[Pokémon] Fire

destinedjagold · Feb 3, 2015

This is my entry for the Flash Fiction Week #1.

"Fire"

The smell of ash, burned and decaying meat filled the stagnant air. Burned wood littered the large clearing of a forest. The trees that circled the edge of the clearing had burned leaves and branches on them, and below, the green grass from the forest circled a black and lifeless earth of the clearing.

Two creatures, a Chikorita and a Torchic, stood by the edge of the clearing, unknowingly holding their breaths as they gazed at the place with shocked expressions.

"W-what... What happened here?" the Chikorita quietly asked, slowly turning her head left and right to see every edge of the clearing.

The Torchic slowly walked forward, and stopped on the edge of the green ground. Looking down, he stared at the large piece of black and burned wood. "Fire..." he quietly said.

"I...I can see that," the Chikorita replied, not in the mood for her friend's sarcastic remarks. She slowly shook her head. "B-but... Was it recent?"

The Torchic slowly shook his head. "No," he simply said as he slowly lifted a talon above a burned wood. Slowly, he moved it down until his talon touched the rough and burned wood. He slowly pressed his talon down, breaking the burned wood even without applying that much force.

"What are you doing?" the Chikorita asked, approaching him and stopping beside him.

The Torchic sighed and closed his eyes. He slowly opened them again and turned to face her. "Two days ago. Probably three."

The Chikorita frowned sadly, looking back at the destruction. "...What would have caused this?"

The Torchic sighed again, turning to face the scene as well. "No clue," he said as his gaze fell on what looked like a burned head of a Ponyta that poked out from the piles of burned wood. "But whatever it was, or whoever it was, the Pokémon living here weren't strong enough to protect themselves..."

The Chikorita nodded slowly. She slowly walked forward, looking around. "M-maybe we should look for clues..." She also wished that they'd find survivors.

"Right," the Torchic nodded, following behind her.

"Do... Do you think there are some who survived the fire?"

The Torchic shook his head. "No. Even if there was, I doubt that they'd stay here..."

The Chikorita frowned, nodding slowly as her heart felt heavy with sadness.

Pendraflare · Feb 5, 2015

Oh goodness, this is off to a dark start. D:

The kind that does leave me wanting to see how this unfolds! Nice opening work.

destinedjagold · Feb 5, 2015

Pendraflare said:
Oh goodness, this is off to a dark start. D:

The kind that does leave me wanting to see how this unfolds! Nice opening work.

Thank you~ :3
But I'm thinking of continuing this story when a new Flash Fiction prompt is up and available. :P
(I'll be screwed if the next prompt is Comedy xD)

destinedjagold · Feb 12, 2015

This chapter is my entry for the Flash Fiction Week #2.

"Under Control"

The day was already giving way to the night, twinkling stars already dancing in the sky.

The Pokémon duo only noticed the change when the Chikorita shivered from the cold air that touched her sensitive skin. With a frown and a heavy heart, she let out a sad sigh before murmuring about the time. "...The day's ending." She then returned to her work.

The Torchic stopped, blinked, and turned to look at her. He then looked around and above. He couldn't believe how much time has already passed.

The duo were originally searching the area for clues. However, they found none. The Chikorita then decided to bury the unfortunate Pokémon who died in the area. The Torchic reluctantly decided to help her.

Taking a deep breath, the Torchic turned and stared at the center of the burned-down settlement. He wondered what life here was before everything—

He sighed. Turning once again, he slowly walked towards the trees, careful not to step on any of the graves he and his friend had made. "I'll prepare a fire..."

The Chikorita said nothing as she continued to scoop some earth with the leaf on her head to fill a grave. She continued, trying her best to ignore the cold that made her body shiver. Minutes passed, probably hours, she didn't know, but the cold was becoming unbearable now. She looked ahead and saw a fire's light behind a few trees. She looked over her shoulder, and despite the darkness, she knew that there were still many they needed to bury. With a heavy heart, she walked towards the light, forcing herself not to rush. As she got closer, the air got warmer, almost making her smile. After walking around a tree, she saw her friend, with a bunch of berries on a large leaf. Her stomach growled, reminding her that she also ignored her hungry, and probably forcing her friend to ignore his as well. Guilt struck her sad heart as she slowly approached him.

The Torchic sat on the grassy ground a meter away from the small fire. He stared at it, asking himself how such a gentle fire could kill an entire hamlet. Even if it went out of control, surely a few water-types could put it out before it became too big. Plus, fire-types could slow down the fire. He closed his eyes. If they—

"I'm sorry..."

He opened his eyes and blinked. He turned his head and saw his friend, still wearing that sad frown. He blinked at her. "...For what?"

She sat on the ground, the small feeling of guilt started to grow bigger and bigger, making her unable to look at him in the eyes. "...For... F-for..." She didn't know what to say. With a sigh, she sadly stared at the berries.

The Torchic tilted his head to the side, and then followed her gaze. "...Ah," he said, "well, you can eat if you're hungry. It wasn't that difficult to gather this much anyway." He heard her stomach growl a bit. He didn't comment, but he couldn't resist to smile a little.

He didn't get it. Of course he didn't. She didn't make it clear anyway. And her sight wasn't clear as well. She blinked, her momentary confusion instantly vanished as soon as she realized that there were tears on her eyes. She didn't want to cry, and she didn't want him to see her cry. Unfortunately, her sudden sharp intake of breath made her sniff, and she mentally cursed.

"You're crying?" the Torchic quietly asked, blinking at her. He always knew she had a soft heart. Now that he thought about it, he was surprised that the moment they arrived at the burned-down hamlet, his friend didn't cry, until tonight.

"I-I'm sorry," the Chikorita whispered, wiping her eyes with a paw. She realize how easy it was to just cry all the emotion she was bottling up the moment they arrived, but she didn't want to. She couldn't. She just couldn't. She needs to be strong now, for—... She felt soft feathers beside her, and she quickly leaned her head on his friend's shoulder, crying. She couldn't stop herself anymore. "I-It's just... I...I couldn't...!"

"Shhh," the Torchic sat still, trying his best to comfort her while mentally cursing for not having arms to properly comfort his friend. He couldn't wait to evolve just to have arms, but right now, his friend needed him. He gently leaned his head over hers as he stared at the fire. "It'll be all right..."

Fire may be somewhat manageable to control, emotion, on the other hand, isn't. Whatever happened to the small village will have to wait, the Torchic thought. For now, he'll help put his friend's emotions under control.

Nolafus · Feb 14, 2015

Phew, finally got around to doing this. Sorry it took a while.

The smell of ash, burned and decaying meat filled the stagnant air.

Is, "burned and decaying meat" describing the ash smell, or is it its own separate thing? If it's the former, it needs a comma behind it. If it's the latter, then the comma needs to be an "and" with a reworking of the sentence to avoid the two "and"s being so close together.

"I...I can see that,"

You missed a space here.

"No," he simply said as he slowly lifted a talon above a burned wood. Slowly, he moved it down until his talon touched the rough and burned wood. He slowly pressed his talon down, breaking the burned wood even without applying that much force.

I feel like you overused the word, "talon" here. It's used three times, and it ruins the flow a little bit since they are used in such a small space. Perhaps a rewording will do some good?

the Chikorita asked, approaching him and stopping beside him.

Same with with the word, "him".

Other than that, this is pretty good! However, I do have one critique.

I feel like you're using a few too many words. It's normally not that big of a deal, but when there's a word restriction like there is here, it can make a big difference. Cutting out the fat can make room for one or two more scenes, which can make all of the difference. I'll give you an example on what I mean.

The Chikorita nodded slowly. She slowly walked forward, looking around.

Cutting out a few words would get the word count to this:

Chikorita nodded, slowly walking forward.

It helps get the story directly to the point, and can leave room for a few more details you might want to squeeze in.

That's pretty much the only critique I have of this. You're showing, not telling, and the only tip I can really give you is to keep writing and to hone down your style. I would say that the entire story isn't in this little section, but you seem to be continuing it, so that's not really in issue. Good luck, I hope I helped, and a very nice job!

destinedjagold · Feb 27, 2015

This chapter is my entry for the Flash Fiction Week #3.

"Doubt"

The gentle morning rays of the waking sun poked through the sea of leaves. A sleeping Torchic steered slightly from where he slept. Despite being a bird, he doesn't like waking up early. However, he started practicing to wake up early ever since he and the Chikorita teamed up to be a rescue team.

...Yet he still didn't like waking up early.

Grumbling to himself, he slowly rose up on his talons and gently shook the sleep off of him. He wasn't looking forward to what this new day will give him, yet he had no choice but to accept whatever it will be.

