Ihad some negative and some good advice and now heres chapter 2
Umm...no offense, but the negative bits tend to
be the good advice. Really, take your time, plan, and write in proper detail. Your second 'chapter' has shown no real improvement from the first, and you've still got typos all over the place. That's bad, because it gives your reader the impression that you're either a) illiterate or b) lazy; neither is a good impression to make, so always run your writing through a spell checker and re-read what you've written before posting, because typos such as this one:
Don't forget to also take a
peak at
the rules.
(See? Even reviewers make typos when they don't double-check. ;3)
aren't caught by spell checkers. Also, how much time do you spend on writing your fanfic chapters? Judging by their current length, I'd say that you type them out on the fly using that quick-reply box and that's just not going to cut it. Remember; each chapter should add something important to your story, either by advancing the plot, developing your characters or by providing the reader with new insight into the things that have already occurred earlier in the fic. Also, first chapters are critical for the survival of your fic; they're your first impression on the reader and usually they'll decide whether or not people will read the rest of your fic. At a bare minimum, your opening chapter should serve to introduce your main character and setting as well as a central conflict in the story (or at least hint at it) in order to establish reader interest. If, by the end of chapter two, your reader doesn't care about your character or the fate of the world he/she lives in at least a little, then that reader is most likely going to move on and find a better fic to read. Obviously, you don't want this to happen, so always pay special attention to your first chapters to ensure that you've got your readers properly hooked; then you can spend the rest of your fic steadily reeling them in. ;3
As it is, you're not doing a very good job at it. First off, the contents of your first two 'chapters' could easily be fitted into a proper one (And, in all fairness, that chapter could also include your character receiving his first pokémon). Having countless tiny chapters in which little to nothing happens becomes very frustrating (not to mention boring) for the reader and is absolute murder on the tempo of your fic. This is something you want to avoid at all costs in an OT fanfic (I.e. a fic about a character going out on a pokémon journey) because it's the most common genre in the franchise, meaning that people will be pounding their fists into the table and yelling "Where's the innovation?!" right from the get-go and will really be expecting you to amaze them with something new and revolutionizing in the field. Stereotypical OT fics bore easily simply because there are so many of them and they're all over the place. If you don't have any new ideas to bring, you're going to need some mind-blowingly detailed characters, otherwise your readers are just going to walk out. :\
And speaking of description: you have next to none of it. Like Hanako Tabris said: you should describe your characters and your setting for us, because we can't peek into your head and do it on our own. It's also important to note that description doesn't end at what the people look like; you also need to consider things like time, seasons, sounds, thoughts and feelings. All of these are important in giving your readers a good view of the events in your fic and in establishing the connection between reader and character. Word choices are also important in determining the tone of your fic (and thus your readers' perception thereof. For instance, compare this:
"Shae, it's time to wake up," said Shae's mom
With this:
"Shae! Drag your sorry behind out of bed right this instant!" screeched the household dictator, also known as 'mom'.
See what I mean about tone? My fictive example puts the mom in a worse light than yours, even though the information contained is essentially the same. The difference here lies in the 'collocation's of the word. A collocation is a mental association. 'Screech' and 'dictator' both have clearly negative associations (I.e. We instinctively think of those things as bad(, as opposed to 'Say' and 'mom' and thus lacing a passage about a character with such terms will make the character in question look bad by association. Conversely, and perhaps more essentially in this instance, you can give a better impression of a character by using words, metaphors, and similes with positive connotations. Connotation is a powerful tool and a great way to add depth to your characters, just as long as you don't go too far in either direction. How to say...always consider the synonyms for words you use (Check a thesaurus if you can't come up with any) and pick the word that has the right feel to it. Too much of the neutral ones you're currently using (Particularly 'said') runs the risk of leaving your reader cold. :3
So yeah, that's about it for now. You should seriously check those threads Hanako mentioned (and that Grammar Advice thread linked to in her signature), because I've seen our dear fanfic mod lock fics better than this one for not being up to scratch.
