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Hey, I was going to post the crazy review shtuff on Serebii, but I might as well do it here because it's easier.
Yay, first chapter. Fun times.
It's still a little bit wordy, but I can't think of what.
I crossed out the simile, since you already used the verb stumbled, and it doesn't seem as...
"Do not confuse past and present tense," I say. "See, I ended that sentence with a comma, not a full stop. Also, choose between past and present tense."
I cough before I state my decision, C. "I would quietly leave in the night. Perhaps I would leave a written thank you taped onto the door, but...
ERvcmnkermjnerldfk
The posts I make never send. >_< Epic frustration.
Un and re prefixes don't need dashes, and show to me how he's trying to connect.
I'll tell you more once you fix these things and when I'm less upset.
Collo?
I'm using one for the actual internet. Even if Nintendo doesn't make them, some other company will, and they're cheaper than another game in the long run. Also, there are hotspots at food chains and stuff.
Maybe there'll be a new Pokemon Box. Who knows?
There aren't any colors anymore...
Do we really need a trio of games per generation?
The alleged purpose of having two different games was so that people would make friends because they wanted to trade with each other. However, some people are loners so they buy two GBAs and trade with themselves. With the invention of online...