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[Other FULL] Vale Institute of Magic [M] [OOC/SU]

Colony

Poe and Palahniuk's Prodige
642
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  • I would like to note that the last two bullets are not really problems (and the battery thing was me pointing out that you used electronic charge instead of electrical charge). If you want the spell to look like a katana, then make it look like a katana. :)
     

    Lucifer-san

    [i]Recently Revived Zombie[/i]
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  • Made some edits to the new technique based upon the points that were made, and the last bullet made me chuckle. I changed the design back to what I originally had which wasn't a katana surprisingly, I'll probably get around to any changes I want to make to the history tomorrow or should I say later today.
     
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    23
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    • Seen Dec 15, 2014
    Name: Rachel Auburn

    Age: 17

    Gender: Female

    Element: Darkness

    Spells

    Shadow Shot: Rachel fires a small orb of darkness from her fingers like a Bullet's fired from a gun. She can fire an orb about once every 3 seconds. Just a standard projectile attack. Orbs are fired about the speed or 90mph (Like the speed of a pitch from a professional baseball player.) ANd have enough strength to put dents in steel, similar to Night Fist.

    Night Fist: Rachel uses darkness to augment physical attacks from her hands, as she punches at the foe. These augmented punches are enough to dent steel, without hurting her hands.

    Moonlit Illusion: Rachel strikes the opponent, which causes them to become enveloped in black aura. This causes them to feel inexplicable fear and anxiety on rather severe levels. Fails to work on those with strong wills, or beings incapable of fear or emotion.

    Appearance: Rachel stands at 5,1 and weighs 112 lbs. She's rather slender, with slim arms and legs, and pale white skin. Her hair waist length, with long bangs and tied back into a high pony. She has pale blue eyes, with dark shadows under them from working overnight on computer programming and studying. She also tends to walk with at a rather brisk pace, and carries herself with a rather proud posture.

    Rachel tends to wear a white tank top, with a pair of maroon pants that come down just below her knee, and black loafers. She wears a black leather belt, and when its cold, she will be seen wearing a a black trench coat. Rachel's never really seen without holding a lolipop of some sort. And when it's not sticking out of her mouth like a cigarette, she's usually holding it in her right hand. She also wears a black bracelet on each of her wrists.

    Personality: Rachel is rather tomboyish. Like when she was little, other girls would prefer playing dolls or play dress up. On the other hand, Rachel would rather play with videogames and action figures. In essence, she's rather lazy, foul mouthed, crude, and snarky. Despite this however, she's relatively smart, and she can learn new things rather quickly and easily .

    While she doesn't mind other girls being... Well, Girly. Rachel tends to get flustered at the idea of wearing skirts, make up, etc. She also loathes sexism with a passion, and she'll verbally snap anyone heads off of they discriminate against her for being a woman. Rachel's also rather cold and distant, and doesn't usually make friends very easily. She also has some trust issues resulting from being made fun of when she was a kid.

    Rachel's well known for her love of sweets, and the very least, you'll find her holding a lolipop or something when she's relaxing. In her free time, she likes playing video games, reading, snacking on candy, cooking and baking, or working on computer coding.

    Despite her irritable nature, Rachel is actually rather kind hearted. She's exceedingly loyal to her friends allies, only having their best interests at heart, and finds betrayal one of the worst things imaginable. She values bravery, and detests cowardice. Finally, she's rather perceptive, and if she senses someone's upset, she'll find out way and try to find away to help them feel better in her own clumsy way.

    History:Rachel was the youngest of 4 sisters. While her sisters were all beautiful, and wanted to do stuff like play with dolls, and get into fashion. Rachel never enjoyed any of that. Rachel would've rather play video games, play with action figures, or do stuff like observe insects. Rachel's mother wasn't very open to Rachel's tomboy tendencies, so she'd often try forcing her to do things that were more stereotypical girl, such as ball room dancing, ballet, etc.

    All her life, Rachel was made fun of by other people her age because she liked stuff other girls usually didn't. So instead of caring what they though, and trying to find friends. She isolated herself, and used the company of computers and technology to occupy her time.

    As she got older, her exterior became more gruff and icy, and more people became to unwilling to approach her. She even became less willing to compromise to her mother's will, and starting rebelling.

