Fanfiction Lounge

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Does anyone feel like writing a Sci-Fi pokemon fic for me to read? oo;

I don't see many of those >>;

Well, I doubt anyone here is going to write a sci-fi fic just because you want to read one, but I guess there is always hope ;) .
You know, I've always thought of the whole pokemon world in the first place as being scifi to began with. Science plays a big part in making the whole world work, but at the same time you have parts of it which still run like old fashion farms and villages.

 

[SilverBlaze09]

I saw someone once who defined the whole thing, lemme try to remember...

Oh, yes.

Science fiction is fiction with fantasized technology. Pok?mon fits, I'd say. But I get watcha mean.

And Orange Flaafy is right, we probably won't write one just for you. XD

?SilverBlaze09?

 

[pokejungle]

Well I'm quite sure no one would just write a fan fic because I'm bored, but, I'm bored...so mindswell post my thoughts =D

 

[SilverBlaze09]

Well I'm quite sure no one would just write a fan fic because I'm bored, but, I'm bored...so mindswell post my thoughts =D

*shrugs* Yah, and then our minds begin turning and POOF! You've started a whole new genre. XD

We'll forgive ya, I suppose. XD

?SilverBlaze09?

 

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Well, then, you know, you could be the change you want to see in fics and write one of your own. That really kills boredom ;)

 

[Yamato-san]

You know, I've always thought of the whole pokemon world in the first place as being scifi to began with. Science plays a big part in making the whole world work, but at the same time you have parts of it which still run like old fashion farms and villages.

actually, there are a good many Japanese farming areas that look very old-fashioned, whilst the more highly-populated areas.... you get the idea. For that matter, America seems to work the same way. Just take one glimpse at some farm out in the country and see for yourself.

 

[Frostweaver]

Not true at all. I have an 11-year-old brother, cousin, and several friends, and they are fully capable people who, if effort is involved, can write as well as you and I can. Age has nothing to do with it.

I never said that they aren't capable of doing it. There are some people who know more than what school have taught them. However, I won't be expecting those things from everyone when I'm deciding on whether a thread is to be closed or not, but I do expect it in a review. Not everyone learns more than what school have taught them.

Well we usually get off topic once in awhile =P
Plus it's pretty entertaining to borrow gameplay style into fanfic sometimes. I've seen Curselax in fanfics, and just like the actual game, the hero relies on Skarmory as his only weapon against the beast.

Yes Orange_Flaafy... I am refering to competitive play. I beat GSC before with just an unevolved Chikorita, and that's how pathetic the AI enemies are... And never diss curse as it's one of the most annoying to face, but almighty to use TM that ever existed. Good old days where Quagsire can take on Celebi 1vs1 and not die ^^




I sensed that someone has just insulted my favorite Blue as an arrogant antagonist... *writes down -20 points for any of Silverblaze's reviews in the future*

None of the characters whose names are the same as a game are bad guys (Even Blue and Silver, although they're Neo Rocket Elites technically.) Both of them are just sly, cunning, and somewhat-reluctant to rely on the other heroes except each other =D

Both Blue and Silver are at most "antagonist" for half of RBG, and the beginning of GS respectively. Later, it becomes obvious that they're also against the bad guys, just that they don't use the almighty heroic stereotypical method.

(however, it's kinda arguable regarding Blue if she's a true protagonist in RBG... she's working for her own personal incentive when she's fighting Team Rocket in Silph Co, and not to stop Team Rocket. In fact, she's trying to steal the amplifer herself, so... However, it is definite that she's a protagonist when Yellow appears)

Ruby and Sapphire are rivals against each other, so they aren't really antagonist against each other. Both of them are protagonists.

The true antagonist of the manga is probably the Rockets, Elite 4, Neo Rockets, and the 2 teams. O.o; I guess that Elite 4 are pretty arrogant, considering how they believe their battling skills to be so highly above the others that they are the only ones who should live in the world along with Pokemon. o.o;

 

[Orange_Flaaffy]

actually, there are a good many Japanese farming areas that look very old-fashioned, whilst the more highly-populated areas.... you get the idea. For that matter, America seems to work the same way. Just take one glimpse at some farm out in the country and see for yourself.

Yamato-san honey, I live in the country:classic: . I grew up next to my grandpa's old farm. Trust me, I know ;) .
I guess what I meant to say is even when it mirrors the real world, the pokemon one just seems..more ideal. Like a future that we all wish for where people are more in touch with the land and animals while at the same time having scifi elements...

