Masc, straight acting, No Femmes

I was looking forward to a thread about the weird sexism/homophobia within the gay community, though this is quite an interesting topic.

It's interesting looking through these posts and seeing people address our assumptions about masculinity and femininity and start to consider them. Why do we consider certain attributes to be inherently "girly" or "boyish"?

I'm cis and have always identified as female, though how feminine I feel depends on the day. I was a tomboy as a kid, and felt very unfeminine throughout high school. In fact, I went through a phase of associating girly things with weakness and considering myself superior for mostly having guy friends and not caring about "dumb girl stuff." On reflection, that was a really toxic way of thinking, and I'm glad that I grew out of it before that attitude could do any long-term damage.

I've definitely embraced my femininity a lot more, but now that I'm aware of how I was socialized to act growing up, I try to put myself outside of my comfort zone by trying to embrace behaviours and attitudes that are considered more "masculine." It's crazy that women are less likely to do simple things, like being forthcoming about desires or taking credit for their work (or face more stigma for doing so), so I'm trying to break those cycles in my life. That isn't to say that a lot of "feminine" behaviour is bad - rather, I don't feel that I was encouraged to think or behave in ways that especially benefited me (very possibly because of my gender), and changing that requires a conscious effort.

~Psychic

Harley Quinn said:

please check out a dating app very soon

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Now that I have the context, I get the title now lol! I was wondering about it.

I've been on dating sites before looking for friends, but I haven't seen anything like that before :pink_tongue:

I was a tomboy as a kid. I still don't wear makeup or really care about fashion, style, etc. Haircuts? I need one right now, but I don't style or use mousse, hairspray, etc. I just brush and there we go. On special occasions, I might straighten my hair. I don't dye my hair. I only use lipchap, not gloss, and I never paint my nails or apply any kind of skin aloe treatment stuff.

I care about my weight because I have a complex, but I don't really care about being feminine per se. I like my video games, my books, my intelligence, my attributes, my interests, my hobbies, etc. I'm just me :pink_nod: I like my traditional female household role (asides cleaning), and I plan on becoming a mother and a teacher - also very feminine in nature - but that's just me ♪ Has nothing to do with what I'm "supposed" to be as per stereotypes.

Psy_MoonShadow said:

I was looking forward to a thread about the weird sexism/homophobia within the gay community, though this is quite an interesting topic.

It's interesting looking through these posts and seeing people address our assumptions about masculinity and femininity and start to consider them. Why do we consider certain attributes to be inherently "girly" or "boyish"?

I'm cis and have always identified as female, though how feminine I feel depends on the day. I was a tomboy as a kid, and felt very unfeminine throughout high school. In fact, I went through a phase of associating girly things with weakness and considering myself superior for mostly having guy friends and not caring about "dumb girl stuff." On reflection, that was a really toxic way of thinking, and I'm glad that I grew out of it before that attitude could do any long-term damage.

I've definitely embraced my femininity a lot more, but now that I'm aware of how I was socialized to act growing up, I try to put myself outside of my comfort zone by trying to embrace behaviours and attitudes that are considered more "masculine." It's crazy that women are less likely to do simple things, like being forthcoming about desires or taking credit for their work (or face more stigma for doing so), so I'm trying to break those cycles in my life. That isn't to say that a lot of "feminine" behaviour is bad - rather, I don't feel that I was encouraged to think or behave in ways that especially benefited me (very possibly because of my gender), and changing that requires a conscious effort.

~Psychic

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Welcome to General Chat

WHERE LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL ALL THE TIME

To be honest, even though this is (still) the only place I can freely identify as female, I don't think I come off as particularly feminine on the Internet. Too blunt, no emoticons, no hearts, and no omissions of apostrophes — basing all of this off the female/feminine people I spend the most time around.

In real life, it's a somewhat more interesting affair. Similiarly to a chameleon, I alter how much masculinity/femininity I exude in accordance with my situation. Around family? I act 'masculine', but I sneak in my natural femininity wherever possible. Around school friends? Masculine enough to not be derided, but significantly more feminine than I am around my family. Around both males and females? Decently feminine, but some masculinity to appease the guys. On my own? F-E-M-I-N-I-N-E. This adaptability is due to both necessity and an anomaly: one of my more unusual physical characteristics, aside from my natural resistance to the tendrils of male puberty, is my unbreakable larynx — I almost certainly have something 'wrong' with it, as, while it's grown (you can see a bit of a bump in my neck) I sound more or less like I did at 12, save a note or two. I used to cop a lot of flak over it, but I think people have come to the same conclusion as I have.

I like sparkles and lip stick and boys and candy and i like talking to my girlfriends and *jabbers on like lsp*

But I also like guns and tanks and the military and boy clothes and naruto and girls and *smokes cigarette and straightens leather jacket collar*

I'd say I'm really masculine but I still like girly things! =D I'm like a fat chicken with a gun and a fancy hat. (minus the fatness)

Welcome to General Chat

WHERE LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL ALL THE TIME

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They're coming to take you away.

no emoticons, no hearts, and no omissions of apostrophes — basing all of this off the female/feminine people I spend the most time around.

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I...don't think these are necessarily "feminine" mannerisms, especially that last one. The female/femme people you know might do those things, but I wouldn't say they're true of that entire segment of the population.

But I also like guns and tanks and the military and boy clothes and naruto and girls and *smokes cigarette and straightens leather jacket collar*

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Same thing here - weapons and the military do tend to be associated more with masculinity, but cigarettes, leather jackets and Naruto are enjoyed by both genders and don't seem to skew either way.