    It was also at this age she discovered she could use magic to some degree. Shadows seemed to dance around her, sometimes when feeling upset, darkness would shroud itself around her hands, and when she really got upset with someone. Her mere presence seemed to cause the people around her more anxiety then usual. She felt so intrigued by these mysterious abilities, she started to practice them in secret. She felt special for the first time in her life, because she could do something that none of her sisters could. She didn't fear her new abilities, she embraced the,

    But then, to her, a miracle happened. She got a letter from the Vale Institute of Magic. She finally had a way to escape the family that wouldn't accept her for herself. So she took the chance to leave, and not be chained down anymore. Leaving her family a note that read. "I'm not a doll". She ran away from home to learn about magic.

    Other: N/A
     
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    23
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    • Seen Dec 15, 2014
    Alright, I edited some of the stuff in her sign up.

    For instance, I added more detail to Shadow Shot, and completely removed Black Wave and Warp. I also removed her inability to use Shadow Shot when using Night Fist. (I just thought that would be a cool limitation.)

    I also edited her appearance to make her slightly less butch by altering the length of her hair, and I even included cooking and baking as one of her hobbies. Finally, I also included some tidbits about when she first discovered her abilities to use magic in the history section.

    While were on the subject, I wasn't trying to create a "Lesbian" character, but more so a character who wasn't really into what the stereotypical girl was into. Also, the that sort've "Depressing Past" Wasn't supposed to be an excuse for her to have darkness as her abilities, but to explain her attitude in personality.

    If there's anything else that needs further detail or changing, let me know. Okay.

    Alright, I edited some of the stuff in her sign up.

    For instance, I added more detail to Shadow Shot, and completely removed Black Wave and Warp. I also removed her inability to use Shadow Shot when using Night Fist. (I just thought that would be a cool limitation.)

    I also edited her appearance to make her slightly less butch by altering the length of her hair, and I even included cooking and baking as one of her hobbies. Finally, I also included some tidbits about when she first discovered her abilities to use magic in the history section.

    While were on the subject, I wasn't trying to create a "Lesbian" character, but more so a character who wasn't really into what the stereotypical girl was into. Also, the that sort've "Depressing Past" Wasn't supposed to be an excuse for her to have darkness as her abilities, but to explain her attitude in personality.

    If there's anything else that needs further detail or changing, let me know. Okay.
     
    23
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    • Seen Dec 15, 2014
    Would you rather I start from scratch?

    EDIT: Okay, I think there was a misunderstanding going on. Now that it's resolved, I'll work on a fresh SU, okay. Thanks for being patient with me. Sorry if I sounded a little harsh.
     
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    Lucifer-san

    [i]Recently Revived Zombie[/i]
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  • I made some adjustments to my history and hopefully I succeeded in making it fine, I didn't really try and add too much and decided to let it end on a normal note without anything too eventful happening. Just give me some feedback when you can so I can know if something needs to be changed.
     

    Songbird

    Tonight, the marigolds bloom for her.
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    There are only a few more things I want to know about before we accept you, since everything's almost in order. :D

    The first is, how important is Michael's dad supposed to be? Was he the principal of a magic-oriented school akin to Vale, or does he have ties with the government in a magic-related division? Right now he's just... "important". If you'd prefer it be a private thing until you want it revealed IC, please PM it to Colony and me so we can work it out.

    The second is, why did Claire leave Michael and his uncle an estate and a fat stack of cash? Was there really absolutely no one else to whom she could have left her things? As with the previous question, feel free to tell us in private if this is something you'd rather not have the other players know about.

    The last is that Ireland notably has a much better education system than the US, according to worldwide rankings. (Finland stays at #1.) If he "blazed through" an Irish school, what could have possibly stopped him from doing so while he was still in the US? I honestly don't have a sense of time reading your post at all, actually—I only know that he turned 17 a "few years" after his teacher died—and with its length, adding a couple more age markers would do wonders for the sake of clarity.

    @The warden, I delegated your thingy to Colony.
     
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    Colony

    Poe and Palahniuk's Prodige
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  • @The warden: Sorry it took so long. Got busy with semester prep, but I finally got some time to deal with it. Soooo, here's the progress report (:P school term).