I beat GSC before with just an unevolved Chikorita, and that's how pathetic the AI enemies are...

However easy they may be, I just like to take my time...To each their own.

And never diss curse as it's one of the most annoying to face, but almighty to use TM that ever existed.

I did'nt mean to diss it, I just hardly use it in the games is all...Now fanfic, ah, in fanfic is a different story.

While we're on the subject of moves: Which moves do everyone here wish authors would use in their fics more often?

 

[pokejungle]

Well, then, you know, you could be the change you want to see in fics and write one of your own. That really kills boredom ;)

I can only write when I'm inspired ;; Right now though I have a nice non-fic story I'd like to write ^^

 

[Act]

Not everyone learns more than what school have taught them.

Which standard of schools are we looking at? o.o'

Which moves do everyone here wish authors would use in their fics more often?

Just decent moves. Fanfiction tends to be an either-or thing: Either they're incredibly powerful OR annoyingly weak; either a sue is perfect OR everyone hates her. I don't want a crappy move, and I don't want a great one. Anything remaining is fine with me :)

 

[Frostweaver]

Well I'm in Canada so of course i'm thinking of Canada schooling o.o; However, from the chats with Lily, it doesn't seem that US teaches too much about creative writing either at this age.

Strategical moves... even the weakest writers can unleash super powerful moves continously ("Fire Blast! Fire Blast him again! Ahahahaha" commanded the trainer.) This is where we can partially learn from the anime, where real life strategy is used unlike the game. Bugsy's Metapod used tackle attack on a tree to shake the leaves down in order to escape from Pikachu's sight, then uses a combination of tackle attacks on tree branches to launch itself up into the air, and tackles straight against the ground to make a "stomp attack." All of this is done by tackle =D

It's about strategy. I personally like to see how a trainer wins with strategy. Battles are more interesting if a trainer works out a combination of attacks, or even interact with their battle arena setting in order to get the upper hand advantage.

Don't forget that attacks don't necessarily have to have the identical effect as the game. As long as the effect is logical, it's acceptable. For example, Sapphire's Relicanth in the manga uses dive in order to protect Sapphire and Winona from Kyogre's crushing wave. They "dived" through the water to dodge the attack, thus rescuing both trainers.

 

[Lily]

It depends on what school, doesn't it? =/

And what do you mean from the chats? We haven't chatted with so long I'm currently suffering from memory loss. o.o

 

[SilverBlaze09]

I sensed that someone has just insulted my favorite Blue as an arrogant antagonist... *writes down -20 points for any of Silverblaze's reviews in the future*

*bangs head on keyboard multiple times*

As far as you've seen, have the antagonists been portrayed as the arrogant ones in all the manga? I mean like whoever was the opponent, like Blue. I haven't read beyond the first, uh, twelve of them. X.X;

*sighs* First of all, even if I ever felt like my stories were worth wasting your time, they'd probably get negatives anyways. Except in grammar and spelling. XD

Secondly, I was WONDERING if THEY(not Red or the MALE HERO in GSC, not Green or Crystal or Yellow) were PORTRAYED that way. In the few I read(the Mew one to the one where they move in on Saffron), Blue seemed kinda arrogant, while Red was proud yet, uh, heroic? XD *shrugs*

I wish that teh tradesman in frost would read my posts. XD XP *is hit by giant fist* Oww...

?SilverBlaze09?

 

[22sa]

Well I'm in Canada so of course i'm thinking of Canada schooling o.o; However, from the chats with Lily, it doesn't seem that US teaches too much about creative writing either at this age.

Strategical moves... even the weakest writers can unleash super powerful moves continously ("Fire Blast! Fire Blast him again! Ahahahaha" commanded the trainer.) This is where we can partially learn from the anime, where real life strategy is used unlike the game. Bugsy's Metapod used tackle attack on a tree to shake the leaves down in order to escape from Pikachu's sight, then uses a combination of tackle attacks on tree branches to launch itself up into the air, and tackles straight against the ground to make a "stomp attack." All of this is done by tackle =D

It's about strategy. I personally like to see how a trainer wins with strategy. Battles are more interesting if a trainer works out a combination of attacks, or even interact with their battle arena setting in order to get the upper hand advantage.

