Breaking Point.

I think I should talk about my problems before I try to kill myself. That way, I know someone will hear my problems and I won't have to try something so drastic.

I have two parents. My mum always wants me to do better. It is so extreme that if I got 99% in an exam, she wouldn't be happy because some other boy got 100%. Then there's my dad. He's never really said anything encouraging to me. He tries to pressure me on like my mum does, but when I retaliate, he goes all stress-traumatic and says that no one listens to him and blah blah blah.

At school, I'm the social loser. Just because I don't play sport with the others and I am smart, everyone takes a chance to spread rumours about me and tease me. I've tried to stop this, but it never works.

At home, I'm yelled at for any little thing that goes wrong, and lately, everything that does go wrong is ticking me off. For example, if my sister enters my room, I'll go crazy at her and she'll run out crying. Them my mum will come in and scold me and I get in trouble.

OK, it isn't something that horrible, like some stories of families breaking apart, but I've been in this pressure for so long without even venting my anger out on absolutely anything. And now, this bottled-up anger is beginning to show signs of eruption. Every little thing that someone says to me may be seen as an insult or a provocation, and I get mad. If my mum yells at me, I feel the pressure build up more and more. I need to just let it go on something, just burst it out safely before I decide to go extreme.

Any comments on this?

Lord GaGa said:

I think I should talk about my problems before I try to kill myself. That way, I know someone will hear my problems and I won't have to try something so drastic.

I have two parents. My mum always wants me to do better. It is so extreme that if I got 99% in an exam, she wouldn't be happy because some other boy got 100%. Then there's my dad. He's never really said anything encouraging to me. He tries to pressure me on like my mum does, but when I retaliate, he goes all stress-traumatic and says that no one listens to him and blah blah blah.

At school, I'm the social loser. Just because I don't play sport with the others and I am smart, everyone takes a chance to spread rumours about me and tease me. I've tried to stop this, but it never works.

At home, I'm yelled at for any little thing that goes wrong, and lately, everything that does go wrong is ticking me off. For example, if my sister enters my room, I'll go crazy at her and she'll run out crying. Them my mum will come in and scold me and I get in trouble.

OK, it isn't something that horrible, like some stories of families breaking apart, but I've been in this pressure for so long without even venting my anger out on absolutely anything. And now, this bottled-up anger is beginning to show signs of eruption. Every little thing that someone says to me may be seen as an insult or a provocation, and I get mad. If my mum yells at me, I feel the pressure build up more and more. I need to just let it go on something, just burst it out safely before I decide to go extreme.

Any comments on this?

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You should talk to somebody about this, like the school counselor or something to that effect. I mean, it's better than nothing.

As far as school is concerned, you can't care about what they say about you and you have to ignore them. I've been there before and I'm not going to act like it's easy, because it's not, but if you keep getting bugged by what people who don't know you and will likely have no other impact on your life have to think about you, living with that will be much, much harder.

As for your home life, that's something I can't give solid advice for. That's something a professional or a more experienced PCer than myself can help you with.

Hope it helped <3 Good luck!

You know we have a post your problems thread, right?

Anyway, I think you need to do exactly that; let it all out. Keeping things like that bottled up inside isn't good. Does your school of a counselor you can talk to? Maybe you've got a really good friend who you can share your troubles with. The main thing you need to do is tell somebody.

I'd also suggest sitting down and having a good ol' fashioned chat with your parents about this. I'm sure the reason your mom pushes you so hard is because she loves you, and wants to you excel in life. I know you've probably already done so, but try telling her you're not perfect. Something I used to do when my parents got a little too 'pushy' was ask them how they did in school. I know for a fact that my mom was a little trouble maker, so that usually shut her up real quick.

Anyway, those are my two main suggestions. Hope this helps, man.

There's something people don't realise is that there is such a thing as emotional abuse. The extreme of not being the 'top of the class' is horrible, parents should help kids exceed but that doesn't mean that they should force their kids to be absolutely perfect in every aspect, that is an unreasonable condition for anyone.

If your school has any counsel option I would see out someone to talk to, and most importantly, finding out how to set up a family therapy session. Your parents need to know how you feel and not be able to interrupt you while you explain your concerns and stresses without threatening you. Having that 3rd party therapist will be able to help you explain your problems and be able to hopefully solve this and make things better, because it's quite possible your parents may need their own counseling.

Lord GaGa said:

At school, I'm the social loser. Just because I don't play sport with the others and I am smart, everyone takes a chance to spread rumours about me and tease me. I've tried to stop this, but it never works.

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So am I, and don't try to stop it. They find it funny that some nerd is getting mad. Just ignore those losers, and I'll remind you that when we are all grown up that you will be on top of the food chain.

