There was peace, but the deities felt lonely. They wanted children. Shira created the mer-folk, an aquatic group of humanoid fishes, to dwell in the ocean. They took the forms of sharks, whales, turtles, and everything in between.They created the land for a middle ground.
You mention that they created the earth as a sort of middle-ground between the two of them, but all the creatures you listed for Shira are solely aquatic creatures with the exception of turtles. Perhaps, list more for that criteria since you made it a point in the plot.
The two gods loved all three of their creations deeply, and they even tried to combine them, but the experiment went horribly wrong. But that's another story.
This doesn't seem like another story it seems like
the story, especially since you introduced Jasper at the end who is clearly one of those experiments... I would suggest maybe altering that? Your choice tho.
The gods instead spent their time raising the new-born species, teaching them how to evolve and survive. After they taught the mortals how to survive, they backed off. They wanted to watch their creations grow on their own. Over the centuries, their hold was all but lost to humanity. The Avan and Mer-Folk has still retained their contact, however.
So... did the Gods not do this with their original creations? Are the humans special or something? It seems like you're singling this out as if it is the first time they've done this and if it is perhaps that's something you should expand upon or mention.
Why did they stay in contact with the Avans and Mer-Folk, but not the humans? Was this part of another experiment?
Trade is regular between the different nations and the only standing army, belonging to the humans, is small, numbering in the thousands.The lack of soldiers is made up for with the skill of each individual warrior. All races of the great continent are welcome in the army. The army is mainly used for fighting piracy, bandits, and rogue soldiers.
Uh, so let me get this right, humans are the only ones with an army... Why? I'm confused as why there is an army in the first place, armies are usually fought when you have a war, but you said there wasn't any animosity, so why the army? Are they expecting war? It seems like to me this is more of local law enforcement and
not an army.
There have been reports of small groups of Ash Spawn in the wilderness...but those are just stories...right? Quarrels that turn violent are often settled in the arena where people may compete for glory, for rights to a fair maiden, and so on.
Wait, what are Ash Spawns? Generally, if you're introducing some sort of "bad folk" you would give a quick description like... "There have been reports of a small group of [describe what Ash Spawns ARE], known as Ash Spawns... but those are just stories... right? It's not like you're describing them immediately after as well.
Warriors of the great continent are often gifted with extraordinairy abilities, strengths, and speeds. They often gather at the Arena and Central Cities to train with each other, increasing their strength even more. Magic is almost non-existent, but only rumored to exist with Avan and Mer monks deep within their respective territories. It is used rarely for combat, and even then it isn't very strong. It is primarily used for healing and communication with the gods. Swords, axes, spears, and the like are still the primary form of weaponry.
Why is magic almost non-existent? Are these "extraordinary" abilities related to magic or no?
Why isn't magic very strong? Why is it only used for healing and communication? Is this a respected tradition and a part of that culture or something else entirely? Why isn't magic used as a weapon (I'm going assume this will link back to why it isn't very strong)?
Also, is "The Great Continent" what you're naming this slab of middle-ground because... proper name = capitalization and it would probably be easier to for us to denote what you're referring to.
Jasper the Horror, although born over a hundred years ago, is still very much alive and in hiding. He was the first true mage, capable of great feats, and using his power, he located a third deity to take revenge on his neglectful creators. The being he found was Asher, god of the earth. Asher's origin is unknown, but his intentions are clear. He has corrupted a large number of the three races, turning them into little more than puppets, and has even created his own sick creatures.
If Jasper is such a good mage... and magic is not strong, how is that possible? Especially, since Jasper is the first true mage it seems like magic was a powerful force. Is it because he has both Avan and Mer-folk bloodline that his magic is so strong? If Jasper is such a good mage... and magic is not strong, how is that possible? Especially, since Jasper is the first true mage it seems like magic was a powerful force. Is it because he has both Avan and Mer-folk bloodline that his magic is so strong?
I'm not sure if you're creating this stuff and then posting it, but this part about Asher should definitely be in the overview. If Asher was a God of the middle-earth, shouldn't that be known earlier? Why wasn't he mentioned before? Why didn't Jasper take his anger out on Doran or Shira, why did he pick Asher specifically? It seemed like Doran + Shira created these experiments and Asher had nothing to do with it...
He has corrupted a large number of the three races, turning them into little more than puppets, and has even created his own sick creatures. The Ash Spawn, as they are referred to, are fearsome monsters that have no singular shape, and may resemble anything.
How did he corrupt them? (Again, this isn't something to put out there in the plot, but something you should think about...)
So that's what Ash Spawn are!
Asher and Jasper are building an army, no doubt, each with their own goal: Jasper, to take revenge on his creators, and Asher to usurp the surface world. It is only a matter of time before their attack begins in earnest.
Is there a reason Asher wants to usurp the surface world? Why hasn't he tried this before y'know... like a thousand or millennia however long it has been? Especially if he can corrupt all three races into his mindless puppets... Why did it take Jasper coming to him to make him do it?
Especially, since he's the
god of the middle-earth, shouldn't he have some god-like abilities that allow him to do such a thing? Did Doran and Shira do something to him to restrict him? Or....
You can be anything you wish: A mer-folk fisher, an avan messenger, a human pit fighter. You name it, you can be it. One thing that is common with all of you, however, is that you are all chosen by the gods. Shira and Doran have made contact first, the rarest occasion is hundreds of years, and they have designated each and every one of you to combat the forces of darkness.
This has that "chosen one" feel to it... Why were they chosen? Why did Doran and Shira pick them specifically? Or was it at random? Why not the best of the best warriors from this "army" or The Pits or from each race? Why not the entire army for that matter? Why can our characters do what the army obviously isn't succeeding at?
It appears as if a lot of this will be taking place on land so... I'm assuming Mer-Folk can survive on land somehow? I would suggest making a section about each race, their abilities, (brief) cultures, etc. Unless you just want people to make stuff up.
Only those who stand together can hope to stem the overwhelming tide of the underworld.
"Underworld"... Wait, so Asher is trapped in some underworld? Or resides?