After letting out a sigh, he looked around and spotted his friend by a tree a few meters away from him, who seemed to be staring at the burned clearing. He looked back from where he slept, and noticed that their camp fire was now buried with soil. The Chikorita must have put it out when he was still asleep.

He approached his friend, shivering slightly from the coldness of the grass the further he walked from where the fire was. He was about to greet her when he noticed his friend's frown. It wasn't really a good morning anyway.

"Someone's there," the Chikorita whispered without looking at him.

He blinked curiously at her. Carefully, quietly, he took a peek, and indeed, someone was there.

Unaware that she was being watched, an Eevee sat in the very middle of the burned-down clearing. Her brown coat was covered with dried dirt, burns, and she even had a few small patches where fur had been completely removed. With drooping ears, her teary gaze lingered on a grave in front of her. The said grave was simple, yet it had a scent of decay and familiarity.

She never wanted to go back here, despite the place being her home. Well, it used to be her home, at least.

Her ears twitched slightly after she heard soft sounds of footsteps from behind her. She didn't bother turning to see who it was. She no longer cared.

Noticing the Eevee's twitching ear, the Torchic suddenly stopped, and grabbed his friend's tail by his beak, forcing her to stop.

Surprised, the Chikorita stifled a yelp, but threw an annoyed glare behind her.

The Torchic lets her go, ignored her, and stared at the Eevee. "...Who are you?"

The Eevee didn't answer. It would have been better if they just attacked and killed her instead of making her wait like this.

...If they're the ones responsible for destroying her home, that is. But as the seconds flew by, she started to wonder if he, or they, were the ones who buried most of the dead here, and not the ones who burned them.

"P-please forgive my friend's behavior," the Chikorita said with a sad frown, taking a step towards the Eevee. "I—"

The Torchic suddenly stood beside her and placed a small wing on her back, stopping her from taking another step. He ignored his friend's confused look as he kept his concentrated glare on the Eevee. He wasn't sure if this mammal was friendly or not, and he wasn't sure why his friend couldn't see that.

The Chikorita was frowning at her friend, but after seconds of him ignoring her, she turned back to the Eevee. She wanted to introduce herself, just to let the normal-type know that they were indeed friendly. However, as soon as she opened her mouth, she finally understood what her friend was trying to do. Gulping, she took a step back, and so did her friend.

The seconds ticked by, the silence lingered, and the three could almost hear each other's thoughts. Is she a friend, or is she a foe? Are they friends? Or are they here to kill me?

Someone has to break the silence. Unable to take it anymore, the Chikorita whispered: "W-we're a rescue team..."

And the silence reigned once more.

The Eevee slowly took a breath, held it in for a few seconds, and finally exhaled. She closed her eyes as she slowly hung her head low.

The Torchic relaxed a little bit. The Chikorita frowned further.

The female Eevee gritted her teeth.

Psychic · Feb 28, 2015

Hi there! It's awesome that you've competed in the Flash Fiction events every week so far! I wanted to review all of your entries, so it's taken me some time to compile a review. I haven't reviewed your last one yet, but I hope this can still prove helpful. :>

Entry #1: Fire
You start with a good premise that offers a lot of mystery and potential for growth here. Since you don't necessarily know where your own story will go, leaving this vague works really well from both a writing standpoint and reading standpoint. It leaves the reader wondering what happened, so they will want to continue reading. It also works very well with the theme - even though you never show us the fire, we know it was there and we see the absolute devastation it has wrought. Very clever.

That said, your writing style could use some work. As Nolafus pointed out, you tend to be very wordy, using an unnecessary amount of words to describe very basic things. Try to get your point across in as few words as possible. The best way to do this is to read through your work after you write it and take out as many words as you can, while ensuring that the story still makes sense. For example,

Slowly, he moved it down until his talon touched the rough and burned wood. He slowly pressed his talon down, breaking the burned wood even without applying that much force.

Could be:
He touched the charred chunk gingerly, then slowly applied pressure until it broke in half. It didn't require much force.

In that vein, you should also vary your vocabulary. In one short paragraph, you use the word "slowly" twice, "down" twice, "talon" three times and "burned wood" three times. It becomes very repetitive and monotonous, which can bore a reader. You don't need to use very complex language (and in fact you should avoid very complicated words so your writing doesn't sound unnatural), but try to vary your word usage.

The Chikorita nodded slowly. She slowly walked forward, looking around. "M-maybe we should look for clues..." She also wished that they'd find survivors.

"Right," the Torchic nodded, following behind her.

"Do... Do you think there are some who survived the fire?"

This is another example of repetition, but it's also a perfect illustration of showing VS telling, and how important that difference is. Having Chikorita ask out loud about survivors demonstrates that she's hoping to find survivors - you're delivering this information in a natural way within the story, which makes it "showing." The line "She also wished that they'd find survivors" is stating the information outright, which makes it "telling." Since Chikorita talks about finding survivors out loud, you don't need to say "She also wished that they'd find survivors," because you go on to give the reader that information anyway, and you do it in a superior way.

The distinction between telling and showing is important. Sometimes it's better to use one or the other - it depends on what information you want to give the reader. Telling is best for describing action. When revealing what a character is thinking or feeling, showing is usually better.

My other nitpick here is the use of the Ponyta head. After your description of the awful destruction, this one image comes across as very cartoonish, which affects the mood of the piece so it's hard to take it seriously. Don't use a head here - consider using a limb like a leg or a hand, something small and simple that gets the point across. Also, since Ponyta are resistant to fire, and many Ponyta have the Flash Fire ability, one would think it would be difficult to kill a Ponyta with fire. As a result, I don't think a Ponyta was a good choice here.

Otherwise, this is still a good start. The interaction between the characters is good. You give the impression that they know each other well, and they act appropriately sombre and shocked by the scene before them. Torchic's knowledge of fire is really interesting and makes for a nice touch. The premise is great and leaves a lot of potential for the story, and you used the prompt well.

Entry #2: Under Control
The plot of this chapter is interesting. The partners search for clues, but find nothing and instead choose to bury the dead, working until they're exhausted and hungry.

I don't think the use of the theme was as strong this time around; half of the chapter is just a description of the two working, and the other half is them resting and talking, but it felt like you tried to squeeze the prompt in at the last minute. There is little buildup to Chikorita's emotional outburst at the end, so it feels very sudden and a little random.Though you say Chikorita has a heavy/sad heart, you tell instead of show, so we don't get a lot of insight into her thoughts or feelings. If you had shown Chikorita holding back tears and really thinking about the lost lives and destruction around her throughout the entire chapter, this would feel a lot more natural.

Again, be careful about repetition. The characters sigh a lot here, and you use a lot of ellipses and dashes. When using sparingly, these can all be powerful tools, but overusing them takes away their impact and become tiresome. Be aware of how many times you use something in a story.

You should also avoid giving exact measurements. Saying Torchic sat "a meter away" from the fire (or that he saw Chokorita "a few meters away from him" in chapter 3) is just too specific, and really isn't a necessary detail. Giving exact distances or heights or weights is more distracting than helpful to readers, so leave them out.

Some of the characters' interactions were also a little strange this time around. Chikorita reasons that just because she ignored her hunger, Torchic must have done the same, even though he walks away to set up camp before she finishes working (though it's really vague how much time passes), so he obviously didn't ignore his hunger. Torchic supposedly knows Chikorita is very emotional, yet is surprised when she cries. Also, a creature without arms would be used to not having arms, and comforting others without the use of arms, so it's weird that in this really emotional moment with his friend, all he can think about is how much he wishes he had arms.

Some nitpicks:

Spoiler:

Overall, I found your first chapter was stronger. It used the prompt better, had less awkward interactions between the characters, and seemed to have fewer mistakes. Still, your writing has recurring issues with repetition and being too wordy, however, so you'll definitely want to pay more attention to that in the future.

Good luck,
~Psychic

Rediamond · Mar 1, 2015

The first two chapters have been nit-picked well enough, so I'll focus upon the third.

The gentle morning rays of the waking sun poked through the sea of leaves. A sleeping Torchic steered slightly from where he slept. Despite being a bird, he doesn't like waking up early. However, he started practicing to wake up early ever since he and the Chikorita teamed up to be a rescue team.

...Yet he still didn't like waking up early.

Could be "The morning light woke Torchic. While he hated waking up early he'd been practicing ever since he teamed up with Chikorita. But that didn't mean he liked it."

And then at the end of the chapter:

Someone has to break the silence. Unable to take it anymore, the Chikorita whispered: "W-we're a rescue team..."

And the silence reigned once more.

The Eevee slowly took a breath, held it in for a few seconds, and finally exhaled. She closed her eyes as she slowly hung her head low.