    Spells:
    Jet Booster: So, this spell seems to kinda work like Iron Man's propulsion system. This spell seems fine in practice, with maybe a touch of questionable content involving the arms as rudders/wings. Personally, I think you shouldn't limit it to his hands, as it would give the spell a lot more variety and could add to the mid-air acrobatics. The primary problem I could see with adding, let's say, his feet as a source of the spell, his shoes would be all sorts of crispy (see my point below about his shoes). Maybe it should burn his hands, too (nothing real serious, just something like blisters, tenderness, etc). I mean, he is shooting fire from his palm for extended periods.

    Slipstream: An interesting spell with some really fun and complex uses, but as complex as the spell seems, there really isn't enough information given for it to be acceptable. It's a mono-directional accelerator, but there's no relative example given. How fast does it accelerate/decelerate a specific object? How does it translate to something larger or smaller? How large is the spell's effective area? Can more than one be created at a given time? These are questions that your spell description should generally be able to answer.

    Ember Storm: This spell is… not my favorite to say the least. The wording is a bit confusing, so I'm not quite sure if I'm evaluating it properly. From what I can tell, it's a gust of embers which are solely meant to act as a conduit for Complete Combustion. The main problem is that it requires a preexisting flame to even use. In other words, it kinda is left redundant as a conduit spell, since the spells creating the flames could just as easily be used to light the target on fire for CC.

    Complete Combustion: Hmm, I'm not quite sure if you've seen what Birdy has said about spells and their speed. Typically, fights in Vale are quick, so anything that takes time to charge often loses its purpose, as the opponent has either moved already (which seems likely in this case) or they've already launched an attack to disrupt the charging process (which is still very likely). As far as actual problems with the spell, there are really only two things. What is the range of the spell? Like, how far away can he cast the six foot radius spell? The other problem is what qualifies as burning "completely," since I'm not quite sure if you mean whatever is on fire will be engulfed or if it will just crispify instantly. The crispifying would be a no go. Also, instead of shimmering, might I suggest a heat haze? It'd be more inline with the spell, and less sparkly.

    Unstable Flame: I'm curious to know how the spell is unstable. I mean, a set time or contact doesn't usually mean unstable. When I hear unstable, I expect something to backfire in a violent way, which would make the spell seem a bit too risky given its nature. Other than that, the spell falls into similar pitfalls as Slipstream. What is the size of the ball? How long is the "set time" period? Is Sebastian an all-star pitcher (this is a joke, please don't kill me)? There's just not enough information about the spell.​

    Appearance: One of the first things I noticed was that Sebastian has a tan worm. I'm not sure if that's healthy. :P Other than that, he reminds me of some of the characters in Air Gear (I liked the series, so I don't view it all that badly, just very stylized). As a side note, he better have insurance on those shoes, 'cause I'd bet quite a few of them could end up in a trashcan due to the fights.
     

    Lucifer-san

    [i]Recently Revived Zombie[/i]
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  • Alright I edited some stuff and added a few things to the History section hopefully this clears up everything that needed to be. Hopefully I got everything down, I think there might be one thing I need to address but I'll leave it to luck.
     

    Colony

    Poe and Palahniuk's Prodige
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  • @DreamOrDestruction: I noticed that for the most part, you've addressed the last few issues that Birdy mentioned. I see that the education thing is the one topic you skipped, but I think I'll decide to overlook it. Honestly, I think it's a minor problem, seeing how Michael was raised away from the US education system, so things like tests wouldn't have mattered or detracted from general learning. That being said, I really would like to advise against using an accent for a character. It takes a really good ear to be able to pull it off. Still, I'll leave that decision up to you. Otherwise, you're accepted.

    General Notice: So far, the plan is to get the IC up as soon as possible (hopefully next week). For those of you who were not a part of Vale's previous iteration, there will be matches fairly early into the IC (almost at the start of the first day). Matches will be picked at random with some form of Random Number Generator. Once matches have been picked, we fully suggest that you contact the other player in the match to decide certain points, such as Joint Post vs back and forth posting, who wins, how intense the battle will be, and other similar points (you don't have to decide on everything, but discussing a match privately is usually a good idea).
     
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    The warden

    I'm back!
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  • @Colony and Songbird,

    Thanks for the advice, I've started making some of the changes that you suggested but haven't got round to finishing them yet so I'm leaving them out for the moment. Just so you know I'm planning on removing Ember Storm and Complete Combustion and replacing them with a new spell Fan the Flames, which will lack the things that you disliked about each of these spells individually but as this will make it stronger will have a shorter range, anyway that's still in progress. Also I'm going to be tweaking/explaining better all my other spells in line with your recommendations. What I have done is added my history section. Lastly I haven't seen air gear, so I don't know what the art style is.
     