This is just going back to my point about our assumptions of what are "masculine" or "feminine" traits or behaviours. We're taught to associate so many things with male or female, and it's really interesting when we start asking: why?

~Psychic

Psy_MoonShadow said:

This is just going back to my point about our assumptions of what are "masculine" or "feminine" traits or behaviours. We're taught to associate so many things with male or female, and it's really interesting when we start asking: why?

~Psychic

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Y'know... I don't really know the academic response to this. I suppose it's because humans like to categorize even the most mundane of things. Perhaps when society was initially developing it served a functional purpose. ~_~

Lisia said:

Y'know... I don't really know the academic response to this. I suppose it's because humans like to categorize even the most mundane of things. Perhaps when society was initially developing it served a functional purpose. ~_~

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i would suppose labels mostly exist to control others.

categorizing what makes a male and female creates some form of corrupt mass organization. it's an instilled idea of "right and wrong" created by people looking for (and enforcing) dominance.

it's very manipulative, actually.

I hate girly shit and I wear men's clothing.

Believe it or not, I used to wear pink clothes only and listen to generic pop music in 2009-2011. I can provide you with some cringe-worthy pics if you don't believe me.

Nowadays, the only feminine thing about me is my appearance (face and body) - everything else is considered guy-ish.

Poki said:

I hate girly shit and I wear men's clothing.

Believe it or not, I used to wear pink clothes only and listen to generic pop music in 2009-2011. I can provide you with some cringe-worthy pics if you don't believe me.

Nowadays, the only feminine thing about me is my appearance (face and body) - everything else is considered guy-ish.

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out of curiosity, is this due to a conscious rejection of 'generic' femininity?

Belldandy said:

Now that I have the context, I get the title now lol! I was wondering about it.

I've been on dating sites before looking for friends, but I haven't seen anything like that before :pink_tongue:

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It depends on the site and the gender "preferences" that are selected.

Basically, there is this group of gay men that need to mention that they have beautiful edgy eyes every five lines and that they are straight-acting/masculine and not your typically gay guy...I beg to differ about that last part.

These are the guys that are not secure in masculinity and need to overcompensate by continuously referencing masculinity (90% of that group are superficial whiny bottoms anyway).

Seriously though, if someone writes "no fatties/chubs" or "no femmes" on a profile, I don't care how "hot" and "edgy" you think you are, I won't even reply. Though, I haven't seen this as much recently, since more hookup sites have emerged and thereby somewhat lowered the extent of that crap elsewhere, and I use tons of filters which disallows openly hookup-oriented people from messaging me. Though, they are often disguised in sheep's clothing.

This all goes back to the idea of defining masculinity. In the Greek Polis, homosexuality in and of itself wasn't considered immoral. Rather, the "dominant" person was considered masculine, experienced, higher-statused, and more competent. Whereas, the "submissive" person was considered feminine, weak, young, and incompetent. Essentially, comparing submissive gay men as female-like, and females as inferior. Gay men that pull off the straight-acting "masculinity" deemed more acceptable tend to reject anything considered prototypically female/feminine when in public. So, I do seem to be harsh on this group, but I ultimately understand why they act they way they do, and avoid being in their company nonetheless.

Harley Quinn said:

out of curiosity, is this due to a conscious rejection of 'generic' femininity?

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Being feminine is something I stopped doing a long time ago 'cause I realised how stupid I was for trying to fit in with the girly crowd and pretending to be someone I'm not.

I'm very masculine in my appearance and the way I act. I have an "intimidating" build and visage, which further increases that manly image. People I have been with always compliment me on how much of a "real man" I am, which I find sort of silly. It isn't that I am opposed to femininity, it is just something I've never had much of. My interests range across gender norms, and people are surprised by some of the things I'm into just because of the way I act and look.

I'd like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to Ellen DeGeneres, the only person I've ever seen to do away with the idea of gender altogether. I watch her and I don't see one masculine or feminine trait in her. She has transcended the mortal notion of gender to become a deity.

She is not masculine. She is not feminine. She just is.

You know, I'm not quite sure. I wear mainly hoodies and jeans, so that's on the masculine side, but I'm not exactly a manly man. Now that I think about it, I'm more masculine than feminine after all. If you were to see my room, you would probably guess that it belongs to a guy, given the decorations. I don't act flamboyant, but I guess some of the smaller body language movements I do suggest femininity, as I've been told. I don't think I've thought about this for a while, and I'm not really sure what my answer is anymore.

i'm a girl and i'm quite feminine. i like fashion, skirts and dresses, shopping, makeup...i love the color pink (if that wasn't obvious enough :pink_tongue:).

I... I honestly never gave it a thought, or cared really.

holy hell pc calm your tits this has been like the 3rd "how actually much like your gender role are you actually like" thread ive seen in like a month we get it some of you are different cool *claps* whatever now lets talk about something else

anyways i'm in the middle i don't really give a fuck

I look very feminine, I always wear skirts & dresses. My hair is long, dyed and wavy, I sometimes wear make-up if I'm going out. I don't mind spending a lot of time picking clothes, coordinate my outfits. I wear heels quite often. My body language is quite feminine according to people, I got a compliment that I looked elegant while eating with chop-sticks in a restaurant for example.

but a few of my hobbies like dungeons & dragons and other roleplaying games are a male dominated hobby. Because I seek for people with the same interests as me, meaning my circle of friends mainly exists out of guys. My friends that I interact with on a regular bases are male except for one other girl who is in our party, they don't treat us any different from their other male friends but they treat us different than their other girl friends.

Sometimes I wish I had more girl friends to do girly stuff with and share the same interests, but than I remember that I can do it with my guy-friends. ^-^