The Torchic relaxed a little bit. The Chikorita frowned further.

The female Eevee gritted her teeth.

Could be:
"
Unable to stand the silence, the Chikorita whispered: "W-we're a rescue team..."

The Eevee slowly took a breath. She closed her eyes and hung her head low.

The Torchic relaxed and Chikorita frowned.

The Eevee gritted her teeth."

With just a few words removed.

I like the concept of the story, with a slowly evolving narrative from seemingly random prompts. However it does limit your ability to really develop characters or explore the scenes in a natural way. I want to mostly second the other reviewer's thoughts. The Ponyta head and some of the suddenly horrible images in the second chapter were a bit over the top. You could also transition to "Torchic" instead of "the Torchic." It saves you words. Outside of that the concept is interesting, but by nature it's going to limit your ability to fulfill certain prompts.

destinedjagold · Mar 6, 2015

This chapter is my entry for the Flash Fiction Week #4.

"Inspiration"

The silence lingered in the burned-down clearing, and the tension between the three Pokémon grew that they could almost physically hear their own racing thoughts.

The Torchic stood in front of his friend, his glaring eyes fixated on the female Eevee whose back was on them as he tried to calm his hard and fast-beating heart.

The Chikorita hid behind him, poking an eye out to stare at the normal-type, her breaths fast and shallow. Despite the cool morning temperature, a bead of sweat had formed on her forehead, and it ran down on the side of her face.

The Eevee gritted her teeth, her wild and glaring eyes locked on the grave before her. Her beat-up body began to beg for her to calm down, but she couldn't. She wouldn't. She trembled slightly, her grinding teeth almost sparking. "...W-where..." she hissed through her teeth. "...Where...were...you?" she hissed each word quietly yet angrily. Suddenly, she stood on all four and spun to face the duo, her anger suddenly replaced by shock after she saw something that was no longer there.

The Chikorita stifled a yelp, hiding behind her friend who breathed a small fume of fire from his beak.

The Eevee ignored them. Or maybe she didn't notice them. She blinked several times, but the ghostly images of her home remained. And then she heard noises. No, they were not noises, and they were not ghostly wails either. She heard her home. She heard the life of her home. She looked left and right, her mouth hung agape as she stared at each and every ghostly frames of the Pokémon she used to know.

She heard a chuckle. A very familiar chuckle. With twitching ears, she turned to the source of the noise, and there, where the grave was before, were a small Eevee cub and a young Espeon, laughing and playing tag with each other. The Eevee, who was about her size, leaped towards the Espeon who purposely stopped and allowed himself to be tackled by the happy little cub.

"Oh no!" the Espeon cried, letting the tackle's momentum push him to the ground. "You caught m—oof!"

"I got ya!" the Eevee cried happily, bouncing on top of the psychic-type.

"O-okay—oof! Oka—ow! Get off!" the Espeon shoved her playfully. "I surrender!"

"Woo-hoo!" the Eevee cried victoriously, running around the slowly rising psychic-type in a circle. She stopped and smiled up at him, tail wagging. "What should we play next?"

"Yo!" a voice interrupted them from a distance.

Blinking, the Espeon turned his head towards the source, while the Eevee sighed, her ears and features drooping.

"Aww... But you just got here!" the Eevee whined.

The Espeon chuckled and nodded at the Charmeleon a few meters away before turning back to the little cub. He gently patted her head with a paw. "S-sorry... Duty calls, I suppose..."

"Can't you stay at least for a day?" she asked with a pout.

The Espeon bit his lower lip. His team had been accepting mission after mission ever since they became a very strong rescue team, which in turn robbed him of his time to be with his little sister. "Hey... Tell you what," he began, smiling at her. "After this mission, I'll ask our leader to give me a vacation."

The Eevee grunted, glaring on the ground. "Rescue teams are stupid. Those helpless Pokémon are stupid!"

"Hey now—"

"Why do they always have to wander off even though they knew they're too weak to defend themselves?!" she yelled.

The Espeon smiled helplessly at his little sister. He took a breath and sighed. "Once you grow older, you'll understand the importance of helping other Pokémon..."

"Yo! Hurry up!"

"Gimme a minute!" the Espeon shouted back at the Charmeleon who was waving a clawed arm at him. He rolled his eyes. "Sheesh... It's not like the world's going to end in the next hour anyway." He slightly shook his head before turning back and smiling at his sister. "I guess I should be going now."

"Do ya have to?" the Eevee pouted yet again.

"Honestly, no, but I can't let my team down, and whoever it is that need our help."

"Why can't the other teams do it?" she asked.

He took a breath and sighed through his nostrils. "There has been a lot of help requests lately. And with the limited number of—"

"I get it, I get it," the Eevee hissed. She shook her head. "But that doesn't mean you'll have to do it!"

"I have to, unfortunately... Well, me and my team, I mean," he chuckled lamely, patting her head. "Else, how are you gonna buy the stuff that you want?"

The Eevee rolled her eyes and batted her brother's paw away. "I dunno. What about carpentry?"

"I lack the muscle."

"But you can float stuff!"

"We're gonna have to take another request," the Charmeleon a few meters away said very loudly towards his two companions. "I think our client's already dead..."

"All right, I'm coming!" the Espeon groaned, rolling his eyes. He threw a sad smile at his little sister. "I made a promise. After this, I'm taking a vacation. As for you," he playfully poked her nose, making her chuckle. "You have to promise to behave yourself."

"Until you get back, right?"

"...I was hoping until you're old enough for me not to remind you often."

"No deal." She stuck her tongue at him.

He chuckled. "Fine. Until I get back then."

"Deal!" She then threw herself at him, hugging his two front paws, nuzzling them. "Don't get hurt."

The Espeon chuckled. "I'll try not to."

"You better," she let him go and glared at him.

Her brother chuckled. With a sigh, he leaned down and gave her a nuzzle. "See you soon, sis."

After a few seconds, he pulled his head back, stood on all four, and walked towards his impatient team mates. As he walked further, the scene started to fade. With a blink, the Eevee let out a breath she didn't realize she held, and she suddenly sprinted towards the fading psychic-type. However, as soon as she was about to reach him, he and everything else disappeared. She skidded to a stop, breathing heavily. After a few seconds, she slowly sat down, a few tears running down from her eyes.

Meters behind her, the Torchic and the Chikorita stared at the slowly fading orb that floated above the grave where the Eevee sat in front of a few minutes ago.

When the orb finally disappeared, the Chikorita blinked. "D-did... Did you just see what I just saw?" she asked quietly.

The Torchic, dumbfounded, only nodded in response. He didn't realize that the Eevee was approaching them until she walked pass that particular grave. Startled, he quickly prepared himself in case she attacks them.

The Eevee stopped two feet away and glared at them. She had no idea how rescue teams work, but these two looked too young to be one, she thought. She sighed, her ears drooping. Earlier, she wanted to fault them for coming too late to 'rescue' them. But she knew it wasn't their fault. Still, one fact remained that really stung her aching heart.

She was alone now.

Yet, even though he was gone, her brother showed her that piece of memory. It gave her something to think about, at least for the time being.

Letting out another sigh, she slowly looked up at the duo who were still unsure if she was a friend or a foe. Earlier, she wanted them to end her. She no longer had any reason to live, but...

She took a breath to steel herself. "I..." She exhaled, shivering slightly. She took another breath to calm herself. Was she one of those helpless Pokémon that needed to be rescued now? She closed her eyes. "...I...d-don't want to be alone..." she said, mentally cursing herself for finishing it with a sniffle. She snapped back to reality when she felt something hugging her. Blinking, she found herself being hugged by the Chikorita.

"You're not alone," the Chikorita gently whispered.

Something in those simple words broke her, for she suddenly shivered as tears once again rolled down from her eyes. Her brother showed her that memory, and as she sobbed, she thought that maybe he didn't want her to suffer from what happened and move on. She doubted that she could do it, but she mentally made a new promise for him, that she'll continue to live for him, no matter what.

Rediamond · Mar 6, 2015

The Torchic, dumbfounded, only nodded in response. He didn't realize that the Eevee was approaching them until she walked pass that particular grave. Startled, he quickly prepared himself in case she attacks them.

"Until she walked past" "Started, he quickly prepared himself ["for an attack" or "in case she attacked them"]"

She doubted that she could do it, but she mentally made a new promise for him, that she'll continue to live for him, no matter what.

"that she would continue"

Just a few tense errors there in terms of standard grammatical mistakes. Other people can review style. The transition to the new character was nice and possibly segues out of the arc, which is pretty hard to do when the plot isn't entirely in your control. I also liked the brother-sister dynamic presented and the not-entirely-logical mourner.