Don't forget that attacks don't necessarily have to have the identical effect as the game. As long as the effect is logical, it's acceptable. For example, Sapphire's Relicanth in the manga uses dive in order to protect Sapphire and Winona from Kyogre's crushing wave. They "dived" through the water to dodge the attack, thus rescuing both trainers.

Evelina has (had) creative writing class, but as for Canada's English classes.... normal English classes are not that hot. The only important thing I learnt was topic sentences, the rest I had to muster from my own discovery and self-confidence! And ironically Harry Ainlay High School was suppose to specialize in English, reading comprehension specifically, and we won for English competition in the city, but yeah.... I don't really believe in the power of our public schooling institutions. It never got me anywhere beyond satisfactory listening to my teachers. I didn't really start writing well till this year, lol. Apparently a real important key is full self-confidence when actually writing--as if you're the perfect human being. =)

Oh gosh go on MSN frosty!! ^0^ If you don't, your MSN list will be deleted like mine was and you don't want that!! Last recorded frostweaver's MSN movement: around 10-15 days ago according to Carol. >>; Not enough!!! I swear this MSN phobia is illogical with no bearing on reality. :P Some other people are like this too, and I care about them.... but you, you must !!!!!! O_o XD

 

[oni flygon]

Creative Writing and Prose Structure Writing are electives in my high school... sadly, I didn't get any of them this year...>>

 

[Act]

::shrug:: You can't teach imagination.

It's probably not onyl particular to country, but region and even city as well. I've had grammar and composition since first grade, as do the schools in my area.

::shrugagain:: I think if you're over the age of 10, you're a normal writer who can take being told to do grammar properly.

 

[22sa]

::shrug:: You can't teach imagination.

That's true in a way, because other people can only help or hinder your own thoughts. But isn't that pratically the same with everything else that one attempts to know? :\

 

[Act]

But isn't that pratically the same with everything else that one attempts to know?

I don't think so. You can be taught facts, plain and simple. History happened a certain way, and you can learn how it happened. It's interpretation that can't truly be taught, and what is interpretation but imagination?

 

[Frostweaver]

Well I guess that's true... US doesn't have an united school cirriculum thingie... o.o;


Special note: Oh my goodness... I just realized that the fanfic mark scale is actually incorrect for half a year O.o; it doesn't add up to 100... *reworks Frostweaver scaling device* So I guess that the scale just got a little tougher again... Now, it should correctly read a total of 100. Wonder how does Frosty teach math for his part time job now... >>;

Scaling change!
-grammar basics and coherence/readability are combined as one category, out of 15 in total
-effort marks dropped from 15 down to 10

Yay Saturday! Time to do fanfic reviews! Let's see the mark improvement for Nekomajo Asunya on her 3rd revision of Hoenn Mirror World?

@ Hoenn Mirror World v.3, Nekomajo Asunya

without much enthusiasm

reduce wordiness problem by using "unenthusiastically"

-"anime makers?" Or you mean producers...

-Mariah is losing her depression in a surprisingly rapid rate, or at least the tone cheers up so quickly that it's scary. True that the tone is to lighten up at the anime convention, but from "zombie" to "giggle" is from one extreme to another O.o; "Smile," maybe...

-the conversation with the producer of Mimi and the Magical Mirrors seems rather rushed, almost random and abrupt. This conversation is suppose to play a key role within this chapter to shake Mariah out of her depression due to the unknown experience two weeks ago. What should have been a reflective and important moment seems to be nothing more than a long dialogue right now o.o; A strong, emotional and reflective scene like this deserves much more attention.

-some verb tense problems, but Shuko already pointed them out.

but it didn?t appear to work for some reason.

A quick lesson on sentence structure: the most important ideas should almost always come at the end of a sentence. The most important part of this sentence is that the water fails to extinguish the flame, yet the key verb isn't at the end. We can rework this sentence to read as "but for some reason, the fire continued to burn." or something along this line, for example. The "reason" isn't the most important part of the sentence, so we can flip it around to put it in the middle instead.

-I'll rather take out the line regarding how this "Torchic" feeds on negative emotions. It makes a mysterious moment suddenly cheesy. Part of a mystery is that we hardly know anything about it. Also, having Torchic "collapse" is quite a contradiction (or just unusually strange) to the supreme/dark character trait it seems to possess.

Mariah spotted a familiar Pokemon: the dark Torchic that had attacked her at the anime convention.

I think the dash is much more appropriate here instead of the colon.

