationship type, but they should decide freely together, even if it involves a 50s-style marriage. If that's what they want, leave them alone.
     

    fiOWNya

    104
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • It totally depends on the couple. My husband and I take charge of certain parts of the relationship, but in the end, it's about equal. For example, while he's at work, I clean and take care of Junior. Once my business gets off the ground, he'll do more cleaning and watch our son more. I'm in charge of finances, he is in charge of car matters. We play it all to our strengths and weaknesses. None of this is set in stone though, we're both very flexible and are good at communicating, which helps.

    None of this is gender based though, we're basing it off of our skills. For example, he's the cook and does a lot of the laundry. ;)
     

    ImportedOrange

    31
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • Seen Jul 11, 2016
    I myself believe from past experiences that relationships should be equal and democratic. Although there are some things that a man should be in charge of, such as paying and being the one to take care of the woman.
     
    Shining Raichu

    Shining Raichu

    Expect me like you expect Jesus.
    8,959
    Posts
    13
    Years
    • I agree that it should be up to the couple how they want their own relationship to function.

    One of my cousins and his wife have been married for just over a year. I've spoken to them individually and I've spoken to them together and the difference is remarkable. Each on their own is a strong, confident person with interesting things to say and separate careers they're working toward etc, but when they're together the shift is immediate. He plays the big strong man protector and she plays the demure, submissive woman. You can tell it's a very loving arrangement, but regardless it doesn't sit well with me watching how much they change into these gender stereotypes, and I get a little queasy looking at it sometimes.

    But the point is, it doesn't matter how it sits with me, because I'm not in their relationship. That is how they choose to function and it works for them because they each seem to get off on being able to play that role in a relationship and each is happy to let the other do just that because it fits in with their own needs.

    Also on the taking-the-man's-last-name thing, Portia de Rossi took Ellen DeGeneres's last name when they got married. In a relationship between two women there are no gender roles... so does that make Portia property in the same way some people believe it makes a woman property when she takes a man's last name?

    When I get married, I plan to have a look at my husband's last name and decide if I want it based on the merit of the last name itself. I really don't like my last name - it sounds so common and it doesn't really go with any first names - so if I judge that my partner's last name is better then I'll take it :P

    ImportedOrange said:
    I myself believe from past experiences that relationships should be equal and democratic. Although there are some things that a man should be in charge of, such as paying and being the one to take care of the woman.
    Click to expand...

    lolwut. The second sentence completely contradicts the first.
     
    Dakotah

    Dakotah

    900
    Posts
    13
    Years
    • Seen Jul 22, 2016
    Rule #1: Girlfriend/wife is always right.
    Rule #2: When she's wrong, refer back to rule #1
     

    Ayselipera

    Guest
    0
    Posts
    It should be what works for that couple. For example in a traditional relationship the male is seen as dominant and the female is seen as submissive and while some people find that offensive others are just fine with it for themselves. In friendships I see myself as dominant, but in relationships I think I'd always prefer to be submissive. But it only works that way if I actually agreed with how they're "leading." I wouldn't put up with it if they abused the situation. Even though I see myself as the submissive one I would always be willing to do anything and everything if needed. I don't think there is anything that neither of you shouldn't be required to do, but it doesn't need to be constant either.
     

    Gothitelle.

    <3;
    532
    Posts
    13
    Years
    • I agree that it should be up to the couple how they want their own relationship to function.
    Click to expand...
    Pretty much that. I mean all relationships shouldn't be the same. What if the person didn't really want a normal equal relationship but wanted her partner to change charge? That person would be me, I've always wanted a relationship in when my partner would be the one in charge. Reason being is that I believe that I have no leadership skills and having someone who loves me and guides me would improve my mental health in a way. I do want to have some say but I do want someone to tell me this and that and that I could trust them completely. I've needed that...

    I just see alot of crap that happens in this relationships on the subject of cheating and I don't want to be that controlling person who won't let their boyfriend look at someone else for 5 seconds or not alow them to have female friends. I know people who have been through that when their girlfriends are snoops and I don't want that to happen to me or my partner. This is why I've been taught about my place in life.
     

    ~Harmony

    Female Brass Musician
    33
    Posts
    12
    Years
    • Seen Jun 24, 2012
    It's not what completely makes up a relationship, but here's a big rule:
    Women should act like Ladies
    and Men should act like Gentlemen

    This rule would at least develop mutual respect and manners. One of the thousands of things that make up a positive relationship.
     

    Zappra

    21
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • Seen Jul 3, 2012
    I would prefer to have an equal relationship. It should be fair in many things.
     
    Livewire

    Livewire

    14,092
    Posts
    14
    Years
    • Some people are better leaders, and some are better followers. I'd say let people determine how to be in the best possible relationships, but there are those who aren't capable enough mentally to stick up for themselves. Balance is key.
     

    Alice

    (>^.(>0.0)>
    3,077
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • I think by default they should be equal, but if someone wants to take a specific role, and their partner is okay with it, then there's no reason that they shouldn't.
     
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