So I thought it was a fairly good update overall.

destinedjagold · Mar 13, 2015

This chapter is my entry for the Flash Fiction Week #5.

"Attention"

With the Eevee's help, digging graves and burying the unfortunate became easier and faster. They were thankful, but the Torchic and the Chikorita never said it out loud. As they went on with the task, they noted the normal-type's expression: neutral. After she cried her outs heart, the normal-type and the grass-type broke the hug, and immediately, the Eevee told them that she wanted to help, and asked to do the task sooner rather than later.

The Torchic was glad that the normal-type wasn't having a hard time helping them bury the dead who she once knew. The Chikorita, on the other hand, was frowning as they went. She couldn't believe how mentally and spiritually strong the normal-type was. She knew that she was hiding how hurt she was behind that poker face. She admired and feared it.

Hours went by, and before the sun could reach the zenith, their task was done. The once burned down clearing was now filled with mounds of earth, and each one had a large enough rock as tombstones. The Torchic and the Chikorita, after collecting a few berries around, were now under the shadows of the trees that bordered the clearing. They silently watched the Eevee who went to each and every grave, leaving behind a word or two that she wrote with her paw before moving on to the next one.

Those weren't words, the two knew. They were names. The names of the dead. While the Torchic continued to stare, the Chikorita bit her lip. They hadn't introduced each other yet. And they didn't know the Eevee's name. She wanted to fix that, and the opportunity came to her a few minutes later when the Eevee was done with her task, already walking towards them, ignoring her fur that was now soaked in sweat. After the normal-type sat in front of them in silence, her eyes on the ground, the Chikorita opened her mouth to introduce themselves, but was interrupted when her friend nonchalantly grabbed a berry behind them and threw it towards the Eevee. It landed in front of her gaze.

The Eevee stared at the ripe, sky-blue berry. Her mouth started to water and her stomach then reminded her of how hungry she was. She kept her mouth close as she looked up at the duo.

"Eat up," the Torchic simply said as he sat down in front of the small pile of berries, ignoring his friend's glare. "It may taste bitter, but it'll help you cool off."

"...I know what a Rawst Berry is," the Eevee said a little sharply. Realizing her tone, she dropped her gaze back on the berry. "...But, thank you." She grabbed the berry with her front paws and slowly started to munch on it, shivering slightly from the bitter taste. She managed to crack a small smile nonetheless, as she relished on the coolness of the berry that helped ease her aching muscles.

The Chikorita noticed her smile, and it made her smile as well. "We haven't introduced ourselves yet, and we're sorry about that." She waited for the Eevee to nod before she continued. "Anyway," she said, turning to her friend. "He's Nic." She turned back to her with a smile. "And I'm Gabby."

The Eevee gulped her food down before she nodded. "...Silver."

Nic turned to her, arching a nonexistent eyebrow. "Not a very feminine name for a mammal."

"I get that a lot," Silver said. "I'm Silver Moon, but everyo—" she bit her lip for a second before she continued. "...I got used to being called as Silver."

Gabby frowned. She didn't want her to feel down again. She decided to spare her a few moments to compose herself.

Unfortunately, Nic had other plans. "So what happened here?"

"Nic!" Gabby gasped, glaring at him at how insensitive he was. She was ignored.

Silver slowly shook her head as she put the half-eaten berry on the ground. "No. It's...alright."

"It's not alright," Gabby said, frowning at her. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"How can we know what happened if we don't ask her?" Nic asked, ignoring the furious glare of his friend. He blinked at her. "She's the only survivor, as far as I could tell. We need to know what happened here so we can report it back to the guild."

Gabby closed her eyes and shook her head. "...I...I can't believe how insensitive you are!"

"It's fine, Gabby," Silver lied. She took a breath and exhaled through her nostrils. She frowned. "First, I'm not the only survivor."

Gabby blinked at her, surprised and happy. "T-that's great to hear, Silver."

Nic nodded. "More survivors means more information."

Gabby gritted her teeth.

Silver smiled a bit at how frustrated the Chikorita looked. It only lasted for a few seconds before the frown came back. She closed her eyes as she concentrated on her beating heartbeat and her breathing, and her memories.

Gabby took a deep breath, held it in for a few seconds, and exhaled. Despite her friend's insensitive nature, he was right. Without a word, the two patiently waited for Silver to start.

Silver took another breath before she spoke. "...It was a normal day. But for me, it was a special day. Because after days of him not being around, my brother finally came back from a mission. You... You two saw it, right? Those...scenes? Well, hours after my brother and his team left, everyone in town started to panic. I was alone in our house when it happened. W-when I got outside, fire was already everywhere, and it was getting closer. Everyone tried to stop the fire, but... But the fire was strong... Strangely unnatural, even. Fire-types couldn't control it, and water-types couldn't even douse it... It was surreal... Those who could fly tried to escape, but somehow, the flames got bigger, taller, and caught them..."

Silence.

A few tears were already rolling down Silver's face, yet she ignored them. Gabby was already beside her, gently rubbing her large leaf on the normal-type's back to help her feel at ease.

"You ran through the fire, yes?" Nic suddenly asked, ignoring his friend's glare.

Silver nodded. "Yes. We didn't had any other choice. The fire was getting closer. Yet... O-only a few of us made it to the other side." She looked up at him with a tearful frown. "Tell me... Have you been engulfed in flames before?"

The Torchic shook his head.

"...I had," Gabby suddenly said in a quiet tone. "It...hurts."

Silver nodded. "So did I. But...that fire... As soon as it made contact with the rest of us, our bodies started burning... A lot of us didn't make it, but I was one of the lucky few who got out and was doused by a few of my water-type friends who made it..."

"And your brother?" Nic asked, ignoring his friend's glare.

Silver shook her head. "I don't know... He maybe ran through the flames in hopes to save me... I wish he didn't, then maybe...j-just maybe..." she choked on a sob.

Gabby bit her lip as she looked on the ground. She had experience with fire before, but what Silver just said didn't make sense. It didn't sound real. The Eevee's fur only had a few scorch marks even. She looked back and stared at the graveyard. Fire- and water-types couldn't control the fire. And most of the corpse still had fur on them... Nic said that fire-types unable to control a fire didn't make sense.

"Who caused the fire?" Nic suddenly asked, catching his friend's attention.

Silver's ears drooped as she hung her head low. "...We...don't know..."

Nic nodded. "I figured as much," he said, ignoring his friend's glare once again.

Bay · Mar 20, 2015

So, I'm pretty late to the party. :P Everyone already mentioned some stuff that could be improved on (mainly the writing style and repetition), though I want to add that reading your story aloud will help you catch repetition better. I got that advice several times when I first began writing and it worked well for me. All right, I'll mostly say my thoughts on your chapters overall now!

Quick thoughts on Chapters One through Four

Your first flash fic starts out pretty strong with the fire and I agree it's very cool you're not showing the fire and instead the aftermath of it.

The second flash fic I think could use better execution. I do agree more buildup onto the thoughts and emotion onto Chikorita's outbrust would fit the "under control" prompt better. I still like the idea behind the plot of this chapter, though, as I think it's realistic the characters will investigate and then dealing with their feelings about the fire situation.

The introduction of Eevee in the third fic does make the plot more interesting, though I'm not entirely sure if it fits the doubt theme very well. I get where you're going with having the team be struck by Eevee's sudden appearance, but usually when I think of "doubt", it's usually if someone is rethinking what action they previously did.

I like your use of the "inspiration" prompt for the fourth flash fic there and your most heartwarming chapter yet! I also like the interactions win the flashback, nice sibling dynamic between Espeon and Eevee there. I thought Eevee being comforted at the end is sweet. :3 One thing I noticed is a couple notices of "a few meters away" as someone else had pointed out to you in an earlier chapter. Meters is somewhat a technical measurement. :P

With my quick thoughts on the first four chapters out of the way, I'll talk a bit more on Chapter Five.

Chapter Five

With the Eevee's help, digging graves and burying the unfortunate became easier and faster. They were thankful, but the Torchic and the Chikorita never said it out loud. As they went on with the task, they noted the normal-type's expression: neutral. After she cried her outs heart, the normal-type and the grass-type broke the hug, and immediately, the Eevee told them that she wanted to help, and asked to do the task sooner rather than later.

First thing I want to note is your use of normal-type there, a bit repetitive. The first bolded "normal-type" could be replaced with something else, but not sure what yet.

On the second bolded part, you meant "cried her heart out"?

The Torchic was glad that the normal-type wasn't having a hard time helping them bury the dead who she once knew. The Chikorita, on the other hand, was frowning as they went. She couldn't believe how mentally and spiritually strong the normal-type was. She knew that she was hiding how hurt she was behind that poker face. She admired and feared it.