-personally, I don't think that chapter 1 is too slow paced. In fact, it's still pretty rushed considering how much emotional conflict it deals with. Just because the physical plotline of "fight the bad guys" didn't start yet, it doesn't mean the conflict hasn't taken place.

-Be aware that you're going on a pretty difficult path with your story. Stories dealing with double conflict is insanely hard to write. It's not easy to keep both plot flowing smoothly at the same time. In fact, this balance is already losing itself. The depression is lifting off so quickly that it's almost as if this experience is losing itself from Mariah's mind already.

-good job on emphasizing the Kirby aspect of the Mirror World.

-the concept of Pokemon Center in the mirror world is strange... The pink haired girl implies quite a bit that Pokemon Center is unnecessary in this world.

-Now there's a paragraph that's nothing but rhetorical questions... now these are good techniques to use, but when there's that many rhetorical questions at the same time, I'll doubt how effective they are. Either use a few, or use many that are short, precise, and similiar in sentence structure (to imply a sense of panic or being rushed).

-the Heart Star concept seems to have contradicted itself slightly. Brendan seems to be saying that Heart Stars are automatic rewards for completing these challenges. Mariah seems to be saying that you have the right to try to search for the Heart Stars after the challenges. Who are we suppose to believe?

How could it have broken?

or just "How come it's broken?"

Mariah?s angel-winged mirror-image

there has to be a way to reword this... -_-; Simply just insert a sentence about how this angel looks like Mariah exactly, then we can prevent this problem... so many dashes in a row is just terrible for the eye, unless we're purposely trying to head towards a certain tone.

-now character reflections in this revision always seem to be rather bluntly stated. "She is selfish." These reflections are rather straight-forward, and quick too. Sometimes we don't have to say it out directly, as the tone, story structure or imagery can imply it. For example, by saying that everyone else is hurt besides her due to her refusal for her Treecho to battle, it's imply that Mariah is selfish already.

-personally, I have a feeling that "angel" isn't the actual word that you want... but I'll have to read later to reconfirm this. "Angel" sounds strongly out of place, or Mirror Mariah isn't living up to her high praises by being classified as such a holy creature. Yes she has special powers and wings, but somehow it doesn't sound very fitting...

-awfully strange how the word "mirror" just popped up to Mariah's mind into classifying this world as the mirror world, and calling the angel "mirror mariah."

?However, you really do not what just happened or do not understand my intentions.?

best to double check what you've typed... "know" is missing in this sentence

-very nice to see that not only did the protagonist's characterization improved, but the antagonist also improved in the same aspect. We actually hear what our evil villains are thinking about. It's always nice to see that our beloved enemies of darkness are more than "I'm the essence of evil muwhahaha I kill you! I kill you! I kill you!"

-comment: I've not so certain if the unpossessed Magma Magician should look like a fool to this degree. Although they aren't the main antagonist in this story (or so it seems), I'm not too persuaded to make them into clowns o.o;

-sadly, we see that Mariah has indeed, completely lost all of her trouble regarding whatever's troubling her back in Light Universe Hoenn =/ If it lived, it will be a great compliment to the story, not to mention a very ideal way to add to Mariah's character.

-title also improved in terms of precision, but the titles are still rather generic (ex: The Dark Torchic. There aren't too many fanfics that suite the title, but still it sounds very general and not the most fitting. When you're making a title, it doesn't have to be describing a physical aspect of the plot, or a direct quote. Consider other options.)

-significant improvement for v.3 compare to 1 or 2. We finally have characteristic traits for our dear Mariah! (how glad)

Good Points
-character development
-great improvement in pace of story
-greatly enhanced battling scenes

Focuses to Improve On
-the remaining grammar mistakes (although this aspect also improved from v.2)
-coherence of story
-death of secondary conflict (Mariah's mental conflict)

Title: 4/5
Grammar/Coherence: 14/15
Characterization: 16/20
Story Structure: 11/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 12/15
Diction: 16/20
Effort/Originality: 10/10
Lit. Device bonus: +0

total: 83, Great Job!

(Do keep in mind that this scale is tougher than the old one scale where the total adds up to 110 and not 100)

 

[22sa]

I don't think so. You can be taught facts, plain and simple. History happened a certain way, and you can learn how it happened. It's interpretation that can't truly be taught, and what is interpretation but imagination?

lol I meant with skills, not facts. And interpretation isn't necessarily imagination, it can simply be a pile of association from memorized details, but good interpretation is imaginative and original I must agree.