Lord GaGa said:

At home, I'm yelled at for any little thing that goes wrong, and lately, everything that does go wrong is ticking me off. For example, if my sister enters my room, I'll go crazy at her and she'll run out crying. Them my mum will come in and scold me and I get in trouble.

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I have a younger sister too, and this happenes a lot to me. What I've been doing is this stuff that I think is retarded to make her laugh. If you do that, she'll be nicer most of the time, and you may be able to get a little laugh too.

Lord GaGa said:

OK, it isn't something that horrible, like some stories of families breaking apart, but I've been in this pressure for so long without even venting my anger out on absolutely anything. And now, this bottled-up anger is beginning to show signs of eruption. Every little thing that someone says to me may be seen as an insult or a provocation, and I get mad. If my mum yells at me, I feel the pressure build up more and more. I need to just let it go on something, just burst it out safely before I decide to go extreme.

Any comments on this?

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Just really do anything: go on a walk and let you mind swirl, or go to a gym where you can punch stuff.

Lord GaGa said:

I think I should talk about my problems before I try to kill myself. That way, I know someone will hear my problems and I won't have to try something so drastic.

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I know you know you won't do that.

I have two parents. My mum always wants me to do better. It is so extreme that if I got 99% in an exam, she wouldn't be happy because some other boy got 100%. Then there's my dad. He's never really said anything encouraging to me. He tries to pressure me on like my mum does, but when I retaliate, he goes all stress-traumatic and says that no one listens to him and blah blah blah.

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My mum dosn't really pressure me like that, she leaves my school work to me because she knows I can handle it; my dad does though, if I get an A on an exam he will shout "Why didn't you get A*!" and give me extra homework to do... I think it's because he wants me to the best I can (he got expelled from school, probably has something to do with it.) My parents are divorced though so at least I only have to put up with it when I see him once a month.

At school, I'm the social loser. Just because I don't play sport with the others and I am smart, everyone takes a chance to spread rumours about me and tease me. I've tried to stop this, but it never works.

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I moved schools because of that and other reasons, poor quality teachers, drug dealings going on etc. it had a very bad reputation and wasn't a good school. Now I don't care about being popular, I like being alone. Yes I'm a loner and I like it. I have 'friends' that I can talk to and hang around with at school though so it was never that bad; I have no very good friends though.

At home, I'm yelled at for any little thing that goes wrong, and lately, everything that does go wrong is ticking me off. For example, if my sister enters my room, I'll go crazy at her and she'll run out crying. Them my mum will come in and scold me and I get in trouble.

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I know exactly how you feel, my brother is the same; I don't even have to go crazy at him or even do anything because he knows my mum will always side with him (he's the favourite) EG. he could kick me off this PC any moment now if he wanted to go on it. despite it being a gift for me from my dad. Might just sound like me moaning & whining but it's every little thing, I have to do exactly what he wants when he wants; get him food if he wants it while he is watching T.V; you get the idea. My mum has threatened to kick me out the house before if I refuse and I don't doubt that she will.

OK, it isn't something that horrible, like some stories of families breaking apart,

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My family was never together so it can't break.

but I've been in this pressure for so long without even venting my anger out on absolutely anything. And now, this bottled-up anger is beginning to show signs of eruption. Every little thing that someone says to me may be seen as an insult or a provocation, and I get mad. If my mum yells at me, I feel the pressure build up more and more. I need to just let it go on something, just burst it out safely before I decide to go extreme.

Any comments on this?

Click to expand...

Well I was like this when I was your age, I tried counselling (my mums choice, not mine) it didn't really work but who knows, it might for you.
For me time just let me deal with it, I know how to talk with my dad now so I can deal with him; my mum can't push me around any more because I'm bigger than her (not encouraging violence towards your mum, I don't do that, I just use 'passive defence') and I just don't even talk to my brother. I'm not that annoyed or angry any more, I've learnt that's just how it is there's no point trying to fight it.
I just concentrate on 1 thing, doing the best I can in school and remembering not to lend my brother any money when I get a good job with my good grades. (hopefully!)

Sit your parents down and tell them how you feel about how they're treating you... if you can.

Okay, first, tell your parents about your troubles. Tell your mom that you don't have to live up to her expectations, and that if you want to mature, you have to set your own expectations for yourself. Also tell her that these are pressuring you, and bugging you about them is going to make you more likely to fail. If they ground you or something, you can tell them it's not solving any thing and prove it by trying even less on stuff.

Second, your dad seems to only side with your mom, so once she's under control he likely will go a little less hard on you.

My advice for the social situation? I would either make a witty remark every time someone teases you, or kill them with kindness ;D works every time. (Kill them with Kindness mean to be nice and polite to them even if they are mean and cruel to you.)

Hope it helps!