Repetition of "normal type" again.

She kept her mouth close as she looked up at the duo.

"She kept her mouth closed".

The Chikorita noticed her smile, and it made her smile as well. "We haven't introduced ourselves yet, and we're sorry about that." She waited for the Eevee to nod before she continued. "Anyway," she said, turning to her friend. "He's Nic." She turned back to her with a smile. "And I'm Gabby."

The Eevee gulped her food down before she nodded. "...Silver."

Ah, I wondered when we get to the Pokemon names, haha. After that reveal, a part of me feels you could have introduced the names (Nic and Gabby at least) at the very beginning so that you're not limited to "the Torchic/ the Chikorita" and "grass-type" when writing.

Gabby blinked at her, surprised and happy. "T-that's great to hear, Silver."

I feel you should go a bit more detail as to why that news made Gabby happy. Perhaps you can have this opportunity to get into Gabby's thoughts. For instance, hearing that there are more survivors is a relief to her.

She closed her eyes as she concentrated on her beating heartbeat and her breathing, and her memories.

I think this sentence could flow better if you take out the "and" I bolded and replace it with a comma. It would be re-written like this:

She closed her eyes as she concentrated on her beating heartbeat, her breathing, and her memories.

The reveal concerning what happened during the fire is interesting, and no one knowing who started the fire adds the mystery. The ending seems a bit abrupt, however. Perhaps a more well-rounded ending would be the three agreeing to find out more who did the fire (though I'm assuming you'll have that happen next).

I do have to command you for able to write a story with the prompts you have so far, so it's no easy feat. I do agree with one of the reviewers though you're probably limited to not much plot and character growth if you're forcing your story to strictly relate to the prompts. Doesn't mean the concept you're going here is bad (I'm liking it so far, actually), just some of your updates will probably be a hit or miss. But hey, if a prompt inspires you, go for it!

This is shaping up to be an interesting premise so I'm looking forward to where you're taking this!

destinedjagold · Mar 22, 2015

This chapter is my entry for the Flash Fiction Week #6.

"Garbage"

'That is not how fire works,' Nic thought to himself as he and Gabby followed Silver through the quiet forest.

The trio were headed towards the closest Pokémon settlement, Nolafus. According to Silver, the place was home to many grass- and water-types, where she and the other survivors took refuge.

'Fire can be controlled and willed by any fire-types. And bodies don't instantly burn as soon as they touch fire,' Nic thought. 'Also...where did the fire came from?'

Despite his many questions, he kept it to himself while he looked calm on the outside so none of his companions would worry about him. After all, Silver needed his friend's attention than he did.

---

The day gave way for the night, and the trio set up a small camp. Gabby and Silver were slowly starting to open up to each other. The two females were chatting as they ate berries for dinner.

Nic quietly ate with his racing thoughts. Uncontrollable fire was something he couldn't grasp to believe in, and he wanted to know more about it.

---

Morning came, and as soon as the trio were fully awake, they continued on their journey towards Nolafus.

The two females led the way, chatting with each other, with Nic following close behind, alone with his thoughts, yet alert to his surroundings, and to nod or smile at Gabby whenever she looked back at him.

---

A few minutes before the sun could reach the zenith, the trio finally walked out of the forest, where the grassy land sloped down to a large river below. Houses made of mud, wood and grass stood around the riverbank, where Pokémon of many shapes walked and flew around.

Silver stared with a neutral expression, while Gabby was awestruck, happy to see another village outside their own.

Nic looked left. A Tropius stood a few paces from them, eyeing them. He looked right and saw another Tropius. 'Watchers,' he thought to himself.

Silver led them towards the hamlet. By the time the trio arrived, a few Pokémon started to swarm around the Eevee, throwing her questions in a chaotic chorus.

Gabby walked back to join her friend and the two watched the group of Pokémon in front of them. They noted their curious, sad, and terrified faces as Silver answered their questions the best that she can.

At one point, she told them that she found Nic and Gabby in the clearing, and soon, a few of them started walking up to the duo to ask them questions. But before they could, a loud clearing of the throat silenced them.

They all turned and stared at a tall Sawsbuck, his horn filled with green leaves that matched his wrinkled yet glaring eyes. "While I'm happy to see all of you in good energy," he said with an old yet intimidating voice. "But the ruckus you all are making is upsetting the little ones."

And indeed, little Pokémon were hiding behind older Pokémon after hearing stuff they weren't suppose to hear at their early age.

The Sawsbuck looked at each of them, until his gaze fell on the two newcomers. "And welcome to Nolafus," he said with a nod.

Nic and Gabby returned the gesture.

With heads bowed low, the survivors apologized and decided to continue their talk in a few distance away from the hamlet.

As the group walked away with Silver, Gabby was about to follow them when she noticed that Nic was gone. Turning, she saw her friend talking to the Sawsbuck, who turned and pointed a direction with his hoof. Nic nodded his thanks before walking up to his friend.

"What was that about?" Gabby asked him.

"We're going to the guild," Nic simply said. "I need to see their report about what happened to the survivors, rather than talking to them individually."

"I..." Gabby hesitated. She wanted to ask the survivors in person, but... "...see..."

Nic closed his eyes and shook his head. "You don't have to join me if you don't want to."

Gabby took a breath and sighed. "No. I'm your partner, so we should go together."

"Alright," Nic said. He turned around and led her towards the opposite direction from where Silver was heading.

Outside the village, on top a small hill, stood a Rescue Guild. The peak of the hill was flattened, where many rescue teams were busy training and sparring with each other. Gabby stared at each of them in wonder while Nic kept a steady march towards the guild in front of them.

The guild's entrance was large, built with strong wood, and shaped in a head of a Ludicolo.

After showing their badges, the Nuzleaf guard granted them entry. Inside, the duo found a spiralling staircase leading underground. They took the stairs, with glowing root flowers illuminating the area.

The lower floor was large and busy with hungry and eating rescue teams, filling the air with their stories and laughter.

"Why, hello! Hello!" a Weepinbell welcomed the duo as soon as they stepped on the floor. She bounced towards them with a smile. "New recruits, I take it?"

"No," Nic replied quickly with a shake of his head. "We're a rescue team, and we're here to see the report about the fire incident in Rediamond."

"Ah..." the Weepinbell said, her smile faltering. "Well, follow me. I'll lead you to our guild master."

"Guild master?" Gabby asked as they followed the hopping grass-type.

"Yes," the Weepinbell replied. "We don't have a file keeper, since everyone in town wants to be a rescue team when they come to age. Anyway," she stopped in front of an already-opened door. She turned to them with a small smile. "Well, good luck with your mission!" She hopped off.

"Hm?" came a voice from inside. Inside sat a large Ludicolo behind a desk. He looked up and frowned at the duo who entered his office. "What's this? What do puny Pokémon like yourselves want?"

"We're a rescue team," Nic said flatly.

"I can see that. Else, you wouldn't be here," the guild master said with an impatient tone. "State your business, and make it quick."

Gabby cringed. She didn't know that guild masters would be like this. At least, their guild master back home wasn't.

"May I see the Rediamond fire incident report?" Nic asked.

The Ludicolo sighed long and hard. He pulled himself back along with his chair, opened a drawer under his desk, pulled out a folder that barely held that many papers in, and threw it on his desk. "There. Go loco with it."

Gabby grabbed the large report with her vines as Nic nodded his thanks.

---

Nic sat on a bed made out of dried leaves and hay. Aside from the glowing root flowers around the underground room, a bright and burning torch towered behind him, giving him enough light to read the many papers before him. He and Gabby had figured that with the many papers in the report, they would be spending a lot of time reading them, but with nowhere to stay, they rented a room inside the guild. And unlike the rooms back in their own guild, the rooms here had wooden doors for privacy, which he found rather nice.

Gabby was out getting something for them to drink and eat. She had been gone for a while now. The mess hall was probably busy at this hour, he thought.

He closed his eyes, shook his head, and took a breath to concentrated on his task. He carefully grabbed the paper on top of the stack in front of him with his beak and placed it on another stack. He'd been reading the interviews the guild conducted on the survivors, believing that the answers to his questions might be there. So far, he found nothing useful, and as he expected, the interviews were full of exaggerated tales.

Blue fire... Gold fire... Moltres swooped down and burned their village... The fire was alive... A geyser of flames erupted in their town... Evil voices were chanting behind the wall of fire... The end of the world...

After letting out a tired sigh, he picked up the paper and placed it on top of another stack. The next one was Silver's. His hopes of getting answers sparked anew, yet dimmed in frustration when the Eevee's tale didn't give him anything useful. She only mentioned the same thing she had told them before. At least he knew that she wasn't lying about the strangeness of the fire.