    Songbird

    Tonight, the marigolds bloom for her.
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    Something I noticed about your sheet is that in the first paragraph, it details how Sebastian's mother is involved with transporting magical goods.

    The thing is, there isn't really any kind of artifact or object directly related to magic (or at least none that we haven't made up yet). Mages can use their elements to craft and forge things (for example, appliances, weaponry and explosives), but they're normal objects. Enchantments are very minimal and restricted at best since (most) mages need conscious control of their element to use it. The closest you could get to "magical artifact" is journals and studies on the elements, but those are obviously not going to be easily accessible. I've posted it earlier, but the United Nations kind of has their paws on all magic-related information.

    We'd really like to encourage asking us about things that could affect the story like this before putting it into place, as Laurene's family would definitely have heavy plot significance with the way it currently is.
     

    The warden

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  • I will remove the magical goods trading and try to come up with something else. Mainly I was just trying to find something that would give a French magical family business in America.

    Please can you explain what you mean by this?

    We'd really like to encourage asking us about things that could affect the story like this before putting it into place, as Laurene's family would definitely have heavy plot significance with the way it currently is.

    Is this just due to the magical goods or is there another reason?
     

    Songbird

    Tonight, the marigolds bloom for her.
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    Not sure how else that would be interpreted, but okay.

    I was directing it at basically anything that would be particularly significant in-universe, such as the LDS elements, magic research, government influence and magical artifacts. So yes, the underground magical smuggling ring was a big part of that. :P
     
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    Looks very interesting wondering if I can reserve a spot? I can have the SU polish by tomorrow morning
    Spoiler:
     

    Songbird

    Tonight, the marigolds bloom for her.
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    @Izyua_Namikaze, Colony and I have had a look, and to be frank, there's nothing about Isaiah that we can accept in his current state. It feels very much like you pulled a lot of things off Naruto, for example. For one, Vale is set on modern Earth, so purple is not going to be a natural hair color, and there's no indication that he had it dyed. There's an actual review in the spoiler below, but it's kind of wordy and probably annoying. The following tldr explains the entirety of the review, so you can ignore the spoiler entirely, but it lists the actual problems we have with your sheet.

    tl;dr, by the time Isaiah is accepted, chances are he's not going to be anything like he currently is, and you may not like the end result.

    Spoiler:
     

    Colony

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  • The IC is officially up, so have at it everyone. Feel free to have some joint interactions early on. There will be a short period before the next IC event, so go ahead and get your first set of posts up. Any questions? :)
     
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    • Seen Jun 9, 2015
    Sorry, this may be late but do you mind looking?

    Name: Alex Festis
    Age: 16
    Gender: Male
    Element: Air (more specifically condensed air)
    Spells:
    Levitate- Condenses air underneath an object and lifts it into the air, where it can be moved at his discretion. In order to use this Alex must be able to concentrate, and any break in concentration can result in the object being thrown off course or just dropping out of mid-air, and the bigger an object is, or the further he wants to move it requires more concentration.

    Air wall- As the name suggests, makes a wall of air using the air around him, but it requires him to control his breathing and uses up air in his lungs. Should he go breathless while he wall is up it will quickly dissipate. He can make this wall around others as well.

    Air push- Literally a push of air, he uses this to push his opponent around or just throw them back wards. This spell has the same limitations as levitation, but requires a lot less concentration. This is Alex's main attack spell, but is still mostly used to keep a close combat opponent away.


    Appearance: Alex is about 5'11" when standing, and slightly underweight at 145 pounds. Wears glasses most of time since he finds contacts to much of a pain to deal with, but puts in contacts for special occasions, such as parties or when he has to appear at a marriage. He has short, straight brown hair that will shine bronze when the light hits it just right and has hazel eyes, which change between a brighter green hazel to dark brown hazel depending on his mood, green when he's happy and brown when he's mad or depressed. Since he is slightly underweight due to a high metabolism, he's pretty skinny, but due to the amount of work that is required to maintain some of his spells, he has good core and strong lungs, and muscles are slightly toned.

