Couch Potatoe
Look... If you had one shot
to sit on your lazy butt
and watch all the tv you ever wanted
until your brain turned to mush,
Would you go for it? Or just let it slip? Yo!
Remote is ready, eyes wide, palms are sweaty
The Flintstone's on the TV already
Wilma and Betty
No virgin to channel surfin
And I'm HD ready
So I flip, garbage is all I'm getting
There's Simon Cowell
Who folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth, always says something foul
They're dying, Wow!
Wannabe's are crying now
He votes them out
Time to throw in the towel
Show's based on reality
Oh the humanity!
Oh! Ozzy's family!
Sho' loves profanity!
Whoa! The insanity!
Oh! Dogs that crap and pee
Home of depravity?
No! They live happily
Yo! Plus "Da Ali G Show"
And "Celebrity Mole"
Oh there's Anna Nicole
She's scaring me
Look ma, no cavities!
Oh! It's a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something
You're gonna lose your mind watchin tv they told me
They scold me, but I still tune in every show
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime
(You're gonna) lose your mind watchin' TV they told me
Cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos!"
Gonna watch C-SPAN TV Land and HBO
The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime
My butt is aching as I watch NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking
Larry King to "24" to "Law and Order"
The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes
Ancient reporters next up on "E True Hollywood Story"
The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
Shows for next fall, they've already been naming
"CSI: Boise", and "Touched By An Uncle", both sound prettying lame, man
so does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"
and "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute
I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it.
I move right on to "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenaged Daughter"
Then I bet I watch "The Bachelorette"
Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"
And "The Muppet Show" where they go "Mahna Mahna"
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV they told me
They scold me but I still tune in every show
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Disney Channel, and A&E and Lifetime
(You're gonna) lose your mind watching TV they told me
Cajoled me, but I still love Lisa Kudrow
I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime
Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost in Space"
I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without a Trace"
But I only watched "Will and Grace" one time one day
Wished I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
Oh and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour
After that felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambition
Next week on FOX, watch lions eat christians
Like to tie up those programming planners
Make'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"
Leech covered grub eatin' fools on Survivor
Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider
And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob plus there's MacGyver
And Jay Leno has got Madonna and hey there's Luke Perry
And a special all pig-latin episode of "Drew Carey"
Wanna turn on ET cause I'm a gossip freak
And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week
A 30 second spot then we go back to "Are You Hot?"
I was planning on recording "The Sopranos". I forgot!
I love shows with or without a plot
I stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got one brain to rot
I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot
(You're gonna) lose your mind watching TV they told me
They scold me, but I still tune into every show
My cable's gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime
(You're gonna) lose your mind watching TV they told me
Cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show!"
I got it on C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime
You can watch anything you want to, man.
Trash Day
Rotten
So rotten here
So rotten
Oh
It was like, the last day before trash day
My place was gettin' kinda nas-tay
Even though the garbage I knew would reek
(You know) Thought that I could leave it for one more week
Then, um, I'm takin'
Birthday cake 'n' (oh)
Chili and greasy old bacon
Throw it all on top of the mess I been makin'
Wife's so mad, she starts to shakin'
Leaky bag, 'n' now that girl is gaggin'
She's naggin'
"I need you to get that stuff off the kitchen floor"
"Is that too much to ask you for?"
But I see no reason why
Can't let a few more weeks go by
And now garbage is piled up high
And buddy, you should see the flies
I said...
There's somethin' rotten here (say what?)
You better hold your nose
(Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out)
Boy, there's a lot in here (a lot)
And every day it grows
(Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out)
Make ya wanna throw up
Look at all this garbage that I keep generatin'
(Come on) I sit around all day and watch it biodegradin'
Bet there's a hundred health codes that I'm violatin'
Even my dog passed out and needed resuscitatin'
You won't believe it, take a whiff of that aroma
Sure to put you in a coma
It's so messy, can't find my toenail clippers
It's so bad, the roaches wearin' slippers
Warm, sweaty clothes piled up in this joint
Stand up by themselves at this point
It's so filthy, now baby, I can't lie
I wipe my feet before I go outside
I wonder what crawled in here and died
(You know) Walkin' 'round barefoot, I'd be terrified
But it gives me stuff to talk about with my friends
Like "Hey, I think them rats gettin' big!"
Oh
There's somethin' rotten here (say what?)
You better hold your nose
(Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out)
Look what we got in here (now what?)
Let's watch it decompose
(Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out)
Make ya wanna throw up
With a little bit a....and a little bit a...
Make me wanna throw up
It makes ya wanna...just makes ya wanna...
Oh
Some Lysol, some Comet
I got a mop and it's got your name on it
(What?) I'm just kiddin', doggone it
(Oh) Unless you gonna do it
Careful not to breathe the fumes
Check it, garbage piles are goin' all the way to the bathroom
Turn into toxic waste sometime this afternoon
Better get a Hazmat suit and a push broom
Oh
There's somethin' rotten here (say what?)
You better hold your nose
(Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out)
It's gone to pot in here (now what?)
Bring out the firehose
(Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out)
Make ya wanna throw up
With a little bit a....and a little bit a...
Make me wanna throw up
Give a little bit a...and a tiny bit a...
Make ya wanna throw up
Mix a little bit a...with a molecule a...
Make me wanna throw up
It makes me wanna...just makes me wanna...
Oh
my favs!