He was about to read another one when the room's door creaked open. He looked up and saw Gabby entering the room with a sheepish smile, carrying a tray of food and wooden mugs on one vine and pushing the door close with the other. He went back to his task.

"Sorry if I took so long," she said, placing the tray on the ground between their beds. "You won't believe how busy the mess hall is!" she huffed as she sat on her bed. Her gaze fell on the stacks of paper before her friend, and she winced. "Um... D-did you find anything?"

Nic shook his head. "None so far."

Gabby frowned as she grabbed a few papers with her vine. "Well... We'll find something," she said with a reassuring smile as she began to read.

Nic sighed. "I sure hope so."

As the minutes flew by, the duo continued reading the papers in hopes that they may find something useful out of all the messy information the report provided them.

Bay · Mar 22, 2015

The trio were headed towards the closest Pokémon settlement, Nolafus. According to Silver, the place was home to many grass- and water-types, where she and the other survivors took refuge.

You named the settlement after one of the super mods here? :P

The day gave way for the night, and the trio set up a small camp. Gabby and Silver were slowly starting to open up to each other. The two females were chatting as they ate berries for dinner.

Nic quietly ate with his racing thoughts. Uncontrollable fire was something he couldn't grasp to believe in, and he wanted to know more about it.

---

Morning came, and as soon as the trio were fully awake, they continued on their journey towards Nolafus.

The two females led the way, chatting with each other, with Nic following close behind, alone with his thoughts, yet alert to his surroundings, and to nod or smile at Gabby whenever she looked back at him.

Hm, I know those particular scene breaks (---) you're going for scene changes, but since a couple of those mostly mentioned Nic alone in this thoughts I think in this case you can combine them as one scene. The transitions here aren't jarring to me.

"No," Nic replied quickly with a shake of his head. "We're a rescue team, and we're here to see the report about the fire incident in Rediamond."

And I spotted another user. :P

The Ludicolo sighed long and hard. He pulled himself back along with his chair, opened a drawer under his desk, pulled out a folder that barely held that many papers in, and threw it on his desk. "There. Go loco with it."

You have "pulled" twice within the same paragraph. Perhaps replace one of those for another verb.

Nic sat on a bed made out of dried leaves and hay. Aside from the glowing root flowers around the underground room, a bright and burning torch towered behind him, giving him enough light to read the many papers before him. He and Gabby had figured that with the many papers in the report, they would be spending a lot of time reading them, but with nowhere to stay, they rented a room inside the guild. And unlike the rooms back in their own guild, the rooms here had wooden doors for privacy, which he found rather nice.

Same case with having "the many papers" twice within the same paragraph. One suggestion is to rewrite the sentence with the second "many papers" phrase.

Blue fire... Gold fire... Moltres swooped down and burned their village... The fire was alive... A geyser of flames erupted in their town... Evil voices were chanting behind the wall of fire... The end of the world...

I particular like this description of the different versions from the interviewers of the incident. I also like the way you have the reports fit with the "garbage" theme.

Noticed a couple repetitions there, but those are minor and not as bad as the beginning chapters, so I think you've quite improved from that! Good chapter here, looking forward to more!

destinedjagold · Mar 27, 2015

This is my entry for the Flash Fiction Week #7.

"Promotion"

Nic didn't bother greeting the new morning. He was far too annoyed that he found no useful information about what happened in Rediamond.

Gabby yawned as she woke up. Being a grass-type, she had a natural ability to sense daylight, even if she was in an underground room. She stretched with a smile, and finished it with a short yawn. "Good morni—" she cut herself off when she noticed her friend's tired and furious glare at the papers before him. She originally wanted to stay awake the entire night to help him, despite her yawns and drowsiness. But she decided to sleep when Nic assured her that he would be sleeping soon. Apparently, his thirst for answers made him neglect sleep. "Nic?"

Nic barely managed to stop himself from snapping at her. He suddenly shut his eyes, controlling his anger. He had no reason to be angry nor to snap at her. He took quick breaths, and took deeper and deeper breaths as he went on. After a minute, he calmed down, if only slightly. He took one, last, deep breath, held it in for a couple of seconds, and finally let it out with a quiet sigh. He was much more calm now, yet he now realized how sleepy he was when he suddenly caught himself from falling on the papers before him.

"Um...Nic?"

He viciously shook his head. "I'm...fine. I'm fine."

Gabby frowned. "You didn't sleep, did you?"

"Obviously."

---

The duo left their room after they compiled the papers and put them back in their folder as best as they could. The first thing Gabby noticed as they walked through the hallway was how quiet the guild was. They reached the main area of the floor and she found it strange that no other Pokémon were within sight. But after they got close to the spiralling staircase leading up, she heard voices and noises from above. The guild was probably doing their daily morning routine, she thought. That means...

Nic didn't seem to notice, or he probably didn't care. He was fighting his drowsiness as he dragged himself towards the guild master's office, his friend following close behind.

The duo reached the closed door of the guild master's office. Before Gabby could say something, Nic continued his slow pace, bumping his head on the door and pushing it open without a second thought. Gabby blinked a few times before realizing that her friend had pushed the door wide open. As she thought, the guild master wasn't inside.

After reaching the Ludicolo's desk, Nic realized that no other Pokémon was inside. With a groan, he turned around and went out of the office. "Leave it on the desk."

Gabby did so, and closed the door behind her before turning back to her friend, who was already heading towards the stairs. "Um... A-aren't you going to take a rest? Or eat breakfast?"

"I can sleep later tonight when we make camp," he replied rather grumpily as he took the stairs, his friend following after him with a concerned frown. "And I'll just eat some berries along the way. We need to get back to our guild as soon as possible to finish this mission."

"R-right..." Gabby replied as they ascended, the echoing voices growing louder and louder.

The duo went out of the guild entrance and mostly ignored the Pokémon around the area who were doing some morning exercises. They walked down the hill and climbed another one, their direction towards the forest where they came from.

The Chikorita frowned. "Um... W-wait, Nic."

"What is it?" Nic quietly asked without stopping.

"Shouldn't we, um..." She bit her lip, turning her head and staring at the slowly waking town of Nolafus. She looked back at her friend ahead of her. "Can I go and check on Silver?"

"Why?" came her friends quick reply.

She winced. "W-well... No reason..."

"Then there's no reason for you to see her."

Gabby's frown went further down as they continued towards their destination. She looked further ahead and noticed a Tropius that stood at the edge of the tree lines. 'Watchers,' she thought. "Nic?"

"I said no, Gab. Drop it."

"N-no," she shook her head. "It's not that. I, uh, just wanna ask about the report."

Nic was quiet.

Gabby continued: "I'm wondering if a watcher was one of the survivors?"

Nic slightly shook his head. "No."

"Oh..."

The duo remained quiet as they walked closer to the trees. They were about to enter the tree lines when a large, broad and green leaf blocked their path. Eye twitching, Nic turned and glared at the Tropius. The Watcher simply turned his head back at the town. Curious, Gabby turned around and gasped. Grunting, Nic turned around as well. The duo saw a small brown speck running towards them from the hamlet.

"It's Silver!" Gabby smiled.

"Horaaaayyy..." Nic deadpanned.

Silver was panting as she ran towards the duo. It took her almost a minute to reach them, and she was panting hard and glaring slightly as she stood in front of them. "Y-you guys are leaving?"

Gabby winced.

Nic kept his deadpan expression. "Obviously."

Silver's eye twitched. "Without even saying goodbye?"

"S-sor—"

"We're in a hurry," Nic answered, annoyed.

"Nic..." Gabby turned to him with pleading eyes. "C-can you spare us a few minutes?"

Nic clenched his eyes shut, his breathing fast and shallow. "...fine," he whispered angrily before turning around and breathing out a fume of fire at the large leaf blocking his path.

The Tropius calmly and quickly pulled his wing back before the flames reached it.

"S...sorry about that," Gabby nervously apologized to the Watcher.

"What's his problem?" Silver asked behind her.

Gabby turned around and shook her head with a smile. "Don't mind him."

Silver sat down to let her hind legs rest a bit. She frowned at the grass-type. "So...you guys are leaving?"

Gabby sighed as she sat down on the grass as well. "...Yeah."

"At least I now know why you didn't stop by the town first."

Gabby flashed her a small smile. The two had spent little time together, but that little time was enough for them to open up and be friends.

Silver sighed, her brown ears drooping. "So...this is goodbye?"

Gabby shook her head. "For now. We'll meet again."

The Eevee sighed yet again. "Easy for you to say..." She looked at the quiet town below with a frown. "I don't belong here. Yet, I've got nowhere else to go..." She took a breath and sighed. "I'm...afraid, Gab."