I also think you should talk to your parents. I'm sure they pressure you because they want you to be the best you can and not for the sake of pressuring. Tell them that you are stressed and don't like it when you get yelled about everything. You know, my mom used to be very disappointed whenever I got anything but the best grade just because I used to get only the best grades. Then, my level of interest in school dropped a bit and I stopped getting the best of the best grades. At first, she was pretty obsessive about it. That's also why I am such a perfectionist, really... But then I talked to her about it and she stopped pressuring me so much.

You should tell your parents that getting good grades isn't everything. I know people who get awesome grades but are really stupid, honestly. They don't get any jokes at all and they learn very slowly. They get their grades with a lot of hard work. Now, what does it matter if they get the best grades in the whole class if they couldn't understand something their employer explained to them, for example? A sharp mind is the key to a success, not good grades. And a sharp mind isn't something you aquire in normal school life. You need to discuss with people, read, and so on. Tell your mother something like this, and explain to her that you'll explode if she puts any more pressure on you.

If she doesn't understand you or stop doing so, you'll have to tell her to trust you. Tell your parents that although you're still pretty young, you're not a little kid anymore. Some day, not too far in the future, you'll move away from them and take responsibility of your actions. Now, how can you possibly succeed in something like that if you've never even tried before? Tell them to trust you and let you handle your school on your own. If they seem reclutant, you can suggest a trial period. You know, they let you do it on your own for two months or so and if it comes out good, they can leave it to you. Tell them that you're not going to be a kid forever, and that if they pressure you too much, you'll most likely end up being a drunken dropout when you get to the freedom of college :laugh: I'm joking, of course, but you get my point. Tell them that there will once be a day when you are on your own, and that if they breathe on your neck until that time, you'll never be intependent.

As for friends, I don't think there's much point in trying to make friends with the people in your current school. Clearly, they're all asses and not worth being anyone's friends. So, you should try to make friends outside of school: at hobbies, in the internet, and so on. When you change schools you have a great opportunity to start over. I don't know what you should do about the rumors and all that: back when I was bullied, sort of, I always made witty remarks back and didn't take anything to heart. That ended it soon enough. Some people avoided me because of it, but that's not really the worst thing that could have happened. Anyway, I know that's not everyone's cup of tea. Everyone has to come up with their own way to survive because everyone has a different situation. It's up to you, really.

As for the things that go wrong, I bet you're so ticked off because you're stressed and maybe a bit depressed. it should go away when the other matters are out of your way.

If none of this helps, I suggest meeting with your school councelor. Conversation about these matters with a professional might be more helpful that you can imagine, because professionals can tell why something makes you feel a certain way. Also, they can contact your parents and tell them something really is wrong with what they do. If they don't believe when you say it, maybe they do when a professional says it to them. Who knows?

Anyway, I hope some of this helps. I don't know your parents so I don't know what would be the best thing to tell them. You know them better, so you should decide what to tell them yourself. Also, no-one knows you better than you do, so you are the best judge in this anyway. Everything is up to you. I sincerely hope you can solve your situation with the best possible outcome! Good luck!

Thanks for all your support everyone. I think that what's happened to all of you people is much worse than what's happening to me. I think I may be over-exaggerating the problem a bit, because it seems to everyone that my life is very bad. It could just be me going through adolescence and me being the normal teenager and saying that my life is a mess just because I'm not getting what I want. I think its just that, I guess.

About the school counsellor, I can't try it this moment because we're on a summer break (yay Australia!) so there aren't any bullies. But my parents want me to be ready for Year 9. Not that my mum is going crazy at me every day, it's just some random time where my mum starts yelling at me to get off my DS or the computer and start doing maths. It's even worse when my grandparents are around. I think my mum is under the impression that her parents will think bad of her as a parent and that she isn't raising her children properly. See, my mum was a straight A student. A+ student to be more accurate. She was born in Africa, but her father sent her to Italy when she was 15 to study pharmacy. So it isn't a matter of her being a faliure. Quite the opposite actually.

She has a job that sometimes requires her to go somewhere out of the house for a few days and my dad is charged with babysittng my sister and I. When my dad doesn't give us any extra homework, my mum returns and gets very angry. My dad then suddenly starts dishing out the homework and my mum does at the same time. Then I'm left with no free time to do anything.

About the bullies...I tried the smart comment thingy and it worked very well last year. They were just echoing their insults because they were left with nothing to say.

In the end, though, my problem is definitely not serious enough to have it being shared with a school counsellor. I think I'm just going through a phase.

EDIT: Actualy, I have very good friends in my school. I have three best friends and few real bullies, but the bullies are the ones who are not losers. Everyone else thinks they're 'cool' (I can't believe I said that X|) so they follow suit. Meh, my friends hate them too, and one of my friends helps me to fight back against them. I thanked him for that.