    For his clothes, he can usually be seen with wearing blue jeans, some slightly worn with holes in the knees and others that look in perfect condition, and for his shirts he is seen either wearing white, black or gray clothes t-shirts, but rarely can be seen wearing slacks with a white button down shirt with either a black or white t-shirt underneath. He likes to wear tennis shoes since he finds them comfortable and can be used for almost anything.

    Personality: Alex is a strange guy, he's clever but prefer's to act dumb so he can surprise people. He try's to act upbeat around people, especially during awkward situations, so that everyone will be happy. In doing this, he usually becomes the center of attention, which he hates. He's also extremely kind and patient, but refuses to deal with certain people, most of which are the arrogant ones that try and start fights whenever possible. Due to his kindness, people come to him when they need help or advice, and he almost always helps, which can be considered a major flaw since he can't say no.

    When he's working on figuring something out he can be seen leaning back against something with his eyes closed or biting the center of his thumb. He prefers to think things through logically and in steps, trying to figure out all ways to do something before actually doing it. When he needs to vent and has no one to talk to, he writes poetry. Sometimes the poetry describes what he's venting about or can be describing something completely opposite of it.

    He tends to be lazy and avoids work when he doesn't have to work, and instead practices on making his spells more efficient. Whenever he practices his spells, he prefers to do it alone in order to avoid listening to laughs of others whenever he makes a mistake. Although he avoids work, whenever he gets into a project or a job, he doesn't want to quit working on it until it done.

    History: The Festis family currently consists of Alex's father Andrew, his mother Jessica, and his two sisters Jennie and Gracie. The Festis family is known for its fiery personality and ability to use fire magic, which makes Alex a bit of an outcast due to his inability to use it. He found his air magic when he was eight, and hid it from his family saying that his magic hadn't shown itself yet. He managed to keep it hidden for five years, and only practiced in secret, usually in the middle of the night. When he was thirteen he accidentally used his magic to levitate his mother favorite family portrait before it could fall and break on the ground. Once his family saw this, they immediately started questioning him on when his magic appeared and why he didn't tell them about it, and when he answered their questions they looked at him in disbelief, angry that he didn't trust them.

    After that he fell into a pit of depression, since his family was angry with him for his distrustfulness and he started failing school cause of it. This lead him to start writing poetry in order to relieve his feelings, and thanks to poetry he made a friend, Rachel, who one day saw him writing a poem and started asking him about it. Over time the two of them became close, but ended up breaking apart before anything could happen since Rachel's family moved across the country.

    Now, three years later, he receives an invitation to this prestigious school, much to his parents surprise, and decides to make himself become a better person, and impress his family with his skills once he graduates, that way he can overcome his past and move on to a newer, brighter future.


    I apologize for any inconsistencies and the history, I'm still pretty new to this, and wasn't sure how to properly describe some of it.
     
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    Songbird

    Tonight, the marigolds bloom for her.
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    I only have one question right now: Why does no one want Nature magic?

    @Paskalso, Colony's post will take care of most of your SU, but from the bits I looked at, I have a few concerns.

    The first is that he's clearly a martial artist-type fighter (and we already have one), but he has no relation to martial arts in the rest of his sheet. At all. How could he possibly be an effective fighter like that? More importantly, they don't seem to fit him as a character. He's patient and non-aggressive, so why does he have such an aggressive spell like "Wind Fist" or "Shock Wave"?

    The second is that he's 5'11, and "underweight" at 120lbs. I'm 5'6 and 115lbs, and I'm considered moderately underweight. Alex is severely malnourished.
     
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    Nakuzami

    [img]https://i.imgur.com/iwlpePA.png[/img]
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  • I only have one question right now: Why does no one want Nature magic?

    I see no mention of it in the main post? the only mention I've seen is one other post you've made here in the OOC. :x otherwise it might have been something that interested me, had I not gotten Spirit magic first, lol.

    The second is that he's 5'11, and "underweight" at 120lbs. I'm 5'6 and 115lbs, and I'm considered moderately underweight. Alex is severely malnourished.

    Well I'm like 5'8" or 5'9" and about 120 lbs. I think. so perhaps not severely malnourished. (then again when do I eat pfft) but if someone is a martial artist, I'd expect muscle, and that would mean a lot more weight than what I have, sooooo
     
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