Gabby blinked, her small smile fading.

Silver turned back to her with a sad frown. "I've lost so much. I'm afraid that if I start calling this place as home, it'll disappear... With me, if I'm unlucky..." She hung her head.

"Hey now," Gabby stood, walked and finally sat beside her, patting her shoulder. "Don't think like that, okay? Things are going to be—"

Silver cut her off. "And that's why I decided to join you!"

Gabby blinked at her. "Buh...?"

The Eevee flashed her a small smile. "Please? May I? I heard that a successful rescue team needs to have three members, right?" She blinked. "...At least, that was what my brother used to say..." The sudden happiness she forced herself into her system suddenly disappeared from the mere thought of her loving brother. She tried not to show it.

"Uh..." Gabby bit her lip. She looked back and saw her friend who leaned on a tall tree, his back on them, probably asleep. "Um..." She looked back at the normal-type with a strained smile. She liked having her around, sure. And she was friendly and fun to talk to once she opens up to you. And Silver's pleading and sparkling eyes were kinda hard to resist at the moment. Gabby sighed. She hoped Nic wouldn't mind their team getting a new member from out of the blue.

Before the grass-type could give her answer, Silver already frowned and sighed. "...Nic's going to kill you if you let me join the team, I take it?"

Gabby chuckled nervously. "Eheheh... I-I think I'll survive..."

Bay · Mar 29, 2015

Nic barely managed to stop himself from snapping at her. He suddenly shut his eyes, controlling his anger. He had no reason to be angry nor to snap at her. He took quick breaths, and took deeper and deeper breaths as he went on. After a minute, he calmed down, if only slightly. He took one, last, deep breath, held it in for a couple of seconds, and finally let it out with a quiet sigh. He was much more calm now, yet he now realized how sleepy he was when he suddenly caught himself from falling on the papers before him.

Nic trying to calm himself down felt a bit dragged on. I know you're going for him not wanting to lash out and feeling very sleepy, but I think there are a couple instances where you can cut down some words.

"Why?" came her friends quick reply.

"Friend's". There should be an apostrophe after s.

Silver was panting as she ran towards the duo. It took her almost a minute to reach them, and she was panting hard and glaring slightly as she stood in front of them. "Y-you guys are leaving?"

You have panting twice within the same paragraph.

Not surprising Silver will want to join the team. I do feel bad for her when she got sad after mentioning her brother. And yeah, pretty sure Nic won't be too happy about Silver joining the team. This chapter is a bit slower than the other ones, otherwise it's still an enjoyable read!

destinedjagold · Apr 3, 2015

This chapter is my entry for the Flash Fiction Week #8.

"Careless"

The evening forest was filled with grunts and pants. Gabby sat by a small fire, looking at her friends—mostly at the Eevee—with a concerned frown. A few paces from her, her two friends were having a practice battle. Silver was sweating bullets, her body aching. She panted as she glared at the bored-looking Torchic.

"Had enough?" Nic asked, bored and unscathed as he hid a talon behind the other.

Silver's eye twitched. She gritted her teeth as she rushed towards him, the cool night air doing little to ease her tired muscles.

With the hidden talon, Nic grabbed a talonful of grass and dirt and quickly threw them at the approaching normal-type, blinding her.

Silver's reflexes were too slow to close her eyes. With a pained grunt, she kept her reckless pace, preparing to tackle him.

Nic stepped aside, turned around and struck the passing Eevee with a swift sidekick.

Silver yelped as she was thrown on the ground, her side ached from the attack and her eyes stung from the dirt. She hissed as she tried to push herself back on all four once more.

"Had enough?" Nic asked once more, still looking bored.

Gabby bit her lip as she watched Silver shakily stood on her paws. She was right that Nic wouldn't like anyone joining their team without asking him first. But she couldn't help herself. Silver was a friend and she grew really fond of her.

Silver rubbed her eyes with a paw as she listened to her surroundings. Nic might strike at any second while she let her guard down. Suddenly, her ears twitched as she heard rapid footwork on the grass. It was Nic, and he was moving fast. With her sight obscured, she relied on her ears, and she turned to where she assumed Nic was and quickly created a ghostly orb in front of her open mouth.

"Too slow," Nic said before headbutting the normal-type's face, throwing her back against a tree.

"Oof!" Silver gasped as she fell on the ground. She lay on her side, her body too tired and painful to move anything, yet she still tried to get back up.

Nic sighed with a shake of his head. He turned and walked towards the fire.

Silver's ears twitched from the sound of Nic's fading footsteps. "W-wait...!" she shouted, and winced. "...I-I'm not done yet." She gritted her teeth as she once again tried to push herself on her paws, but failed. She stifled a gasp after she felt a familiar paw touching her shoulder. "G-Gabby," she hissed, "p-please don't t-try to stop me...again..."

Gabby frowned as she sat beside the normal-type. Closing her eyes, she focused her energy to her friend, healing her a bit. After a few seconds, she pulled her paw back and helped her friend up, despite her quiet protest. She tried taking a step towards the fire, but couldn't after she felt Silver's lack of attempt to move. "Silver?"

Silver brought a paw to her eyes and rubbed them.

Gabby blinked. "Oh... R-right..."

"No," Silver said. "I... I-I don't..." She carefully pulled herself up from leaning on her friend. She slowly opened her eyes. They still stung, but bearable now. She took a deep breath and sighed. "I...want to be alone for a while..."

Gabby frowned. Before she could say anything, Silver already turned around and walked away.

"Hopefully, she'll go back to Nolafus," Nic said.

Gabby threw him a glare.

Nic bore a poker face.

Gabby frowned, and sighed. "She...wants to join us."

"I don't want her to join."

"But I want her to."

Nic's brow furrowed. "Who's the leader here?"

"You b-but," Gabby stammered, looking away. "B... B-but I..."

"Gabby," Nic said as he stared at their little campfire. "This is the second night that I tried to let her strike one, just one hit on me. I did not even use any ranged attacks." He looked up and glared at her. "That was our deal."

Gabby bit her lip.

"She's not a fighter, Gab. Nor is she a healer. All she has is that desire to join us so she could avenge her brother."

Gabby shook her head. "That's not why she wanted to join us."

"Oh? To figure out what that fire was, then?"

Gabby countered his glare with her own. "If that was her goal, then she could have just joined the guild in Nolafus!"

"Her brother was a rescue team. She knows that she'll undergo months of training before she gets assigned to a rescue team."

Gabby gritted her teeth as she glared at her heartless friend. She fumed and wanted to argue more, but he was right. He was always right.

Nic sighed. He never liked arguing with her friend, especially not like this. He took a few breaths to calm himself down. After he felt a bit calm, he stared at the campfire. He didn't like Silver was because he didn't know her. Who was she? All he knew about her was she was a survivor from a strange fire attack. He sighed once more. Another reason why he didn't like her was because she was weak. To be in a rescue team, one must be trained in a respectable guild first.

"I'm..." Gabby said, breaking the silence and her friend's train of thought. "I'm... Y-you're right," she sighed, closing her eyes as she hung her head. "I'm going t-to ask her to go back... She... She's not fit to be in a rescue team."

Nic nodded. "...yet."

Gabby sighed as she turned around and walked towards a direction where she assumed Silver took. It only took her a couple of minutes to find her.

The Eevee sat quietly on the edge of the clearing where her home used to stand.

Gabby frowned as she walked closer and sat beside her friend.

Silver was a bit startled to suddenly see her friend on the side of her vision. She turned and glared at her. "...I hate how quiet you walk, by the way."

Gabby bore a small smile. "It's easy, being a grass-type and all."

"Lucky you..." Silver stared ahead and sighed, her ears drooping. "Nic must be lucky to have you as a partner..."

Gabby frowned.

"I mean," she looked up, her gaze on the silver moon. "I bet you're strong. And patient. And cheerful." She shook her head. "And you can heal even during the night!" She closed her eyes as she sighed, hanging her head low. "All I do is run and be tossed around..."

"Hey..." Gabby brought a paw on her friend's shoulder. "You just...need more time and practice."

Silver quietly sighed. "...I...don't want to trouble you guys any more than I do." She looked up at her with tired eyes. "...I... I-I guess I should go back to Nolafus."

Gabby bit her lip. 'That was for the best,' she thought. "M-maybe," she whispered, her gaze on the ground. "O-or maybe not?" 'W-what am I thinking?' She stared at her friend. "...Maybe I should teach you?"

"Don't trouble yourself," Silver quickly said as she shook her head. "I...don't want to weigh you guys down any longer..." She sighed. "I'm...going back to Nolafus first thing in the morning."

Gabby frowned as she sighed through her nostrils. She blinked. A small smile. "Nic said he'll let you join us if you land a hit on him, right?"

Silver sighed. "Easier said than done..." She glared at her friend. "Face it, Gab. It's no use. I'm just... He's just way too strong for me..."

Gabby nodded. "Exactly. Which is why you need to train more."

Silver frowned. "Yesh... You don't have to ru—"

"Which is why I'm going to train you," Gabby said with a smile.

Silver arched an eyebrow. "I...just said that I don't want to be a burden to you guys. ...Especially not to you."

Gabby shook her head with a smile. "You're not a burden. You're a friend!" 'Nic's definitely going to kill me for this.' She looked ahead, her smile faltering. "I... It's my fault anyway."

Silver blinked.

Gabby took a breath and sighed. "I'm...not like Nic. He thinks with logic and reason while I...let my emotions decide my own choices..." She frowned. "But... That doesn't mean I regret it." She looked back at her with a small smile. "Besides... He never gave you a deadline, right?"

Silver sighed as she hung her head. Despite feeling down on herself, she couldn't help but bore a small smile. "...You and your love for loopholes..." She looked at her again, her small smile a little wider now. "...Alright. W-will you train me, Gab?"

"As long as you don't slow us down," came Nic's sudden reply from behind them.

The two jumped with a start and turned.

Nic bore a bored expression. "And if you two stop talking too loudly." He turned around and started walking back to their camp.

"..." Silver finally blinked. "...if I hit you during your sleep, will that count?"

Nic didn't answer as he rolled his eyes.

Gabby leaned close to Silver's ear. "I suggest you don't try that."

Silver leaned back and noticed her friend's serious expression.

"Trust me; I tried."

Bay · Apr 5, 2015

The evening forest was filled with grunts and pants. Gabby sat by a small fire, looking at her friends—mostly at the Eevee—with a concerned frown. A few paces from her, her two friends were having a practice battle. Silver was sweating bullets, her body aching. She panted as she glared at the bored-looking Torchic.

"Had enough?" Nic asked, bored and unscathed as he hid a talon behind the other.

You already mentioned Nic being bored in the first paragraph.

"..." Silver finally blinked. "...if I hit you during your sleep, will that count?"

Nic didn't answer as he rolled his eyes.

Gabby leaned close to Silver's ear. "I suggest you don't try that."

Silver leaned back and noticed her friend's serious expression.

"Trust me; I tried."

Usually I prefer something like "No word came from Silver's mouth" over the ellipsis when expression someone not able to say anything yet. Otherwise, this last part is very cute and amusing.

I read your comment in the flash fiction thread where you thought the prompt is "useless" and yeah, for this particular update I can see you struggled a bit trying to fit the "careless" prompt. "Careless" isn't an easy prompt, however. I still like the development in this chapter and sweet of Gabby to help Silver with training. Very interested how that will turn out!

destinedjagold · Apr 13, 2015

This chapter is my entry for the Flash Fiction Week #9.

"Reflection"

The trio woke up as soon as the morning sun broke through the horizon. Silver was excited to begin her training with Gabby, but she wondered how she could train with her if Nic wanted to go back to their guild as soon as possible. She asked her about it, and she regretted it quickly.

As they walked through the forest, Gabby wanted the normal-type to create a shadow ball. Silver could create one, albeit not as powerful as she liked, but she could only do it if she was standing still. Creating one while walking was too difficult for her.

"It needs a lot of concentration."

"I bet it does," Silver grunted in annoyance.

The morning was spent with frustration for Silver's part, despite Gabby's advice and words of reassurance. They stopped by a stream and ate lunch when noon came. While the two girls were discussing about Silver's training, Nic was quiet until they were done eating. He stood up and told them that they should continue, despite the two females' protests.

The afternoon felt like a drag for Silver, and she thanked Arceus that Nic finally decided to make camp just before it got completely dark. She dropped herself on the forest floor, sweating and panting. She had never felt this tired in all her life.

Gabby smiled in sympathy at her friend who already began to snore. She shook her head before she went around to gather some wood and berries, leaving Nic to watch over the slumbering normal-type. She came back soon after. Nic built a fire before he went out to gather more wood and berries for them.

The duo sat by the fire. Nic was, as usual, busy with his own thoughts as Gabby was lying on her back a few spaces beside the slumbering Eevee, staring quietly at the twinkling stars through the little gaps on the sea of dark leaves.

Gabby took a breath and exhaled. Despite her words of advice, Silver couldn't perform a shadow ball while on the move. She remembered her training days in the guild, where normal-types' first test was to create a shadow ball while walking. She couldn't really remember all of the advice their instructors gave them since she was busy with her own training at the time with a grass-type instructor.

She took another breath, closed her eyes, and sighed quietly. "...Nic," she opened her eyes. "...any advice?"

Nic looked at her, blinking. "...She'll be starving when she wakes up. So let her eat bland berr—"

"Not that," Gabby said with a small smile. Nic could be silly sometimes, she thought. "I mean, for her training." She rolled on her stomach, careful not to wake the slumbering normal-type. "She can't seem to do the first task that our guild would ask the normal-type trainees to do." What a mouthful, she thought.

Nic raised an eyebrow. "...What happens to those who couldn't do it?"

Gabby frowned. "I... Nic," she frowned further, "I thought you agreed to..." she trailed off and looked away.

Nic shook his head. "...I'm setting a deadline."

Gabby kept quiet, her gaze on their fire.

"Tomorrow afternoon, after I get inside our guild." Nic turned his gaze on the fire. "I'm sorry, Gab." He closed his eyes and sighed. "...But I don't want to have a dead weight in our team."

Gabby bit her lip to stop the words from coming out from her mouth. Silver wasn't a dead weight. To her at least. But, as much as it hurts her to admit it, Nic had a point as well. There was no sense to have a...useless member in a rescue team. She thought of ways to help her friend tomorrow, to at least impress Nic that Silver could do it, until sleep embraced her.

When her and the fire-type's quiet snores filled the air, Silver slowly rose up with a sad frown. She turned and glared at Nic before her gaze fell on Gabby. She closed her eyes and sighed before turning around and quietly walking away.

When she was satisfied with the distance between her and her friends, she looked around. She could only see the faint frames of trees and shrubs around her from the dim light of the crescent moon. Muscles tensing, she quickly summoned a shadow ball before her opened mouth. The surprise of creating one so fast startled her and she accidentally fired her attack. Thankfully, it dissolved before it struck a tree up ahead.

She blinked, and blinked again. She took a breath, calming herself. Brows furrowed, she exhaled and created another ghostly orb. She dissolved it before she started walking in a circle. Each step she took, she wondered how she was going to do it as she ignored her hunger.

She knew that she couldn't create a shadow ball while moving. It was too difficult. In her head, it seemed simple to do, but to actually do it... Her eye twitched in annoyance as she opened her mouth, muscles tensing a bit, her pace slowing. She shouldn't stop walking. She felt a strange yet familiar aura before her, breaking her concentration, the aura gone. She cursed. She almost had it!

The frustration of failure just as she was about to succeed kept her from concentrating for a couple of minutes, but when it no longer bothered her, she was too hungry and too exhausted to continue.

She stopped and took a deep breath. She let out a heavy sigh, her ears drooping.

What was she doing? Why was she doing this? She knew that she wasn't strong enough to join a guild. Let alone be a part of a rescue team. She never even wanted to be in a guild or a team to begin with! So...why?

It was all because of that stupid fire! She would still be in Rediamond, waiting for her brother to return from whatever mission he and his team went!

Stupid guild. Stupid team! Stupid fire!

Eyes flaring, she angrily created a large shadow ball before she jumped on her paws and launched the orb up through the sea of leaves. She panted as her angry expression slowly turned into confusion, and it slowly turned into a neutral expression as she wondered what she just did.

She slowly dropped her gaze back on the dark forest floor as she mulled it over. After a few quiet seconds, a small smile appeared as she began her slow pace back to her friends. Maybe, just maybe, she could do it. For now, she needed to fill her empty belly.

Bay · Apr 13, 2015

Muscles tensing, she quickly summoned a shadow ball before her opened mouth.

Her eye twitched in annoyance as she opened her mouth, muscles tensing a bit, her pace slowing.

You had "muscles tensing" twice within a couple paragraphs. Pretty minor, though.

I like for this prompt you have Silver reflect why she wanted to join Gabby and Nic, and then later on she was able to do a Shadow Ball while walking/jumping. The plot at the moment is going a bit slow as this chapter and last chapter focused on Silver's training, although now with Silver able to accomplish that part of training I'm sure things will pick up again. Still looking forward to the next part!

[Pokémon] Fire

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